I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
quote by Phyllis Diller
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Breasts On a Plate
She needed to feel more desirable.
So she placed her breasts on a plate.
She asked our waiter what he thought!
The waiter looked at me and apologized
For not being more prompt with the check!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Young Knight
Joseph hathaway, charles kingsley
Down deary down
There was a knight and he was young a-riding along the way sir
And there he met a lady fair among the stacks of hay sir
Down deary down
Quote he shall you and i, lady among the grass lay down oh
And i will take a special care of the rumpling of your gown oh
So she told him
If you will go along with me into my father's hall sir
You shall enjoy my maiden's head and my estate and all sir
Down deary down
So he mounted her on a milk white steed himself upon another
And then they rid upon the road like sister and like brother
Down deary down down deary down
And when they came to father's home all moulded all about sir
She stepped straight within the gate and shut the young man out sir
Down deary down
Here is a pursue of gold she said take it for your pain sir
And i will send my father's men to go home with you again sir
And if you meet a lady fair as you go by the town sir
You must not fear the dewy grass or
The rumpling grass of her gown sir
Down deary down down deary down
And if you meet a lady gay as you go by the hill sir
Here is the moral of the story
If you will not when you may you shall not when you will sir
song performed by by Nina Simone
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Young Knight
Joseph Hathaway, Charles Kingsley
Down deary down
There was a knight and he was young a-riding along the way Sir
And there he met a lady fair among the stacks of hay Sir
Down deary down
Quote he shall you and I, Lady among the grass lay down oh
And I will take a special care of the rumpling of your gown oh
So she told him
If you will go along with me into my father's hall Sir
You shall enjoy my maiden's head and my estate and all Sir
Down deary down
So he mounted her on a milk white steed himself upon another
And then they rid upon the road like sister and like brother
Down deary down down deary down
And when they came to father's home all moulded all about Sir
She stepped straight within the gate and shut the young man out Sir
Down deary down
Here is a pursue of gold she said take it for your pain Sir
And I will send my father's men to go home with you again Sir
And if you meet a lady fair as you go by the town Sir
You must not fear the dewy grass or
The rumpling grass of her gown Sir
Down deary down down deary down
And if you meet a lady gay as you go by the hill Sir
Here is the moral of the story
If you will not when you may you shall not when you will Sir
song performed by by Nina Simone
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lost in translation
At My favorite Chinese restaurant
The other day, I somehow got to thinking
about ethnicity
I wondered if there were Chinese Jews
So I asked my waiter
Explicitly:
“Do you have Chinese Jews? ”
I innocently asked
my Chinese waiter
“I don’t think so, I really don’t know,
But I’ll ask the manager and
Let you know later”
He returned in a while
And said with a smile
“no…No have Chinese Jews.”
I couldn’t believe it: a bazzillion people
No “Morrys“…“No Sheckys? ”
What astounding news! !
I queried him again
“could you check
Once more my friend? ”
He denied and replied,
“I regret to admit ItAnd don’t want
To offend
But what you ask for
Has us completely
Confused”
“So sorry to say… that for today
We have only: Grape..Orange…Tomato
and Prune Jews.”
poem by David Whalen
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A ladybird in the grass! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Sitting by a forest brook
On the grass under a tree;
Just my little girl and me
I read to her from a book.
Suddenly she called from afar.
Ladybird, lady bird in the grass.
She picked and put it in her palms
And then carefully kept it in a jar.
While feeding it some grass
Looking puzzled she asked me:
How did it get its name nani?
Is it because its dainty she asked.
It does have wings, I said.
It’s just a colourful insect
Yet isn’t it so very perfect?
God has made it well dressed.
Perhaps that’s why the name.
Maybe it’s really no mistake.
She bit into her cup cake
And said it’s all the same.
Dear, God has eyes for details.
Whether it’s a creature big or small
You know, He loves them all.
She nodded and shook her pig tails.
Intrigued I searched the net.
Found myths and beliefs abound
Held in high esteem all-round.
By then Anika had named her pet.
poem by Mamta Agarwal
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0328 Holy Shit
jeez I thought here’s
this lady I have the greatest
respect for and she
comes out with this holy crap
and holy shit stuff
so yesterday I was
walking through the
winter-wet tufted grass
of the field they keep
the cows in this year
avoiding the cowpatties
the outside tap for
gumboots is frozen
and stopped and looked at one
fresh and steaming
the way you do
and the cow down the field
looked at me with that
not very enquiring look
they have but today
it came across as So?
and I remembered
the milk that morning which
had that layer of extra
spring cream
and the roast beef
smell when the kitchen
door’s open on a
spring day and it all
linked up later
as I got home and sat
contemplating
the bathroom fittings
as one does and
thought
holy shit yeah
the lady’s right
(for Mary and PoHo)
poem by Michael Shepherd
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Basic J
Jo the waiter spilling wine
Over some ex-friends of mine
In zero cafe number 9
What you gonna say this time
Basic j, say, are you new here
New ones walking down the stairs
Pretty young thing but no-one cares
Jo the waiter drops the tray
Do you always know your name
Jo the waiter smiled at me
Jo the waiters company
I keep him in a book by my fireside
A drama is my perfect bride
song performed by by Gary Numan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Cow
Thank you, pretty cow, that made
Pleasant milk to soak my bread,
Every day and every night,
Warm, and fresh, and sweet, and white.
Do not chew the hemlock rank,
Growing on the weedy bank;
But the yellow cowslips eat;
They perhaps will make it sweet.
Where the purple violet grows,
Where the bubbling water flows,
Where the grass is fresh and fine,
Pretty cow, go there to dine.
poem by Ann Taylor
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Waiter! Bring Me Water!
He took me to--our favorite spot
A place we go to hang a lot
Something seemed to catch his eye
Oh--oo--oh over my shoulder
Oh--oo--oh over my shoulder
I turned around--to see whats up
A pretty young thing sure enough
She was new--he wanted to
Kno--oo--oh--oh--oo--ow her
Kno--oo--oh--oh--oo--ow her
Oh--yeah--
Then she flicked her hair (yeah!)
Oh--yeah--he began to stare
[chorus:]
Waiter! (waiter) bring me water!
I gotta make him keep his cool
(waiter) bring me water!
Hes acting like a fool
(waiter) bring me water!
Uh, oh, I did my best--to block his view
But it was like he could see through me
I just knew--he wanted to
Ho--oo--oh--oh--oo--oh--old her
Ho--oo--oh--oh--oo--oh--old her
Oh--yeah--i aint gettin nowhere (yeah!)
Oh--yeah--shes still standing there
[repeat chorus]
Theres gotta be a way to cool this clown--
Hes starting to embarrass me
I may even have to hose him down--
Bring me water
I dont know what he finds so distracting--
Whats so hot about her
I really dont like the way hes acting
Bring me water!
Uh, bring it on!
Uhhhh
Oh
Whats so hot about her
Uh, uh, uh,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(waiter, bring me water)
Gotta make him keep his cool
(waiter, bring me water)
Send him back to school
(waiter, bring me water)
Hes acting like a fool
(waiter, bring me water)
Waiter, bring me water
song performed by by Shania Twain
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pretty Cow
Thank you, pretty cow, that made
Pleasant milk to soak my bread
Every day and every night,
Warm, and fresh, and sweet, and white.
Do not chew the hemlock rank,
Growing on the weedy bank;
But the yellow cowslips eat,
That will make it very sweet.
Where the purple violet grows,
Where the bubbling water flows,
Where the grass is fresh and fine,
Pretty cow, go there and dine.
poem by Jane Taylor
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Set On Auto-Pilot
Not only have they been,
Floating along powered by denial.
Their minds have been set on auto-pilot,
For as long as the supplies held out.
Now no one can convince them,
They must swim to shore...
Aided by their own initiative.
For them what had existed,
Is no more!
Many have chosen to ignore this warning.
With a demand for a new menu.
And a replacement of a chef...
That has never existed to prepare a new dish.
They laugh and perceive this to be an absurdity.
'Excuse me? '
And the tides are rushing ever so close,
To toss them all over a cliff.
And this...
They protest with the loudest of voices.
And wish all of this nonsense,
Be stopped by the shutting of lips.
Excuse me?
Waiter?
Waiter?
Did you see him pass us?
As if he did not hear me.
WAITER?
That's it.
He gets from me no tip! '
That is why they pass petitions.
To avoid this 'foolishness'.
'Waiter?
And he's parading around here,
With a lifejacket on.
Waiter?
I'm demanding your presence immediately.
Oh no he didn't! !
Did you see him sush me? '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Alankar (Decor) -25
Over A Cup Of Coffee (Rondine)
Tense, jittery over a cup of coffee
They talked for long hours
A coffee dropp bored of hours
Told the lady with a cup of coffee
'My lady, finish your coffee
A bored dropp on lips yours
Tense, jittery'
'Not mine'said the lady with coffee
'Fault is his wasting hours
Blot or break..his settling hours
So are we and this cup of coffee
Tense, jittery'
poem by Indira Renganathan
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The God’s design
The cow turns grass into milk
And the snake, milk into poison.
It is the God’s design.
Who are we to value?
20.05.2008
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Career
Tether the cow to the post of your patience
and wait
First make ready the field in which you choose to let her loose
There where no lilacs grow
nor lotuses in the pond of your astrological gaze
If you haven't enough cut-grass in the loft
Make sure your sickle doesn't rake through touch-me-nots and lallang
You may only prepare the pasturing ground
You cannot make your cow browse in it
all her dogged years
her udder bitten
fangs sunk in stealth
milk mixed with venom
milched in terror
suckling in fear
You may not clear your fields
of
toads
snails
snakes
or centipedes
They are the legitimate heirs of the land
where
you plan to graze your cow
You may only tend to her when she comes home
if she comes
by her own will
acknowledging not a master
but an inherited contract
thus
you may milk her but at this appointed hour
with this can
two-spans-full
if you give her fresh grass and barley
before she goes
'cause she's bespoken to patience
Dedicated to Nachiketas
poem by T. Wignesan
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Waiter has no teeth
Works incredible long hours
For new dentures
quote by by Oskar Hansen
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Waiter has no teeth
Works incredible long hours
For new dentures
quote by by Oskar Hansen
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ch 02 The Morals Of Dervishes Story 48
I saw bouquets of fresh roses
Tied upon a cupola of grass.
I asked: ‘What is despicable grass
To sit also in the line of the roses?’
The grass wept and said: ‘Hush!
Companionship does not obliterate nobility.
Although I have no beauty, colour and perfume,
Am I not after all the grass of his garden?
I am the slave of a bountiful lord,
Cherished from old by his liberality.
Whether I possess virtue or not
I hope for grace from the Lord
Although I possess no property
No capital to offer as obedience.
He knows the remedy for the slave
To whom no support remains.
It is customary that the owner gives a writ
Of emancipation to an old slave.
O God, who hast adorned the universe,
Be bountiful to thy old slave.’
Sa’di, take the road to the Ka’bah of submission.
O man of God, follow the way of God.
Unlucky is he who turns his head
Away from this door for he will find no other door.
Domestic Shades 2
1
She's a lady of transition
Four houses, yes or no her own decision
Her absence brings in a chaos
Her presence makes a fracas..
Who else? my maid the great
Quality, punctuality remarkably ten percent
Washing the vessels useless
Sweeping and mopping hopeless
I cannot still reject her totally
Known devil is ever better truly
Carrying the election-gifts
Easily away from her works she drifts
Madam of possible politics
Possibly be the Mayor in sooner times
2
Milk-man! a seller of no quality
And a man of no punctuality
And hence today's milk I reserve
For tomorrows coffee to serve
Sometimes a messy haywire..
Milk curdled, awaiting the milkman in dire
For the fresh milk waiting and waiting..
So what, that man has no timing
's been totally annoying
I grumble about the government..
Treating the illoyal, imperfect with a betterment
As I grouch about the bitter
So do the people around here
As the milkman is a sample bitter
So are many more like variety- vendor
Scavenger and street sweeper
Improper creatures!
poem by Indira Renganathan
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The Lady in Grey
On this road, I did meet,
In the wee hours, a lady,
frail and petit.
I spoke to her softly,
and bid her good day.
This little old lady,
all dressed in grey.
Just a slight nod, was her
greeting you see,
as she continued her walk,
up the hill past me.
I had to know, on this very night,
why this lady in grey, gave me
such a fright.
I turned my head quickly,
to ask her, her name
but gone was the lady,
I had met in the rain.
This story you see, really is
true.
fore I met her that morning,
around the hour of two.
The lady in grey, was Mrs.
Metler, you see,
a lady from a time, long
before you and me.
Dec.01 2012
poem by Earl Spencer
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