April 21
I'm a very average person,
and I think most people are.
I vote with the common man.
I have two kids, a boy and a girl.
Last Sunday I played golf with the boss.
Hey, it beats working.
I'm his wife. I may be brainless but
I'm her husband. I played golf with her
Last Sunday I played golf with the boss
and it was the first warm morning in May
and like every other moron driving a lawnmower
I'm their husband. I may be brainless but
I'm their wife. I'm their mother.
I have two kids, a boy and a girl,
and it was the first warm morning in May
and I think most people are
like every other moron driving a lawnmower.
I'm a very average person.
I vote with the common man.
Hey, it beats working.
poem by David Lehman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
I have come to understand and appreciate writers much more recently since I started working on a book last fall. Before that, I thought golf writers got up every morning, played a round of golf, had lunch, showed up for our last three holes and then went to dinner.
quote by Phil Mickelson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I guess what was going to come back came back on Monday. Of course now I've played a different golf course. I've played two practice rounds and two tournament rounds all kind of the same and now today I've played a different golf course.
quote by Raymond Floyd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.
quote by Stephen Leacock
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A lot of my buddies also played golf, but when it came to going to the beach or on the boat and chasing girls, they usually went that way and I went to the golf course.
I never played much golf as a kid. I caddied quite a bit but never got serious into golf until about age 15.
quote by Lee Trevino
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My ex-mother in law
My ex-mother in law
was an unusual person
that could wish others
into death
and when my ex-wife’s
first husband died from cancer
she believed
that the Lord God
answered her prayer
and for me
she also prayed a thousand times
that same prayer
and fasted
and put tears with it
although I didn’t really
deserve it,
but here I am still
and it’s another story.
Her husband
falls down on the golf course
and is dead from a heart attack
and he hits his last ball
away into the bushes
without any control.
At the funeral
I had to help carry the coffin,
wash dishes
and what ever
my mother in law asked.
Father in law
had a small black dog
that went everywhere with him
and smoked pipe
like Van Donck
cannot stoke up on table mountain
and the dog
then also had to die
although it was great in health
and could still live for years.
I had to take mother in law
to the vet
as she couldn’t drive a car
and hold the animal
while he got
a last injection
and dig a grave
in the garden
and put him there.
l’Envoi
Now I wonder
what goes into such a person
that after her husband’s death,
she is finished
with every thing of his
and married
in months again
with somebody
to keep her company?
poem by Gert Strydom
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Easy
Know it sounds funny
But I just cant stand the pain
Girl Im leaving you tomorrow
Seems to me girl
You know Ive done all I can
You see I begged, stole
And I borrowed
Ooh, thats why Im easy
Im easy like sunday morning
Thats why Im easy
Im easy like sunday morning
Why in the world
Would anyboddy put chains on me?
Ive paid my dues to make it
Everbody wants me to be
What they want me to be
Im not happy when I try to fake it!
No!
Ooh,thats why Im easy
Im easy like sunday morning
Thats why Im easy
Im easy like sunday morning
I wanna be high, so high
I wanna be free to know
The things I do are right
I wanna be free
Just me, babe!
Thats why Im easy
Im easy like sunday morning
Thats why Im easy
Im easy like sunday morning
Because Im easy
Easy like sunday morning
Because Im easy
Easy like sunday morning
song performed by by Lionel Richie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Golf Writer (To Kevin)
The golf writer has become famous for a while the toast of the town
But a few locals with him not happy they feel that he has put them down
It's that he has a humorous streak in him and with his words he does not mean offence
Some people in their feelings precious and they lack a bit in common sense,
The golf writer is a nice fellow he likes a good laugh and a beer
His humor comes out in his writing he is a creator of cheer
He never does take life too seriously devoted to family and wife
One might call him happy go lucky he does his best to enjoy life
There ought to be more people like him some do take life too seriously
So down to earth and so very witty and few are as generous as he
So many look forward to his golf column and such witty articles he write
Though always one to feel offended in humor some do feel some slight,
Around the town well known and well liked his best to please others he try
He is such a likeable fellow and he would not harm a fly.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I can't wait to be that age and hanging out with a bunch of people hanging out all day playing golf and going to the beach, all my own age. We'd be laughing and having a good time and getting loopy on our prescription drugs. Driving golf carts around. I can't wait.
quote by Cameron Diaz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Average Guy
I aint no christian or no born again saint
I aint no cowboy or marxist d.a.
I aint no criminal or reverend cripple from the right
I am just your average guy, trying to do whats right
Im just your average guy
An average guy
I am just your average guy
Im just an average guy
Average guy, Im just your average guy
Im average looking and Im average inside
Im an average lover and I live in an average place
You wouldnt know me if you met me face to face
Im just your average guy
Average guy
Average guy
Im just an average guy
I worry about money and taxes and such
I worry that my livers big and it hurts to the touch
I worry about my health and bowels
And the crime waves in the street
Im really just your average guy
Trying to stand on his own two feet
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Average guy
Average looks, average taste
Average height, an average waist
Average in everything I do
My temperature is 98.2
Im just your average guy
An average guy
Average guy
Im just an average guy
Average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Average
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Company C E O
A company C E O and seen as a success in life
But he beats his children and he beats his wife
And for his young mistress he buys a good time
But these things when you are wealthy are not seen as a crime
That money does speak every language in his case does apply
To be a good husband and father he does not even try
He may not be a good husband and father but that seems okay
As money more about you it seems more does say
Than compassion or kindness or morality can
He is seen as a good and a successful person though an immoral man
Far from a nice person though a millionaire
And that money speaks every language he is all too aware
Far from a good husband and father but never the less
He is a big Corporation C E O and seen as a success.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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IT's THE GOLF BALL OR ME
TIGER TIGER IN THE WOODS
Hit the ball as U should
Ere the Golf Stick skidded
And U in the Woods ended
Tiger Tiger your fame spread far and wide
Many a wallop in joy you with your family cried
Alas your 'misses' your family dread
And many a tear dropp you dead
Tiger Tiger in the Woods the time has come
When Your Wife has given you ultimatum
It's either me or GOLF you choose
And mend your ways or both your loose
'On my terms' if U want the kids and me
Coz I love you so much honey
I am not to touch the GOLF BALL
NOT for LOVE or for MONEY....
TIGER TIGER IN THE WOODS.
poem by Intensive KS1
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Happiness Is A Warm Gun (Danny Saber Remix)
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
She's not a girl who misses much
She's not a girl who misses much
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd
With the multicoloured mirrors on his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes wide open
And the hands busy working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the National Trust
Hey, I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
I need a fix cause I'm going down
I need a fix cause I'm going down
I need a fix cause I'm going down
To the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix cause I'm going down, uptown
Need a fix cause I'm going down, uptown
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
[Repeat until end]
song performed by by U2
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Happiness Is A Warm Gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Shes not a girl who misses much
Shes not a girl who misses much
Mother superior jump the gun
Mother superior jump the gun
Mother superior jump the gun
Mother superior jump the gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Shes well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd
With the multicoloured mirrors on his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes wide open
And the hands busy working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the national trust
Hey, I need a fix cause Im going down
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
I need a fix cause Im going down
I need a fix cause Im going down
I need a fix cause Im going down
To the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix cause Im going down, uptown
Need a fix cause Im going down, uptown
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a, a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun
[repeat until end]
song performed by by U2
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Must Work To Make Ends Meet
Have you ever felt so tired as you struggle out of bed
And switch off the alarm clock with a throbbing in your head
At five thirty in the morning as dawn's lamp brighten the sky
And the fluting of the butcherbird to you is not a thing of joy.
And your wife she is still sleeping on the bed snoring she lay
You must make your own breakfast at five thirty a m of the new day
And as you leave for work at six thirty the children are asleep
But to work to keep your wife and family is a duty you must keep.
Your boss drives a new Mercedes which he need not share with his wife
He's just bought her a new B M W such are the ways of life
You work so hard for that man for what would seem as average pay
And you must drive in your old mid eighties Datsun to and from the work yard every day.
And when you ask your boss for a raise to you he always say
More young men come to me almost begging for a job start every day
You can forget a raise in wages and if you decide to quit that is okay
I won't even ask you for to stay on if working for me you don't wish to stay.
You do not like the man you work for he does not pay you nearly enough
Though you have just got to hang in there even though the going is tough
But you must work just to make ends meet you have got big bills to pay
And you drive your old eighties Datsun to and from the work yard every day.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My wife, she still gives me a hard time, and says I hunt too much or I like to play golf too much. And she's probably right, but it sure beats some of the things I used to do.
quote by Brett Favre
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pretty woman
Pretty woman.
But wife is beautiful.
Pretty woman is hot.
But wife is the sexiest.
Pretty woman is just for sex.
But a wife is to make love.
Wife is a forbidden fruit.
To you and all.
and wife is more caring.
Be at home and by her husband.
and wife is the husband diamond.
And the husband love making love to her.
That no other women can.
Make him feel so good.
and her husband always in love.
With her.
And wife is the husband success.
Loving and warm full happiness.
She bears our children. And
She is the most gifted darling.
poem by See Fee Lee
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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You know, when I was a young boy I used to play baseball in my back yard or in the street with my brothers or the neighborhood kids. We used broken bats and plastic golf balls and played for hours and hours.
quote by Robin Yount
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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