I have often been told that I have many of the same mannerisms as Jack Benny and certainly Bob Cummings.
quote by Dwayne Hickman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I could do John Wayne, Jack Benny, Jack Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson and entertain my friends. But I never seriously considered it as a career choice.
quote by Phil Hartman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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She's Got The Jack
She gave me the Queen
She gave me the King
She was wheelin' and dealin'
Just doin' her thing
She was holdin' a pair
But I had to try
Her Deuce was wild
But my Ace was high
But how was I to know
That she'd been dealt with before
Said she'd never had a Full House
But I should have known
From the tattoo on her left leg
And the garter on her right
She'd have the card to bring me down
If she played it right
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Poker face was her name
Poker face was her nature
Poker straight was her game
If she knew she could get you
She played 'em fast
And she played 'em hard
She could close her eyes
And feel every card
But how was I to know
That she'd been shuffled before
Said she'd never had a Royal Flush
But I should have known
That all the cards were comin'
From the bottom of the pack
And if I'd known what she was dealin' out
I'd have dealt it back
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, and who knows what else?
She's got the jack, yeah, yeah
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack,
Ooh, It was a bad deal, (Jack)
She gave me the (Jack), hey
She's got the (Jack), she's got the (Jack)
She's got the (Jack), ooh can't you tell
She's got the (Jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack)
(She's got the jack, she's got the Jack)
She's got the jack, she's got the Jack
She's got the jack, you never know!
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, and it hurts!
(She's got the jack)
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Aaaaaah!
Oooooh!
Thank you, thank you, thank you people, thank you, thank you
I'm glad you like the show, yes, thank you very much folks.
Goodnight and God bless
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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What A Writer
what i liked about e.e. cummings
was that he cut away from
the holiness of the
word
and with charm
and gamble
gave us lines
that sliced through the
dung.
how it was needed!
how we were withering
away
in the old
tired
manner.
of course, then came all
the e.e. cummings
copyists.
they copied him then
as the others had
copied Keats, Shelly,
Swinburne, Byron, et
al.
but there was only
one
e.e. cummings.
of course.
one sun.
one moon.
poem by Charles Bukowski
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Modesty is my best quality.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Gags die, humor doesn't.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
quote by Jack Benny
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My idol was Jack Benny and he was the master of subtlety and timing.
quote by Don Knotts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
Jack U Off
If ure looking for somewhere to go
Thought Id take u to a movie show
Sittin in the back and Ill jack u off
I cant give u everything u want
But I can take u to a restaurant
If ure not hungry
Ill jack u off
If your man aint no good
Come on over to my neighborhood
We can jump in the sack and Ill jack u off
If ure tired of the masturbater
Little girl, we can go on a date
And if u like, Ill jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off
I only do it for a worthy cause
Viriginity or menopause
Ull have an instant heart attack if I jack u off
If u really really want to be a star
We gotta do it in your mommas car
Naked in a cadillac, Ill jack u off
If we cant find no place to go
Girl, Ill take u to a movie show, we can sit in the back
And Ill jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off, yeah
Yeah, yeah, Ill jack u off
Alright say, well put some funk on here
Ill jack u off
If u aint chicken baby, come here
If ure good Ill even let u steer
As a matter of fact, u can jack me off
Yeah, thats right
Ill jack u off, yeah
Ill jack u off
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.
quote by Bob Newhart
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No, that's not it. The first time we met was at Fat Tuesday's. Benny was playing, this was, I think in 1989?
quote by Benny Green
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Benny Bullfrog
So there I am polished heart throat in full puff
I look the part my wad is packed to reimburse.
Ive yet to re-rehearse many moons spent on lovelines lent from
Long-legged pop-eyed fat-necked benny bullfrog.
Final run-through polish up
The flower of loves my buttercup.
Moon in june for you Ill croon
Just like pop-eyed fat-necked benny bullfrog.
Mean piece of muscle Im melvin toad,
I dice with death, across the road.
Hop aboard my lovers leap
Fat-necked quatermass
Who needs a benny bullfrog.
Here she comes (keep a cool head)
My legs numb (keep a cool head)
I cant run (keep a cool head)
High! my names hunky how dyou do
I catch a fly in one swoop
I catch a fly just for you
Thats if you do want me to
But youre not hungry I know
A sixth sense gave me a clue.
I know what else we can do.
(you creep !)
Long-legged pop-eyed fat-necked benny bullfrog.
Wish I was benny bullfrog
Cool as benny bullfrog
Whats the secret, bullfrog?
song performed by by Madness
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Living
Fran Kranz, Jocelin Donahue, Kenny Wormald, Chris Mulkey, Joelle Carter, Erin Cummings, NiCole Robinson, Andy Sandberg
by Jack Bryan from The Living (2014)
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jack Cornstalk
Jack Cornstalk as a drover born,
Jack Cornstalk gaunt and tan,
Jack Cornstalk leaves his love forlorn,
Jack Cornstalk man to man.
Jack Cornstalk as a careless scamp,
With day-dreams in his head;
Jack Cornstalk on his lone, wide camp,
Jack Cornstalk with his dead,
Jack Cornstalk at his best and worst.
The day dawns on his brow,
Jack Cornstalk’s country must be first –
Advance Australia now!
poem by Henry Lawson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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