Me Telly's On The Blink: : Humour
Hello Bob, it's Archie, me telly's on the blink
Without me telly on it's even hard for me to think
I watch it of an evening snuggled up beneath me doona
Can you come round. Not later, I'd rather it were sooner
'Cos every night I watch it and it helps me cop some Zed's
It calms me down and stops all thoughts from spinnin' in me 'ead
Can you tell me Archie, exactly what's wrong with your television
Describe the symptoms to me with clarity and precision
It's got these annoyin' lines that are runnin' up and down
Are you sure they're vertical replied Bob with a puzzled frown
Your TV as I remember is quite an ancient beast
It's been at least two decades since that model was released
One of that era would surely have lines of a horizontal direction
Are you sure they're vertical, after considered reflection
'Course I know me vertical from me horizontal slant
Get over here now, I can't stand all day and rant
But Archie, your television is resting on its side
So horizontal seems vertical, if logic be applied
'Course I watch it like that, I'm lying in me bed
And it saves me the trouble of havin' ta lift me 'ead
(Sydney, Australia - 2010)
poem by Alessandra Liverani
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Related quotes
Stripes
I'm not keen on the horizontal
I'd rather have the V;
The H is unattractive, no
The vertical's for me;
I speak of stripey clothing
In case you hadn't guessed;
And though I must repeat myself
The vertical's the best.
poem by John Carter Brown
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When I came from horizontal vertical straight all old stuff then suddenly I go also again in curved lines. And there I submit to changes in the intensity of my hand leading a tool, you see.
quote by Josef Albers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Map of the World
I dragged the vertical and horizontal lines
Longitude & Latitude,
And where they crossed I found my critical position.
Oh! This peevish aimless boat
Still toss in the dumb Ocean.
Where is my destiny of this illusive voyage?
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
quote by Robert Frost
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Of The Paleness Of Altitude
up there
a big pillar ends its life
touching the sky
lengths
of vertical distances
in pale
color
blue
horizontal lines
a horizon
of
sea
man
in a dark shadow
diving
to the sea
a splash
then silence
you
wait if a dot
of a head
pops up
no
nothing comes
up
in his
misery
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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The timelessness of a concept has to be woven into the running warp of dying time, vertical power has to be wedded to the horizontal earth.
quote by Ella Maillart
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hate is a crime against the vertical and horizontal realms of divinity and humanity. Whilst profanity is exclusive to divinity.
Joseph C Ogbonna (15 December 2020)
Submitted by Joseph C Ogbonna
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Emphasis was usually put on the horizontal acceleration factor, for the simple reason that ordinary structures have a built-in safety factor for the vertical component; that is, gravity.
quote by Charles Francis Richter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Horizontal Rain
It is the horizontal rain
Passing through this world of pain
That supports our very frame
Assembled from galactica
It’s structures then collected are
To form our bodies insular
To ride the horizontal rain
It is the horizontal rain
Passing through and out again
Enabling continuity
Resistance being the polar key
Defeat of matter by the mind
In gravity our place defined
We ride the horizontal rain
It is the horizontal rain
Seen by those who use their brain
That enables Time to claim
Our journey to our destiny
We wander down these mists of time
Mists that transfer line by line
To ride the horizontal rain
It is the horizontal rain
Which you may call another name
That we should try to comprehend
And in that act the time you spend
Will demonstrate how Time does blend
Its very essence through our frame
Within it’s horizontal rain
Now think ye if I’ve got it wrong
Tell me, when you last dwelt upon
How your body forms and grows
Travels through time with things you know?
It’s time to you it was explained -
We ride a horizontal rain
See the horizontal rain
Pass through the room and out again
Supporting all there is to see
Transporting us through Time to be
Or not to be
That is the question put to thee
Through the horizontal rain
poem by Egal Bohen
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Learn To Dance
it is not a hard thing to do
dance, what is so hard with using your feet
for the lively hours
those vertical positioning of the bodies
for some horizontal desires,
dance, as though there is no more music
of the world tomorrow
be happy in short, be a part of this world's
celebration
this journey
where the earth having no feet and arms
simply floats
in space and takes that heavenly dance
with the sun and stars.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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An Abstract painting
My eyes fall on an abstract painting
of which my girlfriend,
wants to paint a series
that may hang in board halls
and offices.
There’s something hot and alive
in the background
that changes from golden yellow,
to flame orange
and flows into black red
and a green line
runs from the foreground
into the horizon.
With strong straight lines wood,
and sink plate shacks appear
with horizontal and vertical lines
and it looks like a squatter camp,
or the houses of a headman
in the country.
To me it looks like drums and large tin cans
that lies around in the front
and a big old TV set
with sitting places round it
and at the back,
there are two wooden pens
to keep in sheep and goats.
Maybe there’s red sand
on the one side
and yellow and green grass
for grazing on the other side,
but honestly I do not want to stay
in such a place.
[Reference: Abstract painting by Mandi. Look at the painting on my mabooki webpage: http: //www.mabooki.com/poems/display/1416_An_Abstract_ painting.htm]
poem by Gert Strydom
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House Of Stairs I
A woman is
A house
With many exits
And stairs
Some they lead
Somewhere,
Other leads no where.
And you
Lady,
You are a house
Dry and dark,
Your house does not
Need neither exits
Nor down or up
Horizontal,
Vertical,
Waving, or
Flying
Stairs
poem by Atef Ayadi
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U Turns of Life
I have become an aggregator
A few years ago, but after retirement.Started
As I recall when I went from home in Bandra,
To south Mumbai, I would try to think of
Every other thing to be done, and list it.
It began with one timebound thing
Say file data with CA for IT return
Then why not buy that book in the Strand
Take some passport photographs in the Asiatic
Opposite Churchgae, buy a DVD in Rhythm House,
Give watch for repair, buy pair of missing
Brown socks, and so on.
This leads to forgetting some,
And then to doubt about memory,
Onset of Alzheimers, or fear of Parkinson
Genes from Papa.
Now I am in a 'disaggregating' spiral
Dont want to link up one to the other
But just want to finish one before
Even thinking of another, let alone doing them
In a combined manner.
Every U-turn
Lets me climb up to Ooty hill station.
Soon I know the same succession of U-turns
will also bring me down to the ground, flat
From vertical to horizontal too!
poem by Daniel Trevelyn Joseph
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Worthy
you think you're not worthy
I'd have to say I agree
I'm not worthy of you
you're not worthy of me
which of us is deserving
look at the human race
the whole planet at arm's length
and we don't deserve this place
what good is a poker face
when you've got an open hand
I was supposed to be cool about this
yeah
I remember
cool was the plan
tried to keep it all under wraps
but the wraps kept going slack
I keep turning round
I keep coming back
give me a vertical
your horizontal line
I want to take each of them
bend them to divine
the world is too good for me
I am such a naughty girl
but when we're together
we're too good for this world
you think you're not worthy
I'd have to say I agree
I'm not worthy of you
you're not worthy of me
I'm not worthy of you
you aren't worthy of me...
song performed by by Ani DiFranco from Not A Pretty Girl
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cinderella Search
(derek dick, mark kelly, steve rothery, peter trewavas, ian mosley)
On the rebound, fumbling all the lines
The light at the end of the bottle - alcoholicalphabet
Through the looking glass
The proof in my own reflection
Five senses down and reeling on the cinderella search
On the rebound, fumbling all the lines
Decay on the vertical hold with a horizontal aim
Conversation needs translation
Three dimensions down dissolving on the cinderella search
Cinderella search
On the rebound, fumbling all the lines
Dreaming bartenders, bourbon and saxophone
Out of luck, out of charm, out the game of rejections in a cigarette city
Only courting the homing of direction on the cinderella search
Cinderella search
But the samaritan of the heartbroken, heartbroken
Swam through the nicotine seize, and we exchanged the kiss of life
Resurrection in a trance, the model, the grail, in a marquee of promises I touched the dream
I hold the dream, I have the dream
To end the cinderella search
Cinderella search, oh no more, no more!
Exposing bedside manners on a work extension
Awaiting development with paranoid polaroid eyes
Polaroid eyes
The footman memorised the number
But the prince still holds both the slippers
And would you leave a palace for a bedsit
And canterbury tales
Canterbury tales?
Maybe it was infatuation or the thrill of the chase
Maybe you were always beyond my reach and my heart was playing safe
But was that love in your eye I saw or the reflection of mine?
Give me time, wont you give me that time!
Welcome back to the circus
Welcome back to the circus
Welcome back to the circus
I always use the cue sheets but never the nets
Always the cue sheets but never the nets
Never the nets, never the nets, nevertheless, nevertheless, nevertheless, nevertheless, nevertheless
Welcome back to the circus!
song performed by by Marillion
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mr.Vowel the Judge
The articulatory features that distinguish different vowel sounds are said to determine the vowel's quality. Daniel Jones developed the cardinal vowel system to describe vowels in terms of the common features height (vertical dimension) , Backness (horizontal dimension) and Roundedness (lip position) . These three parameters are indicated in the schematic IPA vowel diagram on the right. There are however still more possible features of vowel quality, such as the velum position (nasality) , type of vocal fold vibration, and tongue root position
Sent him to life imprisonment
for violating the talking manner,
And the innocent found at last
That he's dumb and deaf?
* In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
-Thomas Jeffersn
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Poem for a Right Angle
The summer sun at noon shines bright
And you are always everywhere
Underneath and at immense height
On the ground and in the air.
Your birth place is unknown to me
But your angle is always right
A vertical perpendicular, carefree,
To a horizontal line, firm and tight.
Marked by an elegant small square,
Your own cute symbol, neither acute
Nor obtuse, ninety degrees of a stair,
A skyscraper's desire to salute.
A quarter-turn of a full circle,
Three hours on an antique time piece,
Go Angulus Rectus, ride your bicycle,
The wheels rotate in patterned caprice.
A model of democracy you are,
Equal to all your peers in every tile,
Euclid's fourth postulate, a classic memoir,
But, oh, noble right angle, you never smile.
poem by Paul Hartal
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A Question Mark
There is a hinge
of bone
where your chin joins
your cheek.
I like to stroke it
in the flicker
of a local movie;
I like to take
your laborer;s hand
when you are
cautiously-
(O proof of love!)-
driving my car.
You bring me gifts
of food;
I write you
poems of blood.
Your scars are vertical;
mine are horizontal.
You lost your spleen;
I loosed a daughter
on the world.
Your hinge of bone
tells jokes;
while mine chants
poems.
An unlikely pair,
though which pair
is ever likely?
When I cannot
look at your face,
I look
at your cock-
a question mark
asking the sky
how can
heaven
be fucked?
poem by Erica Jong
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A Sad Thing
Some say life is like a ship
Sailing in the ocean of acid
A voyage coloured with hardship
A journey filled with bullshit
Survival is the most reality
Status measures sanity
Especially one with prosperity
Have-nots are labeled as vanity
One individual will only exist
When other people notice
Like fire with oxygen
Like a narcist with his reflection
What a sad thing life is
If every living soul sees
Survival of the fittest is
The only law that exist
Luckily, human needs to create
To socialize and to debate
To realize and to relate
Relationship and faith
Relationship is connectivity
One connects to the other party
Nothing will disrupt the clarity
As long as both maintain honesty
Relationship is synchronization
That requires collaboration
Each must realize the benefit
Before it actually succeed
Faith is a relationship
That requires complete partnership
It's indistinct and confusing
Yet exist and influencing
Some believe faith is vertical
While socializing is horizontal
Thus, one can remain faithful
While being fool and hateful
Like some murderous extreemists
Proud, sacred, and optimist
Killing in the name of faith
Bombing for a status of saint
What a sad thing world is
If oneself' perspective
Is considered the only truth
While everything else is falsehood
poem by Ahmad Arli Hikmawan
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Chatting: Hacking Into My Pride
my pride
had been
and has
a bad rock.
a vertical polished
vertical
high
long enough
wall.
sometimes
my pride
turns
to be
a fragile
artifact
which I have to carry with me
and make
sure
none of us
falls off and brakes
down.
sometimes
my pride
shows up
like
life,
a flowers
-a woman perfect flower
erotic,
moisturized
with heavy rain or soft dew, and burned with a calming heat,
and has all the elements of a beautiful life.
My endeavor
is to get
rid
of it
or to put it
into sleep
like a pet
or
indulge it and spoil it
with rewards and magics so
it can sleep like a frustrated child.
so I can take care of my own
stuff and see things crystal clear.
or
I just want my independence from this burden
of pride.
poem by Atef Ayadi
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