The Worst Joke Ever
You see there's this cat burglar who can't see in the dark.
He lays his bets on 8 more lives, walks into a bar.
Slips on the 8 ball, falls on his knife.
Says, "I don't know what I've done, but it doesn't feel right!"
Some things don't hold up over the course of a lifetime,
When's the first time you heard that one, 1954?
Get to the punch line. fall to the floor.
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup for
The worst joke ever, I never
I'll tell you my version of the greatest life story
Don't bore me
Now I am floating,
I feel released.
The moorings have been dropped,
The weights unleashed.
Everything is crystalline, simple and free.
The crime of good men who can't wrestle with change,
Or are too afraid to face this life's misjudged unknowns
You're not hurting anybody else's chances,
But you're disfiguring your own.
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup for
The worst joke ever, I never
I'll tell you my version of the greatest life story
Don't bore me, I NEVER
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup
You see there's this feeling that I've heard this one before
song performed by by REM
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
This Time Around
It's getting colder in this ditch where I lie
I'm feeling older and I'm wondering why
I heard they told her it was tell and live or die
I didn't know her but I know why she lied
I didn't know her but I know why she died
Yeah
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
Whoa yeah
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
Yeah
And we won't go down
Yeah
I heard them say that dreams should stay in your head
Well I feel ashamed of the things that I've said
Put on these chains and you can live a free life
Well I'd rather bleed just to know why I died
Yeah
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
Whoa yeah
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
Whoa yeah
And we won't go down
And we won't go down
And we won't go down
Yeah
And we won't go down
Yeah
All I know is that fear has got to go
This time around
...This time around
I've started feeling like I don't want to fight
Give in to the given and put out the light
Cannons a blazing shower these moonlit skies
Then I remember and I know why he died
Do you know why I'd die
Yeah.
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
Whoa yeah
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
Whoa yeah
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
Whoa yeah
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
And we won't go down
And we won't go down
And we won't go down
Yeah
song performed by by Hanson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Counting Every Minute
Gonna break these chains
Gonna set myself free
Gonna turn on the mains
Feel the power inside of me
Gonna burn all night--gonna burn all day
Youll see me coming
From miles away
Feel me in the air
Feel me all around you
Gonna show you how I care
Teach you something new
Im gonna take my time
Make love to you
Yeah I know I can satisfy you
Thats what I intend to do
Now Im counting every minute
Every single minute
Im calling for you, honey
Come and get it while its hot
Counting every minute
Ooh Im living it
Ill make every minute count
Give it everything Ive got
Feel me getting closer
Im almost there
Can you fell my fingers
Running through your hair
Can you feel my hands
Draw you closer to me
Can you hear that clock tick, tick, ticking baby
Ill soon be there to set you free
Im counting every minute
Every single minute
Dont fool around come and
Get it while its hot
Counting every minute
Ooh Im living in it
Ill make every minute count
Give it everything Ive got
Counting every minute
Every single minute
Im calling for you, honey
Come and get it while its hot
Counting every minute
Ooh Im gonna give it
Ill give it to you honey
Ill give you everything
Ive got
Yeah Im counting every minute
Every single minute
Dont fool around come and
Get it while its hot
Counting every minute
Baby dont be timid
Ill make every minute count
Give it everything Ive got
Counting every minute
Counting every minute
Counting every minute
Im calling for you honey
Come and get it while
Its hot
Im counting
Every single minute
Im waiting for you baby
Give you everything Ive got
song performed by by Foreigner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One Good Reason
Just give me one good reason
I know somehow, theres got to be one
I wasnt born every minute of every day
I never feel this way
I fought hard to keep my freedom
But when I think of things that weve done
I give what I keep, and I keep what I give away
Is this a good sign, Im on a thin line
One good reason is all I need
Say the word and Ill cut you free
What was nothing just yesterday
Could be something thats here to stay
One good reason and I might go either way
Give me some indication
Its not my imagination
Something is born every minute of every day
Something could come my way
I just need one good reason
To make me stay instead of leaving
I never knew how to be any other way
Maybe theres still hope
Im on a tight rope
One good reason is all I need
To take the heart that is tempting me
Make a move that could change your life
Never know if its wrong or right
One good reason is all I need tonight
It just takes one good reason
My body sweats, my hands are freezing
I dont make decisions like this every single day
What do I have to say
Just give me one good reason
Give me one good reason
song performed by by Todd Rundgren
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Minute By Minute (Dobbie Brothers)
(Michael McDonaldLester Abrams)
Hey, don't worry, I've been lied to
I've been here many times before
Girl, don't you worry, I know where I stand
I don't need this love, I don't need your hand
I know I could turn, blink, and you'd be gone
Then I must be prepared any time to carry on
But minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
You will stay just to watch me, darlin'
Wilt away on lies from you
Can't stop the habit of livin' on the run
I take it all for granted like you're the only one
Livin' on my own
Somehow that sounds nice
You think I'm your fool
Well, you may just be right
'Cause minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Call my name and I'll be gone
You'll reach out and I won't be there
Just my luck you'll realize
You should spend your life with someone
You could spend your life with someone
Minute by minute by minute by minute
I'll be holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
I'll be holding on...
song performed by by Michael Mcdonald
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Joke's On Me
The old days were no fun
Im not sorry that they're gone
I don't miss them and I won't miss them
and it was always wrong
Everything I've ever done
From the beginning and to the ending
and things never got better, it seems like forever
Since we had fun or maybe I never have fun
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me
You were always lame, a headache and a pain
I don't miss you and I won't miss you
I tried not to get bitter but I was such a quitter
Oh yeah I had dreams but they were only ever bad dreams
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me, The joke's on me...
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
How everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
That everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
[2x]
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me...
song performed by by Reel Big Fish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Minute By Minute
Michael mcdonald/lester abrams
Hey, dont worry, Ive been lied to
Ive been here many times before
Girl, dont you worry, I know where I stand
I dont need this love, I dont need your hand
I know I could turn, blink, and youd be gone
Then I must be prepared any time to carry on
But minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
You will stay just to watch me, darlin
Wilt away on lies from you
Cant stop the habit of livin on the run
I take it all for granted like youre the only one
Livin on my own
Somehow that sounds nice
You think Im your fool
Well, you may just be right
cause minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Call my name and Ill be gone
Youll reach out and I wont be there
Just my luck youll realize
You should spend your life with someone
You could spend your life with someone
Minute by minute by minute by minute
Ill be holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
Ill be holding on...
song performed by by Doobie Brothers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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What You Tryin To Do
Hmm, ooh
What you tryin to do for me?
Does it really matter for you to take a cab or a bus?
Trying to get to where I am cause you lust for me
We end up making love, tell me whatcha wanna do
I just wanna be the one you come and give all your love
Make a nigga take all your love
I wanna show you things, give you things
Its all on you, you, you
If I could just have a minute
Baby come and take a ride with me
Baby wont you spend your life with me
All I want is you, you, you
I know youre right for me
Girl youre everything I think I need
1 - said its only right when you feel like youre lonely
That you get with me
I got the kind of love you dont get tired of
And I put that there on everything
2 - baby whatcha trying to do for me
Heard that you were looking for
A good lovin, not for sure
I know just whatcha came here for
Just trying to do for you
Ill spend all my loot for you
Tell me baby whatcha trying to do
What? whatcha wanna do?
Whatcha trying to do for me
Heard that you were looking for
A good lovin, not for sure
I know just whatcha came here for
Just trying to do for you
Ill spend all my loot for you
Tell me baby whatcha trying to do
Whatcha trying to do for me baby
I can prove it if you wanna we can really, cause I gotta enough
You can get all my love
Baby I give up, dont ya know what you really came here for
If youre thinking that you can be the woman who got love for me
Feeling like you gotta be
Let me know if you like my flow
And we can go, how you wanna go
Now that I have a minute
Let me tell you that youre beautiful
And baby that I love you so
Thats how the story goes
And now I see that your love is always on time
Baby I say to you
Repeat 1
Repeat 2
Ooh, ooh, ooh
La, la, la, la
Repeat 2 till end
song performed by by Jagged Edge
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My Other Half
Your touch
Your kiss
Your voice
I can live with out one or maybe two of them
But I can't and I will not
Live with out your love
I can't now that I have you
Second by second
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
I live for you
I live to please you
To have you and know who you are to me
To know what you really are to me
Is the ultimate gift anyone could ever give me?
When we touch it as if I can feel
All my worries explode from my body
When we kiss it's if I'm skipping through clouds
But stumbling over rainbows
But most of all the feeling I enjoy the most
Is when we arte together we don't have to even be
Touching
Kissing
Or even talking to each other
All we have to be is in the same room by each other
For me to feel the greatest feeling god gave us
Being whole
Being content
And knowing that I have found the one
I will always love
Knowing that you are my soul mate
Awe the greatest feeling is the one
I share with you and only you my love
The missing piece of my puzzle
My soul mate
Is you
For I love you
And always will
Just remember
You can either crush my heart or cherish it
But you will always hold it in your hand
For I will always
Love you and only you
For the rest of my life
You may find new love
Or want to take a break from me
Or realize you never loved me
At all in the first place
But I
I will always love you
Not because I don't want
To love anyone else
Because I couldn't love
Anyone else in my life
It would not be physically impossible for me to
Love again
I may lust
But May I never love again
If you were to leave
For it's you
And only you whom is
My one and only
Other half
poem by Mrs. Cynosure
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lyric
Here comes my faith to carry me on
A faith not of grade
I fight to to stay strong so i
Stand accused of playing numb
I know it is wrong
For I give my strength
I give my heart
Take these chains
And hold them as ours
For I must shine
And I will a star
In a season all mine
A lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
One minute, a friend, a road without end
A lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
One minute, a friend, a road without end
So here is the view
I cast about
Im leaving no room
For you to get out
Youll never get out
Dove, cant you cry without an aside
?
I need you as my way
Across my life
To spend these years
Create a new thought
For I give you strength
And offer my heart
Take these chains
And hold them as ours
For Im a star
And I will shine
In a season all mine
A lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
One minute, a friend, a road without end
A lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
One minute, a friend, a road without end
A lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
One minute, a friend, a road without end
A lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
One minute, a friend, a road without end
A road without end
song performed by by Zwan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fire
I'm floating in the blimp a lot
I feel the feeling I forgot
Swimming weightless in the womb
Bouncing gently round the room
In a minute I'll be free
And we'll be splashing in the sea
I feel no curiosity
I see the path ahead of me
In a minute I'll be free
And we'll be splashing in the sea
We hear a tiny cry
As the ship goes sliding by
Free!
Free!
Free!
I'm floating in the blimp a lot
I feel the feeling I forgot
I'm floating in the blimp a lot
I feel free!
Free!
Free!
Free!
Free
song performed by by Phish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Free
Im floating in the blimp a lot
I feel the feeling I forgot
Swimming weightless in the womb
Bouncing gently round the room
In a minute Ill be free
And well be splashing in the sea
I feel no curiosity
I see the path ahead of me
In a minute Ill be free
And well be splashing in the sea
We hear a tiny cry
As the ship goes sliding by
Free!
Free!
Free!
Im floating in the blimp a lot
I feel the feeling I forgot
Im floating in the blimp a lot
I feel free!
Free!
Free!
Free!
Free!
song performed by by Phish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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New York
Harry got up
Dressed all in black
Went down to the station
And he never came back
They found his clothing
Scattered somewhere down the track
And he won't be down on Wall Street
in the morning
He had a home
The love of a girl
But men get lost sometimes
As years unfurl
One day he crossed some line
And he was too much in this world
But I guess it doesn't matter anymore
In a New York minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute
Things can get pretty strange
In a New York minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute
Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebody going to emergency
Somebody's going to jail
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door
In a New York minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute
Things can get a little strange
In a New York minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute
And in these days
When darkness falls early
And people rush home
To the ones they love
You better take a fool's advice
And take care of your own
One day they're here;
Next day they're gone
I pulled my coat around my shoulders
And took a walk down through the park
The leaves were falling around me
The groaning city in the gathering dark
On some solitary rock
A desperate lover left his mark
song performed by by Eagles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You go alone
You go for self and wait for none
Fight it out all but one
You may loose path but never be afraid
River may change path and course not straight
Consider it struggle and not path simple,
Task you may have but not opportunity ample,
Life may be game even worst than the gamble,
It may be acid test ………….
Make earnest effort and try very hard,
Life may even last as you grow old,
Youngsters may cut joke and laugh also elder,
Task may get tough as you spread wider,
It may be harder than even Herculean,
You may bogged down and not come clean,
Dark clouds may appear making more thunder,
You may loose heart and fear more plunder
Goal may be off and you may still wonder,
What will be in store? Question you may ponder?
It may hurt you more as ground seems look,
Not to loose composure but come out of hook
In peace you strive more for good result,
Chances may look deem facing more insult,
You may feel shame and not even consult,
It will give pain such as somersault,
If you sweat more less you may bleed
Stormy weather may pass without any read
Time is precious luck you may need,
Best efforts to be put while sowing seed,
You are always master but not go for rest,
Give hope a chance and try for best,
You may not fail but pass the entire test,
Strange are the ways but not last more,
You may have you faced task this before,
Never to contend with less but try more and more
Put your best efforts with new areas explore
Why to go alone and not efforts combine?
Success may come but not result fine,
No sincere effort but only little cry
Empire may be lost with half hearted try
You will need full attempt while acting tough,
Fall you may have on surface rough
Aim always high and inch still forward,
Face all odds and never fall backward,
Put brave front and not withdraw as coward
Success may touch your feet as full reward
Life is worth to live and is biggest award
Try for best and always look forward
You may heave sigh and feel also relief,
It may augur well and strengthen your belief,
Beginning will be little hard as fresh leaf,
Success story may speak and heard by deaf
poem by Hasmukh Amathalal
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see where the setup is and I can tell this is the way to make it.
quote by Matt LeBlanc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Who I am!
I climb rocks out of anger,
sit at the top just to feel the wind.
Dive off boats,
just to get to that cliff.
I jump without fear,
I fly with a smile.
I grab everything I want,
I will beat you if you
taunt.
I'm not afraid of life,
I'm not afraid of death..
The only thing that scares me,
is myself.
I look in the mirror,
disgusted.
my inner doubt.
BUSTED!
I say to myself,
you can never be loved.
That little girl inside,
she's sent from above.
A piece of flesh,
I just want to destroy.
all of this.
just because of a boy.
The minute you get to see the real me,
I'm off.
I have to be free.
Do your worst,
give me the cliffs.
Listening to ballet,
I can dance like a drift.
Put jazz in my ear to unfold.
I can sing to your soul.
Put love in my face,
go away.
DISGRACE!
(I Remember) When Suicide Was Just a Joke
Do you know what I’d give
What I got, what I’d give to go back?
Do you know that I’d give
Up my life just as easy as anything?
And we pass and your voice
Like a death grip on my heart attack
It’s so superficial
Such a f**king w***e don’t care about anything
[Chorus]
Hate is a word that describes what this
In a hall emptied up I’m a name on a list
Of a laundry bag filled with glass I punch with my fist
I remember
When suicide was just a joke
I believed what you said
You believed that I’d always be clean
A fresh slate of my arms
Couldn’t take the days that I hurt for you
Maybe if you weren’t so cruel
I wouldn’t ‘ve had to feel the pain
And if you weren’t so good lookin’
Maybe I wouldn’t want to die
[Chorus]
When suicide was just a joke [X2]
Well everybody knows you’re the one to call
When the girls get ugly on the back of the wall
You’re a polysaccharidal leaching germ to my brain
The camera sees the one thing leaving
Do you know what it is
To make stop dropp offs of misery?
And when I tell you I feel
Do you know that I’d really rather go?
A mixed media chart
Tracing cold hard lies of my history
Yes I scream in the night
Because of you, I’ve never felt so low
[Chorus]
When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
[Spoken: This life was so funny]
When suicide was just a joke
[Take back your f**king things]
When suicide was just a joke
[I remember all your lies]
When suicide was just a joke
(fade out)
poem by Christopher's Dead
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Remember Me
Well we used to be the best of friends
And we used to hang around
Now I always see you and your new girlfriend
On the sunny side of town
Oh your body is the same and your face ain't changed
But your mind ain't where that's at
You're too busy hugging and a-kissing now
And for you that can't be bad
But I've made a deal with the clouds
Gonna turn that sun into rain
So you forget about your love
Come and see me again
Oh remember me I'm your best friend
And we don't talk no more
So if you're in the neighbourhood
Don't forget to knock on my door
Cause I've got to keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
Gotta keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
Gotta keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
Gotta keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
Now I stand upon your path
And I'm shouting up to you
Won't you come and give me a minute now
There's a message here for you
Me and a couple of old school friends
We're going out to drink
You can come along but leave your girl at home
It'll give you time to think
But you called at the last minute
Said that you were staying in
Well this is not a joke old friend
I'm a-getting sick of this
Oh remember me when she leaves you
And you come and knock on my door
Well I can nurse your broken heart
Cause that's what friends are for
Cause I've got to keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
Gotta keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
Gotta keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
Gotta keep the feeling, keep the feeling in
song performed by by Zutons
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tea For One
(page/plant)
How come twenty four hours, baby sometimes seem to slip into days?
Oh twenty-four hours, baby sometimes seem to slip into days
A minute seems like a lifetime, baby when I feel this way
Sittin, lookin at the clock, time moves so slow
Ive been watchin for the hands to move
Until I just cant look no more
How come twenty four hours, baby sometimes seems to slip into days?
A minute seems like a lifetime, baby when I feel this way.
To sing a song for you, I recall you used to say
Oh baby this ones for we two, which in the end is you anyway
How come twenty four hours, baby sometimes slip into days?
A minute seems like a lifetime, baby when I feel this way.
There was a time that I stood tall, in the eyes of other men
But by my own choice I left you woman, and now I cant get back again
How come twenty-four hours, sometimes slip into days?
A minute seems like a lifetime, baby when I feel this way
A minute seems like a lifetime
When I feel this way...i feel this way
song performed by by Led Zeppelin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Think For A Minute!
Somethings going on, a change is taking place
Children smiling in the street have gone without a trace
This street used to be full, it used to make me smile
And now it seems that everyone is walking single file
And many hand their heads in shame
That used to hold them high
And those that used to say hello
Simply pass you by
Think for a minute, stop for a minute
Think for a minute, stop for a minute
I always said it could, they never though it would
The people look so pitiful, Im thinking that it should
And now its almost here, now its on its way
I cant help saying told you so and have a nice final day
And nothing I could say
Could ever make them see the light
Now apathy is happy that
It won without a fight
Think for a minute, stop for a minute
Think for a minute, stop for a minute
And many hang their heads in shame that used to hold them high
{think for a minute}
And those that used to say hello simply pass you by
{stop for a minute}
Think for a minute, stop for a minute
Think for a minute, stop for a minute
song performed by by Housemartins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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New York Minute
Harry got up
Dressed all in black
Went down to the station
And he never came back
They found his clothing
Scattered somewhere down the track
And he wont be down on wall street
In the morning
He had a home
The love of a girl
But men get lost sometimes
As years unfold
One day he crossed some line
And he was too much in this world
But I guess it doesnt matter anymore
In a new york minute
Everything can change
In a new york minute
Things can get pretty strange
In a new york minute
Everything can change
In a new york minute
Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebody going to emergency
Somebodys going to jail
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hand on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door
In a new york minute
Everything can change
In a new york minute
Things can get a little strange
In a new york minute
Everything can change
In a new york minute
And in these days
When darkness falls early
And people rush home
To the ones they love
You better take a fools advice
And tak care of your own
One day theyre here;
Next day theyre gone
I pulled my coat around my shoulders
And took a walk down through the park
The leaves were falling around me
The groaning city in the gathering dark
On some solitary rock
A desperate lover left his mark,
baby, Ive changed. please come back.
What the head makes cloudy
The heart makes very clear
The days were so much brighter
In the time when she was here
But I know theres somebody somewhere
Make these dark clouds disappear
Until that day, I have to believe
I believe, I believe
In a new york minute
Everything can change
In a new york minute
You can get out of the rain
In a new york minute
Everything can change
In a new york minute
song performed by by Eagles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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