Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.
quote by Bob Newhart
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then the story was over, and I said to myself "You know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I could do John Wayne, Jack Benny, Jack Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson and entertain my friends. But I never seriously considered it as a career choice.
quote by Phil Hartman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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She's Got The Jack
She gave me the Queen
She gave me the King
She was wheelin' and dealin'
Just doin' her thing
She was holdin' a pair
But I had to try
Her Deuce was wild
But my Ace was high
But how was I to know
That she'd been dealt with before
Said she'd never had a Full House
But I should have known
From the tattoo on her left leg
And the garter on her right
She'd have the card to bring me down
If she played it right
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Poker face was her name
Poker face was her nature
Poker straight was her game
If she knew she could get you
She played 'em fast
And she played 'em hard
She could close her eyes
And feel every card
But how was I to know
That she'd been shuffled before
Said she'd never had a Royal Flush
But I should have known
That all the cards were comin'
From the bottom of the pack
And if I'd known what she was dealin' out
I'd have dealt it back
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, and who knows what else?
She's got the jack, yeah, yeah
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack,
Ooh, It was a bad deal, (Jack)
She gave me the (Jack), hey
She's got the (Jack), she's got the (Jack)
She's got the (Jack), ooh can't you tell
She's got the (Jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack)
(She's got the jack, she's got the Jack)
She's got the jack, she's got the Jack
She's got the jack, you never know!
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, and it hurts!
(She's got the jack)
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Aaaaaah!
Oooooh!
Thank you, thank you, thank you people, thank you, thank you
I'm glad you like the show, yes, thank you very much folks.
Goodnight and God bless
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Benny Bullfrog
So there I am polished heart throat in full puff
I look the part my wad is packed to reimburse.
Ive yet to re-rehearse many moons spent on lovelines lent from
Long-legged pop-eyed fat-necked benny bullfrog.
Final run-through polish up
The flower of loves my buttercup.
Moon in june for you Ill croon
Just like pop-eyed fat-necked benny bullfrog.
Mean piece of muscle Im melvin toad,
I dice with death, across the road.
Hop aboard my lovers leap
Fat-necked quatermass
Who needs a benny bullfrog.
Here she comes (keep a cool head)
My legs numb (keep a cool head)
I cant run (keep a cool head)
High! my names hunky how dyou do
I catch a fly in one swoop
I catch a fly just for you
Thats if you do want me to
But youre not hungry I know
A sixth sense gave me a clue.
I know what else we can do.
(you creep !)
Long-legged pop-eyed fat-necked benny bullfrog.
Wish I was benny bullfrog
Cool as benny bullfrog
Whats the secret, bullfrog?
song performed by by Madness
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Misplaced Sympathy
Little Benny sat one evening,
Looking o'er his picture-book:
Suddenly his mother noticed
On his face a troubled look.
He was gazing on a picture, —
"Christians in the early days,"
When the cruel tyrant Nero
Harassed them in various ways.
'Twas a family of Christians,
Torn by lions fierce and wild,
In the horrible arena,
Which had thus distressed the child.
Thinking it a golden moment
To impress his youthful mind
With our freedom, dearly purchased,
And by martyrs' blood refined,
His good mother told the story
Of their persecutions sore,
While he listened, all attention,
And the picture pondered o'er.
"See, my child, those hungry lions,
How upon the group they fall!
'Tis a sight, my precious darling,
That the bravest might appall."
Then, with little lip a-quiver,
"Mamma, look!" says little Benny:
"Little lion in the corner,
Mamma, isn't gettin' any!"
poem by Charles Follen Adams from Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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To Jack
SO, I’ve battled it through on my own, Jack,
I have done with all dreaming and doubt.
Though “stoney” to-night and alone, Jack,
I am watching the Old Year out.
I have finished with brooding and fears,
Jack, And the spirit is rising in me,
For the sake of the old New Years, Jack,
And the bright New Years to be.
I have fallen in worldly disgrace, Jack,
And I know very well that you heard;
They have blackened my name in this place, Jack,
And I answered them never a word.
But why should I bluster or grieve,
Jack? So narrow and paltry they be—
I knew you would never believe, Jack,
The lies that were said against me.
That is done which shall never be undone,
And I blame not, I blame not my land,
But I’m hearing the Calling of London,
And I long for the roar of the Strand.
It was always the same with our race,
Jack; You know how a vagabond feels—
We can fight a straight man face to face, Jack.
But we can’t keep the curs from our heels.
You know I loved women and drink, Jack,
And that’s how the trouble began;
But you know that I never would shrink,
Jack, From a deed that was worthy a man!
I never was paltry or mean, Jack.
And cruel I never could be,
I will give you a hand which is clean,
Jack, When we meet again over the sea.
I will bring a few wrinkles of care,
Jack; I have altered a lot, I am told;
The steel-filings show in my hair, Jack;
But my heart is as young as of old.
I have faith still in women, and men, Jack,
Though selfish and blind they may be.
I still have my soul and my pen, Jack,
And my country seems dearer to me.
I will sail when your summer sets in, Jack,
And good-bye to my own native land;
Oh, I long for a glimpse of your grin, Jack,
And I long for the grip of your hand.
We both suffered sorrow and pain, Jack,
And sinned in the days that are done;
But we’ll fight the old battle again, Jack,
Where the battle is worth being won.
poem by Henry Lawson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Poems Became The Story Of My Inner Life
THE POEMS BECAME THE STORY OF MY INNER LIFE
The poems became the story of my inner life-
A series of confessions-
Often simple and direct
They seemed to lose their poetry-
I wrote them and I write them as I need to
I do not know if their rhythm is real
Or only prose-
I write them as poetry
Because this is what I am and have now-
Still the overwhelming anxiety I have now suggests
I always in them tell only a small part of the story
As if the feeling inside
Is always more than any poetry that pretends to express and represent it –
If I doubt the value of this poem and doubt the value of all my poetry and doubt my own value, poetry or not, and doubt and doubt-
Then certainly ‘doubt’ is one keynote of my inner life and story.
poem by Shalom Freedman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Nothing But a Shadow
Here we are walking
yet not talking
silence silence
we've grown apart
yet here we are
walking, but not talking
we are together
yet far apart
silence silence
I watch our shadows
with a sour look
slipping farther apart
This cannot be
what happened to you and me
silence silence
What happened over the summer
you found a job
and we stopped seeing eachother
I wish our shadows would be close again
like when you and me were best friends
silence silence
poem by C.M. Benny
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Jack And Jill
this is not the usual story of Jack and Jill,
this is reality
welcome. Jack married Jill
in 1985
the first year was bliss
until the second year
when Jack
was so pressured
in his work
and Jill who was left at
home
got so bored with nothing
to do
except to listen
to Jack's shifting
towards the corners
of insanity
and then one day
Jill cooked Chinese noddles
for their wedding anniversary
which of course
she did not recall
but Jack still had it vivid
in his mind
the expensive wedding gown
the diamond ring
and flashy car
and the well attended
grand reception
Jack went wild
and throw the hot noddles
in Jill's face
Jill went to the U.S.
married a white man
Jack finally landed
in a mental asylum
The house where they once
lived
got burned
nothing remained
except the vacant lot
foreclosed by
the bank
sad
Jack and Jill
did not live happily everafter
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Black Jack Blues
Ow ow ow ow ow
This is the story of a man
He had a problem with gambling
He liked AA, he was a real big fan
But that didn't help and he just kept rambling
ow ow ow ow ow
He visited this casino in Las Vegas
He was hoping to gamble less
But it just didn't work, he couldn't hack it
He was just too addicted to Black Jack
ow ow-ow ow ow ow
He is the black jack man
He has the black jack blues
He's the number one fan
ow ow ow whoo hoo
He didn't know what to do
His wife had already left him, that beautiful Maggie Sue
He had nothing left to live for
Those black jack blues were killing him more and more
ow ow-ow ow ow ow
He is the black jack man
He has the black jack blues
He's the number one fan
ow ow ow whoo hoo
whoa oh oh whoo hoo
song performed by by Fleetwood Mac
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Modesty is my best quality.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fundamental of Liar Chapter XCVI: Fear
I don’t afraid of being old, I’m only afraid of being weak
I don’t afraid of being ugly, I’m only afraid of being useless
I don’t afraid of being nameless, I’m only afraid of being not loved
I don’t afraid of being lost, I’m only afraid of being blind
I don’t afraid of being dumb, I’m only afraid of being hopeless
I don’t afraid of being poor, I’m only afraid of being ungrateful
I don’t afraid of being loser, I’m only afraid of being coward
I don’t afraid of being bound, I’m only afraid of being fake
I don’t afraid of being wrong, I’m only afraid of being oblivious
I don’t afraid of being suffered, I’m only afraid of being surrender
I don’t afraid of being alone, I’m only afraid of being bored
I don't afraid of being loss, I'm only afraid of being lied
poem by Maria Sudibyo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Gags die, humor doesn't.
quote by Jack Benny
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hyper-insomniaparachondriod
Silence is screaming in my head
So called repeat
Not much longer Ill be dead
So just forget me
Im losing my mind
I dont think you can save me this time
And it goes on and on and I just feel helpless
How long will this take to go
On and on when will I get through this?
Welcome to my own doubt and doubt
Im crawling deeper in this hole
Soon disaster
Im gripping what I thought control
Was falling faster
Im losing my mind
I dont think you can save me this time
And it goes on and on and I just feel helpless
How long will this take to go
On and on when will I get through this?
Welcome to my own doubt and doubt
Its dragging on
Im wearing thin
I cant stop these walls they keep caving in
Its gone too far
Wheres my mind?
Why cant I stop feeling this paranoia?
Its hyper insomnia
Dont you mess with me
Its hyper insomnia
Dont you start with me
And it goes on and on and I just feel helpless
How long will this take to go
On and on when will I get through this?
Welcome to my own doubt and doubt
Welcome to my own doubt and doubt
Welcome to my own doubt and doubt
Welcome to my own doubt and doubt
song performed by by Sum 41
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fear Of Dying
I'm not afraid of standing still
I'm just afraid of being bored
I'm not afraid of speaking my mind
I'm just afraid of being ignored
I'm not afraid of feeling
and I'm not afraid of trying
I'm just afraid of losing
And I am afraid of dying
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...
I'm not afraid of being sick
I'm more afraid of being well
I'm not afraid
Put the gun in my hand
I'm just afraid it will hurt like (hurt like) hell
I'm not afraid of screaming
and I'm not afraid of crying
I'm just afraid of forgetting
And I am afraid of dying
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
I'm not afraid of looking ugly
I couldn't care what they say
I'm not afraid of happy endings
I'm just afraid my life won't work that way
I'm not afraid of forgiveness
I absolve you everything
I'm not afraid of lying...
But I am afraid of dying
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you all I do is sit and think about you
Without you yes I...
song performed by by Jack Off Jill from Clear Hearts Grey Flowers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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In Silence
We talk in silence
We speak in exchanging breath
We argue in silence
We battle with our stare
We think in silence
We travel in our mind
We promise in silence
We create the secret better
We sing in silence
We smile in radiant melody
We enjoy in silence
We move with our body
We share in silence
We stay in each other arms
We love in silence
We grow the hope of warmth
We hate in silence
We shake in every fiber being
We pray in silence
We enchant the words in heart
We long in silence
We drown in loneliness
We break in silence
We flow soundless tears
We walk in silence
We tell our story in footprint
We listen in silence
We could hear numerous voices
poem by Maria Sudibyo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My idol was Jack Benny and he was the master of subtlety and timing.
quote by Don Knotts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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