Life in Fear
Lost in a dream world, far beyond veracity-
Seated cross-legged upon a wooden beamed floor-
I pray to the Goddess, the savior of my spirit
Fabricated in a moment, although lost and forgotten-
Now I speak only to the people who live
Beyond the mountains, purple in their hue-
Dancing beneath the magical rain falling from
The loveliness of crimson clouds-
Melodious voices ring out as they
Enchantingly obliterate the demons of my past and present-
An expressive smile creeps up upon my face-
Finally I have been liberated-
As a ghost-like shadow eradicates the light,
I feel the presence of faltering footsteps
Pounding the floors-
Loudening voices resonate throughout the confinement of this room:
“I am coming to take you away-“
I feel a firm grip of a stranger’s hand upon my shoulder as
A metal cuff locks about my wrist-
I feel my body somehow
Disconnected from my mind as I rise to my feet-
Moments later, locked inside the confinement
Of an unfamiliar vehicle-
Blaring sirens exacerbate my fear-
In this moment of terrifying madness
I pray to the goddess, the savior of my spirit-
Crimson clouds transforming to dank, dark fogginess-
I feel a different sort of rain falling-
I have come to realization-
That the demons of my past and present - have returned-
As my soul escapes the confinement of my mind,
Thunder claps while lightening strikes-
There is no magic beyond mountains
No place for dancing and the only voice ringing out now
Vibrant as pounding upon a base drum bellows-
“I have come - to take you away-“
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Flight of the Imagination
An array of voices command within
Flight of the imagination-
A tree growing crookedly,
Sprouting from the depths of oblivion-
I believe I have seen a rainbow dancing with
The rays of the sun appearing over the horizon, as it
Rises above the clouds, crimson and vermillion in their hues?
Darkness steals the light away as rain begins to fall
Upon the essence of time,
Alien faces are frighteningly threatening, as
Spirits rise from the dead-
Lost souls in the depth of the forest indulging in profound conversation,
I am grasping at my thoughts, tenuously conflicting-
I can hear chattering voices, coming from outside intruders-
Ominous visions integrating upon a fallen foundation haunt, although
I know I must persevere-
Continuously walking, gathering my identity as
A reflecting pond catches dewdrops falling from leaves and grasses surrounding-
I think of building wooden fences about me to safeguard
My thoughts, precious, though complex and bewildering, as
The rain continues to fall.
Unfamiliar glances, suspiciously terrifying,
Upon footsteps, faltering,
I follow that pathway to nowhere, as I continue my solitary walk,
Escaping bedlam, towards the majestic place of my dreams-
As lightening strikes and thunder claps,
I continue my journey towards that wondrously enticing oblivion-
Content to have finally escaped the ostentatious veracity-
A lost but unique soul, I am-
I cannot discern the inevitable, though
I can laugh at the humor of my plight-
I have fallen in love with nature, and as
Rain spatters, though gently upon the pathway I walk-
I see my reflection wading in a nearby creek,
Crimson clouds have overcome the bleak darkness of reality-
In flight of my imagination, I have made a life for myself while
My spirit continues its journey out of the darkness into eternal light,
Forever-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Purple Sun
I would often imagine the sun was purple and there existed another solar system
In some far off distance in this never ending universe-
If the sun did not shine upon our horizon and the moon was always nearby?
Clouds could be none but smoke emanating from our planet earth,
Having been caught on fire-
Fire from the hell beneath our feet,
Flames rising from this hell we have never seen?
I have been asked "Do you believe in heaven and
Is there a god who radiates goodness and answers all of our prayers?
Then I would ask "What made the sun turn purple? "
I hear a voice saying ‘The sun has never been purple-
Your delusions have cast shadows upon the horizon and
You are lost inside of a trance-
A trance where the world is burning and the moon is fading behind the clouds-"
I would wonder if I could only awaken from this frightening reverie and
I hear a siren loudening as a vehicle approaches me -all I can do is to glance upward-
I hear voices saying "We are coming to take you away-"
I feel metal clasping about my wrists as I look up into the sky-
Rain is falling now but will not quench the flames and I ask "Why? "
I hear a voice respond "Because you have escaped reality-"
Voices are calling me, voices are threatening and which are real and which are not
I cannot distinguish- What is truly burning are the tears falling from my eyes and I find
My spirit escaping to that other solar system in this never ending universe-
In this never ending universe, inside of the world of my fondest dreams,
In this place where the sun is purple and the moon is always nearby,
Rising above golden mountaintops, where there is no hell beneath my feet-
I hear the slamming of metal doors as sirens louden-
But all fear has abandoned me because in a moment I can lose my spirit inside
The world of my fantasies-
My spirit becomes a bird that can fly away to that place where
The sun shall be forever purple- never burning- perhaps my body shall burn in hell, but
My spirit shall dance amongst the clouds, singing songs of joy and freedom,
Because I believe in heaven and perhaps there is a god radiating goodness,
Answering my prayers and pouring rain down to quench those flames from hell-so
Perhaps that is why everybody is laughing, -
I am laughing and that laughter has set me and everybody free,
The moon and the clouds disappear behind the mountaintops and as another day begins,
The purple sun of my dreams appears on the horizon…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Lost Spirit
I hardly know who I am anymore
On this day when my spirit
Seems to be lost in the clouds-
The sun is trying to show its face as
The moon retreats behind the mountains-
It was forty three years ago when I lost myself-
Lost myself inside the world of my delusions-
When fate opened the door and let me into
This world of madness, where
Expressionless faces appeared and
Raised their voices- these voices only I could hear?
Now everyone is circle dancing about the sun and
As I would walk toward with my arms outstretched
Trying to become a part of this group of strangers, gracefully pirouetting,
While singing a tuneful melody about
Love, bliss, and gracefulness -feelings foreign to me-
Foreign to me from birth-
It is as if their grasps upon one another are locked,
Locked and keyed so that I cannot enter-
I have always been labeled as different-
Not uniquely blessed but different in
Some sort of maudlin and bizarre sort of way?
I hardly know who I am anymore-
I suppose I never knew, but as of now
I wish the sun would set below the mountaintops so that
The moon could rise above with the stars,
All of the people in the world would disappear and
I would be left alone, dancing to my own tune-
My tune about my once lost spirit being found-
Although the voices only I can hear are threatening,
At least have become familiar- but now I hear the thunder clapping,
Lightening brightening the now darkened sky as my spirit
Has become a night bird flying aimlessly about-
Some have said that birds have no souls and
Now as the rain falls in torrents I feel as if
My spirit has been lost forever atop the wings of this night bird,
Who has flown into the blackness of this mysterious night-?
Life is indeed a mystery to me because of my lost spirit
That once could have become queen of the forest and everyone has vanished,
I have found the solitude I have once longed for so often but it hardly matters now,
Because my spirit has gone astray, and
I hardly know who I am anymore?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Innerspace
The moon was full last night
Enlightening the midnight sky-
My inner demons were dancing
Fighting ghosts from hell-
I tell myself
“Someday you will find peace of mind and
Someday you shall find yourself-“
I cannot recall the day
I had fallen off that mountain
I was climbing trying to gain control-
I found myself falling, falling and falling-
Into a prison where the floors were tiled,
Walls were white but stained-
I can still hear sirens screaming and the
Pounding upon the walls-
I remember that room
Inside which I was locked and blinded by
The darkness overshadowing-
I begged for help with my heart wide open-
Figuratively bleeding tears of despair- as I heard
Voices threatening to kill me-
Echoing about the chamber of madness
Inside of which I was trapped-
Miles from reality-this place where
Whereas a prisoner inside of my mind, I was climbing that stairway from hell-
With no destination,
Falling, falling and falling-
Into bedlam-
I can only recall
Lying upon a mattress sadly torn,
Springs jutting outward into my back as
My body rocked
Backward and forward
Backward and forward
With monotonous regularity-
The moon was full last night-
It has often been said allegorically that
People lose their sanity dancing beneath
The light of the moon-
Following the path of a comet in some
Figment of my imagination as
My search continues to find out who I am-
As the moon disappears on the horizon
The sun rises over the mountains-
I see the light-
I hear a voice-
All I can do is to keep on dancing-
Dancing as I hope that
My Dionysian spirit
Shall set me free someday…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Miracle
When the sky turns deep purple in color and the mountains appear
An unfathomable shade of magenta-
I see the sunlight sparkling upon the shadows in the creek below.
Sunlight would reflect against crystalline stones and the
Grass is greener than the eyes of a goddess-
There is not a sound to be heard in this moment except for a
Gentle breeze singing a tunefully angelic aria-
When there is not a single person within miles of
This magical place where I have found my spirit dancing-
I know I have nothing to fear.
Looking up into this lavender-hued sky I can see a bird
Soaring above the mountains- its wings shaded a mesmerizing essence of blue and
The feathers on its tail, yellow as sunlight upon a sandy beach-
My utmost and only desire is to be that bird,
Flapping my wings in a gentle gust of wind and looking down upon
This magical world below- I have always been a dreamer.
I hear voices singing songs of freedom and of the mysticism of nature-
I see blossoming flowers of a variety of colors and
I hear voices whispering to me of the miracles of this moment-
I know within my heart and my mind that I am alone and
These voices that I hear are emanating from the depths of my own mind, when
Solitude has never appeared so amazingly striking.
I see that bird flying high up in the sky above and within moments
I have become that bird- flapping my own wings and
Gazing at this vibrant world below me,
For a moment I am the queen of the world and in the next moment,
A deity of the entire universe- Veracity is seemingly thousands of miles away.
I have heard voices of my past telling me I am none but a pauper in a wretched state or
None but a fool who has lost her sanity-in these words I have never believed.
As I continue this tour of this phantasmal space about me,
I know I have found myself a home and the world beyond can attempt to
Tear my soul apart but I know deep inside that this is my reality-
Perhaps others do not hear and see the sounds and the sights that I envision-
However as long as I believe in all that I hear and see within my own thoughts,
What even millions of other people believe does not matter- for it is these people
Whom I believe are in a wretched state, and are still trying to find themselves-
I am queen of my world and have locked the gate to that world's threatening dismay-
I follow my shadow into that deep purple sky and I know that
The shadow of my spirit shall live on forever. I shall keep on moving
Further into the land of my dreams, only to look forward and never turning back.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Two Worlds
Today is overcast- they say it will rain,
They said it would rain last night-
I was lost in thought when the thunder clapped-
Lightening brightened up the sky, though only for a moment-
Then darkness overtook the entire universe-
I am alone in my own world- that is my choice-
I see people everyday- outside of the world I was born in.
These people are strangers speaking a language I understand although
When words are put together in sentences- I cannot relate.
I am speaking of two worlds- one where millions live,
That unsafe, threatening place- and the world of my thoughts that I live in
Nearly all of the time- the one into which I surely believe
Is the one into which I was born, at the time, safe and sound.
Today is overcast- they say it shall rain-
They said it would rain last night, but when the raindrops
Splashed upon the edge of time, I was lost inside of that world of my own.
In that world of my own, where rain never falls,
In that world of my own, children are never born into.
Somebody stole me and brought me here- into the cruel and threatening place
Where millions of deranged and crazy people live-
Somehow, inside that world, I never fit in and
I feel I never belonged.
I would dance in the rain - the rain that they predicted-
I would dance and sing in this cruel world trying to cope until the sky would fall and
I would find myself in that sky, searching for the world into which I was born?
I am searching for always for that magical place that
Presently only exists inside the world of my thoughts.
Some years ago they took me and locked me inside a room they called 'Seclusion'-
A room dreaded by many to be locked inside-but I found peace of mind there,
If such a thing exists and in this room I could build my fantasies and dreams-
Until they released me back into that world that had not been kind to me.
Let it rain and let lightening strike-let the rain wash my tears away-
I guess I will keep dancing and singing in the rain until the sky falls or until
They take me away again and lock me in that room once more and there
I can lose myself into the world I created and listen to the rain fall as the sky falls-
While thunder claps- a beautiful sound that drowns out angry voices and
Lightening strikes, brightening a pathway where some day I dream,
I will find peace of mind without ever having to turn back time.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Magic
Fear, anger, mistrust and nearly
Half a century of
Living in a world unfamiliar
To all but myself-
Has left me in dismay and in solitude-
Tomorrow is another day where
My morning shall be
Walking in the darkness, although
Moments away from sunrise and
Knowing that within a few hours
As I sleep- my mind shall become aware-
As if lightening has struck in some
Magical way-Fear, anger and
Mistrust shall disappear in a moment’s notice-
A different sort of sun shall rise
For me alone, shining light upon my kaleidoscopic world-
Black skies transform to cobalt blue as
A hurricane of sorts shall blow the sinister clouds away-
I shall see a rainbow rise from
Behind mountains of madness and
As the moon in its fullness disappears behind
Blossoming trees and I regain my sanity and hope,
Those alien voices shall be silenced-
Fear, anger and mistrust are hiding deep inside of a phantasmal river,
Rapidly receding and it shall only be days before
That river overflows and washes over me,
I can see those dismal clouds returning-
And all I can do is to remember words of wisdom telling me to
Grasp firmly onto those fleeting feelings of peace, hope and
Focus on the clarity of the skies above-
Feelings are so like thunderclouds- and
Finding one’s rainbow is a rarity- when lightening has struck your mind-
When feelings of fear and rage are inborn-
One never knows when the rain shall begin to fall again-
Voices that I hear are not real, and all I can do is dream
While the rain is falling until lightening strikes again-
Skies clear and although skies of cobalt blue so magnificent
Are in passing as is that phantasmal river before it overflows-
Perhaps in a different light it shall wash my tears away and hope shall remain, that
That magical sun shall someday rise for me alone and never set…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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To Reach The Sky
I may have found my paradise, and
If I could only reach the sky,
I would know I will have arrived at the home of my desire;
When I was very young, I was a child without direction,
I was lost and hardly knew which street I walked, though every day,
Terrified of the nighttime hours, I was and
Fearful of the world outside, from the moment that
The sun rose in the valley I could envision outside of my bedroom window?
I could sing angelic hymns concerning the loveliness of this world,
I could sing but my spirit was on the run from veracity and
I hardly believed or understood the words I sung-
It was none but a harmonious tune echoing inside my mind,
Dismembered in many ways, as my thinking was out of touch-
Whenever the rain would fall I would sing and dance outside but
Inside the world of my delusions, locked and keyed from the real world,
That unfamiliar place, perhaps too familiar in many ways, that
It had become the fortress of my intrusive enemies?
Rain is falling hard at this moment, and I cannot reach the sky-
Rain is falling in torrents and my paradise is hidden behind the ominous gray clouds-
My paradise I have never seen as I cannot see beyond the
Fabricated world I have created inside the confinement of my bedroom?
Fairy tales of magical places existing beyond the sky were told to me
From the inside of storybooks and at night I would dream of
Sailing a phantasmal boat beyond the sun, searching for some
Sorcery that would find me a safer haven inside of which to live my life-
A life free from threatening trespassers, cold and gusty winds and
A world of people that could not rob me of my thoughts as well as those
Who could not follow close behind me and terrorize my mind-
Awakening every morning in the darkness, I find myself trapped inside of
A nightmare of horrors I cannot seem to escape from-
If I could only climb that miraculous ladder towards the sky,
To visit the moon at twilight and to ride upon the tail of a shooting star
That would possibly take me to the planet of my dreams?
My paradise, my paradise, where are you now, I ask in thought, and
Why was I born, tell me, why I was born a misfit of society,
Different from all others, these others that attempt to
Read my mind but cannot comprehend as if my thoughts were
Written in some foreign script completely unintelligible?
One day I shall die and when I die I shall be set free
To climb that wondrous ladder built just for me to ascend-
To climb to my paradise in the sky and that
Melodic tune inside my mind shall come alive and I shall pirouette
With the cherubs and the saints although others
here say they are not truly real-
Although inside the community of my thoughts, everything seems real and
To others, things that cannot be seen clash with veracity-
But to me what I cannot touch in this life
is what I believe shall save my very soul-
I carry my paradise inside of my mind and one day I shall abandon
Pain and misfortune and inside mind and body
I shall in all finality reach the sky,
Dance amongst the stars and sing my own hymns of joy and triumph-
I shall plant my own tree of life, and its branches shall give me shade and
A place beneath which to rest, sleep and to
dream of all the goodness that awaits me, and
When the victorious music begins to louden and deafen the nightmares of my past,
I shall finally be set free…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Searching
The sky is raining teardrops-
Although the sky is a deep shade of cerulean blue-
The mountains reflect the color of the sky, and as
The sun is trying to rise above mountains of uncertainty-
I walk a never ending pathway leading to nowhere,
I fear the world that the sky rains upon and
These teardrops falling from the sky
Intermesh with the tears emanating from my heart that bleeds
Pain, confusion and terrifying madness
I feel as someone's hand is reaching out from the sky to taunt me, as
Eyes are seemingly staring from the creek that runs beside me-
Although dread is tearing my body and mind apart,
Robbing me of my flagging grasp on reality, -
I keep walking steadily upon that pathway, though seemingly void of direction.
The sky is raining teardrops-
Teardrops that could be falling from the depths of my soul-
I fear the world, inside which I could soon be drowning in a river of tears,
But I keep walking that pathway that I fear could be leading to nowhere.
I can see people walking before me-
People nobody else can see, and
I listen to voices calling my name-
Voices that only I can hear, and
That hand that reaches from the sky that taunts me,
Most likely, only I can feel.
As frightening as these intruding contacts can be-
They are my close and familiar friends, especially
When this world is spinning out of control,
The sun has risen above mountains of madness and
Is burning my spirit, inside and outside-
The path I walk is blocked by fallen branches of barren trees and while
I stumble over rocks- I shall keep walking this pathway,
Although I do not know where it leads to-
Teardrops fall from my eyes and from the cotton-like clouds that decorate the sky,
My life is a struggle day in and day out-In this life I have yet to find my destination-
I could end my life drowning in a river of abyss, however
I shall keep on walking this mysterious pathway until
I find my place in this world- this world of vast and endless possibilities-
The sun beats down upon me searing my flesh and my spirit, as
I weep tears of frustration and anger-
Somewhere though I believe there is a place for me and
I shall continue walking this pathway-even though I foresee no end or direction
I shall keep walking as I look upward toward the sky of cobalt blue and
Those magnificent cotton-like clouds, giving me hope and direction
Until I discover my own dream, as far away as it may be.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Itmon
Nobody ever promised me
A patch of lilacs in the wintertime and
Pink clouds never truly rained
A river of tears-
I only promised myself the land of Itmon-
Something akin to a goddess or a saint
I would sit at the right hand of the holy octagon-
Fervently praying for my inner world to come alive-
Locked inside the chambers of madness and
Locked inside the confinement of my bedroom
For days my head would be lost in those pink clouds,
Even sometimes while they were raining
A fine mist of gold upon and before me-
My bed had become the ferryboat guiding me through the bleakness of
My sordid nightmares to
This mesmerizing world deemed as Itmon-
I am alive inside this far away place, though
Truly not so far away-
The voices inside of my mind, commanding-
Giving me orders day in and day out-
My closest companions whose orders
I feel inclined to obey-
Running far away from the voices of my past where
The planet earth has not been kind-
The land of Itmon is none but paradise-
Here I have come to know Kyt, my beloved,
Donning flaxen hair and eyes of
Cyanotic blue-
Hypnotizing me with her glance and
Charming me with her smile-
Taking me by the hand and leading me into
The magical land of Itmon-
This place where nobody feels despair and where
We lose ourselves within our dreams-
Pink clouds turning lavender at night fall-
Snow never falls in this land of my fantasies-
Fantasies have so abruptly transformed to reality-
Hand in hand Kyt and I have abandoned the demons of
Our squalid pasts and we have entered this fairytale place of our
Wildest dreams to remain forever bonded-
Nobody ever promised me inner peace-
Nobody ever sang to me the song of a nightingale-
As an inhabitant of this planet I was so rudely born in
Nobody ever understood or comprehended-
So I mounted my proud unicorn and fled into the sunrise-
Dismounting when I reached that path
Paved before me-
That path paved in platinum, which by nature guided me
Into the magnificent land of Itmon-
I see mountains of many colors-
Before whirlpools of waters of deep cobalt blue-
I stand stalwart besides tall reeds, viridian hued-
I am very much alive in this unique place of my dreams which
Has rapidly become my only reality-
Sing with me, Kyt, the song of a nightingale- for
I hear faint words of alien people saying that
I have lost my sanity and am in a wretched state-
I have never been a happier person alive-
I have lost myself inside the world of my dreams forever-
My dreams are reality and yesterday’s reality has vanished and
Looking into those eyes of Kyt’s-
Compelling and hypnotic as in my fondest dreams-
Eyes of cerulean blue truly spellbinding as are as always
The voices inside my mind commanding-
I have a home that only I can envision-
I sit on the right side of the holy octagon and
Thank the Goddess that rules this fine land for
Making my dreams come alive,
My fantasies are my only true reality now, as I
Walk that pathway paved in platinum before me
Into lavender skies and whirlpools of my destiny,
Abandoning my past forever-
Only to see ahead and to look forward
Without looking behind me and
Without ever turning back…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Bird of Paradise
Today everything is tranquil and clouds cover the sky
But the sun still shows its face as it
Rises above the treetops-in this moment, I walk alone.
I walk alone, I feel like dying-
It is an effort to look up towards the sky-
The sky is gray and on this day,
Voices inside my mind are my closest companions-
The closest and only -
Except for the moment when I behold you,
Extraordinary bird that is flying above, adorned in many colors-
That magnificent bird of paradise-
I walk alone and you fly alone-
Today you are my unique and trustworthy companion-
To me you are a queen and maybe even a goddess-,
Towering freely against the maudlin sky
On this dreary, humid day in the early summer,
You brighten up my surroundings as you flutter your vibrant wings about,
It is you and I, we own the woodlands together today-
Bird of paradise, please carry my spirit away from
The pain I feel that tortures me inside and
Can you sing a melody so tuneful and sweet that it
Obliterates the voices that only I can hear,
These voices that in this instant are threatening to harm me?
The clouds are moving slowly, as the sun shines through the leaves on the trees,
I begin to hear music playing as I open my eyes and find myself
Alone in a different place? Trees have disappeared and all I can see
Are four beige walls that surround me-?
Everything is still and I realize that losing myself in the course of nature
Was none but a dream? I close my eyes and pray for your return,
Striking bird of paradise, the one who has given me reason to persevere?
As I drift off into some other cosmos, I converse with the voices that
Only I can hear, my closest companions who are with me in my dreams and
Who are with me at every waking moment- in my fantasies I also can
Become a bird, lift my wings and fly with you toward
Some place where we both shall someday find freedom from pain-
My phantasmal savior, my magnificent bird of paradise
Who has given me a reason to exist, whether in wakefulness or in my dreams-
You carry my spirit to another realm…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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I Believe
The sky can lie and betray as any person can invade
The space that is my own and a sunny day so they say
Today would be, although
I believe I felt raindrops touching my naked arms-It is the New Year and
I don’t want tears falling from my eyes
As they did the first day of
Last year and every year before me-
I wept because I believed that God had forsaken me,
Brought me into a world which was not safe for me to live in-
I am lost in the woods but not as lost
As I am in the city surrounding-
Upon this sunny and rainy day- the people who
Dwell in this planet earth I do not trust-
These people are walking behind me
Only to steal away my dreams-
I cannot ignore their sinister glances-
Upon the face of a coin it says
“In God we trust” and that is just
One more untruth and I once believed there was a god and
I was a saint- now I am a pauper who is alone
In this world not believing a word that has been spoken-
“I am a believer, ” so are the words to a popular song-
I only believe in my own thoughts and the voices
That speak to me from my mind and
I only feel while my own heart beats-
Nobody hears these voices or my heart beating
Out of control- the rain is falling hard now-
I have been deceived and it is a new year again
God wipe away my tears, I don’t care to always be the enemy-
I hear birds chanting and wind blowing the leaves upon the trees-
Unwelcome footsteps behind me are closing in-
I have a spirit that dances in the wind, therefore
It hardly matters anymore that I was born into this world that
Is a fraudulent place- I can run marathons and other people’s minds
Have become my literature- I have faith in my thoughts and
I can carry on with a tune- “I am a believer”- and as long as
I believe in my own strength and my spirit keeps on dancing,
Knowing someday my dreams shall become alive and the sun?
The sun is hidden in the clouds and the rain just keeps on falling but
It is the rain that gives me water so I will not be thirsty and it is
That rain- that washes my tears away-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Have You Ever?
Without compassion, I gaze into your tear-filled eyes, I ask you
“Have you ever fallen and hurt yourself, ”, or
“Have you ever been in love and lost-or have you ever been trapped
Inside of a blizzard of snow, while the snow outside is falling
So hard that you couldn’t see the trees or even the sky-, it is only raining now and
You are inside your home, safe and free from outside intruders-
I have fallen in love and lost, while you are weeping, seemingly without reason?
I never have seen you running outside and having fallen,
Neither crying over the loss of a loved one? ”
Now, as I listen I can hear you say to me-
“Don’t turn your head or close your eyes while my tears are falling-
Don’t laugh while I pick up the pieces of my shattered past-“
Then I hear you ask-“have you ever been hurt inside by voices
Wishing you nothing but harm, voices you say talk only to you
That no one else can hear? ” and
“Can you fathom being locked inside an empty room alone,
Only because you couldn’t stop screaming-
You have loved and lost, though I have never been loved at all before, and
I see the snow falling in torrents in this moment-
As in this moment I am losing myself inside
A blizzard of madness as I fall into a trap of my own delusions, ” then
With anxious eyes gazing aimlessly downward, you question
“Have you ever seen snakes crawling up you bedside or
Have you ever been trapped within moments of madness?
Where fate has thrown the key to the wind? ”, then,
“Listen to the wind screaming and see my tears falling as would
A downpour in a summer storm- lightening strikes between us and
To you, it comes, illuminates the darkness and disappears, while
To me it tells me that this world I have been so cruelly born in is not a safe place-“
“Don’t speak to me of lost love and skinned knees as the snow falls
Painting a beautiful picture for you of a winter’s wonderland-
My world has just caved in and I have yet to see the stars-
I would ride upon the tail of a shooting star if I only could
To travel to another planet where nobody threatens me-
This is none but a dream and most of my past dreams have been nightmares-
The snow is falling in torrents and while you can’t see the sky,
I am only thankful that at this moment in time, I cannot see the demons
That persecute me day and night- though only for this brief moment-
You were once a child with a broken leg that has healed and
I see you running marathons of delight while
I am a bird with a broken wing that cannot ever fly.”
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Sometimes
Sometimes I hear the sound of a bolt of lightening
Strike any tree, and
As I walk through the darkness of day,
I only can envision
A glimpse of hidden sunshine,
A gray cloud covering the tips of the treetops, and
A spotted green snake slithering through the grass that
Blankets the tortuous path I walk every day…
Sometimes I hear the thunder crash, as if
Some lost and troubled angel
Hovering about the black sky above me has
Expressed her inexplicable rage, or
God has angrily snapped his fingers-
Sometimes I see clouds circulating beneath my feet, or
I see hell rising above my head, and
Many times, as I walk along this wooded trail,
The whole world follows me,
Laughing at my thoughts-
An evil eye from heaven focuses on my every move, and
Sometimes I feel myself hanging with a noose about my neck,
Ironically from the most magnificent and statuesque tree
In all of the forest-
When fear overcomes and apprehension about
Tomorrow rolling over the mountains invades my baffled mind,
I try to hide behind the ominously approaching thunderclouds-
God never promised me that I would find a rainbow and
The demons that live inside my mind
Have never promised that they would stop their
Incessant vociferations-
The whole world follows me as tomorrow
Blatantly turns to today-
I stand, but never alone beneath a maple tree,
Capturing each moment as it falls encased inside a
Single raindropp that could have been a tear
Cried for yesterday’s sorrows-
Sometimes when that bolt of lightening strikes,
I quietly whistle a happy tune-
It has been said that music calms the troubled soul, and as
I hide from this frightening world
Beneath the clouds below my feet,
I pray for a touch of heaven to chase
This terrifying world away-
Though God never promised me a
Rainbow or a prayer,
Just a ray of light would be a welcome sight,
To dispel the darkness of this world
That terrorizes me –
Light, love and fear-
What truth-filled words they are…
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Dawning
Only at dawn
Do I believe that a higher being may be
Looking down upon me through the rays of light emanating from the rising sun as
The full moon descends behind the mountaintops,
This morning I could envision a ladder from the creek side
Reaching toward the heavens-
The sky, being a rare shade of cerulean blue and
Pale lavender lightly coloring cumulus clouds,
Only at the dawning of each new day
Is the time I feel hopeful and undaunted?
I live within a world that has not been kind to me-
Though at the dawning of another day
Walking through the woodlands I know that I am safe in my solitude,
For that higher being is always looking down upon me
Watching over me, protecting me from all harm?
Voices I hear in the night have callously threatened me but
At the break of the day, I hear the voices of angels
Soothing my troubled soul and gently comforting me while
In my moments of madness I could have lost myself forever.
My spirit is now dancing to the tune of
An aria of peace, sung by those seraphs
Inside of my mind, greeting me
And chasing away the demons that
Had threatened me only the night before-
As those seraphs join a chorus of angels from above
Singing amorous tunes only to console me- if I could
I would climb that phantasmal ladder towards the sky, to escape reality;
Lost inside an instant of madness,
A moment so brief, an encounter with the surreal
Has given me reason to persevere-
Only at dawn, as the sun journeys above the hilltops
Can I hear voices of angels- and I do suppose, and
I only believe that there is hope and tranquility
To be found, in some distant star, illuminating the sky
As the sun rises and as the moon descends beyond the horizon,
I have lost myself inside of a dream that could be heaven
Where I am safe in my solitude, as my thoughts are lost in some other realm-
Within my fondest dream, for them never to be found would be my utmost desire,
Climbing that ladder towards the sky,
Abandoning the threatening voices that wished me harm,
Leaving the nightmares of veracity behind,
As I open my eyes to the dawning and behold that forever rainbow in the sky-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Seclusion
This is a dark night
Within the garden of the deceased-
In this place where only
Wounded spirits who have lost their sanity
Are banned from the world outside.
In this desolate place where
Nobody sees the light of day,
I am alone in this room where the walls are barren and
The floors have yellowed-
Urine stained and tiles are cracked-
I stare at the ceiling through a curtain of tears falling from bloodshot eyes-
I cannot escape terrifying past memories-
As in a scene from a tragic film, I have become the infamous star,
I hear the ticking of the wall clock outside
Rhythmically in time with hellions screaming inside the fortress of my mind-
My dissolving soul is robed in a sallow gown and
I can feel serpents twisted about my calves-
This is a dark night-
This is a dark night where I have lost my grasp on veracity-
This is a dark night where I have been separated from the outside world-
This is the garden of the deceased, where
Phantasmal gravestones surround my dissolving soul-
My mind is in a wretched state and my thoughts are bellowing lunacy-
My cries for help have been silenced, as
My worm infested brain is decaying-
I can only hear above the screaming stillness
The ticking of the wall clock outside, and
Threatening voices emanating from inside of my mind-
Putrid scents of rotting corpses infiltrate this cell and
I vociferate madness as the dirges that
echo about my mind attempt to deafen me
Neither moonlight nor sunlight can penetrate this windowless chamber-
This garden of the deceased where my spirit has just perished-
This is a dark night and I have been banned from the world outside-
In desperation my outstretched arms attempt
to reach towards heaven as I can feel
My spirit sinking through the cracks in the
decrepit linoleum tiles below while
The wall clock outside ticks on, on and on…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Threat
Somebody locked the door last night, while
Veracity and unreality had been
In that moment indistinguishable-
In the past as a young and innocent child,
Overwhelmed by
Spoken words nobody else could hear-
Sights nobody else could see- and
Insects crawling up and down my limbs-
Lost inside the world of my delusiveness
Nobody believed my plight and
Rain could fall upon my foundation as invisible to
The rest of the world-
There was no recourse to the fear- or the
Thoughts unbound and windswept by a tornado
As they could be-
There was no recourse to the fear-
Somebody locked the door last night-
When all hope had been pilfered I believed that
My soul had been set afire-
My wishes were none but pipe dreams where there was
No place to run, no place to hide from
Fear, suspicion and rage that
Damaged the very heart, mind and spirit of me-
A prisoner inside this space of life-
This is the box they put me in,
With no recourse to the pain-
Dreams they had for me-
High hopes for a life of fame and fortune-
Though only in their eyes-
I never grew to become a princess, but
None but a prisoner of war-
That is, the war that raged inside of me-
A battle lost and shattered dreams-
Rain, snow, sleet and hail are falling upon
My foundation, weakened and drowning in the midst of
The world of my thoughts in conglomeration
Of commanding voices, and feelings out of control,
Irrational in the eyes of others-
Incoherent even in the eyes of God-
God has forsaken me, my prayers in despair unanswered-
This is the box they put me in.
Unrelenting rage- I am counting every second-
Grasping for hope, reaching for a star to wish upon-
Chained to a wall and behind iron bars, though phantasmal-
The feeling of confinement and helplessness-
Painfully incomprehensible-
There is no recourse to the fear.
There is no recourse to the darkness and
I am blinded by a mask of never ending terror-
I have searched for an exit from this tenement of bleakness-though
The walls are insurmountable-
With no recourse to this battle I have fought every day of my life and
This is the box they put me in- which
Somebody has locked the door to and
Thrown away the key.
-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Self Portrait
I can see this world in a different way- from this world I hid for many years.
Riding a ship towards some other galaxy,
Though only inside of my mind-
The rain would pour down upon the real world, and
In the mid winter the snow would fall, but
Lost in some other place in time, I only saw the sun.
I was a rare bird whose wings would carry me
High above the treetops, the mountains and
Even above the highest clouds,
Traveling far away from everybody and everything that was real.
Rain, sleet and hail would fall, though all I could see was a rainbow,
Glistening within the sky, high above the mountains-
I placed no trust in the people who walked upon the ground below,
Although it hardly mattered- I could always converse with those people
Who lived within the kingdom inside of my mind.
I would board a ship, its full sails to the wind,
Carrying me towards the world of my dreams-
Today I see the world in a different way-Now I see reality,
I see reality- hunger, war and people who threaten, and
All I can do is place my hands over my eyes, hoping to shut this cruel world out.
The ship I rode to some other place has been lost somewhere in the sky and
A rare bird, whose wings are now broken, I now see the world under a different light.
Somebody took me and locked me away last night and I have become
A prisoner inside of my own mind-upon that ship with fallen sails
I feel as if I am on a pathway headed towards nowhere-
I place my hands over my eyes. Attempting to hide from all that is real,
Unable to find peace of mind, unable to find my rainbow.
I find myself alone inside of an empty room, with no windows and a door that is locked-
I converse with the voices that speak to me inside of my mind-as
These, nobody can take them away from me and
They are all that is left of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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In This Moment
Light is dim
Although in this moment
Light is not a welcome entity-
My mind wants to hide itself
Within the darkness of
This very early summer morning-
In this moment, I foresee no serenity and
I hear voices screaming while
In the fortress of this room
I know I am the only one present.
If only my bed, here where I lay, were a ship, I would journey years backward
To the place I lived in at all times many decades ago-
Now I know that land was non existent, even though
At the time it was my only reality.
In this moment, my only reality is within this room
Where the light is dim and
Outside this window, where the shades are pulled halfway down,
A world surrounds me-a world I cannot call my home.
Here within the place of my thoughts,
There exists a sea cobalt blue in its hue
A sea of tranquility, although it seems as if
All tranquility has just been shattered-
Even though the voices I hear screaming are terrifying and unreal-
The voice of reality is dimmer.
Threatening voices and this bed in which I lie is a boat
Now in the midst of a storm at sea, and although
I can foresee no destiny-here where I lie resting,
All is familiar to me while the real world outside is foreign, and
A threat to my existence.
So here in this moment, I close my eyes to all that I fear and I know that momentarily
I shall drift off to sleep and dream of the past-
Where I lived inside my own world of bliss and harmony-
Here In this very moment where the light of reality is dim,
My eyes are closed and I am sailing upon my magical ship,
Back to the time where fantasy brought me only peace of mind
Unaware of the day I would awaken alive in a planet they call "Earth"
Where my imaginary ship would overturn and I would find myself
Drowning in a sea of madness where there exists no recourse to fear,
In this moment where light has never been dimmer…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Break
Tonight I am flying about
On some sort of
Roller coaster
Lost in a myriad of
Pieces of my dreams, as
Pieces of glass
In a kaleidoscope,
Spinning madly,
Or some
Fast moving
Merry-go-round,
Traveling at the speed of light
My thoughts are
Inter meshing, though disconnected-
It seems as if I have been
Sleeping too long in my plight, I cannot sing because
My heart is throbbing, and this pain I feel
Won’t stop even though the merry-go-round
Is still revolving around the sun,
I am nearly fifty-three light years old and my thoughts, my thoughts can’t
Connect with anything real, and
I hardly can discern veracity?
I hardly can discern… I can hardly discern.
I have slept for so many years, it seems
And that pain is a pounding heartache,
My soul is lost in a brush fire, sizzling out of control,
Out of control…? …
My spirit is is sinking in that
Whirlpool of life, that magenta sky, those beautiful shades of shocking blue,
Cerulean, cobalt –blue nights-
Against purplish mountains
Standing, I am, proudly and boldly before the sun,
My inner space,
My own small world and the voices that I hear
Are real to me but deafened to the world outside,
I live in a make-believe land beyond this planet of which
The door is padlocked and keyed,
I ride alone- except for the Programmed?
I sing and dance alone- I cry alone
I cry and cry and nobody hears my silent tears
Splashing against the tide, the pain, the agony of it all,
But thank god for my solitude in
This sea of life that
I have chosen to live my days
My born days…
The world has stopped dead in its revolution,
Inside of me something is growing
Is it my pride, my anger is coming into
Power and I just want to scream
Because that is where the pain is emanating from
All of the wrath rage and anger
Sizzling out of control
Tearing at my gut and I just
Can’t get a grip on all of the
Antipathy as the fire keeps burning,
Smoldering and fuming inside of my brain
That is far removed, dissimilar and diseased,
Meninges, cotton filled?
Whirling, I am in a
Constantly revolving standstill-
Thunder and lightening
A deluge of hail, sleet, snow and
Please stop the rain from falling-
I am drowning in my own whirlpool of disaster-stop the rain,
Stop the merry-go-round,
I must get off of my horse before it goes around once more
I can’t even catch a ring off the stick that the magic man is holding?
I am a frail little child inside,
I just lost my pretty new shiny penny, and
I can’t stop these tears,
And the pain?
Stop the rain-
Kaleidoscopic shards of colorful glass are
Scattered before my poor tired eyes as I am picking up the pieces of my scattered dreams
One by one, but
I just cannot count the stars anymore.
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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