I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.
quote by Rainn Wilson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All the Jokes
All the jokes have already been told
And so instead, we tell jokes about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
So instead we tell jokes about how
All the new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
Because they remind us about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these jokes get old very quickly
So we make up new jokes about how
The jokes about the new jokes about how
All the jokes that have already been told
Are starting to get quite old
But after a while, once these jokes
Have gotten quite old themselves
We sit and listen to the silence
And wonder about the past, and how
All the jokes have already been told
Then suddenly, out of nowhere
Somebody comes up with a joke
That had been forgotten long ago
But is so funny we can't even breathe
So we roll on the floor, gasping for air
poem by Derek Ouyang
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
quote by Wanda Sykes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
quote by George Mikes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
quote by Emo Philips
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
quote by Jensen Ackles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.
quote by Kurt Vonnegut
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.
quote by Sam Kinison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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3 Years
The first year was great
jokes and laughs
games and retardedness
That summer was even better
staying up late
texting all day
showers over the phone
what more can we ask for?
The second year was wow
not so many jokes
less laughs
i dont even know what happened to the games
or to the retardedness
i think a good question should be...
What happened to you?
The summer started off shakey
yea we talked
but there was a big white wall in between us
or better yet a girl
she liked you so much
and yea i guess you liked her too.
The middle of the summer started getting better
we had the jokes and laughs
but still no games or retardedness
we were still missing alot.
Towards the end of the summer
we had everything
man was i happy
We were best friends again
the jokes and the laughs were awesome
and the games and the retardedness was back!
The third year is starting now
its going good so far
we still have everything
but....
The first year was better
and that summer was the best!
poem by Adriana Ellis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.
quote by Rue McClanahan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.
quote by Keenen Ivory Wayans
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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'St. Elmo's Fire' is one of my favorite films. I like the storytelling of those teenage American films. You don't get that now. Teenage American movies are all about sick jokes, puking a lot, arse jokes.
quote by James McAvoy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Elevation of Mood
My moods shall beg again, too far and away,
Their complication is advanced and to stay.
Certain jokes penetrate the mind if humourous,
When too humourous, the little jokes are marvellous.
Enter a menace to exit the stream, it delights,
For the hiding of our thoughts and our appetites.
Birthrights let minds envelop certain tasks,
To be afterwards rewarded like flasks.
These small containers contain beautiful milk
And to drink this leads to your ilk.
poem by Naveed Akram
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Something About Their Jokes Told
Why is it,
That those who once provoked...
Laughter and jokes,
On other folks...
Have become the ones,
Who today appear to fear?
Could it be,
Something they have done to someone...
Has managed to attract serious attention.
And faces of those once cracking with laughs,
Find something about their jokes told...
No longer thought to be as funny.
And today,
Those who they pass to exchange...
With others who gathered to laugh,
Seem to smile as if gasping onto bags...
Of contained laughter.
And appear happy for no apparent reason.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Be With You Awhile
I wish I could tell you something you didn't know
I wish I could give you something you didn't owe
I wish I could tell you a joke to make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some nameless fascination that showed up at your door
And when you're sad and blue my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
I just want to take you somewhere you haven't been
Find an old time movie where we don't know the end
Lost in the radio, drive another mile
So I could be with you awhile
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some nameless fascination that showed up at your door
And when you're sad and blue my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
Tired of serious conversation
Tangled up in situations
I feel so free 'cause you want nothing from me
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some hopeless vagabond asleep there on your floor
And when you're old and gray my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some nameless fascination that showed up at your door
And when you're old and gray my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
I just want to be with you awhile
I just want to be with you awhile
I just want to be with you...
song performed by by Alice Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Distractions
Fancy a big house
Some kids and a horse
I can not quite, but nearly
Guarantee, a divorce
I think that I love you
I think that I do
So go on mister, make Miss me Mrs you.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I do
I only make jokes to distract myself
From the truth, from the truth.
Fancy a fast car
A bag full of loot
I can nearly guarantee
You'll end up with the boot
I love you, I love you, I love you , I do
I only make jokes to distract myself
From the truth, from the truth.
I love you, I love you, I love you , I do
I only make jokes to distract myself
From the truth, from the truth.
song performed by by Zero 7
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Brand New Me
(gamble / huff / butler)
This is my same old coat
And my same old shoes
I was the same old me
With the same old blues
Then you touched my life
Just by holding my hand
Now I look in the mirror
And see a brand new girl
I got a brand new walk
A brand new smile
Since I met you baby
I got a brand new style
Just because of you, boy
Just because of you
Just because of you, boy
Just because of you
I got the same old friends
They got the same old sins
I tell the same old jokes
Give the same old grins
But now the jokes sound new
And the laughter does too
Everyday of my life
As fresh as morning dew
Just because of you, boy
Just because of you
Just because of you, boy
Just because of you
Just because of you, boy
Just because of you
I go to the same old places
See the same old faces
Look at the same old skies
See them all with brand new eyes
Ooh, ooh
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Time To Belittle
What is so funny?
'How small minds gather with other small minds,
To then associate with more smaller minds...
Who all find the time to belittle.'
In height?
Or in thought process?
Which one?
Why are you staring at me?
'Jokes are not suppose to be analyzed.
That's why they are called jokes.'
Oh!
I get it 'now'.
Not to 'belittle'.
But to be 'little'.
'Forget it.
Just forget it.'
Don't be made at me.
You could have kept that one to yourself.
I would have used 'disparaged' instead, anyway.
'Father...?
Why is it 'me'? '
Stop looking up in the sky.
That answer is not there.
Trust me.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Stamping Ground
The stamping ground,
The stamping ground.
All your old gang
Still hang around.
Coming in with the same blokes,
Going home with the same jokes,
If you ever go missing
I know where youll be found :
The stamping ground.
The big fella on the front door knows your face.
The barman pretends that hes saved you a place,
But when your back is turned
They say shes older than she tells.
I could stand the main attraction,
But not the clientelle.
The stamping ground,
The stamping ground.
All your old gang
Still hang around.
Coming in with the same blokes,
Going home with the same jokes,
If you ever go missing
I know where youll be found :
The stamping ground.
Everybody knows
Evrybodys trouble,
Who comes in alone,
Who leaves as a couple.
When they seen you coming, babe,
They act like theyre pleased to meet you.
Say its very nice to know you,
But I wouldnt want to be you.
The stamping ground,
The stamping ground.
All your old gang
Still hang around.
Going home with the same blokes,
Going home with the same jokes,
If you ever go missing
I know where youll be found :
The stamping ground.
You talk like you dont have a brain in your head.
You act like you dont have a care in your bed.
Th lights are on,
Theres no one home,
It scares you to death.
You stamp on anyone who stops to take a breath.
The stamping ground,
The stamping ground.
All your old gang
Still hang around.
Going home with the same blokes,
Going home with the same jokes,
If you ever go missing
I know where youll be found :
The stamping ground.
The stamping ground.
The stamping ground.
The stamping ground.
The stamping ground.
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sisterly Flaws
I hate you.
I hate when we laugh,
I hate when we stay up late, as I am always tired.
I hate the way you take me places,
and include me in your fun,
I hate the way you say you love me,
and ask me to go for a run.
I hate when you jump out and scare me,
I hate when you make bad jokes.
I hate when you want some sisterly time,
I hate when you ask me to pull your finger.
I hate when we go for a walk,
I hate when you embarass me,
I hate when we reminise.
I hate when you make a mess, and then yell out it was Dave.
I hate when you want to write a song with me.
I hate that you are shorter then me
I hate that your jokes arent funny.
Just one last thing I'd like to say,
did you remember,
ITS OPPOSITE DAY?
poem by Dakota Ellerton
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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