Self Portrait
I can see this world in a different way- from this world I hid for many years.
Riding a ship towards some other galaxy,
Though only inside of my mind-
The rain would pour down upon the real world, and
In the mid winter the snow would fall, but
Lost in some other place in time, I only saw the sun.
I was a rare bird whose wings would carry me
High above the treetops, the mountains and
Even above the highest clouds,
Traveling far away from everybody and everything that was real.
Rain, sleet and hail would fall, though all I could see was a rainbow,
Glistening within the sky, high above the mountains-
I placed no trust in the people who walked upon the ground below,
Although it hardly mattered- I could always converse with those people
Who lived within the kingdom inside of my mind.
I would board a ship, its full sails to the wind,
Carrying me towards the world of my dreams-
Today I see the world in a different way-Now I see reality,
I see reality- hunger, war and people who threaten, and
All I can do is place my hands over my eyes, hoping to shut this cruel world out.
The ship I rode to some other place has been lost somewhere in the sky and
A rare bird, whose wings are now broken, I now see the world under a different light.
Somebody took me and locked me away last night and I have become
A prisoner inside of my own mind-upon that ship with fallen sails
I feel as if I am on a pathway headed towards nowhere-
I place my hands over my eyes. Attempting to hide from all that is real,
Unable to find peace of mind, unable to find my rainbow.
I find myself alone inside of an empty room, with no windows and a door that is locked-
I converse with the voices that speak to me inside of my mind-as
These, nobody can take them away from me and
They are all that is left of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Doors Are Locked
From inside of this room
I shall not exit
I have locked the doors
To the world outside.
It does not matter to me what is happening outside, because
Behind these locked doors
Is the world that I live in,
This land of my dreams that
I have fabricated for myself alone.
I recall my father recently reading me a story-
Of a woman who created a world within her dreams-
There she lived and locked herself
Inside of the doors that
Barred her from all that is real.
My father's hope was that
I would find my way out from
This place he called the land of my delusions.
This place which he calls the land of my delusions has become
My only veracity.
From the inside of this room
I shall not exit-it is here I safely converse with
The voices inside of my mind.
The doors to this room are locked, but
I can still hear my mother weeping, and
I hear my mother cry out from the midst of her tears-
What has become of my only child?
Inside of this room, I have constructed a world.
The doors are locked and
I have shut reality out-
The doors to my room are locked and
I have lost the key.
My mother is still weeping as her one and only
Has lost the key that would open the doors
To the world outside-
My mother is sobbing; the key is lost and alas-
Her only child's sanity has also been lost.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Essence of my Dreams
Losing myself in flight on an early summer's morning-
In flight, unaware of the direction-
Unaware of the time of day, I know that
I don't believe in heaven anymore-
In flight above deep blue mountains-
But not weary of the sun's rays attacking me-
Never touching the sun and
Never finding my rainbow,
A myriad of colors are painting the sky-
Though only inside the world of my imagination.
Losing myself in flight and wondering-
If I will ever find safety and peace of mind here in the sky,
Amongst the scattered clouds that surround me-
I could hide behind a cloud to escape reality-
Reality that has become none but a threat to my existence.
Within the figment of my imagination-
I have wings that carry me high above the mountains,
Above the treetops and the ocean turning green as
Its waves lap against the shore-
A multitude of colors are decorating the land below-
Trees are never green but violet in their hue and
That ocean- green but never blue as are the mountains-
In flight I am losing myself in so many different ways-
Separating myself from the world into which I was born-
My mind is creating visions of far away places and
Inside the fortress of my mind, God has given me wings to fly with,
Although I do not believe in heaven-
Within moments I find myself lying upon the ground-
The sky, cloud covered as rain begins to pour down upon me-
I am a lost, lone, and confused spirit-
Threatened by sounds of cars speeding up and down the road behind me-
And people shouting while thunder claps and lightening strikes.
Voices inside of mind are commanding me
To lift my wings and take flight once again-
However I am trapped, being unable to fly, my wings having been phantasmal-
Though inside my dreams I can swim the ocean, searching for safety and familiarity-
Perhaps I shall find myself an island amongst the sea-
But alas only in my dreams-
And perhaps the rain shall stop falling and a rainbow shall rise above the mountains-
Inside the world of my thoughts I shall paint the sky blue and cloudless,
Lift my wings and soar back into the sky and look down-
Down at this world where I have always wished to escape from-
Happiness shall be found within the world of my imagination-
Violet hued trees - their branches swaying in the wind
May someday give me shade as I close my eyes and dream,
Then I shall burst into song, in chorus with the voices inside my mind-
I have peace of mind now knowing I can be anyplace I can fathom-
Because I am a person who though never believed in heaven-
Strongly believes in the essence of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Two Worlds
Today is overcast- they say it will rain,
They said it would rain last night-
I was lost in thought when the thunder clapped-
Lightening brightened up the sky, though only for a moment-
Then darkness overtook the entire universe-
I am alone in my own world- that is my choice-
I see people everyday- outside of the world I was born in.
These people are strangers speaking a language I understand although
When words are put together in sentences- I cannot relate.
I am speaking of two worlds- one where millions live,
That unsafe, threatening place- and the world of my thoughts that I live in
Nearly all of the time- the one into which I surely believe
Is the one into which I was born, at the time, safe and sound.
Today is overcast- they say it shall rain-
They said it would rain last night, but when the raindrops
Splashed upon the edge of time, I was lost inside of that world of my own.
In that world of my own, where rain never falls,
In that world of my own, children are never born into.
Somebody stole me and brought me here- into the cruel and threatening place
Where millions of deranged and crazy people live-
Somehow, inside that world, I never fit in and
I feel I never belonged.
I would dance in the rain - the rain that they predicted-
I would dance and sing in this cruel world trying to cope until the sky would fall and
I would find myself in that sky, searching for the world into which I was born?
I am searching for always for that magical place that
Presently only exists inside the world of my thoughts.
Some years ago they took me and locked me inside a room they called 'Seclusion'-
A room dreaded by many to be locked inside-but I found peace of mind there,
If such a thing exists and in this room I could build my fantasies and dreams-
Until they released me back into that world that had not been kind to me.
Let it rain and let lightening strike-let the rain wash my tears away-
I guess I will keep dancing and singing in the rain until the sky falls or until
They take me away again and lock me in that room once more and there
I can lose myself into the world I created and listen to the rain fall as the sky falls-
While thunder claps- a beautiful sound that drowns out angry voices and
Lightening strikes, brightening a pathway where some day I dream,
I will find peace of mind without ever having to turn back time.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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They Live Here
There have often been times when I have shut the world out-
But never fear, for I carry a key on a string inside of my mind-
A key that unlocks that door to madness, as
Threatening people have often wondered
What goes on inside that chamber of lunacy?
What is happening inside of the mind of
This person we cannot reach?
This miraculous key I shall never lose,
For when I unlock this door I enter
This world of my spectacular fantasies or often called by others, delusions-
I have heard the voices of angels and
Voices of sorcerers' nightmares-
But also, the words of my favorite songs and
I have reached that palace in the sky where
I can converse with the people who live
Inside the fortress of my mind-
Surrounded by a world of people I do not trust,
I often shut that world out and as I take that key
That hangs off of the string of my imagination
And I unlock that magical door that leads to
The community of friends who dwell inside of my mind-
That supernatural land that belongs to me alone-
And I am never alone because I carry my dream world with me
Every place that I travel, whether I travel near or far away,
I can always converse with these people who listen to me
And respond to their intimate conversation-
Softly intriguing and sometimes heart rendering -
I am the queen of this place I have created for myself,
Canonized a saint of my own salvation-
Other people in the surrounding outside world
May laugh, ridicule or simply not understand
Why I have escaped reality- and why I do not weep
Or do not seem destitute in my solitude- they do not own that extraordinary key
That unlocks the gate that leads to the land of my dreams-
And all that they can hear are cars dashing down the boulevard day and night,
And other everyday sounds on a typical day in their world of veracity-
Their tears may fall with the rain that never falls upon my world, and
In spite of what they believe-the meaning of the voices inside my mind,
They shall never know…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Outside My Picture Window
It has been said that there is a world outside my picture window and
Beyond the trees I see everyday and the sky, sometimes overcast and
Other days, when the sun rises early- I can see the sky and have often wondered if
There exists another world within our universe- I know that
There exists a world inside of my mind and
My pupils are the windows into which
People would look if I were to venture outward?
Beyond the sky, and beyond the sun-
Beyond that world inside my mind,
I would never know where there exists a place for me-
Last night outside of my window
I could see the stars- stars mean different things to different people as
Does the sun, the trees and this whole world outside-
The world inside my mind revolves about
The sun that shines upon my own horizon and
As for this world outside, all I can do is look- and to
See a tree, perhaps a single cloud and the grass that grows-
I have shut my mind to the people who live beyond
The trees, clouds and the grass that I can see-
That window opens to the world inside of my thoughts-
I have just shut and pulled the curtain to discourage all intruders-
I am lying by my window in total darkness now as I place my hand over my eyes,
Shutting out reality and now I can see mountains, flowering trees and
A creek flowing in which I can see my reflection and
I am running upon the grass that grows beneath my feet-
I believe I heard music playing inside the fortress of my mind-
It has been said there is a world outside and I have pulled the curtain
To the window once opened to veracity-
Darkness has never looked as beautiful as I am safe here in my solitude-
Even when the stars are shining and the sky is such a magnificent sight to see-
No place is as exquisite as the creek that runs through my inner space and
The sun inside the world of my thoughts that shines upon my horizon?
The stars are far away and all that is real, though just outside my picture window
I perceive as too far away for me to reach- I would touch the stars and I could be a dove
That can lift my wings and fly away from all that threatens, but only inside my dreams-
Children sing songs and read fairy tales and they believe and I believe that
The sun shines light upon their worlds and
Someday their dreams shall blossom as has mine and shall become their homes-
Home is the safe place inside a person's mind, not within the madding crowd that
Exists outside my picture window- even if the stars are always there- and
That unique and special sun shall just keep on shining upon the world of my dreams….
poem by Claudia Krizay
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In This Moment
Light is dim
Although in this moment
Light is not a welcome entity-
My mind wants to hide itself
Within the darkness of
This very early summer morning-
In this moment, I foresee no serenity and
I hear voices screaming while
In the fortress of this room
I know I am the only one present.
If only my bed, here where I lay, were a ship, I would journey years backward
To the place I lived in at all times many decades ago-
Now I know that land was non existent, even though
At the time it was my only reality.
In this moment, my only reality is within this room
Where the light is dim and
Outside this window, where the shades are pulled halfway down,
A world surrounds me-a world I cannot call my home.
Here within the place of my thoughts,
There exists a sea cobalt blue in its hue
A sea of tranquility, although it seems as if
All tranquility has just been shattered-
Even though the voices I hear screaming are terrifying and unreal-
The voice of reality is dimmer.
Threatening voices and this bed in which I lie is a boat
Now in the midst of a storm at sea, and although
I can foresee no destiny-here where I lie resting,
All is familiar to me while the real world outside is foreign, and
A threat to my existence.
So here in this moment, I close my eyes to all that I fear and I know that momentarily
I shall drift off to sleep and dream of the past-
Where I lived inside my own world of bliss and harmony-
Here In this very moment where the light of reality is dim,
My eyes are closed and I am sailing upon my magical ship,
Back to the time where fantasy brought me only peace of mind
Unaware of the day I would awaken alive in a planet they call "Earth"
Where my imaginary ship would overturn and I would find myself
Drowning in a sea of madness where there exists no recourse to fear,
In this moment where light has never been dimmer…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Shadow of my Spirit
Shadows appear and disappear-
Faces behind trees are looking and I never knew,
I never believed in closeness being safe and
Eyes opened towards the sky were said to
Perhaps be taking in the beauty of the cherry blossoms or
Following the pathway of the wild geese in flight-
That is what they say and I would never ask because
Eyes opened to the sky are only open momentarily until
They are cast downward, downward ogling the pathway of my footsteps?
Shadows appear and disappear and faces I don't know
Are none but a threat as the pathway of their eyes
Follow the direction that I walk and I never knew, and
I never believed in closeness being safe-
My eyes are opened towards the sky
Only taking in the spirit of my soul
Dancing someplace in the heavens hoping
That this pathway I walk is a safe place to be?
Shadows appear and disappear and
Even when shadows disappear-
I still believe that all eyes are upon me-
Wild geese in flight and blossoming flowers
Can be beautiful to see but they have no souls-
My soul, my spirit lives deep inside my inner core and
It never felt safe and still to this day
Feels like a raging animal locked inside of a cage
Unable to escape? Unable to escape a body on the run-
On the run from a world that only wishes me harm-
My dream has always been to set my spirit free and to
Become a bird and lift my wings to fly high above
In the sky, journeying through the clouds and to touch the sun,
Then find a safe place where no one could take my thoughts away-but
As a bird I find myself with broken wings, and my own shadow is cast upon the ground
Pilfered by evil people who capture my thoughts within their sinister grasps and
This world is not my home-shadows appear and disappear- my own included-
I can see it upon the gravel pathway lying still- I wait until it disappears and
I find myself alone-alone and safe- a bird with broken wings who has lost her shadow but
I am safe in my solitude and when all shadows disappear, I finally have nothing to fear-
My eyes are opened to the sky watching the wild geese in flight-
They have nothing to fear, soaring high up in the sky and they can escape reality as
Their wings are not broken and blossoming flowers may be beautiful and they remain safe because God did not give them spirits to feel the fear?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Threat
Somebody locked the door last night, while
Veracity and unreality had been
In that moment indistinguishable-
In the past as a young and innocent child,
Overwhelmed by
Spoken words nobody else could hear-
Sights nobody else could see- and
Insects crawling up and down my limbs-
Lost inside the world of my delusiveness
Nobody believed my plight and
Rain could fall upon my foundation as invisible to
The rest of the world-
There was no recourse to the fear- or the
Thoughts unbound and windswept by a tornado
As they could be-
There was no recourse to the fear-
Somebody locked the door last night-
When all hope had been pilfered I believed that
My soul had been set afire-
My wishes were none but pipe dreams where there was
No place to run, no place to hide from
Fear, suspicion and rage that
Damaged the very heart, mind and spirit of me-
A prisoner inside this space of life-
This is the box they put me in,
With no recourse to the pain-
Dreams they had for me-
High hopes for a life of fame and fortune-
Though only in their eyes-
I never grew to become a princess, but
None but a prisoner of war-
That is, the war that raged inside of me-
A battle lost and shattered dreams-
Rain, snow, sleet and hail are falling upon
My foundation, weakened and drowning in the midst of
The world of my thoughts in conglomeration
Of commanding voices, and feelings out of control,
Irrational in the eyes of others-
Incoherent even in the eyes of God-
God has forsaken me, my prayers in despair unanswered-
This is the box they put me in.
Unrelenting rage- I am counting every second-
Grasping for hope, reaching for a star to wish upon-
Chained to a wall and behind iron bars, though phantasmal-
The feeling of confinement and helplessness-
Painfully incomprehensible-
There is no recourse to the fear.
There is no recourse to the darkness and
I am blinded by a mask of never ending terror-
I have searched for an exit from this tenement of bleakness-though
The walls are insurmountable-
With no recourse to this battle I have fought every day of my life and
This is the box they put me in- which
Somebody has locked the door to and
Thrown away the key.
-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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You Told Me
I remember you reading me about
Places beyond the mountains,
Above the trees and behind rainbows-
You told me that skies turned gray here sometimes
And the sound of thunder would
Resonate throughout -
The places I used to run and hide from and
Those places where the skies would at times turn red in hue
Where the light of the sun would bear down
Upon that paranormal pond I so often spoke of-
I had told you about the world I lived in where
Few people lived and cats ran wild while
Trees grew tall to scrape the clouds as
Pink and silver as they reflected in
The course of a running stream that lead
Towards a safe place where I could hide from
That world I so feared where cars ran vicariously-
Clocks ran from nine to five in that world where
Three billion people were known to live-
That world where I had never felt safe at home.
To retreat to the land beyond the mountains and
Behind rainbows-
I told you in those rare moments when I was afraid to speak and
Fearful of everything you deemed as “real”-
I know the world in which you live is real to you and
Although this land of purity, and through my eyes
I saw as safe and majestic-
You told me this was none but a delusion-
I remember living for a short while
In your world, where guns fired, thunder clapped, cars would rush
Carelessly down boulevards and skyscrapers were built
To barely withstand rain, sleet and snow-
In desperation I spread the wings you told me did not exist-
Lifted my body and flew beyond the mountains and the rainbows and far away from
This world so overwhelming and so threatening-
You were the one who read me tales about lands beyond the mountains
And in my mind I found a place behind a rainbow-
And it didn’t matter if it was none but a delusion because-
Through my own eyes, what feels like home,
No matter where the place may be-
Is truly home to me- no matter where its destiny-
You told me the thunder would sound soon and the lightening would strike-
I told you “Never in my world” and if some day I also saw it as a “delusion”
It would not matter because I have found my safe haven here-
Alive and content in this place where I can call myself
Settled and secure,
I would never turn my head to see the rain falling upon
Skyscrapers and cars breaking down on the highway
Early in the morning-
Whether my dream world is real to you or
Just a figment of my imagination in your mind,
It is true to life to me-
That is what matters and
If some day you wish to see what living blissfully encounters-
Climb over that mountain and beyond a rainbow
After a storm-
You shall find me there to
Welcome you and perhaps you also-
Shall never see any turning back, as
What is veracity and what is phantasmal-
Is as has been said-
Is in the eyes of the beholder-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Paradise Found
I am lost inside
A world of my own,
A world that I painted inside of my thoughts
Within a figment of my imagination-
I have taken myself on a journey to a place
I call paradise-
Inside this place I call paradise
I am lost,
Inside this place I call paradise,
I am alone-
Surrounded by trees and mountains,
Violet in hue – wildflowers would grow and
Grass grows high, caressing my ankles
In an almost loving way-
Inside the world of my thoughts
I step inside this paradise I have found and as I
Lose myself within a dream,
In less than a moment’s time,
My imagination has succumbed
To this magical land of my delusions-
Towards this place where I shall forever remain-
I am lost, I am alone but here in this place I call paradise,
Surrounded by trees and mountains,
Violet in hue and where wildflowers grow and
Grass grows high-
In a strange sort of way, I am not really alone-
I have my thoughts, my dreams and my fantasies and
The voices only I can hear are my constant companions-
Birds, trees and forget-me- knots are truly my friends-
In all actuality, I am no longer lost as
I was in that world outside of my dreams
Within that world into which I was born-
In that world where people have always hurt, betrayed and lied to me-
It was inside that world I was truly lost and alone-
I shall never return to that world.
I have lost myself within a dream and in truth,
I have finally found who I truly am and as I listen to the singing
Of the nightingale, the water rushing in the creek below,
A gentle breeze rustling the leaves upon the trees and
As I watch the sun ascend over the mountains,
The deer running freely and
I begin to sing a song of freedom and peace of mind-
Now I know the true meaning of loss and loneliness-
That is being trapped inside a world laden with myriads of people
Who have and shall always hurt and betray one another, as
Every moment in time rapidly advances too fast to control-
As I glance upward towards this sky of azure-blue,
I lock that phantasmal door that separates fantasy from reality-
Delighted to say that this fantasy has become my new reality and
I have found myself within the world of my dreams,
Surrounded by trees and mountains, violet in hue and
Where wildflowers grow plentifully and
When the sun descends behind the mountains and darkness overcomes
Here in my paradise- I can begin to count the stars and
Dance with the moon on the horizon- to the tune of
The singing of the nightingale-alive in my very own heaven and paradise,
Not lost but found and never again alone-
Here inside the world of my fantasies,
Where I have been reborn, within this magical land of my dreams,
Where I shall always sing a song of freedom as I joyfully wish upon a star-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Escape
As I lose myself inside of a world of my own-
Perhaps a shadow would pass me by,
Or maybe a fawn would wade in the creek
Along side of the path I walk-
I fear other people, this world’s intruders.
I would break away from reality if only
There was a point of no return and escape towards
A place where I can look down
Upon this path I have walked before-
Far away from all of the people who slight, follow and wish me harm-
Evergreens and maple trees-
Wild rabbits, squirrels and wild geese roam about-
These are the ones I call my true friends-
I would dance in the sky if I could-
Lost inside of a world behind the clouds, as
The sun behind me is casting shadows
Upon the path that I am now walking
Shadows that shall transform to dreams-
Dreams of an eternal life inside this world of my own-
Listen- can you hear the calling of the wild?
Listen- can you hear the gentle breeze rustling the leaves within
The litheness of nature surrounding me?
Listen- can you hear the sound of my heart beating amorously as
My own shadow disappears behind myriads of towering oak trees?
Rain could begin to fall and
A storm could approach and now I can say in all honesty it would not matter-
My mind has finally locked the door to reality and I have tossed the key
To the rapids rushing up the creek beside me-I have finally escaped.
If thousands of people were to approach and cross the path upon which I make my way-
I have lost touch with all that is real and in flight of the imagination
There is no turning back- even if it is only with in a dream;
Nobody needs war, cacophony and disaster,
If one can be in union with nature and fantasy that can be found in
One’s own back yard and a gust of wind can carry away that key to the door of
Pain and misfortune. Follow the shadows cast by the sun, and
Never look back, as this world inside of your dreams could last for an eternity…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Paranoid Schizophrenia
I am looking ahead as so many are following behind me
Everyone's hands reaching out to hurt me somehow-
I feel are manipulating my thoughts-
People looking ahead and so many following behind me
On this mesmerizing spring-like day- I wonder why this world is
Out to menace and persecute me? A gentle breeze blows and dogwood is blossoming,
Daffodil stems rocking gently within a gentle gust of wind-
While the sky is cloudless and I can feel the warmth of the sun brightly shining, and as
Its rays are gently caressing my shoulders; all I can do is weep-
I am looking ahead as so many are following closer and closer behind me-
Though it couldn't be a more picturesque and
Amazingly beautiful day- This world is not a safe place to live in-
This world is replete with wicked, conniving souls
Who wish me none but harm and desire to only betray me-?
Walking before me everyone looks into my eyes as
My mind has become literature to the public-Solitude to me is the only safe key to
My existence in this cruel and threatening world, of which
I was born to be a sole survivor and
Three billion people wish me nothing but harm-
Looking ahead I see people glaring at me through their eyes
In the back of my head and I have nowhere to turn to find safety as
So many are following directly behind- Within a gentle gust of wind, I shall be gone-
A bird with a broken wing that is still able to fly-
I shall fly to the top of a maple tree and hide from the inhabitants
Of this planet that has done nothing but to ridicule me and
Invade my personal space-lack of trust and heightening fear has
Taken away any place I might have had in this world-
The warmth of the sun gently caresses my shoulders and
I am thankful that inside the world of my thoughts
I have become this bird who can fly away from this cruel world-
This cruel world that has taken me and locked me away-
This cruel world that has made it so I can only survive
Alone in an empty room, screaming and crying, begging for
Some freedom from pain and solace from anger?
Looking ahead and looking behind-waiting for a bomb to dropp upon
The world I have created for myself and as I listen to voices only I can hear-
I try to shut the world out- this world that is reading my thoughts through my eyes,
And following me wherever I go- being a bird with a broken wing,
I am grateful to be able to fly into the cloudless sky where no one can
Read my thoughts and follow me-
Within a gentle gust of wind I shall be gone, forever.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Time Passes
Time is passing while I am waiting
For true life to have some meaning-
Time is passing and I blindly
Count to ten upon my fingers-
Not knowing and not even able to distinguish
What is real from what is not?
One, two, three and the voices inside me won't stop commanding-
Four, five and six-
All I see are snakes within the bleakness and confinement of this room-
Seven, eight, and nine, and even through this dim light I believe I am being watched-
I count aloud to ten upon my fingers and
Time is passing and all that is all that I hear for the moment-
All that I see, I reach out to touch or to open my eyes to see-
Time has passed and everything is silent, without a trace of
Ever being near and once more I count,
Starting at seven, eight and then nine- watching the second hand on the wall clock and
Ten? Ten more hours to be locked inside of this empty, room where
The walls are barren and I am alone with my thoughts-
Time is passing and I would be running away, but there is nowhere to run to, except to
Places inside of my mind and one, two three and all that I see is
The walls of this empty room and a locked door-
I could count from one to a thousand and
Inside of this room I would remain- I could count to one million and
I would die before I even got there- so I count from one to three over and over because
Everything is seemingly easier when I am lost inside the world of my fantasies and
I realize now what is not truly real and threatening shall never harm me and
Time is passing and as I count, I am blissfully losing myself inside the world
I have made here inside of my mind for myself, alone…
This way time may pass even before the sun rises tomorrow, and then-and then?
My life perhaps shall have some meaning-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Magical World of My Dreams
A silver key has locked me inside my own world, where I have
Lost myself inside the shadows of my dreams-
As would a thundercloud, my tears are like the rain that falls-
The sky would clear and as the sun would re-emerge,
Perhaps there is some levity inside this place of my reverie-
Having lost my soul and my spirit following close behind as a
Fledgling bird may have flown by within a moments notice,
I hear the ticking of a clock rhythmically keeping time to
The motion of my steps slowly walking away from
The confusion, fear, and destitution of veracity-
I am none but a silhouette slipping through a crack in the door
Leading to this place of my flight of the imagination-
I have lost myself along the way I once believed was paved for me alone,
Though only lead me towards madness
And to a world so vast, frightening and unfamiliar-
Running backward down that very same path until I arrived at
That mystifying door that was open for me alone,
That door only I could enter with that magical silver key,
I could hear the songs of angels singing tunes of love, peace and faith-
Stepping with caution over the threshold of that door,
As I closed it gently but firmly behind me-
Here inside this place where there are no hills and trees grow
With leaves of silver and a creek runs through in all of its crystalline clarity-
The sun here is just bright enough to guide me down a
Path of hope- and the people in this place are not threatening and
Are true to their word, innocuous, caring and promising that
Here tears are golden and only shed for joy-
No room for sadness, disappointment and fear in this miraculous land,
This magnificent place where I have been reborn-
I own a silver key and a special paintbrush with which I have painted
A rainbow across a sky of cerulean blue- along with phantasmal seraphs
With unyielding strength I have pushed all clouds away.
I listen to the joyous tunes of cherubs’ singing- I can see the reflection of
Peace flowers dancing in a cool breeze before the sapphire-hued pond-
My spirit and soul I once believed lost has been found here-
I have locked the door between myself and what so many have deemed as reality
With that phantasmal silver key and thrown it to the wind.
So many have believed that painted rainbows, crystalline creeks and ponds of sapphire-
Songs of angels and trees bearing leaves of silver
Are none but figments of my imagination- I have in a sense lost myself
Inside a world of my delusions but having abandoned fear, sadness and dismay-
This new found peace of mind has become my new reality –as that silver key is
Blowing about in the wind somewhere, some place a long distance upward in the sky-
I know I am safe here inside the shadows of my dreams- knowing that
All clouds have disappeared, my tears
Which have fallen with the rain of past days, are forever gone…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Magical Land of My Dreams
A silver key has locked me inside my own world, where I have
Lost myself inside the shadows of my dreams-
As would a thundercloud, my tears are like the rain that falls-
The sky would clear and as the sun would re-emerge,
Perhaps there is some levity inside this place of my reverie-
Having lost my soul and my spirit following close behind as a
Fledgling bird may have flown by within a moments notice,
I hear the ticking of a clock rhythmically keeping time to
The motion of my steps slowly walking away from
The confusion, fear, and destitution of veracity-
I am none but a silhouette slipping through a crack in the door
Leading to this place of my flight of the imagination-
I have lost myself along the way I once believed was paved for me alone,
Though only lead me towards madness
And to a world so vast, frightening and unfamiliar-
Running backward down that very same path until I arrived at
That mystifying door that was open for me alone,
That door only I could enter with that magical silver key,
I could hear the songs of angels singing tunes of love, peace and faith-
Stepping with caution over the threshold of that door,
As I closed it gently but firmly behind me-
Here inside this place where there are no hills and trees grow
With leaves of silver and a creek runs through in all of its crystalline clarity-
The sun here is just bright enough to guide me down a
Path of hope- and the people in this place are not threatening and
Are true to their word, innocuous, caring and promising that
Here tears are golden and only shed for joy-
No room for sadness, disappointment and fear in this miraculous land,
This magnificent place where I have been reborn-
I own a silver key and a special paintbrush with which I have painted
A rainbow across a sky of cerulean blue- along with phantasmal seraphs
With unyielding strength I have pushed all clouds away.
I listen to the joyous tunes of cherubs’ singing- I can see the reflection of
Peace flowers dancing in a cool breeze before the sapphire-hued pond-
My spirit and soul I once believed lost has been found here-
I have locked the door between myself and what so many have deemed as reality
With that phantasmal silver key and thrown it to the wind.
So many have believed that painted rainbows, crystalline creeks and ponds of sapphire-
Songs of angels and trees bearing leaves of silver
Are none but figments of my imagination- I have in a sense lost myself
Inside a world of my delusions but having abandoned fear, sadness and dismay-
This new found peace of mind has become my new reality –as that silver key is
Blowing about in the wind somewhere, some place a long distance upward in the sky-
I know I am safe here inside the shadows of my dreams- knowing that
All clouds have disappeared, my tears
Which have fallen with the rain of past days, are forever gone…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Internal Reverie
In the darkness on a starlit night
I lay close to the shore of my memory and imagination-
Waves of anger and recollections of personal injury,
Mistrust and betrayal are flooding over me as
A tidal wave would, splashing tears of hurt and doubt
From my eyes as the moon laughs ridiculing
The fear that has me immobilized-
Starlight is dim as any hope left inside,
The light of the moon, figments of my imagination and
Feelings of rage are overwhelming me as
Rain begins to fall and as raindrops hit the ground I feel an upsurge of emotion-
I cannot control as the starlight becomes dimmer
- Inside my mind a clock is ticking rapidly-
Flight of time is terrifying as the waves of resentment
Splash upon the imaginary shore where I lie-
Lost hope and the pain of self harm induce once hidden fears to resurface-
Ships sailing in an ocean without direction, in the darkness of this starlit night
I would board a ship and search for another destination as
I ride the waves, no land in sight- Overcome by bleak darkness as the moon disappears
Behind the clouds and the rain pours down in torrents,
Blinding me- I never believed there was a god or a heaven,
I never believed in angels singing or
Patron saints that would bring me towards some sort of salvation-
Life has been a tragic musical of which I am the star-
Lost inside my own world from which I was snatched away-
I lived in a world where the sun rose in the very early morning and
People never deceived one another and starlight was bright in
The early evening, into the dawn of the next day-
Waves were gentle, washing over a shore of freedom and
Rain never fell, obliterating my horizon-
I ride my ship into the night as the stars and moon have disappeared-
Waves are closing in on me and I am searching for an island of serenity –
I hear for the first time angels singing their most heartrending melodies-
Perhaps it is only a dream- but in my mind dreams are my only reality as
I can see the stars appearing on the horizon as candles would brighten a
Home on a winter’s night, I keep on riding that ship still trying to find redemption-
Islands of expectation and trust that may appear in my wildest reverie-
In fate and luck I am a believer whether or not a God exists-therefore
Even though light may be dim, a gentle ocean breeze shall
Perhaps carry me towards that island in my fondest dream where
The sun shall appear from behind those clouds of misfortune, which shall
Become none but lost memories of the past, never to reemerge.
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Red, Blue, Green and Gold
Silence somehow has entered this room where
This morning laughter had filled, I hardly know what to say but
I can hear my own tears screaming aloud- even though
I cannot see them falling- Red, blue, green and gold- Just about any color I can
See decorating the four walls that enclose me- All I can do is look and
All I can do is to try and remember yesterday as being close to God-
Now the doors have been locked- the doors to those dreams that kept my spirit alive-
That window into a once vivid imagination- and now a curtain has fallen and
I have lost the key to that door that has become a wall that separates-
I have been in love with silence- Devoured solitude as if
It was the food that kept me alive-
I danced amongst carnations and yellow peace roses
Every moment I looked into the world of my hallucinations?
Yesterday was another day as will be tomorrow-
I am trying to live one day at a time- I once rode a bus towards eternity-
That has come to a roadblock I cannot bypass-
Red, blue, green and gold- only colors but all I have left-
Decorating the walls inside which I find myself imprisoned-
Listening to the music of my spirit, then collapsing as I
Once again fall into that cesspool of insanity that had once before contained me?
Fighting the memories of lying upon a urine stained carpet inside
A room so rudely called “seclusion? ”
Or walking about some nowhere land as I have wept tears and
Have abandoned faith, hope and a will to stay alive?
Locked doors and broken windows, clouds obstructing the sun-
I cannot find the right words to say- my heart has been buried and
I find myself lying still- drifting away into another world-
Trying to escape from such a place that has been deemed by others as reality?
No hope, but a prayer, moments lost have turned to years of
Never ending frustration and truth to me as I lose myself into
That world everyone identifies as delusive?
Voices that tell me they want me to die and now rain turns to ice as I
Slip and fall into never abating madness?
Red, blue, green and gold- vibrant colors that kept my soul alive?
Red, blue, green, and gold- have become none but futile and
Colors of that rainbow that is part of somebody else’s world-
Yesterday is another day as is tomorrow- and today-
Today I ride a bus that is speeding down a highway to nowhere-
Has just crashed and here I lie- staring at the ceiling
Breathing oxygen from a rubber mask counting from one to ten and -
Red, blue, green and gold – have become none but elements of my dreams-
As I lose myself in some other place and time has become none but an illusion?
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mr. Kingdom
Daylight comes to those who live
But those who die they never see the sun come
Shining through their window pane they pass away.
Silly girl to be a fool, you didn't play the golden rule,
'cos once you're through with one world,
There's another waiting there.
Chorus
Help me such a lonely soul,
In dreams to leave behind the world.
Mr. kingdom help me please, to find the rainbow's end.
Looking from this empty room,
The corridors of endless gloom go crawling through the night,
To meet the dawn that's on its way.
Oh to sleep, per-chance to dream,
To live again those joyous scenes,
The laughter and the follies that are locked inside my head.
Chorus
Help me such a lonely soul,
In dreams to leave behind the world.
Mr. kingdom help me please, to find the rainbow's end.
I can dream of flying high,
Above the city's cares and never be afraid of anyone
'cos there ain't no one there.
Chorus
Help me such a lonely soul,
In dreams to leave behind the world.
Mr. kingdom help me please, to find the rainbow's end.
Help me such a lonely soul,
In dreams to leave behind the world.
Mr. kingdom help me please, to find the rainbow's end.
song performed by by Electric Light Orchestra
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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East Coast Anthem
Walkin on the streets of D.C.
on the east coast where i live
they say "whats the problem
whats with this crazy kid"
you dont like the way i walk
or the way i talk
or the way i swing my hands
you dont like the words i speak or the thought i think
and i know you'll never understand
but you know...
on the east coast we ride until we die
you know
cuz theres a place inside my mind
yeah a place you'll never find
theres a place inside my mind
we'll see today
and theres a place inside my mind
yeah a place you'll never find
theres a place inside my mind
where we'll meet today
you know...
and wouldnt it be perfect
if i could stay with you and we could
change a thing or two
we'd change a thing or two
we would change the way you think
we would change the way i think
we would change the way they think
but we're not changin anything
you know...
on the east coast we ride until we die
you know
theres a place inside my mind
yeah a place you'll never find
theres a place inside
you'll see today
theres a place inside my mind
yeah a place you'll never find
theres a place inside my mind
you'll meet today
you know...
song performed by by Good Charlotte from Good Charlotte
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nobody's Home
Well, I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you've left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
song performed by by Avril Lavigne
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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