When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Ugly!
I hate to talk
about ugly kin
But I had the butt-ugliest
lil’sister
We had to tie a pork chop
round her neck
Before my daddy
would even kiss her
Not only was my sister ugly
Even more so was my baby brother
When he was born, the doctor slapped his butt
Then turned around
And slapped my mother
poem by David Whalen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Unwanted Child
Quiet a mistake, she was when born
She was not a rose, but an unwanted thorn
Born to a mother, that was abandoned herself
Born to a daddy, that kept whiskey on his shelf
Badly abused, her mother left him
Took her along and life was very grim
She was a thrown away child that nobody wanted
So many daddys, that she is still haunted
Abused all her life, she was finally grown
Slapped around alot, against the wall she was thrown
Every man she chose, was just like her dad
And still to this day, she stays pretty sad
Only needing to know that someone will care
She hasn't got much of a heart left, to share!
poem by Donna Nimmo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sweetmother
Let her be nice, let her be wicked is she, mother is my mother. Let her be beauty, let her be ugly, mother is my mother. A gold that can never be lost, she look after me even if am wicked, she look into my eyes when am wick praying all days for my life. Even if she don't eat, she will look for what to eat. Let her be ugly, mother is my mother when i was still a kid, she carries me gently on her hand, she willlonl into my eyes and smile, she will say my good child when you are strong, you will make it in life, you will be successful even more that mother. There is no better love than mama's care. I love you mother. May you dat the FRUIT OF YOUR LABOUR.
poem by Lekadabra Fadimu
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Flower
Turn the ugly light off god
Wanna feel the night
Everyday it shines down on me
Dont you think that I see
Dont you think that I see what its all about
Hard to look the other way
While the world passes me by
And everyone is trying to bum me out
Its a pretty big world god
And I am awful small
Everyday they rain down on me
Flower in a hailstorm
Flower in a hailstorm
Im living for the drought
I could throw it back at them
But then I play their game
Everyone is trying to bum me out
When I came into this world they slapped me
And everyday since then Im slapped again
Tomorrows king: an unsightly coward
You see, I know Im gonna win
Turn the ugly light off god
Dont wanna see my face
Everyday it will betray me
Dont you think that I know
Dont you think that I know what theyre talking about
If they step on me tonight
Theyre gonna pay someday
Everyone is trying to bum me out
song performed by by Eels
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cloaked In Darkness
Things for them were going great...
When the 'haves' could separate themselves,
From those hungry and homeless.
Those they chose to invalidate.
'God don't like ugly! '
My mother always said to me.
And I knew she meant what people did.
Not what they appeared to be.
And many people were caught up,
Doing some very ugly things.
Because they believed their misdeeds done...
Were cloaked in darkness and never would be seen.
'God don't like ugly! '
My mother always said to me.
And I knew she meant what people did.
Not what they appeared to be.
Things for them were going great...
When the 'haves' could separate themselves,
From those hungry and homeless.
Those they chose to invalidate.
'God don't like ugly! '
My mother always said to me.
'God don't like ugly! '
My mother always said to me.
'God don't like ugly! '
My mother always said to me.
~Okay, okay Ma! Geeessshhh. I get it.
Well, they did it to me first.~
'Oh?
So that makes it okay,
For one monkey to steal all of the bananas...
To keep other monkeys deprived? '
~But Ma...we are not talking about monkeys.~
'We're not talking about squirrels either!
But does it make the act right? '
~Okay, okay Ma! Geeessshhh. I get it.
I think.~
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Goin Down Slow
Iv had my fun if I dont ever get well no more
Iv had my fun if I dont ever get well no more
I know my help is failing me now
I know Im goin down slow
Wont somebody wright my mother and tell her the shape Im in
I want somebody to wright my mother and tell her the shape Im in
I want you tell her to pray for me
Ask her to fortgive me for all my sinns
Mother please dont send me no doctor
A doctor cant do me no good
I dont want you to send me no doctor now..
A doctor just cant do me no good
Back when I was a young boy oh..
I just didnt do the thing I should
Mmmm mmmmmm
Mmmm mmmmmm
song performed by by Allman Brothers Band
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor’s Day,2010
Doctor, doctor, carer of sick!
Doctor, doctor, healer on earth;
Doctor, doctor, noble is thine field;
Doctor, doctor, serve thine brethren well!
Doctor, labor all the more;
Clean and dress the chronic sore;
Let no person taint thine name;
Never forget thine great aim.
Doctor, let not wealth allure;
Doctor, lead a life all pure;
Doctor, try to always cure;
God will bless thee on earth, sure.
Dear Dr.B, K, Padmavathi M.D.,
‘Happy Doctor’s Day,2010! ’
From the Dean and staff of IRT, PMC
Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2010
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Thats Why God Made The Movies
When I was born my mother died
She said bye-bye baby, bye-bye
I said where you goin?
Im just born
She said Ill only be gone for a while
My mother loved to leave in style
And thats why God made the movies
So I laid around in my swaddling clothes
Until the doctor came and turned out the light
Then I packed my bag
And my nametag
And stole away into the night
Hopeing things would work out alright
Thats why God made the movies
Say you will, say you will
Say youll take me to your loving breast
Say youll nourish me with your tenderness
The way the ladies sometimes do
Say you wont, say you wont
Say you wont leave me for no other man
Say youll love me for the way I am
Say you will, say you will
When I was born my mother died
She said bye-bye baby, bye-bye
And since that day
Ive made my way
The notorious boy of the wild
Adopted by wolves when he was a child
Thats why god. thats why god.
Thats why God made the movies
song performed by by Paul Simon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Real Me
---- --
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I have to tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me doctor?
I went back to my mother
I said, "I'm crazy ma, help me."
She said, "I know how it feels son,
'Cos it runs in the family."
Can you see the real me, mother?
The cracks between the paving stones
Look like rivers of flowing veins.
Strange people who know me
Peeping from behind every window pane.
The girl I used to love
Lives in this yellow house.
Yesterday she passed me by,
She doesn't want to know me now.
Can you see the real me, can you?
I went to the holy man,
Full of lies and hate,
I seemed to scare him a little
So he showed me to the golden gate.
Can you see the real me preacher?
Can you see the real me doctor?
Can you see the real me mother?
Can you see the real me me me me me me
me me me me me
song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Young, Dumb & Ugly
We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes
Most of our brain cells are gone
We were born to be bad, you better not make us mad
Or we just might toilet paper your lawn
We got a reputation 'round these parts
We only leave a ten percent tip
Sometimes we don't return our shoping carts
Stay out of our way and don't you give us no lip
'cause we're young... dumb and ugly
That's what we are
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
We wear black leather in the hottest weather
You can't imagine the smell
We got three-day stubble, our names spell trouble
T-r-u-b-e-l
Reaisin' hell, bendin' the rules just a little
We're livin' only for thrills
We squeeze our tooothpaste tubes from the middle
And wait until the last minute to pay our telephone bills
'cause we're young... dumb and ugly
You better believe it
We're young... young, dumb and ugly
I'll tell you again
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
We're comin' to your town
Yeah, we're young... young, dumb and ugly
We're wild, reckless men, we're on a rampage again
We drive with just one hand on the wheel
Danger's in our soul, we're goin' out of control
Swimmin' right after a big heavy meal
We're there wherever trouble's starting
We're rebels without a clue
We drink milk right from the carton
And keep our library books 'till they're way overdue
'cause we're young... dumb and ugly
That's what we are
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
You can't stop us
We're young... we're so young, dumb and ugly
Young, dumb & ugly
We're young... we're young, dumb and ugly
So ugly
Young... dumb... & ugly
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bad Habits & Infections
Come to me like Im the doctor
Say you need someone to talk ta
You want advice go ask your mother
One bad turn deserves another
cause Ive been cursed with your infection
Makin my head hurt makin my eyes burn
Youve taken me in the wrong direction
And left me there with no protection
Bad habits can be cured by cutting
Them out
Infections can be cured by cutting
Them out
Maybe youll find a friend up in the
Rainbow room
If you can dodge the drinks that
Theyve been throwing at you
Anyway, your boyfriend should be
Coming home soon
Then you can hide your life away
Bad habits can be cured by cutting
Them out
Infections can be cured by cutting
Them out
Come to me like Im the doctor
Come to me like Im the doctor
Come to me like Im the doctor
I am the doctor
I am the doctor
song performed by by Hall & Oates
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Doctor
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh the mess Im in
She walked up to me
And really stole my heart
And then she started
To take my body apart
*livin, lovin, Im on the run
Far away from you
Livin, lovin, Im on the run
So far away from you
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, Im goin fast
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, Im goin fast
Its only just a moment,
Shes turnin paranoid
Thats not a situation for a nervous boy
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, the mess Im in
But you look so angry
As I crawled across your floor
Shes got the strain,
And I cant take any more
*repeat
*repeat
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I came out singing, the doctor slapped me on the head, and I started singing.
quote by Keith David
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Envy Is An Ugly Thing
ENVY IS AN UGLY THING
Envy is an ugly thing -
Genius is not given to everyone-
We want to be
What we are not.
And we spend our lives hurting
At our failure.
God chooses
Not us.
You were not born to be the one and only one-
You were born to be one of many many many-
Grow up now you fool
Fifty years of hoping in vain
Is enough of this nonsense.
poem by Shalom Freedman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Clones
I'm a clone
I know it and I'm fine
I'm one and more are on the way
I'm two, doctor
Three's on the line
He'll take incubation another day
I'm all alone, so are we all
We're all clones
All are one and one are all
All are one and one are all
We destroyed the government
We're destroying time
No more problems on the way
I'm through doctor
We don't need your kind
The other ones
Ugly ones
Stupid boys
Wrong ones
I'm all alone, so are we all
We're all clones
All are one and one are all
All are one and one are all
Six is having problems
Adjusting to his clone status
Have to put him on a shelf
All day long we hear him crying so loud
I just wanna be myself
I just wanna be myself
I just wanna be myself
Be myself
Be myself
I'm all alone, so are we all
We destroyed the government
We're destroyed time
No more problems on the way
I'm through doctor
We don't need your kind
The other ones
Ugly ones
Stupid boys
Wrong ones
I'm all alone, so are we all
We're all clones
All are one and one are all
All are one and one are all
I'm all alone, so are we all
We're all clones
All are one and one are all
All are one and one are all
song performed by by Smashing Pumpkins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Young, Dumb Ugly
Were dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes
Most of our brain cells are gone
We were born to be bad, you better not make us mad
Or we just might toilet paper your lawn
We got a reputation round these parts
We only leave a ten percent tip
Sometimes we dont return our shoping carts
Stay out of our way and dont you give us no lip
cause were young... dumb and ugly
Thats what we are
Were so young... young, dumb and ugly
We wear black leather in the hottest weather
You cant imagine the smell
We got three-day stubble, our names spell trouble
T-r-u-b-e-l
Reaisin hell, bendin the rules just a little
Were livin only for thrills
We squeeze our tooothpaste tubes from the middle
And wait until the last minute to pay our telephone bills
cause were young... dumb and ugly
You better believe it
Were young... young, dumb and ugly
Ill tell you again
Were so young... young, dumb and ugly
Were comin to your town
Yeah, were young... young, dumb and ugly
Were wild, reckless men, were on a rampage again
We drive with just one hand on the wheel
Dangers in our soul, were goin out of control
Swimmin right after a big heavy meal
Were there wherever troubles starting
Were rebels without a clue
We drink milk right from the carton
And keep our library books till theyre way overdue
cause were young... dumb and ugly
Thats what we are
Were so young... young, dumb and ugly
You cant stop us
Were young... were so young, dumb and ugly
Young, dumb & ugly
Were young... were young, dumb and ugly
So ugly
Young... dumb... & ugly
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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