Sathington Willoby
-------------------------
We are gathered here
Today in these majestic
Halls of old to honor
A man they call
Sathington Willoby
There's a joke or two, A pun or three
I feel that must be
Told then I go on to
Soeak of Sathington Willoby
Sathington Willoby
The legislator that
Penned us up a bill
That banned the use
Of certain things like this and that
song performed by by Primus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Sathington Willoughby
We are gathered here
Today in these majestic
Halls of old to honor
A man they call
Sathington willoughby.
Theres a joke or two,
A pun or three
I feel that must be
Told then I go on to
Speak of sathington willoughby.
Sathington willoughby
The legislator that
Penned us up a bill
That banned the use
Of certain things like this and that.
song performed by by Primus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Am Bill!
I like to drink and I love to smoke
Which sadly though is not a joke
I even like to take an occasionally pill,
So I now have a really bad heart
Which is to blame on my part
So now, you can call me Bill.
I am not at all very tall
Others say that I am very small
Men are mountains I am just a hill,
I have no hair upon my head
So my head is covered or it would be red
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I have myself this one daughter
Whom says she has no father
That statement makes me feel so very ill,
It makes me feel also really sad
I cheated on her mom so she is mad
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I ride myself a motor bike
As it reminds me of my other trike
I ride it to impress women and others with a thrill,
I want people to think I am rough
But I am coward and I am not at all tough
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I have myself a girlfriend
She is just like me till the very end
She’ll do anything for me even against her will,
She has cheated and she has also lied
Threw away her dignity and also her pride
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I don’t have a job so I never go to work
Other persons call me lazy but that’s a perk
As now our government pays for all of my bill,
They also paid me to go to school
I used the money but I am still a fool
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I am jealous what other men own
As I have nothing living inside a broken home
So from others I like to rob and also steal,
It is hard to see me while I prowl at night
Where I cower in the shadows away from light
So of course, you can call me Bill.
When my life comes to an end
And I go to meet GOD with all my sin
Then finally I will know what in life was real,
I shamefully will walk to GOD in my platform shoes
While covering my head so he wont be amused
And I will say I am sorry; but of course, I am Bill.
Randy L. McClave
poem by Randy McClave
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Today! !
Today the sun was shine less
Today the moon was mood less
Today the birds were wing less
Today as the sun rose, they told me
Today as I woke
They told me
Last night I’ve lost my voice they echoed me
Today the mountains are height less
Today the clock was time less
Today the sky was wind less
Today my hands were workless
Today as the sun boiled, they told me
Today as I spoiled
They told me
Last morning I’ve lost my hands they assured me
Today the world was sightless
Today the room was lightless
Today the voices were figureless
Today my eyes were imageless
Today as the night dived, they told me
Today as I defined
They told me
Last afternoon I’ve lost my eyes they cursed me
Today the era was soundless
Today the room was noise less
Today the things were strike less
Today my ears were voice less
Today as the dawn fell, they told me
Today as I felt
They told me
Last evening I’ve lost my ears they pitted me
Last night I was voiceless
Last night I was hand less
Last night I was eyes less
Last night I was ears less
And now today I feel
That they’ll tell me
That I’ve lost, they’ll yell me
Lost a heartbeat
And now is grave less
Left in open far godless
Unmentioned they say expressionless.
poem by Nishtha Dutta
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How to get on in life
Always try and smile
be as friendly as you can
be polite and well mannered
to every woman and man.
Be gentle and forgiving
keep calm all day long
try and have a sense of humour
even when things go wrong.
Don't swear and get drunk
and pay your taxes on time
be a law abiding citizen
and don't get involved in crime.
But all of the above is hard to do
as people and life can get you down
when you've had a really lousy day
instead of a smile it's usually a frown.
And when someone has been nasty
or your struggling to pay the gas bill
you don't feel like cracking a joke
you'd rather have a drink or a pill.
So just do what's best for yourself
and get by in your own sweet way
the best advice I ever got in life?
don't let the tax man ruin your day!
poem by Kevin Halls
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911 Is A Joke
Now I dialed nine one one a long time ago
Dont you see how late theyre reactin
They only come, and they come when they wanna
So get the morgue truck em back the goner
They dont care cause they stay paid anyway
They treat you like an ace that cant be betrayed
I know you stumble with no use people
If your life is on the line, then youre dead today
Late comings with the late comin stretcher -
Thats a body bag in disguise - yall Ill betcha
I call em body snatchers
Quick they come to fetch you -
With an autopsy ambulance just to dissect ya
They are the kings cos they swing amputation
Lose your arms your legs the famous compilation
I can prove it to you watch the rotation
It all adds up to a funky situation
Get up, get get down
911 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get get down
Late 911 wears the late crown
(chorus)
(ow)
911 is a joke , 911 is a joke
Everyday they dont never come correct
You can ask my man right here with the broken neck
Hes a witness to the job never bein done
He wouldve been in full effect , 911
Is a joke because their always jokin
They the token to your life when its croakin
They need to be in a pawn shop on a 911 -
Is a joke we dont want em
I call a cab cause a cab will come quicker
The doctors huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that cause they
Flick you off like fleas
They be laughin at ya while youre crawlin on our knees
And to the strength, so go the length
Thinkin you are first when you really are tenth
You better wake up and smell the real flavor
Cause 911 is a fake life saver
(chorus) (chorus)
Ow, ow 911 is a joke
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke.
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke
(get up, get get down)
Ooooh, yeahh
song performed by by Duran Duran
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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People keep coming up to me and asking, 'How does it feel to be banned for life?' Banned for life. I wasn't banned for life. There was never a word of suspension, probation or ban in that agreement. It was never meant to be part of it.
quote by George Steinbrenner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Voice Of America
America has Longfellow and Whittier and Poe
And Frost, Lowell, Bryant and Whitman their legend grow and grow
But the Voice of America to none of these belong
That title belong to one more lyrical one who was a prince of song.
Camptown Races, My Old Kentucky Home and the unforgettable Old Black Joe
His songs as popular today as they were decades ago
My Jeannie With The Light Brown Hair and Hard Times Come Again No More
Are sung in halls and pubs and clubs far from his Homeland shore.
The legacy of his genius lives in the beauty he did create
The name of Stephen Foster is a name to celebrate
His songs withstand the test of time the greatest test of all
The many memorable songs he penned are delightful to recall.
America can boast of many great poets their's is a Worldwide fame
But the one who penned the legendary songs Stephen Foster was his name
Is the Voice of America he did not live to be old
He died young and impoverished or so we have been told.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Jesus Told a Joke
Jesus told a joke
To the lowly and humble folk
And they laughed.
So the Pope
Who didn't understand the joke
Banned laughter in Church.
The lowly and humble folk
Had killed themselves laughing
So the Church said
The Joker must die too.
Why must something beautiful
Be destroyed
By serious-minded clerics
Without a sense of humour?
Why must we bow down
To a corpse on a tree
Instead of singing and dancing?
Why are our loveliest songs
Inspired by sorrow?
And why do our priests and priestesses
Lord it over us
Clothed in dark garments of woven tears?
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Disturbance At The Heron House
theyre going wild, the call came in
At early morning pre-dawn, then
the followers of chaos out of control
Theyre numbering the monkeys
The monkeys and the monkeys,
The followers of chaos out of control
theyre meeting at the monument,
The call came in the monument
To liberty and honor under the honor roll
theyve gathered up the cages the cages and courageous,
The followers of chaos out of control
The call came in to party central
meeting of the green and simple,
Try to tell us something we dont know
disturbance at the heron house
A stampede at the monument
To liberty and honor under the honor roll
The gathering of grunts and greens
Cogs and grunts and hirelings
A meeting of a mean idea to hold
when feeding time has come and gone
Theyll lose the heart and head for home
Try to tell us something we dont know
Everyone allowed, everyone allowed
song performed by by REM
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The honor I feel today being inducted into the Hall of Fame is beyond what words can describe. My thanks to the Hall of Fame committee, who saw fit to bestow this great honor upon me today.
quote by Hank Stram
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Unspoken
There's so many things
I'd like to say, but I can't not today.
So many things unspoken.
It leaves me tired and broken.
I'm so afraid you'll think me a joke,
if of these things I spoke.
Unspoken they remain,
feeling that I cannot explain.
I'm exausted from refrain.
To you I don't dare complain.
If to you these words were spoken.
I fear that you would leave me broken.
Then I'd definetley feel like croakin.
Unspoken these things will remain,
and there's no one to be blamed.
For I think we both feel ashamed,
of these things I cannot explain.
So forever they shall remain unspoken
poem by Michael McParland
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The Man of Her Dreams
today is the day i marry the man of my dreams
today is the day all my worries will be deceased
today is the day all my dreams will come true
today is the day that i say i do
today is the day that two become one
today is the day to rejoice and have fun
today is the day i give you my heart because i knew i loved you from the start
today is the day you take my hand and we have our first weddeing dance
today is the day that ive been waitin for
today is the day that i can truely say that i am yours
today is the day to see family and friends
today is the day you became my one and only man
today is the day`to laugh joke and play
today is the day that my father gives me away
today is the day i marry the man of my dreams
today is the day ive been dreamin about in my sleep
today is the day
poem by Nene Brock
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(I Remember) When Suicide Was Just a Joke
Do you know what I’d give
What I got, what I’d give to go back?
Do you know that I’d give
Up my life just as easy as anything?
And we pass and your voice
Like a death grip on my heart attack
It’s so superficial
Such a f**king w***e don’t care about anything
[Chorus]
Hate is a word that describes what this
In a hall emptied up I’m a name on a list
Of a laundry bag filled with glass I punch with my fist
I remember
When suicide was just a joke
I believed what you said
You believed that I’d always be clean
A fresh slate of my arms
Couldn’t take the days that I hurt for you
Maybe if you weren’t so cruel
I wouldn’t ‘ve had to feel the pain
And if you weren’t so good lookin’
Maybe I wouldn’t want to die
[Chorus]
When suicide was just a joke [X2]
Well everybody knows you’re the one to call
When the girls get ugly on the back of the wall
You’re a polysaccharidal leaching germ to my brain
The camera sees the one thing leaving
Do you know what it is
To make stop dropp offs of misery?
And when I tell you I feel
Do you know that I’d really rather go?
A mixed media chart
Tracing cold hard lies of my history
Yes I scream in the night
Because of you, I’ve never felt so low
[Chorus]
When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
[Spoken: This life was so funny]
When suicide was just a joke
[Take back your f**king things]
When suicide was just a joke
[I remember all your lies]
When suicide was just a joke
(fade out)
poem by Christopher's Dead
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Voyeur Of Utter Destruction
Turn and turn again
Turn and turn again
I shake
And stare the sun
Till my eyes burn
I shake
At the mothers
Brutal vermin
I shake
And stare
At the watery moon
With the same desire
As the sober philistine
And i shake
Turn and turn again
Turn and turn again
Worm, the pain and blade
Turn and turn again
The screw
Is a tightening atrocity
I shake
For the reeking flesh
Is as romantic as hell
The need
To have seen it all
The voyeurof utter destruction
As beauty
And i shake
Worm, the pain and blade
Turn and turn again
I shake
Turn and turn again
I shake
I shake
I shake
Research has pierced
All extremes of my sex
Call it a day
Call it a day
Needle point life
Blinds the will to be next
Call it a day
Call it a day
Research has pierced
All extremes of my sex
Call it a day
Call it a day
Needle point life
Blinds the will to be next
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Call it a day
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
Today
song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Emotions
Emotions are all around us.
Be it good or be it bad.
I always have an emotion in my hart.
My emotions are not healthy ones.
They are allways sad.
Today is no different to yesterday.
My emotions are sad.
To day is worse than any other day.
For today I was told.
Told my gran has cancer.
Now today things really are bad.
Maybe my world will fall apart.
Mabey things will come crashing down.
poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Our Song
For some reason weve had the same dreams and acted on our own
Now look where we are
And the times when we dont get along have only made us strong
I know we all will say that it was worth the pain
When well all be gathered around
Knowing the love that we gaves not a waste
You know they will know its true
And when the day when well all be gathered around comes
And I know its not far away I hope
We will know (its true)
And still today I wonder how it all became like this
As if drawn by unseen force
We arrived in one specific place, for all our dreams to chase
And though we did not show, I think we all did know
When things got rough, we still found a way
Now our times, is today
song performed by by Hoobastank
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cracker Hacker
When is a joke not really a joke?
When it is said by a Heating and AC man--
Named as a Pastor in California---
Out in Orange County land;
He's been known to help the Guru---
In some of his most rage -filled plans---
Heating and AC pollution...
Can give you: 'Heavy Metal Hands';
Now we already know about Bot.net...
And have found out about a few other things...
We know that he is still an uninvited guest...!
Yes, through my back door he swings! ;
He's a cracker thats for absolute sure...! ! !
A most devious computer hound...
With eyes on my: 'home kitchen'
With enough rope...he's prison bound! ;
So, when is a joke not really a joke?
When it is supposedly told by a Heating and AC man--
He was named as the Guru's Pastor---
Out in Orange County land;
Signed: One of His victims (Theo Onken)
And dedicated to all things:
'Past and Fluffy'
July 21,2010
poem by Theodora Onken
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When Rick told me he was having trouble with his wife, I had to laugh. Not because of what he said, but because of a joke I thought of. I told him the joke, but he didn't laugh very much. Some friend HE is.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Anabolic steroids were not banned until after the 72 Olympics.
quote by Bill Toomey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Blue Monday
How does it feel to treat me like you do?
When youve laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are
I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me, how do I feel
Tell me now, how do I feel
Those who came before me
Lived through their vocations
From the past until completion
Theyll turn away no more
And I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But Im quite sure that youll tell me
Just how I should feel today
I see a ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasnt for your misfortune
Id be a heavenly person today
And I thought I was mistaken
And I thought I heard you speak
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now, how should I feel
Now I stand here waiting...
I thought I told you to leave me
While I walked down to the beach
Tell me how does it feel
When your heart grows cold
song performed by by Orgy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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