Related quotes: From the stage I've seen...

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

quote by Adrian Edmondson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

quote by Adrian Edmondson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Need Them

At a later stage of your life,
Keep your son in good humour;
Keep your daughter in good humour.
You need them and not they need you.

(05.02.2011)

poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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War

War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
War is something that I despise
For it means destruction of innocent lives
For it means tears in thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go out to fight to give their lives
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
War
Its nothing but a heartbreaker
War
Friend only to the undertaker
War is the enemy of all mankind
The thought of war blows my mind
Handed down from generation to generation
Induction destruction
Who wants to die
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
War has shattered many young mens dreams
Made them disabled bitter and meanlife is too precious to be fighting wars
Each day
War cant give life it can only take it away
War
Its nothing but a heartbreaker
War
Friend only to the undertaker
Peace love and understanding
There must be some place for these things today
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But lord theres gotta be a better way
Thats better than
War
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing

song performed by by Bruce Springsteen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rumour

Just because
I love his
Sense of
Humour,
There is this
Rumour,
That I'm in
Love with him ;)

Just because
He's also in love
With my humour,
Someone's
Spreading
This roaring
Rumour…
That I've now
Married him ;)

Just because
We both love
Each other's
Humour :)
There seems to be
This ongoing rumour,
That I'm now
Honeymooning him ;)

poem by Aparna Chatterjee
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Lily Licked the Toilet

Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the floor.
You can bet I'll never
Kiss Lily anymore!
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the sink.
She's full of germs and worms,
At least that's what I think.
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the tub.
It's safe to say her tongue
Could use a real good scrub!
She was the cutest pooch! (To Smooch)
Why'd she have to spoil it?
Nothing's been the same since…
Lily licked the toilet!

poem by ToddMichael St. Pierre
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Toilet

Every one
use
The toilet
Clean

Take water
And clean...

Clean is
Importent
her clean
Is not

Impress other's...
It is helpfull for
Healthy good
Life...

For clean
Toilet...
All ways
With your use...!

Some
human are
Use
The toilet

At animals...
You...?

poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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Laughter

Laughter is a unique quality endowed to mankind;
It is completely denied to the animal mind.

When humour is dwelt upon and reared,
There emanates laughter and is shared.

Roaring laughter is contagious,
And humour is surely infectious.

Laughter escalates hilarity and happiness,
And humour diminishes weariness.

One can laugh at a joke, ridiculous,
And can scoff at another one, meticulous.

One needs to be like a child, so jolly,
Egoless and innocent to laugh so merrily.

Laughter requires a bit of intelligence,
As well as presence of mind and good sense.

Benefits of laughter are numerous,
It bestows a wealth of health on us.

Laughter boosts the immunity system,
And lowers the stress hormone item.

With laughter the whole body is relaxed,
And gnawing pain for a time is axed.

Laughter prevents even the heart disease,
And a sorrowful mood is made to ease.

With a chuckle feel-good endorphins are released,
And with a peal of laughter one is pleased.

Laughter adds joy and zest to life,
And eases anxiety, fear and strife.

Laughter helps conflicts to diffuse,
And mirth in one it does suffuse.

Laughter is a resource for problem surmounting,
And has the power for good relationship enhancing.

Humour lightens one's burdens;
Inspires hope and the outlook broadens.

So let us enjoy humour and guffaw heartily,
And let us blend laughter into our lives verily.

poem by Chandra Thiagarajan
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Parents’ predicament

I bought the love of my children
With my toils and sacrifices.
I beg their love in my last stage
By keeping them in good humour..
26.05.2009

poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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A Novelty

Why should I care for the Ages
Because they are old and grey?
To me, like sudden laughter,
The stars are fresh and gay;
The world is a daring fancy,
And finished yesterday.

Why should I bow to the Ages
Because they were drear and dry?
Slow trees and ripening meadows
For me go roaring by,
A living charge, a struggle
To escalade the sky.

The eternal suns and systems,
Solid and silent all,
To me are stars of an instant,
Only the fires that fall
From God's good rocket, rising
On this night of carnival.

poem by G.K. Chesterton from The Wild Knight and Other Poems (1900)
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Absolutely Everybody

Absolutely everybody,
Everybody needs a little loving,
Everybody needs somebody thinking of them.
Everybody needs a little respect,
And whatever it takes,
Im gonna get it.
Everybody needs a hand to hold,
Someone to cling to
When the nights are getting cold.
Im no different,
I am just the same,
A player in the game.
Absolutely everybody,
Everybody, everybody.
Absolutely everybody
In the whole wide world.
Absolutely everybody,
Every boy and every girl,
Absolutely everybody.
Everybody needs a human touch.
I cant live without it,
It means too much to me.
Everybody needs one true friend,
Someone wholl be there til the very end.
And absolutely everybody breathes,
And everybody, everybody bleeds.
Were no different,
Were all the same,
Players in the game.
Absolutely, everybody,
Everybody, everybody.
Absolutely everybody
In the whole wide world.
Everybody breathes,
And everybody needs.
Absolutely everybody.
Absolutely everybody.
Every boy and girl,
Every woman and child.
Every father and son.
I said now everyone,
Yes now everyone.
Everybody needs a human touch.
Everybody, everybody needs love.
Im no different,
I am just the same,
A player in the game.
Absolutely everybody.
Dream dealers pty ltd
Transistor music australia pty ltd
1999

song performed by by Vanessa Amorosi
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ch 08 On Rules For Conduct In Life - Maxim 69

The earth receives showers from heaven and gives to it only dust. Every vessel exudes what it contains.

If my humour appears to thee unbecoming
Lose not thy own good humour.

poem by Sa di
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Look What The Good People Done

They were drinkin his wine
They were usin his name
They were takin the time to take
His name in vain
Look what the good people done to him
Look what the good people done to him
They were havin their fun
Look what the good people done
Well, the good people say things that they
Dont really mean
They look so convincing cause theyre
So squeaky clean
Look what the good people done to him
Look what the good people done to him
Its a million to one
Look what the good people done
They (? put him on walkin down ? ), they said,
Lets go on with the show
And they pad him on whiskey and say, boy,
Youve got to go
Look what the good people done to him
Look what the good people done to him
Hes (? on the highway ? ) to none
Look what the good people done
All the newspaper men
They were lookin for names
Pulled him out of a hat
They needed someone to blame
Look what the good people done to him
Look what the good people done to him
He thought he was the one
Look what the good people done
Well, the good people say,
Keep your nose to the ground
Then theyll build you right up
Just to knock you right down
Look what the good people done to you
Look what the good people done to you
They were gettin their kicks
Look what the good people nixed
[spoken - here we go]
Look what the good people done to me
Look what the good people done to me
Look what the good people done to me
Look what the good people done to me
They were havin no fun
Look what the good people done

song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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To assert in any case that a man must be absolutely cut off from society because he is absolutely evil amounts to saying that society is absolutely good, and no-one in his right mind will believe this today.

quote by Albert Camus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Roaring higher

My fire in heart is aggressive
Keeps burring all time
Roaring higher! Roaring higher!

My fire can destruct the jealous world
Till it end fortunate and convenient
Roaring higher! Roaring higher!

My fire can create the ability
To create the gentle heart with success
Roaring higher! Roaring higher!

My fire can be the spirit
To light up the heart in the darkness
Roaring higher! Roaring higher!

poem by Swetha Reddy
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Peace!

A dark parody of Edwin Starr's War
Meant as satire only!

Peace! Huh-Yeah!
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh

Peace! Huh-Yeah!
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again y'all

Peace! Huh-Good God!
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me...

Ohhh....Peace!
I despise
Because it means no innocent lives lost
Not one single one
Damn!

Peace means joy in thousands of mother's eyes
When their sons get to stay home
Don't have to fight our war
Staying alive
What the hell fun is that
If there's no war to watch on my tv tonight

I said-peace! Huh-Good God y'all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

Peace! Whoa, Lord
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me...

Peace! It ain't nothing but a party wrecker
Peace! It ain't no friend at all to this undertaker
Peace! It's an enemy to all in my line of work
The thought of peace makes me wanna take a gun and blow my brains way
Yeah! It does!

Peace has caused happiness in the younger generation
No induction
No destruction
Who the hell wants to live that kind of boring lifestyle?
Not me!

Ohhh.....Peace! Good God y'all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
You know it, you know it, say that you know it

Peace! Uh-huh! Yeah! Huh!
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me...

Peace! It ain't nothing but a party wrecker
Peace! It's no friend of this undertaker
Peace has shattered all my bloodly hopes and dreams
No more dying screams means I've out of work
Getting bitter and mean
Where once I had a happy shiny smile on my face
Life isn't so precious these days that we can't spare just a few to die
Don't you agree?
Won't you sing it with me?
Peace! Life just ain't got no place for it

Peace! Huh! Good God y'all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

Peace! Whoa, Lord
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me...

Peace! It ain't nothing but a party wrecker
Damn!
Peace! It's no friend to this undertaker
Blood, guts, and gore
Tell me, is there no place for them today?
They say we must play nice
So we don't have to pay too heavy a price to keep our lifes inact
But Lord knows I wish there was a more terrible way

Peace! Huh! Good God y'all
What is it good for?
You tell me
Say it, say it, say it

Peace! Huh! Good God y'all
What is it good for?
Stand up and shout it with me
Nothing!

poem by Ramona Thompson
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Plexiglass Toilet

Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
A boy of 5 stands close to the toilet
Holds the lid up with one hand
Won't let go the lid for fear that
On his banana it will land
Don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Boy goes up he eats the enchilada
With the sauce that burns the heart
Family comes to visit family
Momma says don't belch and fart
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Everybody Sing!
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah

song performed by by Styx, music by John Curulewski
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It’s No Fun Going To The Toilet

it’s no fun, dearest friends,
going to the toilet
with your entrails full
and at zero hour
and rushing to the toilet
and finding every cubicle shut in your face
and you run to the next
and there are grunting pigs
behind closed doors
and you are truly full,
and you know you are in big trouble
and there is not even a discreet bush corner
in the god-forsaken damned city;
and you are walking up and down outside the doors
like an irate Principal at a school assembly;
it’s really no fun
putting yourself through such agony
to put yourself on such public display
going to public toilets
when you could have cleared all
and achieved dignity
with proper timing
and good though boring habits

it’s no fun, really -
dearest friends,
hastening to the toilet
when your pipe is nearly at bursting point
and you rush in to the toilet
and though lucky enough
to find an enclosure
it’s really no fun, is it? -
all that hurry and urgency
at near bursting point
as you pow-wow before the toilet bowl
and your buckle is stubborn
and you plead to your private self:
O no, no…don’t burst…not yet…
and your damned zip gets stuck just then
and you continue your war dance
and you plead to your intimate self:
O no, no…don’t burst…not yet…not yet, please;
please don’t do this to me-self –
and just then the zip comes asunder
and you pull it down like thunder
and oh, what a relief, no doubt –
but it certainly was no fun
going there to the toilet at near-breaking point;
and how are you going to face the world
with your zip burst
and your buckle broken and hanging over now?

oh, so, dearest friends,
trust me
(no wisecracks here, please)
oh all you children of the earth
all infants and old
and the genteel and the virile
and the incontinent
and the humble and those with golden toilet bowls –
it’s never fun to rush in to the toilet
at near breaking or bursting point;
and though good routine
and roughage may never be fun either
it’s safer than trusting in City Councils that
do not plan for citizens at bursting point…

poem by Raj Arumugam
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Two funney

Young funney

Boy...

The toilet...

Pass urine...

Not clean

The toilet

With water...

why...?

The boy was

funney...!

The toilet was

funney...?