No Designation Do I Wish To Achieve

There is no designation,
Do I wish to achieve...
Upon arriving at my destination.
I compete with myself to succeed.
No awards am I seeking to uplift with a gloating.

There have been too many obstacles,
I had to fight with the gritting of my teeth.
And an ignoring of my own fears,
Aided by those who wanted to see me defeated...
With hopes to block every step I made,
To test the depth of my faith!
Only to deepen the depth of it,
With an awakening I could not fake...
Has long had my eyes wide open.

And the carrying of doubt whispering in my ears,
On a daily basis...
As I proceeded on a path cleared by my ambitions,
Rode on my back attached like a weave.
Unknowing my motivation.
Not designations or intuitions to provide incentive.
For whatever the reason,
I am not impressed by those sensations.

No! None of that!
And if any of this could be explained,
I'd be the first to do it.
To detail a strategy I kept secret to amuse.
I am not in self abuse to reveal wounds and bruises.
Nah!
I have had too many to come uninvited.

However...
It was initiative, discipline and sacrificing comforts,
That were the only tools I used.
Not amusement.
Especially when a coming close not to continue,
On my journey...
Had been too often within my reach to cease my need,
To get up on my feet and move to have that accomplished.
And 'if' I am deserving of an award for THAT?
So be it.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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