There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.
quote by Adrian Edmondson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.
quote by Adrian Edmondson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I’m Pretending
I’m pretending nothing happened,
that we are still together.
I’m pretending you never
went away with someone new.
I’m pretending we are still a couple,
that you are still nearby.
I’m pretending,
pretending
I am still with you.
I’m pretending that our love
still shines brightly.
I’m pretending that you still care
and lying to myself each day.
I’m pretending that you just stepped out
and that you are not far away.
I’m pretending,
pretending
I am still with you.
I’m pretending it always summer
and that winter never comes.
I’m pretending life is as it was
and I’m forever with you.
I’m pretending you are with me
and not in the arms of someone new.
I’m pretending that I am smiling
and that I’m not feeling blue.
I’m pretending,
pretending
I am still with you.
20 April 2009
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Rubbish Sad Salary Somber N
rubbish sad salary somber n'
exquisite
influenced by everything.
rubbish sad salary somber n'
intricate a
Rubiks Cube, Waldo was found
in an outhouse by the summit of an epoch
the 1920s washed out into depressive oblivion. Simon included
this in his autobiography, written in the 3rd person.
rubbish sad salary somber n'
infinite.
rubbish sad salary
rubbish sad salary
a sombering quintet.
Little Willy
Little willy knows a secret
Little willy likes to lie
He is getting so excited
Willys a very emotional guy
Little willy gets nervous, but he aint super shy
Unless some stuck-up skirt makes fun of his size
Chorus
Little willy likes to bang his drum
(little willy likes to play in the band)
Little willy he aint so dumb
(little willy shrinks up when the girls get chilly
Takes a whole lot of lovin just to warm up willy)
Rap
Little willy doesnt get nervous but he aint shy
Unless lovely ladies make fun of his size
Little willy likes to bang his drum
Little willys in the band
Little willy, he aint so dumb
Willy shrinks up when the girls get chilly
Takes a whole lot of lovin just to warm up willy
Willy, dont cry
Willy, go zip up your fly
Chorus repeat
song performed by by Poison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Wendy’s Willy
WENDY'S WILLY
Witless waiting was Willy
while time took time to turn
round retrograde, returned rarely
to temper tensions, tenderness attain.
Will wiry Willy wilful Wendy wed
righteously rebutting riper Rita Red?
Will true-love travel towards tolerant
respect, rope ringing, refusals refusing
without worthless warring where
troubles temperamental tempers torment?
Wicked whirlwind warning written with
tornado twisters topsy-turvy turning
wistful witness wanting Wendy’s Willy wedding
wondering whether windy weather water washes
Willy.../...
10 September 2001
robi03_0950_robi03_0000 QVW_JLM
Wendy’s Willy poem c Jonathan Robin
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Pretending
(by jerry lynn williams)
How many times must we tell the tale?
How many times must we fall?
Living in lost memory
You just recalled
Working on the sound of the band
Trying to get the music right
Two go out working
Three stay home at night
Thats when she said she was pretending
Like she knew the plan
Thats when I knew she was pretending
Pretending to understand
Pretending, pretending
Pretending, pretending
Satisfied but lost in love
Situations change
Youre never who you used to think you are
How strange
Chorus
I get lost in alibis
Sadness cant prevail
Everybody knows strong love
Cant fail
Dont be pretending about how you feel
Dont be pretending that your love is real
Dont be pretending about how you feel
Dont be pretending that your love is real
Pretending, pretending
Pretending, pretending
song performed by by Eric Clapton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lily Licked the Toilet
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the floor.
You can bet I'll never
Kiss Lily anymore!
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the sink.
She's full of germs and worms,
At least that's what I think.
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the tub.
It's safe to say her tongue
Could use a real good scrub!
She was the cutest pooch! (To Smooch)
Why'd she have to spoil it?
Nothing's been the same since…
Lily licked the toilet!
poem by ToddMichael St. Pierre
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Toilet
Every one
use
The toilet
Clean
Take water
And clean...
Clean is
Importent
her clean
Is not
Impress other's...
It is helpfull for
Healthy good
Life...
For clean
Toilet...
All ways
With your use...!
Some
human are
Use
The toilet
At animals...
You...?
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Tired of being here
I'm so tired of being here
thinking that something good is near.
Why must I keep pretending that everything's okay?
Why must I keep defending, every good that fades away.
There is no hope here on earth.
Some of us people don't even know how much we are worth.
We feel so hopeless because we want to help.
we can't change the world no matter how heart-felt.
Because some of us love God,
Many people who don't believe consider us frauds.
We only try to show the truth,
but their hate is nothing new.
Everyone wants to blame Godfor their sorry screwed up lives,
and what they don't understand is that withouth him... Nothing changes.
I'm so tired of being here
thinking that something good is near.
Why must I keep pretending that everything's okay?
Why must I keep defending, every good that fades away.
I defend the good because it take a true Christian to stand up for Christ!
Although I want to quit...I can't. Because I love God and I will die trying to
save people from the fires of hell, because God loves them.
And anyone who reads this. He loves you too!
poem by Garnett Angel Loving Soul
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Willy The Bullfrog
There once was a Bullfrog named Willy the Bullfrog
And all that he did was croak on a log
Sitting around and having fun
And when he wanted to, he would soak up some sun.
But Willy knew that those days were almost gone
When he saw a bullet killing a fawn
And then in his pond went cans of beer
Then a bullet killed another deer
Then Willy who was full of fright
He hid away until the dark of the night
Then he gathered all the animals for a meeting
Saying hunters are not killing us for the eating
But because in our body runs blood of red
And because their guns shoots bullets of lead,
Many years ago in this land
GOD gave us life with the wave of his hand
There were foxes and herds, oxen and birds
But now our population is dwindling down to none
Ever since I saw that bullet killing a fawn
Then all the animals began to shed a tear
Because they knew then, they had a lot of fear
They wouldn't be able to play and have any fun
They will always be chased and on the run.
Then Willy sadly hopped back to his pond
The place where he was very fond
Then Willy began to speak again
And behind him snuck a bunch of men.
Willy shouted this kind of life I cannot hack
A spear then came ripping through Willy's back.
There once was a Bullfrog named Willy the Bullfrog
And all that he wanted to do was croak on a log
Sitting around and having fun
And when he wanted to, he would soak up some sun.
But Willy and his friends don't live here anymore
Their home and his pond became a department store
Their homes and their lives they had to give
So people of humanity would have a place to live....
There once was a Bullfrog named Willy the Bullfrog
All that he wanted to do was croak on a log
Sitting around and having fun
And every now and then he would soak up some sun.
RANDY L. McClave
poem by Randy McClave
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Pretending
I was right the first time
But I outguessed myself
You sympathized so sweetly
When you sent me to hell
What have I got to complain for
Had to throw myself overboard
Like to see that my dues are paid
Its just the way I was made
And when I cry, I was burning inside
Youre out there pretending
And though I lie, I had nothing to hide
Youre the one whos pretending
I live in anticipation
Things that never occurred
Turned my back to the loving ones
On the strength of your word
Whats the answer Im looking for
You mix your meanings with metaphors
Glass bricks and a ten foot wall
You really dont care at all
And when I came to relieve all the pain
You were somewhere pretending
And Im still here, and its still just as clear
That youre only pretending
I believe in believing
And I hope that theres still hope for me
cause I need to be needing
And youre free to be free as you please
But Im not the kind
Who can live with life
And I never could
cause Im just no good at pretending
Whats the truth after all this time
Is it your perception or is it mine
Sometimes youre better off alone
You cant get blood from a stone
And while you cry, Ill be laughing inside
cause I know youre pretending
Look me straight in the eye
When I tell you good bye
cause I wont be pretending
You could beg me and fall down on your knees
But youd just be pretending
Maybe someday youll have something to say
And you wont be pretending
song performed by by Utopia
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Need Them
At a later stage of your life,
Keep your son in good humour;
Keep your daughter in good humour.
You need them and not they need you.
(05.02.2011)
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Down On The Corner
Early in the evenin just about supper time,
Over by the courthouse theyre starting to unwind.
Four kids on the corner trying to bring you up.
Willy picks a tune out and he blows it on the harp.
Chorus:
Down on the corner, out in the street,
Willy and the poorboys are playin;
Bring a nickel; tap your feet.
Rooster hits the washboard and people just got to smile,
Blinky, thumps the gut bass and solos for a while.
Poorboy twangs the rhythm out on his kalamazoo.
Willy goes into a dance and doubles on kazoo.
Chorus
Chorus
You dont need a penny just to hang around,
But if youve got a nickel, wont you lay your money down?
Over on the corner theres a happy noise.
People come from all around to watch the magic boy.
Chorus
Chorus
Chorus
song performed by by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Carbon Copy
Rubbish, written rubbish
I can't show it to anyone I know
They'll get the wrong idea,
They'll think I am fatalistic,
A desperate soul...
(But isn't he clever!)
Too bad he can't control his thoughts
They should be more like ours
We are society, the community,
We dictate the acceptable attitude,
The right way to think and write...
But who-are we
But individuals, first
And finally individuals
Suffocating from individualism...
Or lack of it-...!
©All Rights Reserved-2010
poem by Romeo Della Valle
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Willy-Wag and Sparrow
Willy-wag and Sparrow
sat on a stone.
Said Willy, it's cold
when the sun is gone.
But my heart beats hot
in my white silk breast;
time enough later
for me to rest.
Said Sparrow, It's dark
in the green willow,
and the cat may lurk
in the shade below.
He fluffed his feathers
and shook his head;
by now the others
are safe in bed.
Said Willy, the sky
is full of light,
and a juicy fly
is quickly caught.
I'll flirt my fan
awhile the cold,
and I won't go in
till the moon is gold.
Said sparrow, the tree
is full by now,
and I'm off to my perch
on the topmost bough.
But Willy said, whether
it's dark or light,
if I feel like singing
I'll sing all night.
poem by Nancy Fotheringham Cato
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Manners
For a Child of 1918
My grandfather said to me
as we sat on the wagon seat,
"Be sure to remember to always
speak to everyone you meet."
We met a stranger on foot.
My grandfather's whip tapped his hat.
"Good day, sir. Good day. A fine day."
And I said it and bowed where I sat.
Then we overtook a boy we knew
with his big pet crow on his shoulder.
"Always offer everyone a ride;
don't forget that when you get older,"
my grandfather said. So Willy
climbed up with us, but the crow
gave a "Caw!" and flew off. I was worried.
How would he know where to go?
But he flew a little way at a time
from fence post to fence post, ahead;
and when Willy whistled he answered.
"A fine bird," my grandfather said,
"and he's well brought up. See, he answers
nicely when he's spoken to.
Man or beast, that's good manners.
Be sure that you both always do."
When automobiles went by,
the dust hid the people's faces,
but we shouted "Good day! Good day!
Fine day!" at the top of our voices.
When we came to Hustler Hill,
he said that the mare was tired,
so we all got down and walked,
as our good manners required.
poem by Elizabeth Bishop
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Hey Willy
Hey Willy your mother calls you Billy
your father calls you silly
but you really are a pretty one
Hey baby you're dressing like a lady
The fellows call you Sadie
but you really are a pretty one
You don't care
what they say about your hair
'Cause the bad man's smiling
every time he sees you comin' yeah
Willy is the singer in a rock'n'roll band
Every time he shows his face
put away your
Oh yeah Willy's gonna show them now
No no no no Willy's gonna go somehow
My name's Willy gonna turn on the lights
playing rock'n'roll music to early early night
Can't stop dancing to the rhythm in your feet
Listen to the drummer Yeah listen to the beat
chorus
Hey Willy your mother calls you Billy
your daddy calls you silly
but you really are a pretty one
verse 2
verse 3
chorus
song performed by by Hollies
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Life Of A Turd
You don’t know what it’s like,
being in a toilet most of your life.
Yes, I am a turd,
I know it sounds absurd,
but hey, at least I’m not a nerd.
Now I have a family that went
down stream ahead of me,
Then went down the toilet
along with human pee.
But I’m not going to sweat or even fret,
I have lots of miles ahead of me yet.
Written by Christina Sunrise on October 1,2011
www.puppetpoems.com
poem by Christina Sunrise
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Hillbilly Willy
HILLBILLY WILLY
Writer Dolly Parton
Copyright 1967
Now little Will was from the hills a way back in the styx
He got his reputation from turning on them country chicks
He drove a super hot rod car but he he could really
Knock those little girls off their feet yeah hillbilly Willy
He'd talk that ol' sweet lovers talk with a hillbilly drawl
Willy wasn't much for looks he was only five feet tall
When he talked that ol' sweet talk he drove those little girls silly
They stood in line waitin' for their time to court hillbilly Willy
Then this country cyclop who measured six foot nine
Came up to little Will and said (you stole that little girl of mine)
Then there was an awful brawl boy it was a dilly
When the fighting stopped there on top stood hillbilly Willy
Now the moral of this story is to be a lover you got to be tough
Even if you're just five feet tall you got to be able to strut your stuff
Now to all you lovers in radio land if your lovelife's a little chilly
Bear in mind the rough tough kind like hillbilly Willy
Just bear in mind the rough tough kind like hillbilly Willy
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ch 08 On Rules For Conduct In Life - Maxim 69
The earth receives showers from heaven and gives to it only dust. Every vessel exudes what it contains.
If my humour appears to thee unbecoming
Lose not thy own good humour.