No, I'm not a lager lout either. I think you have to be a massive football fan to be a lager lout.
quote by Hugh Dancy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I'm a lager drinker. I'm quite a stupid lager drinker. I do like my lager and mashed potatoes.
quote by Rhona Mitra
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Blue-Blood
We thought at first, this man is a king for sure,
Or the branch of a mighty and ancient and famous lineage—
That silly, sulky, illiterate, black-avised boor
Who was hatched by foreign vulgarity under a hedge.
The good men of Clare were drinking his health in a flood,
And gazing with me in awe at the princely lad,
And asking each other from what bluest blueness of blood
His daddy was squeezed, and the pa and the da of his dad ?
We waited there, gaping and wondering, anxiously,
Until he'd stop eating and let the glad tidings out,
And the slack-jawed booby proved to the hilt that he
Was lout, son of lout, by old lout, and was da to a lout !
poem by James Stephens
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Zwei Lager
Der night vas dark as anyding,
Ven at mine door two vellers ring,
Und say, ven I ask who vas dhere,
"Git oup und git" — und den dey schvear-
"Zwei lager."
I says, "Tis late: schust leaf mine house,
Und don'd pe making sooch a towse!"
Dey only lauft me in der face,
Und say, "Pring oudt, ' Old Schweizerkase,'
Zwei lager."
I dold dem dot der bier vas oudt;
But dose two snaps set oup a shout,
Und said no matter if 'tvas late,
Dot dey moost haf "put on der schlate!
Zwei lager.
"Oh! go avay, dot is goot poys,"
Mine moder says, "und schtop der noise:"
But sdill dem vellers yellt avay;
Und dis vas all dot dey vould say, —
"Zwei lager."
"Vot makes you gome I" mine taughter said,
"Ven beoples all vas in deir ped:
Schust gome to-morrow ven you're dhry."
But dem two plackguards sdill did cry,
"Zwei lager."
"Vot means you by sooch dings as dese
I go und calls for der boleese,"
Says SchneigeH'ritz, who lifs next door:
Dey only yellt more as pefore.
"Zwei lager."
" You schust holdt on a leedle vhile,"
Says mine Katrina mit a schmile:
"I vix dose shaps, you pet my life,
So dey don'd ask off Pfeiffer's vife
Zwei lager."
Den righdt avay she got a peese
Of goot und schtrong old Limburg cheese,
Und put it schust outside der door;
Und den ve didn't hear no more
"Zwei lager."
poem by Charles Follen Adams from Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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I a lazy lout, you a lazy lout, marry me, Antonia.
London Bridge Is Falling Down
London bridge is falling down,
falling down, and Bruce Willis
is no where to be found, and
my heart goes out to those
who died underground.
The seven hundred injured,
left with shattered emotions
and to those who died in a
fast moving hi tech locomotion.
I'd like to talk to the conductor
but he doesn't exist not in Los
Angeles anyway.Lets blame it
on the I.R.A. or how about Islam
those mad dogs that hate us so,
its all about the oil don't cha know!
I'll be damned if I let them steal my
my joy away from me the miserable
wretches and reprobates.I'm german
half anyway and we crouts can whip
their butts any day of the week.Last
but not least bring it on.
Josette Marie Louise Lager
Copyright@2005
poem by Josette Lager
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Chill Out, Mr Poet! !
I'm sure your poetry is good
And I'd like to help you if I could,
But you're too intense and too sincere,
Why not relax and have a beer?
You say the Truth will 'set me free',
It's all very well but can't you see
Football and lager and T.V.
Mean more than Jesus Christ than me!
Why don't you read the daily news?
It'll cure you of these silly blues,
The tabloids are for recreation,
And there's nothing wrong with masturbation! !
I must say, you gave me a fright
When you came in here looking so uptight -
There's no solution, take my word,
Our little lives are quite Absurd! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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New Generations
The new generation is spoiled
They are dyeing due to their bad behaviour
Their good frash ideas were boiled
As they ignored their savoir
They feel themselves sugar
As they think they can have fun
Since they go about drink castle lager
But they will not be bright like the sun
You feel like flappers
While your like prostitutes
As you creating problems as huge as craters
When they burst you will sit like a football substitutes
Young people say they are doing swag
I don't know why they do that
When you wear your cloths look like toilet rag
As your problems are growing fat
poem by Tanaka Chirombo
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My mouth has a tendency to get me into trouble, but because I'm so small and I take on people who are lager than me. If someone punched me, I'd get my drummer beat them up.
quote by Brian Molko
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The hat does not make the gentleman nor the cap a lout.
Hooked On You
I had my lager and lime
And you had your vodka,
We were partners in crime!
Later the lager wasn't enough
And I got hooked on the stronger stuff.
I thought I was clever,
You thought I was tough,
Luckily nobody called my bluff!
Mutual admiration joined us like glue,
You were hooked on the vodka,
I was hooked on you,
You were my Bonnie, I tried to be Clyde,
Both of us flirted with suicide,
We liked to talk and we liked to think,
Our genius was confirmed by drink!
But the years went by and, bit by bit,
We drifted apart. I felt like sh*t!
The party was over. I was alone
And you hardly ever answered the phone.
I tried to hold on to the slippery past
But the illusion of love was vanishing fast,
And now the drink was taking its toll,
It had ruined my body and dulled my soul.
I tried all the methods of finding a cure,
But none of them worked - I was dead for sure!
Now I look back and I miss those days
We spent in a carefree alcoholic haze;
Can I face up to the ultimate truth?
The laughter has gone and we've lost our youth,
But let me toast you just one more time,
My angel of love and partner in crime!
Just one more drink before the night,
Just one more fix to set the stars alight!
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Hurry Down Doomsday
The man in the corner of this picture has a sinister purpose
In the teeming temple of the railroad kings
Hes planting a trashy paperback book for accidental purchase
Containing all the secrets of life and other useless things
But I cant bring myself to look
Wake up zombie write yourself another book
You want to scream and shout my little flaxen lout
Hurry down doomsday the bugs are taking over
She sleeps with the shirt of a late, great country singer
Stretched out on her poor jealous husbands pillow
In time you can turn these obsessions into careers
While the parents of those kidnapped children start the bidding
For their tears
But I cant bring myself to look
Wake up zombie
Get yourself off the book
You want to scream and shout my little waxen lout
Hurry down doomsday the bugs are taking over
Forget about beethoven, rembrandt and rock and roll
Forget about mickey mouse, marlboro and coca cola
Forget about cadillac, mercedes and toyota
Forget about buddha, allah, jesus and jehovah
Hurry down doomsday the bugs are taking over
Any day now a giant insect mutation
Will swoop down and devour the white mans burden
Starting out with all of the sensitive ones
Better make like a fly if you dont want to die
Look out there goes gordon
But I cant bring myself to think
Wake up zombie
Kick up a big stink
You want to scream and shout my little saxon lout
Hurry down doomsday the bugs are taking over
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Insomnia Revisited
A few more winks
Would do me good
A little more shut eye
If I only could
Perhaps a Latte
In the midst of day
Striving to revert my minds'
Sleeplessness
Puff a doobie
If it was legal
Pound a case of lager
Or swallow a Lunesta
Am I to live the rest of my days
Sleepless, still
poem by Matt Mondschein
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That's Cool
I once spelt
van Gogh
van Goth
tres embarrassment
now everyone thinks me
uncouth
a lout
who drinks his tea
with his little finger
sticking in the air
suspecting
I tip the tea
to the saucer
to cool
before
slurping.
poem by Vince Gullaci
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My buds of love
Babe my love for you is all-out
I need you so I want to shout
I want you so I want to tout
I miss you like bliss please don't pout
I want to kiss you please don't flout
Don't make me rubbish like a lout
Without you my life is like drought
Please help my buds of love to sprout
poem by Asif Andalib
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A Poem about Me and You
Welcome to this race of clones
Dressed up in human flesh and bones,
Lords of a pointless Universe
And children of a vicious curse:
They live on lager and TV
To keep at bay their misery
And do not give a bloody damn
That politics is just a sham,
So long as they can have their fun
(And this applies to everyone) .
They're doomed to live on borrowed time
Until they sink into the slime,
God, tell me that it isn't true,
This is a poem about me and you.
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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His Bargain
Who talks of Plato's spindle;
What set it whirling round?
Eternity may dwindle,
Time is unwound,
Dan and Jerry Lout
Change their loves about.
However they may take it,
Before the thread began
I made, and may not break it
When the last thread has run,
A bargain with that hair
And all the windings there.
poem by William Butler Yeats
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Na jaoo itne dur humse
Kyon ja rahe ho
Itne dur humse?
Na jaaoo itne dur,
Itne dur,
Ke hum aawaj de,
Jo deewaro me goonj
Hum tak hi lout aaye,
aur
tum tak meri aah to kya
rooh ki phariyaad bhi na pahuch paaye.
Na jaaoo itne dur,
Itne dur,
Ke hum dastak de de ke thak jaaye
Aur
Koie darwaza, koie raah
Hume to kya humare janaje tak ko
tum tak na le ja paaye.
Na jaaoo itne dur,
Itne dur,
Ke hum youn hi raat ke aashko ko
Subah ki dhoop me sukhate phiree,
Aur
Palko tale tamam umr dard ko
khamooshi se sambhale rahe.
Kis khata ki saza de rahe ho hume?
Ke nabz bajti rahe,
Sans chalti rahe,
Aur,
Usee hum jindagi ka namm
Bhi na de paaye.
Kyun ja rahe ho itne dur humse,
Na jaaoo!
Lout aaoo!
Aakhir…
Tumhare rooh ka kuch
Humse bhi to hai wasta,
Khushi ka na sahi
Dard ka tumhare humse hai
Kuch poorana sa rishta.
Joodti hai
Jo tumhari tanhaee se
Meri tanhaee ko,
Deekho na,
Kitni dur se chala aa raha hai
Ye rasta.
Itna sab kuch,
Phir bhi
Naa jaane kyun jaa rahe ho
itne door humse.
poem by Anjali Kakati
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Football crazy Football Mad
That's all you ever think about
football, football, football,
well that's it now I've had enough
I'm packing my bags and I'm off.
Well what can you do?
she's obviously made up her mind
but what a time to leave me
in the middle of a match on T.V.
How insensitive is that?
she knows it's a massive game
now I've just missed a fantastic goal
then again she's always been selfish.
She has never really forgiven me
for cancelling our honeymoon
but how could I go away
when we had a relegation battle going on?
Can't believe it she's taken the dog
still the second half should be good
and tomorrow me and the lads are going away
if the team wins we get promotion.
Still it's not the end of the world is it?
We can always get promotion next season
but I still can't understand why she's left me
wow, what a brilliant goal!
poem by Kevin Halls
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Football
I'm a football baby,
Rollin' round the field.
I've been passed and fumbled,
Till I don't know what I feel.
Everybody's the same,
They're all footballs too.
Setting up the big play
And trying to score.
I'm a football baby
In a football game
I'm a football baby
Run--kick
Life's a football game,
As every chump and champ knows.
We don't touch, we collide,
Till we're worn out inside.
We're kicking each other,
Right where it hurts,
Setting up the big play,
And trying to score.
I'm a football baby,
In a football game
I'm a football baby,
I'm a football baby,
In a football game
I'm a football baby,
Block--pass
I'm a football baby,
In a football game
I'm a football baby,
Run---kick---hit---goal .
song performed by by Iggy Pop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Let us have back our annual prize!
Bedraggled skies - I'm sick and tired
Of your subterranean… dark eyes,
You're like the lover who feels undesired.
Put-on silk gowns - show me some thighs.
For the ladies put-out a masculine chest
With white cotton clouds loosely vest.
And for me show evenings scarlet-red
With her on a bed - arms outspread.
But for god sakes give our blurry eyes
Some heavenly skies - lest we all go mad…
Let us have back our annual prize!
Lager laden gardens; sunburns unclad.
poem by Mark Heathcote
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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