I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
quote by Bob Woodward
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Related quotes
Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
quote by David Letterman
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I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
quote by David Letterman
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All the Jokes
All the jokes have already been told
And so instead, we tell jokes about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
So instead we tell jokes about how
All the new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
Because they remind us about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these jokes get old very quickly
So we make up new jokes about how
The jokes about the new jokes about how
All the jokes that have already been told
Are starting to get quite old
But after a while, once these jokes
Have gotten quite old themselves
We sit and listen to the silence
And wonder about the past, and how
All the jokes have already been told
Then suddenly, out of nowhere
Somebody comes up with a joke
That had been forgotten long ago
But is so funny we can't even breathe
So we roll on the floor, gasping for air
poem by Derek Ouyang
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The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
quote by David Letterman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
quote by David Letterman
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Guardian Angel
Be my guard just for tonight, that is all Im asking for
Take me under your wing, I cant make it anymore
I am so full of fear, may you read a book to me
And when the shadows grow wont you stay with me
Will you be my guard tonight. that is all Im asking for
Will you be my guard tonight, that is all I need to know
Be my guard beside my bed, that is all I need to know
Will you please hold my hand, dont you ever let it go
All the wonders of the world for a little second more
I cant speak but cant you see, its your touch Im crying for
Will you be my guard tonight. that is all Im asking for
Will you be my guard tonight, that is all I need to know
Be my guard just until dawn, when I can hear the birds again
Im as helpless as can be, will you guard my little flame
If we never meet again, you shall always keep in mind
That you were my guard tonight, that you were my guard tonight
Will you be my guard tonight. . .
song performed by by Alphaville
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
quote by David Letterman
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I suppose what's happened recently has confirmed suspicions I voiced in the book, and I think made clearer some of those things that I point out. For instance I have a section of the book where I talk about the possibility of torture.
quote by Peter Singer
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A nice jokes
How to make joke out of sadness?
Cruel joke can be termed as madness
To laugh it out is simply a sign of healthy mind
Such quality is to be rarely seen and find
To cute joke at somebody’s weakness is called foolishness
Nice jokes may try to remove somebody’s loneliness
It is nice to cut joke and make others happy
He will come out of shock and get ready
What is something new in fine jokes?
What response it gets or reaction invokes?
The known friends may take it very lightly
It may take off their worries slightly
See to it that it generates no ill feeling
It must help to build confidence if willing
It just a try in right direction
It will definitely prove as good action
Some people are good at hiding the pain
They will not show it as their gain
It is indication of humble person
They may not disclose it with simple reason
Your jokes should be of innocent nature
It must help to develop the future
It may remove the misgivings of long years
It may be heard nicely by friends in their ears
It is fine always to remain in jovial mood
It serves as medicine or good nutritious food
It helps to build healthy state of mind
It may make you to feel very kind
Treat it as fine quality and heavenly sent
Prove it with normal desire for improvement
It may draw flake with adverse comment
Still it will remain as memorable moment
poem by Hasmukh Amathalal
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Lies
Baby
What do I do
Playing my tune for you
Just to get you in the mood
Everybodys going to hollywood
Youre driving me mad
But Im smiling to the crowd instead
A lot of money is at stake, this is a hit and thats a fake
This is what you mean to me
This is what they all should see
Make a make up in a foolish style
Telling the truth by making a big lie
When I come, I come but nothings at ease
Breaking up the whole is a modern disease
Maybe you think tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
My love
Everythings an interview
And nothings really new
And everybodys looking for clues and you know what to do with a clue
My love
Get ready for the show
Theyre waiting and they will never go
This night is just a go
And its only for show
Dig that deal and be a millionaire
Drinking cocktails in the stratosphere
Getting jetlagged with my business friends in these supersonic wonderlands
Theres a flicker on the graphic display, first hes smiling then hes fading away
Maybe he thinks tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
Gold/1984
song performed by by Alphaville
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Journalists Who Lie
Journalists who lie
Stealing the money
Prospering with spite
Hate-in-a-hurry
Oh, see how :
Theyre only trying to make their name
By spreading biz myth-lies
About the ones whove made their name
Stick in the knife
Stick in the knife
Journalists who lie
The truth is, it happens
Praise, then crucify
Just follow this pattern
And see how :
Theyre only trying to make their name
By spreading sickening lies
About the ones whove made their name
Mate, give us the knife
Give us the knife
Journalists who lie
So happy in malice
Rock star - out of line
So happy in malice
Oh ...
Journalists who lie
So sick and belaboured
They only want to be favoured
They only want to be favoured
See how :
Theyre only trying to make their name
With unprovable lies
About the ones
Whove made their name
In the black hole
Of your soul
Still bargaining away the truth
So easily
Truth
Journalists who lie
Stealing the money
Prospering with spite
And hate-in-a-hurry
Journalists who lie
The truth is, it happens
Praise, then crucify
Just follow this pattern
Journalists who lie
So sick and belaboured
They want to be favoured
They only want to be favoured
song performed by by Morrissey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's not like we have a formula, but I think one of the reasons this show has survived is that it has a big heart at its center. Other cartoon shows have people crap on each other and make racist jokes. But I don't think people tune in for that. I just don't think a show lasts for 10 years without a heart.
quote by Trey Parker
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I don't know about you, but I can never get enough David Letterman.
quote by Barbara Walters
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For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
quote by David Letterman
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Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
quote by David Letterman
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There is no off position on the genius switch.
quote by David Letterman
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Every poll shows that most journalists are Democrats.
quote by Sally Quinn
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Hey, you know what, I've gotta go on that 'Letterman' show. That show is so lame.
You, In The Crowd, Miss...
You, in the crowd, Miss,
surrounded by loudness
and smoke
have you ever thought how this
World is God's greatest joke?
Cars driving on by
Bums standing in lunchlines...
That might be the intro,
but it's surely not the punchline...
Sometimes I see the saddest eyes
Why can't I just be satisfied?
B'cuz, God, even when the sky is sunny
I still don't think the joke is funny! !
None of us folks
like to hear your cruel jokes, man!
I see another broke man
standing in torn clothes on the coast's sand
The precious coast
is mostly occupied by coke cans
And the rich get the most land
While the poor get the crumbs
Maybe thats why most kids take tokes to get dumb
Cuz they're born into a beauty
thats been decaying for a while
God, quit telling jokes...
unless they actually make us smile.
-2010-
poem by Ray Quesada
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
quote by David Letterman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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