Most modern comedy is crap.
quote by Adrian Edmondson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Piece Of Crap (Eddie Vedder & Ministry) (White Label Demo)
Neil Young) (various dates)
Tried to save the trees, bought a plastic bag
The bottom fell out, it was a piece 'a crap...piece of crap...
Wanted an LP, only had CD's
Digitally clean, it was a piece of crap...piece of crap...
Bought myself a can, thought it'd take me far
The dealer was a liar, he was a piece of crap...piece of crap...
Got it from my friend, on him you can depend
I found out in the end, it was a piece of crap...piece of crap...
I'm trying to save the trees, I saw it on TV
They cut the forest down to build a piece of crap...piece of crap...
Picked up a magazine to read about the scene
It didn't tell me beans, it was a piece of crap...piece of crap...
I went back to the store, they gave me four more
The guy told me at the door it was a piece of crap...
It was a piece of crap
song performed by by Pearl Jam
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Modern Dancing
Modern, modern, modern, modern dancing
Modern dancing, modern dancing
Modern dancing, modern
I see you acting modernly with the boys and girls
Exposure breeds discovery in the modern world
The 60's hairdos 90's eyes are just flashing lights
A touch of neon hinting class for the modern night
Modern dancing, modern dancing
Modern dancing, modern dancing
Dancing
Modern dancing, modern dancing
Modern dancing, modern
Mono vision tv face and determined eyes
The clothes are perfect the rips in place just the perfect size
Familiarity breeds contempt but it doesn't show
We've heard the music times before but it still makes you go
Modern dancing, modern dancing
Modern dancing, modern dancing
Modern dancing, dancing
....variations to fade....
song performed by by Men Without Hats
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The English Teacher
I bumped into my grandson's English teacher yesterday
at the football, and in between shouting like teenagers
I moaned about the state of A's Eng. Lit. not to mention Eng. Lang. -
you know, you've heard it all before... in my day.....never regretted....
he agreed, but said go easy on the lad he's only thirteen
they all want to be fifteen and grown up at that age,
they can't be seen by their peer-group to be 'for' anything too much
so they ridicule everything, it's either pretentious crap if it's modern
or stupid ancient crap if it's more than a generation ago...
they even call Shakespeare a sad loser until
someone says he wrote the screenplay for that film
though they're fascinated by the idea that Marlowe
was a spy as well as a crap writer not that they've read him anyway
but you know what he said
put them up on stage in the annual Shakespeare and make them
speak his lines, and they'll never forget it,
they'll not say anything about it to me except in private but
they'll remember it to their dying day it's things like that
he said that keep me in this bloody job.
poem by Michael Shepherd
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Piece Of Crap
Tried to save the trees
Bought a plastic bag
The bottom fell out
It was a piece of crap
Saw it on the tube
Bought it on the phone
Now youre home alone
Its a piece of crap
I tried to plug in it
I tried to turn it on
When I got it home
It was a piece of crap
Got it from a friend
On him you can depend
I found out in the end
It was a piece of crap
Im trying to save the trees
I saw it on tv
They cut the forest down
To build a piece of crap
I went back to the store
They gave me four more
The guy told me at the door
Its a piece of crap
song performed by by Neil Young
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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English Teacher
bumped into my grandson's English teacher yesterday
at the football, and in between shouting like teenagers
I moaned about the state of A's Eng. Lit. not to mention Eng. Lang. -
you know, you've heard it all before... in my day.....never regretted....
he agreed, but said go easy on the lad he's only thirteen
they all want to be fifteen and grown up at that age,
they can't be seen by their peer-group to be 'for' anything too much
so they ridicule everything, it's either pretentious crap if it's modern
or stupid ancient crap if it's more than a generation ago...
they even call Shakespeare a sad loser until
someone says he wrote the screenplay for that film
though they're fascinated by the idea that Marlowe
was a spy as well as a crap writer not that they've read him anyway
but you know what he said
put them up on stage in the annual Shakespeare and make them
speak his lines, and they'll never forget it,
they'll not say anything about it to me except in private but
they'll remember it to their dying day it's things like that
he said that keep me in this bloody job.
(revisited)
poem by Michael Shepherd
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't even know if you're failing in drama, but you do know when you're failing in comedy. When you go to a comedy and you don't hear anybody laughing, you know that you've failed.
quote by Carl Reiner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Modern Age
Well I found a road and off I sped
I met a man with no little toe and a real big head
Though I did not speak somehow I said
Where are you from? He said the modern age
And where are you from? I said the modern age
On the shore by the sea that was still lathering
I met a man in the business of hunting and gathering
Somehow we understood each other's blathering
And he said where are you from? I said the modern age
And where are you from? He said the modern age
Stopped at a light in my car
I asked the next car how they are
They say that we are fine and how are you?
I say that I am fine and thank you
I'm feeling fine in the modern age
Driving around in the modern age
Driving around in the modern age
song performed by by Frank Black
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There's a lot of comedy in Intermission but it's got this depth. It's not comedy for comedy's sake - it's informed by something else. I like stuff like that.
quote by Cillian Murphy
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At those times I got into... I suppose you call it a rut. I used to do comedy, comedy, comedy and I suddenly thought I ought to break away from this somehow.
Theo does comedy now, and he's traveling around the country doing comedy, and I actually just saw him, he's from Louisiana, and I just saw him when I went home to visit my family in Louisiana. I saw his comedy show and he was brilliant.
quote by Trishelle Cannatella
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All you have to do is to look like crap on film and everyone thinks you're a brilliant actress. Actually, all you've done is look like crap.
quote by Helen Mirren
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Modern Cinderella
I'm a modern Cinderella.
I wish I was more like Twighlight's Bella.
But i'm locked away.
It's like that everyday.
I'm the modern Cinderella.
I wish I was the Enchanted Ella.
My family wants to get rid of me.
This no one really sees.
I'm the Modern Cinderella.
Never mind Bella.
I'm meeting you for the very first time.
This the day I challenge my self to sing 'The Climb.'
I'm the modern Cinderella
Never mind Ella.
We feel in love at first sight.
Now the clock strikes midnight.
I'm the modern Cinderella.
Never the orginal.
Never mind Bella.
Never mind Ella.
I don't run in flight.
I'm prepared to fight.
I'm the modern Cinderella.
See me as I am.
See the real me.
Not the person I pretened to be.
I'm the modern Cinderella.
Nothing like the original.
Not like Bella.
Not like Ella.
Now i've found my modern Prince.
I am me.
I'm the Modern Cinderella....
poem by Desiree Bradford
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The Modern Day
I stand up for my pride
I dont wanna be just like anyone
In this world I cannot hide
I must finish what I have begun
Thats the way I play
In the modern day
cause I wanna stay
In the modern day
Got a picture in my mind
Of the way that I wanna be
So I search until I find
The power inside of me
Its another phase
Of the modern day
Gotta face up to this life
Cant let it get the best of me
So I make a sacrifice
If thats the way it has to be
Im doin what I feel is right
Im ready if I need to fight
In the modern way
In the modern day
Gotta face up to this life
Cant let it get the best of me
If I make a sacrifice
Thats the way it has to be
Like a motor in overdrive
I feel good and I feel alive
I got no need to beg or borrow
Got a shortcut to tomorrow
And Im on my way
To the modern day
Got a lot to say
In the modern day
cause I need to stay
In the modern day
In the modern day
song performed by by Foreigner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Oh Brother
I see no one comments on misery
I'll try to be light with comedy
Something funny for today
To help us on our way
I saw a man slip on a banana peel
And a girl flew over her front wheel
A man light his cigar and it blew up
Small boy dragging his sweet little pup
All these observations seem funny
But if you look again you'll see misery
For what looks funny to us is pain for another
I just stepped in some dog crap Oh brother
poem by David Darbyshire
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Ode to the Modern Work-Man
O, wretched modern work-man
The years, they pass you by
Everything you believe
Is nothing but a lie.
O, wretched modern work-man
From your neckties to your socks
You’re nothing but a slave
To pictures in a box.
O, wretched modern work-man
You live for the Public Eye
Your life is but a parody
Whose foundation is a lie.
O, wretched modern work-man
You strive, and save, and yearn
To keep up with the Kamaus
Spending more than you earn.
O, wretched modern work-man
You’re nothing but a slave
Your dreams are dead and buried
Lying in a shallow grave.
O, wretched modern work-man
You strangled your own dreams
You smothered your own happiness
Your hand stifled its screams.
O, wretched modern work-man
For the camera so aesthetic
Beneath the plastic smile
You’re pitiful and pathetic.
O, wretched modern work-man
You work yourself half to death
Chasing pounds and shillings
To swell another’s wealth.
O, wretched modern work-man
You lived your whole life as a show
Yet the only Watcher who mattered
Didn’t like what He saw.
O, wretched modern work-man
When you finally died
Your surname, and hospital bill
Were all you left behind…
Any professional knows that the flute and the piano is a boring combination. All you've got to arrive at is a kind of typical gestural crap, right? You might agree, though you wouldn't call it gestural crap.
quote by Morton Feldman
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I did not deal well with the politicians. I tend to tell people that when they are full of crap, that they are full of crap.
quote by Robert Crandall
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Modern Eyes
She know you bad
You don't sing songs of love
She treats you right, she treats you like a web of love
You know who's of the heart, her notions of societies
You belong to know and just like our sophiaties
[Chorus:]
Modern eyes
Modern eyes, to see what you want to see
Modern eyes
Modern eyes, she'll paint you with the modern eyes
What you look for in people is not hard to recognize
Black man, white man, short man
They're all the same in size
You breath the air, you feel the sea and the sand and the skies
When nighttime comes you blind men with modern eyes
[Repeat chorus]
She'll paint you with the hupskin on
She'll paint you with the fire in your eyes
She'll paint you with the modern eyes
[Repeat chorus]
song performed by by Toto
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Make it new is the message not just of modern art but of modern consumerism, of which modern art is largely a mirror image.
quote by Christopher Lasch
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I can do comedy, so people want me to do that, but the other side of comedy is depression. Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don't realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side.
quote by Parker Posey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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