It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
P.G. Wodehouse in The Man Upstairs (1914)
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice
There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,
Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.
I don't mean the kind of apologies people make when they run over you or borrow five dollars or step on your feet,
Because I think that is sort of sweet;
No, I object to one kind of apology alone,
Which is when people spend their time and yours apologizing for everything they own.
You go to their house for a meal,
And they apologize because the anchovies aren't caviar or the partridge is veal;
They apologize privately for the crudeness of the other guests,
And they apologize publicly for their wife's housekeeping or their husband's jests;
If they give you a book by Dickens they apologize because it isn't by Scott,
And if they take you to the theater, they apologize for the acting and the dialogue and the plot;
They contain more milk of human kindness than the most capacious diary can,
But if you are from out of town they apologize for everything local and if you are a foreigner they apologize for everything American.
I dread these apologizers even as I am depicting them,
I shudder as I think of the hours that must be spend in contradicting them,
Because you are very rude if you let them emerge from an argument victorious,
And when they say something of theirs is awful, it is your duty to convince them politely that it is magnificent and glorious,
And what particularly bores me with them,
Is that half the time you have to politely contradict them when you rudely agree with them,
So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on a handy shelf,
Which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves.
poem by Ogden Nash
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You can sort of be married, you can sort of be divorced, you can sort of be living together, but you can't sort of have a baby.
quote by David Shire
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One & One Make Five
(tennant/lowe)
-----------------
Have you heard the news?
Everybodys asking who
Is that man youve been seen with
And why Im never out with you
Please, tell me that you love me
Sort out this confusion
Say our love is still alive
For people must be jumping
To the wrong conclusion
That one and one make five
What I need right now
Is to hear you say they got it wrong
That hes just a new friend
A perfectly innocent one
So, tell me that you love me
Sort out this confusion
Say our love is still alive
For people must be jumping
To the wrong conclusion
That one and one make five
People are assuming
cause its so confusing
That one and one make five
If one and one make two (make two)
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
Dont need to worry about you
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
But here, where gossip and rumor thrive
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
One and one add up to three, four or five
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
One and one and one and one and one make five
(one and one make five)
Lets stay in tonight
Maybe disconnect the phone
The correct arithmetic
Just two of us at home
Oh, tell me that you love me
Sort out this confusion
Say our love is still alive
(one and one make five)
For people must be jumping
To the wrong conclusion
That one and one make five
(one and one make five)
Tell me that you love me
Sort out this confusion
Say our love is still alive
(one and one make five)
For people must be jumping
To the wrong conclusion
That one and one make five
(one and one make five)
One and one make two (make two, make two)
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
Dont need to worry about you
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
I dont need to worry about you
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
Dont need to worry about you
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
One and one make two (make two)
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
(here we go here we go here we go here we go
Here we go here we go here we go here we go)
song performed by by Pet Shop Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Public Apology
Public apologies are the new confessional.
So here goes.
I apologize for not knowing where to start with my apologies.
I apologize for being tainted with the sins of Adam.
I apologize for blaming Eve for the sins of Adam.
I apologize to the Serpent, who was just following orders.
I apologize for the seductiveness of ripe apples on the Tree of Knowledge. I just didn’t know at the time.
I apologize for not taking Genesis 1 literally.
I apologize for not appreciating the allegorical significance of Genesis 1.
I apologize for blaming the Jews for crucifying Christ.
I apologize for not being quicker to blame the relevant parties for the crucifixion of Christ.
I apologize for not giving independence to America sooner.
I apologize to the Native Americans for invading their great God’s-own country.
I apologize to the Native Americans for not stopping them sooner from killing each other’s tribes.
I apologize for entering into business agreements with the chiefs of certain coastal African tribes to bring their captives from their tribal wars to resolve America’s manpower shortage.
I apologize for dwelling on the sufferings of my family in the Holocaust, without considering the mental and emotional agony of those obliged to follow orders to massacre them.
I apologize for messing with Iraq.
I apologize for not doing a better job of messing with Iraq.
I apologize for not being Politically Correct.
I apologize for being Politically Correct.
I apologize for throwing all these things in your face and encouraging you to feel complicit in my guilt.
I apologize for not apologizing sooner.
I apologize for all the things I haven’t the imagination and humanity to apologize for.
Oh to hell with it.
poem by Michael Shepherd
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The wrong sort of people are always in power because they would not be in power if they were not the wrong sort of people.
quote by Jon Wynne Tyson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It was sort of that in-between area when people don't talk about their personal lives. That's the kind of life I think Kerry would be living now if it weren't for the Lopez character sort of outing her.
quote by Laura Innes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The curse of me & my nation is that we always think things can be bettered by immediate action of some sort, any sort rather than no sort.
quote by Ezra Pound
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Lament Of Loneliness...
Course, it's no good telling you...
I mean, you don't care... You don't really, really care...
You're the busy one, the achiever...
The so-called 'successful' one...
I'm just here ter make up the numbers!
Sort of in the way every now and then...
Sort of here, but invisible...
Sort of 'Oh! Hello! ' then 'Goodbye! ' No, you can't kid me!
I've seen it all before! I know when I'm being tolerated...
Grudgingly accepted, that's what I am!
Sort of here, but nobody cares...
Yeah, I'm still here, having me little moan...
Not that folks fret about what I want, or need or even dream about...
Nope, I'm the one 'On Me Todd', just me and God, that's all...
And He doesn't talk ter me, either!
I s'pose that's fer the best, nowadays!
They'd probably lock me up if He spoke ter me
And I was foolish enough ter tell anyone!
Yeah, they'd lock me up... and yet... I'm already a prisoner...
A prisoner of loneliness...
poem by Denis Martindale
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The curse of me and my nation is that we always think things can be bettered by immediate action of some sort, any sort rather than no sort.
This is not to say that the Scots are not fine people, but they were all sort of... well, my grandfather was a minister and sort of Protestant, and this was rather depressing to me.
quote by Alan Hovhaness
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I think the show has sort of given me a name in this business and allowed a lot of people the opportunity to see what I can do, and it's just sort of like a sweet starting point.
quote by Shiri Appleby
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Under One Small Star
My apologies to chance for calling it necessity.
My apologies to necessity if I'm mistaken, after all.
Please, don't be angry, happiness, that I take you as my due.
May my dead be patient with the way my memories fade.
My apologies to time for all the world I overlook each second.
My apologies to past loves for thinking that the latest is the first.
Forgive me, distant wars, for bringing flowers home.
Forgive me, open wounds, for pricking my finger.
I apologize for my record of minuets to those who cry from the depths.
I apologize to those who wait in railway stations for being asleep today at five a.m.
Pardon me, hounded hope, for laughing from time to time.
Pardon me, deserts, that I don't rush to you bearing a spoonful of water.
And you, falcon, unchanging year after year, always in the same cage,
your gaze always fixed on the same point in space,
forgive me, even if it turns out you were stuffed.
My apologies to the felled tree for the table's four legs.
My apologies to great questions for small answers.
Truth, please don't pay me much attention.
Dignity, please be magnanimous.
Bear with me, O mystery of existence, as I pluck the occasional thread from your train.
Soul, don't take offense that I've only got you now and then.
My apologies to everything that I can't be everywhere at once.
My apologies to everyone that I can't be each woman and each man.
I know I won't be justified as long as I live,
since I myself stand in my own way.
Don't bear me ill will, speech, that I borrow weighty words,
then labor heavily so that they may seem light.
poem by Wislawa Szymborska
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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I didn't grow up with my mother, and so losing her for real was like, some sort of latent childhood, some sort of unresolved issue. When she left for real, it was sort of like, I was done.
quote by Billy Corgan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The problem with Bush is that yes, he's religious in a fundamentalist sort of way, they read the Old Testament as a sort of charter for the chosen people to do what they like.
quote by Bruce Kent
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Many a promising career has been wrecked by marrying the wrong sort of woman. The right sort of woman can distinguish between Creative Lassitude and plain shiftlessness.
quote by Robertson Davies
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.
quote by Greg LeMond
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Because Larry, by then, was a drummer, who would sort of get bored and tired, and rather stand up and blow kisses to people. So we needed the bass to sort of drive along.
quote by Neil Innes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I apologize for lying to you. I promise I won't deceive you except in matters of this sort.
quote by Spiro T. Agnew
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Sort Of Love This Life As A Poet
I SORT OF LOVE THIS LIFE AS A POET
I sort of love this life as a poet I have now-
I walk and hear lines come-
I write something
I hope meaningful-
It is good to be a poet in old age
And still have work to do
And think that what one does
Somehow somewhat matters -
poem by Shalom Freedman
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Fundamental of Liar Chapter XXXV: Rules part 2
What’s the rule, when money could buy
What’s the rule, when power is absolute
What’s the rule, when feeling involved
What’s the rule, when pride is important
What’s the rule, when look affects
What’s the rule, when victory is a must
What’s the rule, when worlds are vain
What’s the rule, people don’t change
What’s the rule, when good is not always right
What’s the rule, freedom is misunderstood
What’s the rule, anger conquers
What’s the rule, past neglected
What’s the rule, crime that committed
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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