How To Kill An Alien In 3 Stages
How to kill an Alien in three stages
1 Get the low down on them
ie dress code skin colour habits and Alien Medical history
Learn about their home planet their political and intellectual powers of reasoning
Investigate their toilet habits, diet and get an Alien medical history
Meaning Alien history that is alien to you
A list of allergies
1 Invite them to dinner
Find out if they are 'dairy intolerant'
Offer them milkshake disguised as a lamp shade some Alien's eat lampshades for the fibre
Give ghem cheese sandwhich disguised as a piece of caramelised carpet
2 speak in sub titles to confuse them
3Play spinning tops with their head and wait for the dairy to take effect
until they final bloat and explode
CLEAN All SURFACE GRIME away with damp cloth
Leave debri for forensics and phone MI6
speak in clipped foreign language that is indistinguishable and reeks of espionage
Finally 'phone home'
poem by Yvette Smith
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Alien
Alien to love
Alien to hate
Alien to knowledge
Alien to fate
Alien to sanity
Alien insane
Alien to caring
Alien in pain
poem by Poet Dragon
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Illegal Alien
Got out of bed, wasnt feeling too good
With my wallet and my passport, a new pair of shoes
The sun is shining so I head for the park,
With a bottle of tequila, and a new pack of cigarettes
I got a cousin and she got a friend,
Who thought that her aunt knew a man who could help
At his apartment I knocked on the door,
He wouldnt come out until he got paid.
Now dont tell anybody what I wanna do
If they find out you know that theyll never let me through, cos
Its no fun being an illegal alien, no
Its no fun being an illegal alien
Down at the office had to fill out the forms
A pink one, a red one, the colours you choose,
Up to the counter to see what they think
They said it doesnt count man, it aint written in ink.
I dont trust anybody, least not around here, cos
Its no fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
Its no fun being an illegal alien, no no no no no
Its no fun being an illegal alien, I mean it when I tell ya that
Its no fun being an illegal alien,
An illegal alien, o.k.
Consideration for your fellow man
Would not hurt anybody, it sure fits in with my plan
Over the border, there lies the promised land
Where everything comes easy, you just hold out your hand
Keep your suspicions, Ive seen that look before
But I aint done nothing wrong now, is that such a suprise
But Ive got a sister whod be willing to oblige
She will do anything now to help me get to the outside
So dont tell anybody what I wanna do
If they find out you know that theyll never let me through, because
Its no fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
Its no fun being an illegal alien, and its getting me down
Its no fun being an illegal alien, no no no no no
Its no fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah
Its no fun (not much fun) being an illegal alien, I tell ya that
Its no fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
Its no fun being an illegal alien, no no no
Its no fun (not bloody much fun) being an illegal alien,
Its no fun being an illegal alien, and thats what I am.
song performed by by Genesis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Englishman In New York
I dont take coffee I take tea my dear
I like my toast done on one side
And you can hear it in my accent when I talk
Im an englishman in new york
See me walking down fifth avenue
A walking cane here at my side
I take it everywhere I walk
Im an englishman in new york
Im an alien Im a legal alien
Im an englishman in new york
Im an alien Im a legal alien
Im an englishman in new york
If, manners maketh man as someone said
Then hes the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
Im an alien Im a legal alien
Im an englishman in new york
Im an alien Im a legal alien
Im an englishman in new york
Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candles brighter than the sun
Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run
If, manners maketh man as someone said
Then hes the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
Im an alien Im a legal alien
Im an englishman in new york
Im an alien Im a legal alien
Im an englishman in new york
song performed by by Sting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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An Englishman In New York
Englishman in New York
I don't take coffee I take tea my dear
I like my toast done on one side
And you can hear it in my accent when I talk
I'm an Englishman in New York
See me walking down Fifth Avenue
A walking cane here at my side
I take it everywhere I walk
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun
Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run
If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
song performed by by Sting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Want An Alien For Christmas
This year for christmas
Theres something Id really like
So if youre up there somewhere santa
Please dont bring me another bike
I dont need any ugly sweaters
And I dont play much basketball
But theres something kinda special
That I want most of all...
I want an alien for christmas
Bring me an alien this year
I want a little green guy
About three feet high
With seventeen eyes
Who knows how to fly
I want an alien for christmas this year
He can live in the bath tub
So dont worry about a thing
And Ill take him out for walks
When it gets nicer in the spring
Ill always keep him company
Hell never be alone
And we can hang around the house all day
And watch the twilight zone
I want an alien for christmas
Bring me an alien this year
I want a little green guy
About three feet high
With seventeen eyes
Who knows how to fly
I want an alien for christmas this year
I want an alien for christmas
Bring me an alien this year
I want a little green guy
About three feet high
With seventeen eyes
Who knows how to fly
I want an alien for christmas this year
I want an alien for christmas this year
song performed by by Fountains Of Wayne
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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An Alien... An Excuse
An alien wants to take me away
From this earth of too many aliens!
An alien
With no framed face nor a smiling face.
An alien
Who is all love and care for me.
May I go with him?
Stephen Hopkins gives his warning,
'Don`t play with the aliens'.
In fact all the aliens here have been just playing with me!
He knows not.
May I go with my one?
I shall go one day freeing myself
From all these frames of faces and their smiles.
I shall live in the mist of the Titan of Saturn
As no alien to my host.
poem by M.d Dinesh Nair
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Epilogue (Nothing 'Bout Me)
I don't drink coffee, I take tea my dear.
I like my toast done on one side,
and you can hear it in my accent when I talk.
I'm an Englishman in New York.
You see me walking down Fifth Avenue,
a walking cane here at my side;
I take it ev'rywhere I walk.
I'm an Englishman in New York.
Whoa
I'm an alien,
I'm a legal alien;
I'm an Englishman in New York.
Whoa
I'm an alien,
I'm a legal alien;
I'm an Englishman in New York.
If
song performed by by Sting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Alien Afternoon
Woke up in the morning staggered out of bed
Thought about getting back again, but went downstairs instead
Read the daily paper have to know the truth
Slammed the door as i ran outside, looked at my watch and cried
Gotta get to work on time
Gotta get to work on time
Then the sky turned a deeper blue
Not a cloud as the sun shone through
But all around rain kept falling to the ground
The wind was blowing but the trees didn't make a sound
Just another alien afternoon
Just another alien afternoon
Time that i was leaving while there's still a chance
Before i start believing in what i see or hear
Nothing here to keep me, nothing anywhere
Gotta get out pack my bags before i go insane
Gotta get away in time
Gotta get away in time
Then the sky turned from blue to green
Took on colours i have never seen
Then a sound started ringing in my ears
I heard voices but in truth there's nobody there
Just another alien afternoon
Just another alien afternoon
To be there back where i belong
To feel again the wind upon my face
To see again all that i took for granted
All that i left and everything i knew
We are home
We are your home
We are all your home
Not another alien afternoon
Never more to go wandering
Never leaving my world behind
There was never a reason
To leave my heart and my home behind
Where i was born is where i should be now
I would never be lonely
I would never be sad again
I wanted to go anywhere
I wanted to see how strange it all could be
Nothing would ever take me away again
Never more to go wandering
Never leaving my world behind
No, no, no, no
Nothing will ever take me away again, away again
No, no, no, no
song performed by by Genesis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Alien Shore
Words by neil peart, music by geddy lee and alex lifeson
You and i, we are strangers by one chromosome
Slave to the hormone, body and soul
In a struggle to be happy and free
Swimming in a primitive sea
You and i, we must dive below the surface
A world of red neon, and ultramarine
Shining bridges on the ocean floor
Reaching to the alien shore
For you and me --- sex is not a competition
For you and me --- sex is not a job description
For you and me --- we agree
You and i, we are pressed into these solitudes
Color and culture, language and race
Just variations on a theme
Islands in a much larger stream
For you and me --- race is not a competition
For you and me --- race is not a definition
For you and me --- we agree
Reaching for the alien shore
You and i, we reject these narrow attitudes
We add to each other, like a coral reef
Building bridges on the ocean floor
Reaching for the alien shore
For you and me --- we hold these truths to be self-evident
For you and me --- wed elect each other president
For you and me --- we might agree
But thats just us
Reaching for the alien shore
song performed by by Rush
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lovin' The Alien (extended 12" Dance-mix)
Watching them come and go
The templars and the saracens
They're traveling the holy land
Opening telegrams oh ho
Torture comes and torture goes
Knights who'd give you anything
They bear the cross of coeur de leon
Salvation for the mirror blind oh ho
But if you pray all your sins are hooked upon the sky
Pray and the heathen lie will disappear
Prayers they hide the saddest view
(Believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
And your prayers they break the sky in two
(Believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
Thinking of a different time
Palestine a modern problem
Bounty and your wealth in land
Terror in a best laid plan
Watching them come and go
Tomorrows and the yesterdays oh ho
Christians and the unbelievers
Hanging by the cross and nail oh ho
But if you pray all your sins are hooked upon the sky
Pray and the heathen lie will disappear oh ho
Prayers they hide the saddest view
(Believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
And your prayers they break the sky in two
(Believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
You pray till the break of dawn
(Believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
And you'll believe you're loving the alien
(Believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
Believeing the strangest things (loving the alien)
song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If I had to describe myself to an alien I'd say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or two with a good meal and have a bigger head than most. I'd also say I'm really handsome - especially if they were a female alien.
quote by Dwayne Johnson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Loving The Alien
Watching them come and go
The templars and the saracens
Theyre traveling the holy land
Opening telegrams oh ho
Torture comes and torture goes
Knights whod give you anything
They bear the cross of coeur de leon
Salvation for the mirror blind oh ho
But if you pray all your sins are hooked upon the sky
Pray and the heathen lie will disappear
Prayers they hide the saddest view
(believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
And your prayers they break the sky in two
(believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
Thinking of a different time
Palestine a modern problem
Bounty and your wealth in land
Terror in a best laid plan
Watching them come and go
Tomorrows and the yesterdays oh ho
Christians and the unbelievers
Hanging by the cross and nail oh ho
But if you pray all your sins are hooked upon the sky
Pray and the heathen lie will disappear oh ho
Prayers they hide the saddest view
(believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
And your prayers they break the sky in two
(believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
You pray till the break of dawn
(believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
And youll believe youre loving the alien
(believing the strangest things, loving the alien)
Believeing the strangest things (loving the alien)
song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Heathaze
No cloud, a sleepy calm,
Sunbaked earth thats cooled by gentle breeze,
And trees with rustling leaves,
Only endless days without a care,
Nothing must be done.
Silent as a day can be,
Far-off sounds of others on their chosen run
As they do all those things they feel give life some meaning,
Even if theyre dull.
Its time to stop this dreaming, must rejoin the real world
As revealed by orange lights and a smoky atmosphere.
The trees and I are shaken by the same wind but whereas
The trees will lose their withered leaves,
I just cant seem to let them loose.
And they cant refresh me those hot winds of the south.
Oh I feel like an alien, a stranger in an alien place.
Now the light is fading fast,
Chances slip away, a time will come to pass
When therell be none,
Then addicted to a perfumed poison,
Betrayed by its aftertaste,
Oh we shall lose the wonder and find nothing in return.
Many are the substitutes but theyre powerless on their own.
Beware the fisherman whos casting out his line
Into a dried up river bed,
But dont try to tell him cos he wont believe you.
Throw some bread to the ducks instead, its easier that way.
I feel like an alien, a stranger in an alien place.
The trees and I are shaken by the same wind but whereas
The trees will lose their withered leaves,
I just cant seem to let them loose.
And they cant refresh me those hot winds of the south.
I feel like an alien, a stranger in an alien place.
song performed by by Genesis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A short poem
this poem is the shortest I've written
however it may appear long
because the actual poem
is hidden somewhere far away
it is not in this website
the poem bounces off stars
it floats across the milky way
and dances with rock stars
The actual poem is so short
that in trhe English language
it would be impossible to say
because it fits so much in into a short
time frain, the meaning is compacted
into a single alien word
but in that word there is meaning
of a thousand words of praise
the poem could be analysed
for days and months and years
and after that point the true meaning would
only start to appear
so I beg you to learn this alien
langauage
read my poem carefully
for it is returning to earth
and should arrive by the time I have finished typing
luckily the alien dialect uses English letters
so you can read it
however to understand it
truely
wholey
completely
is not possible for the tiny human mind
I can hear it zinging now
it's bounced of Orions Belt
it just hit me in the fore head and it is spreading over this page
so here it is
the shortest poem
I have ever written
prepare to face it; s mastery for
it
is:
Slurplesploosh
poem by Torben Duncan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Alien
Cuts to the quick, pure emotion a trip
No world of life
Pressed to your lips
We collide, slowly twist, our dance alive
Seeps into the ground, kisses the earth and I am found
Loves young dream could be alien, strange ways I would fly
Tuning love like a radio, whispering goodbye
Just so it seems, softly potent, serene
Vacant and shy
You are everywhere, under my skin and in my hair
Loves young dream could be alien, strange ways I would fly
Tuning love like a radio, whispering goodbye
Seeps into the ground, kisses the earth and I am found
Loves young dream could be alien, strange ways I would fly
Tuning love like a radio, whispering goodbye
Loves young dream could be alien, strange ways I would fly
Tuning love like a radio, whispering goodbye
Loves young dream could be alien, strange ways I would fly
Tuning love like a radio, whispering goodbye
Love some dream could be serene, so alien
song performed by by Erasure
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Is There Anyone Out There 2 There Is (Fun Poem 109)
I was working in a farm one day
when a pink and purple spaceship
landed on a bale of hay.
I gave a second look
making sure my yes did not deceive me.
Oh, there is was for sure
a pink and purple spaceship
perched on a bale of hay.
I looked at it for a while in disbelief,
then a door opened, and a series of steps extended.
Two brightly coloured aliens
emerged from the craft
and raised a hand in peace.
To duplicate the greeting
I raise my hand too
The shorter alien approached me.
I smiled and stuck my hand out.
They stuck a finger out
and touched one of mine.
A blue flash exploded
as our two fingers met.
Like a bolt of lightning,
I felt a tingling feeling inside.
The alien gave out a loud groan
and then collapsed on the ground.
“Oh my, what is wrong with them? ”
I asked as I went to pick up the alien.
The other alien joined me saying.
“They will be all right.
It is the first time with an earthling.”
“First time for what? ”
I wanted to know.
“First time for sex with an earthling.”
The alien declared. “Don’t worry;
my sister will be all right when she’s finished.”
I looked at both of them
and could not believe what I heard.
I had sex with an alien,
now that is absurd.
The alien carried his sister
back to their space ship
closed the door, took up the stairs
and off they went back out to space.
Several months went by
and that pink and purple spaceship
one day returned.
Only this time three aliens emerged.
One of them, the shortest one
had a strange resemblance to me.
The only difference being
was the colour it was bright florescent blue.
The second shortest,
the one I’d seen before
extended a finger and as it touched mine
the blue flash exploded once again.
They hurried back to their spaceship,
their work for the day done.
Months later when I saw them
there was half a dozen of them.
That concludes my story
of my alien family
and how it all began
with one big blue flash.
22 February 2011
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Where a Roman Villa Stood, Above Freiburg
On alien ground, breathing an alien air,
A Roman stood, far from his ancient home,
And gazing, murmured,
'Ah, the hills are fair,
But not the hills of Rome!'
Descendant of a race to Romans-kin,
Where the old son of Empire stood, I stand.
The self-same rocks fold the same valley in,
Untouched of human hand.
Over another shines the self-same star,
Another heart with nameless longing fills,
Crying aloud, 'How beautiful they are,
But not our English hills!'
poem by Mary Elizabeth Coleridge
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Madman
Witnessed great suffering n’ grief
He stared at injustice in disbelief
He was an alien in a strange land
“He’s mad kill him” was demand
The alien was scourged, crucified
“It’s our great laws he has defied”
“Forgive them Father” he cried
After painful death was deified
With ignorant eyes they see
Myopic distortions of reality
Choose to act out abhorrently
With twisted minds in agony
If so, one day “Madman” returns
Pray…
He rectifies man’s wicked patterns
ROTMS
poem by Ray Lucero
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Alien Sex Fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
And you go la la lala la la la la lala la la...
song performed by by Garbage
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Write, Write, Write
Write in the language you dream in.
But this had never made sense
as far as I remember, I’ve never dreamt in nouns and verbs,
but always in huge boxes,
or dark abandoned malls,
or long flights
where my slippers are lost and my baggage,
missing.
Perhaps i should write in the language
that wakes me
That keeps me restless,
that feeds my hunger,
that reminds me that
i am alive.
it’s a matter of hearing
the heartbeat of one’s words
I can’t wait for more writers to write
Perhaps if the work of critics and teachers
will eventually bear fruit,
it will not be too far off that the streets of my town
will one day be filled again
with the lyrical lilt of my own language
I also can’t blame those
who continue to write in English
and live
in English
which is easy to dismiss as snooty
and elitist,
and alien—
even if it is the same village street,
the same home
that is being woven into words.
A tongue only becomes alien
when we keep it at the gate,
at the door.
The stranger is only as strange
as when we do not know his name,
and he does not know ours.
the job of the writer is not really
to master his language,
but to make it his own.
Not just to study its syntax
and shape but
to invite it into his home.
To kidnap bored English from the court offices
and banks
and schools,
and bring it to our beautiful messy rooms.
To tell it our stories,
whisper into its ear
our dreams,
and if the timing is right,
and the intention is clear,
then to show it our hearts
and we’ll begin to write.
Really really write.
Without guilt.
* reflections by L.L. YPIL
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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