Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.
quote by George S. Kaufman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Basic J
Jo the waiter spilling wine
Over some ex-friends of mine
In zero cafe number 9
What you gonna say this time
Basic j, say, are you new here
New ones walking down the stairs
Pretty young thing but no-one cares
Jo the waiter drops the tray
Do you always know your name
Jo the waiter smiled at me
Jo the waiters company
I keep him in a book by my fireside
A drama is my perfect bride
song performed by by Gary Numan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Caught In A Trap
Sometimes you get caught in a trap and you dont know it
Sometimes its better to get out while you know it
Some people never learn they keep on falling
You can never get out if you keep on stalling
Then you get,
(chorus:) caught in a trap caught in dead end
Caught in a trap with nowhere to run
Then you get, caught in a trap caught in dead end
Nowhere to turn but it cant go on
Caught in a trap
Sometimes you got to know where to run for cover
Sometimes your better out till the heat is over
Ah you get (chorus)
Caught in a trap
Dont know how it happened but then its too late
Then you gotta move on the times, you cant wait
Cus you got (chorus)
(chorus)
(chorus)
Caught in a trap
Caught in a trap
Caught in a t
song performed by by Electric Light Orchestra
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Waiter! Bring Me Water!
He took me to--our favorite spot
A place we go to hang a lot
Something seemed to catch his eye
Oh--oo--oh over my shoulder
Oh--oo--oh over my shoulder
I turned around--to see whats up
A pretty young thing sure enough
She was new--he wanted to
Kno--oo--oh--oh--oo--ow her
Kno--oo--oh--oh--oo--ow her
Oh--yeah--
Then she flicked her hair (yeah!)
Oh--yeah--he began to stare
[chorus:]
Waiter! (waiter) bring me water!
I gotta make him keep his cool
(waiter) bring me water!
Hes acting like a fool
(waiter) bring me water!
Uh, oh, I did my best--to block his view
But it was like he could see through me
I just knew--he wanted to
Ho--oo--oh--oh--oo--oh--old her
Ho--oo--oh--oh--oo--oh--old her
Oh--yeah--i aint gettin nowhere (yeah!)
Oh--yeah--shes still standing there
[repeat chorus]
Theres gotta be a way to cool this clown--
Hes starting to embarrass me
I may even have to hose him down--
Bring me water
I dont know what he finds so distracting--
Whats so hot about her
I really dont like the way hes acting
Bring me water!
Uh, bring it on!
Uhhhh
Oh
Whats so hot about her
Uh, uh, uh,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(waiter, bring me water)
Gotta make him keep his cool
(waiter, bring me water)
Send him back to school
(waiter, bring me water)
Hes acting like a fool
(waiter, bring me water)
Waiter, bring me water
song performed by by Shania Twain
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Set On Auto-Pilot
Not only have they been,
Floating along powered by denial.
Their minds have been set on auto-pilot,
For as long as the supplies held out.
Now no one can convince them,
They must swim to shore...
Aided by their own initiative.
For them what had existed,
Is no more!
Many have chosen to ignore this warning.
With a demand for a new menu.
And a replacement of a chef...
That has never existed to prepare a new dish.
They laugh and perceive this to be an absurdity.
'Excuse me? '
And the tides are rushing ever so close,
To toss them all over a cliff.
And this...
They protest with the loudest of voices.
And wish all of this nonsense,
Be stopped by the shutting of lips.
Excuse me?
Waiter?
Waiter?
Did you see him pass us?
As if he did not hear me.
WAITER?
That's it.
He gets from me no tip! '
That is why they pass petitions.
To avoid this 'foolishness'.
'Waiter?
And he's parading around here,
With a lifejacket on.
Waiter?
I'm demanding your presence immediately.
Oh no he didn't! !
Did you see him sush me? '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We Are Together
The girls known trouble
The winds to blame
It blew her to anytown usa
Thats my middle name
And where we go
Remains nameless
A motion picture
Alive and framelss
And we are together
Finally
And the dog caught up with
The rabbit is laughing hysterically
And we are together
You and me
Yeah eah ah
Yeah
We are together
Together
Shes got that sadness
She twinkles like a witch
And you conjure a love spell
Im gonna give a five-year itch
Low to the ground
High in the holler
(we are together)
In any old february
(together)
Hot under the collar
(collar)
And we are together
Finally
And the dog caught up with
The rabbit is laughing hysterically
And we are together
You and me
Yeah eah ah
Yeah
The setting sun at sadness beach
Just in view and out of reach
Resign myself to solitude
When love is hard to get and rude
And though I said I did not care
(oh oh oh oh)
It was way before wed gotten there
Winded by the fruitless chase
(oh oh oh oh)
Until I saw you face to face
(face to face)
Together
Finally
And the dog caught up with
The rabbit is laughing hysterically
And we are together
You and me
(.... the whole world)
We are together
Finally
(finally, finally)
And the dog caught up with
The rabbit is laughing hysterically
And we are together
You and me
Yeah eah ah
Yeah eah ah
Yeah
song performed by by Indigo Girls
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Breasts On a Plate
She needed to feel more desirable.
So she placed her breasts on a plate.
She asked our waiter what he thought!
The waiter looked at me and apologized
For not being more prompt with the check!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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This Is What You Wanted
Death is hard to understand,
Cause you have to be,
Dead to understand it.
Just like my uncle,
I am dead.
I'm with him now.
I can finally breath,
I can finally run,
I am finally free.
You should be,
Happy too,
Cause you don't have me.
Just like you wished for,
I'm dead,
And gone forever.
You don't even cry,
Or come to my,
Funeral.
You don't look happy,
You look bad,
You look sad.
You've got another girl,
All the money in the wordl,
And too many cars.
You said you loved me,
But you always hurt me,
And never said sorry.
I'm happy,
You aren't,
But you should be happy,
ANd I should be sad.
Cause this is what,
You always wanted...
poem by Dragon Crenshaw
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Cassius Hueffer
They have Chiseled on my stone the words:
'His life was gentle, and the elements so mixed in him
That nature might stand up and say to all the world,
This was a man.'
Those who knew me smile
As they read this empty rhetoric.
My epitaph should have been:
'Life was not gentle to him,
And the elements so mixed in him
That he made warfare on life,
In the which he was slain.'
While I lived I could not cope with slanderous tongues,
Now that I am dead I must submit to an epitaph
Graven by a fool!
poem by Edgar Lee Masters
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I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have.
quote by Harry Truman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Let no man write my epitaph... When my country takes her place among the nations of the earth, then shall my character be vindicated, then may my epitaph be written.
quote by Robert Emmet
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Constantinople Line
Hey waiter
Im first class
Hey waiter
Where are we now?
Am I last
Am I last
Hey waiter
Dont talk back
These tenants speak
A travellers language
Caucasian talk
Theyre saying nothing
I see a land
As we crawl by night
I see a face
In the window in front
These stations are useful
These stations we love them
Newspaper
Encounter
Confusion
Hey waiter
Im first class
Hey waiter
What state is this?
These reptiles scream
A violent party
All art and jazz
And league of nations
I see a land
As we crawl by night
I see a face
In the window in front
The east is calling
Im feeling nervous
I love the western
Style and change
These stations are useful
These stations we love them
These stations are useful
These stations we love them
Newspaper
Encounter
Confusion
Constantinople
Red
Red star
Red
Constantinople
Red
Red star
Red
Lyrics : j kerr music : simple minds (c) emi publishing ltd reproduced without permission
song performed by by Simple Minds
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Well, isn't Bohemia a place where everyone is as good as everyone else - and must not a waiter be a little less than a waiter to be a good Bohemian?
quote by Djuna Barnes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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An Epitaph on Doctor Donne, Dean of St. Paul's
He that would write an epitaph for thee,
And do it well, must first begin to be
Such as thou wert; for none can truly know
Thy worth, thy life, but he that hath lived so.
He must have wit to spare, and to hurl down;
Enough to keep the gallants of the town.
He must have learning plenty; both the laws,
Civil and common, to judge any cause;
Divinity, great store above the rest,
Not of the last edition, but the best.
He must have language, travel, all the arts,
Judgment to use, or else he want thy parts.
He must have friends the highest, able to do,
Such as Maecenas, and Augustus too.
He must have such a sickness, such a death,
Or else his vain descriptions come beneath.
Who then shall write an epitaph for thee,
He must be dead first! Let it alone, for me.
poem by Richard Corbet
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The Ballad of the Thoughtless Waiter
I saw him lying cold and dead
Who yesterday was whole.
"Why," I inquired, "hath he expired?
And why hath fled his soul?
"but yesterday," his comrade said,
"All health was his, and strength;
And this is why he came to die--
If I may speak at length.
"But yesternight at dinnertime
At a not unknown café,
He had a frugal meal as you
Might purchase any day.
"The check for his so simple fare
Was only eighty cents,
And a dollar bill with a right good will
Came from his opulence.
"The waiter brought him twenty cents.
'Twas only yesternight
That he softly said who now is dead
'Oh, keep it. 'Ats a' right.'
"And the waiter plainly uttered 'Thanks,'
With no hint of scorn or pride;
And my comrade's heart gave a sudden start
And my comrade up and died."
Now waiters overthwart this land,
In tearooms and in dives,
Mute be your lips whatever the tips,
And save your customers' lives.
poem by Franklin P. Adams
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Doodlin
(h. silver/j. hendricks)
Usin? the phone booth/makin? a few calls
Doodlin? weird things/usin? the booth walls (yeah!)
Got me a big date/waitin? for my chap
A-puttin? his fine on/so he can look dap
I enjoy procrastinatin? cause Im busy while Im waitin?
Doodlin? away/yeah!
Sittin? and dinin? dinner beginin?
Started refinin? usin the linen
Talkin to my man/doodlin? my bit
Waiter got salty/told me to please quit
Told the waiter, dont be dizzy/cause you see Im very busy
Doodlin? away? oh yeah!
Those weird designs
They only show whats goin? on in weirdy minds
cause when you doodle then your noodles flyin? high
Everything rushes by might just be a thought
That you caught while coppin? a wink
Doodlin? takes you beyond what you think
And then you draw what you think, yeah!
Later the waiter/had me arrested
Took me to belleview/where I was tested
Had me a doctor/bought him a noodle
Boy he was handsome/taught him to doodle
Showed him hidden thoughts that linger/find an outlet through your
Finger
Doodle away!/oh yeah yeah!
Doctor was real nice/told me to be cool
Looked at the waiter/called him a real fool (yes he did)
Looked at my baby/told him to feel free
Got him to doodlin? so he could bug me
When he put his arms around me/quite to his surprise he found me
Doodlin? away/yeah
Oh lets doodle baby yeah
A-doodle to the left now
Doodle a little to the right yeah
Alright, doodle to the right, left, right, left
Doodle away! doodlin? takes you beyond what you think...
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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OBL Was Sent To Hell
As a killer who took innocent lives
He has finally paid the price.
Ten long years he hid in the middle east caves
A life that he himself had paved.
He thought that he would never be caught
And for ten years his life was sought.
Usama bin laden is finally dead
With a bullet straight through his head.
His body thrown into the sea
And that’s where he should be.
He is now food for the fish
But I don’t think they want that dish.
Now in this watery grave he will be
Through out all eternity.
No one to look upon his face or to mourn
And his life forever to be scorned.
Al quaeda and all the terrorist cells
Can kiss our ass and join him in hell.
poem by Louis Rams
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Jo The Waiter
Jo the waiter worked for me
Serving wine in basement bars
Only madmen ever stay, got no time
If youre mindless please take mine
Jo the waiter held me close
Behind the door marked 'gentlemen
Just for now thats all I need
Wont someone call me 'friend?
Long gone, I recall good times
I must confess, I cried
We burned out and the line went dead
At six oclock I felt so alone
I crawled inside, where else to go?
I could be dead for all you know
Everyday I died for you
Valium boys with painted eyes
Young men need love special
I dont think I want it at all
Long gone, I recall good times
I must confess, I cried
Me, Ive retired to a back street flat
Picture 'eyes in a cold steel frame
The freaks arrive, broken needles and blood
What you on, man, to get those eyes?
Its very touching, Im so close to me
False smiles Ive rehearsed for days
Come inside, you wont know Im wrong
Give me your heart, Im so quickly gone
song performed by by Gary Numan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Let there be no inscription upon my tomb; let no man write my epitaph: no man can write my epitaph.
quote by Robert Emmet
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Five Feet Under
5 feet under hes got one foot in the grave
Would you look at him I think hes lost it
I dont think that he can be saved
Hes got a down payment on his tombstone
Hes not alone his whole life has been out
On a limb. just look at him, watch
Him get smashed and race bikes so fast
Just dont laugh, what will it say on his
Epitaph
Here he lies may he rest in peace
Hung on to life by the skin of his teeth
Pushing his luck thru the bottle he drinks
Hes got a date with his maker and he
Doesnt want to be late make no mistake
Hes a good friend so why might his life
Have to end, my friend I dont want to
See you dead
I dont want to see him dead
I dont want to see him dead
I dont want to see him dead
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lazy Eye
The world spins round the secret lives
Of everyone that needs to hide
A cheap parade of endless lies
Filters through this lazy eye
And I dont believe in signs
No, I dont believe your lies
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Lose yourself in no ones life
Trapped in nowheres empty light
Words like fists that tear you down
Crash before we hit the ground
And I dont believe in signs
No, I dont believe your lies
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
And I dont believe in signs
No, I dont believe your lies
No, I dont believe your lies
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
Breakdown
Caught in the breakdown
song performed by by Goo Goo Dolls
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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