I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

quote by Tommy Cooper
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

quote by Tommy Cooper
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Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

quote by Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

quote by Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

quote by Tommy Cooper
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

quote by Tommy Cooper
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

quote by Tommy Cooper
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

quote by Tommy Cooper
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So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

quote by Tommy Cooper
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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