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Watching Mother Die

Class is almost over
And the bell's about to ring
As she slips away to darkness
Praying 'What's next? Anything? '
And she asks for God's forgiveness
Drawing in her last frail breath
Sill at least the pain is over
Though He might not plumb exist
And I wonder if she's lonely
And I wonder if she's scared
To let go of all the ego
Eighty years that she has carried
But I'm too afraid to ask her
Her last thoughts before she goes
Does she think she'll be transported?
No one's been there, no one knows
Then I cry to think who I'll become
When her soul finally leaves
And I hate myself for wondering that
It isn't about me

poem by Sara Fielder
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Rebecca Berkowitz

She writes love on her arms
Drips it on pages
Goes to the bathroom
to
pick her nose
Then
worships the sages
Don't look now
She's playful

poem by Sara Fielder
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The Voice

Hey you
talking to me with your forked tongue
Go ahead
Keep telling me your lies
I can spot deception a mile away
You don't fool me
Just when I think you're gone for good
you show up again
putting me into a state of confusion and chaos
by saying what you think I want to hear
A constant tease that makes me
feel like a tangled mass of nerves
First you say you love me,
I turn around, and then you hate me
never seeming to make up your mind
Why do you do this to me?
Two faced bastard
I can't take this anymore
I won't listen
Get out of my head or you're dead

poem by Sara Fielder
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Overflow

I don't need ritualistic liturgy
To know God lives inside of me
No holy water on my head
A rosary my fingers thread
He makes up every single ounce
Of my being
My heart overflows
And my voice wants to scream
Till I burst into tiny microscopic beams
Of light and fire and sparks
That gleam

poem by Sara Fielder
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Der Liebesbrief

How have you been? My dear, my dear
You have not written in nary a year
Oh really? It's only been two or three months?
Whatever, whatever, it feels like a bunch
You think that it's funny, that's verdantly clear
Don't worry, I'm gone so there's nothing to fear
But I thought that I'd write a few lines so you'd know
I've moved on just as you writing poems as I go
And like you I'm a cynic so why should I care?
That you left me without having shed any tears
And those days that my heart feels it's tourniquet choke
I ignore with a whiskey, TV and a smoke

poem by Sara Fielder
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Patrick

Back then, when life was green among the curly ferns
And it was happy as the height of crystal night
My brother was my younger treasure
And we would daily play
by climbing trees and building forts with skinly knees
We were milky soft
Our eyes, they shined
And there was no such thing as watching time

poem by Sara Fielder
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Junk

I know I cant compare
To Maya Angelou or Baudelaire
You will not find me
On the shelf
With them or those that make you
Feel
You want to rent your clothes
With such despair and weep
With grief you cannot bear
I am replete
With simple diction tight and neat
My poems are junk
Someday be buried with me
Meek
Like Hallmark cards
Not fit for lounge rats in a bar

poem by Sara Fielder
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My Death Wish

Carve me like a pumpkin
With a cap upon my head
Scoop out my brains to mix with yeast
And knead them into bread
Cut out my eyes so I can’t see
The evil everywhere
And use them to play pool with
Doesn't matter
I don’t care
Snip off my hair to knot and braid
A rope that I can use
To tie around my woeful neck
And end it none to soon
And with what’s left
Chop, blend and mix
A tonic that will grow
A crop of red tomatoes in
The Summer you might sow

poem by Sara Fielder
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The Rendezvous

The lines of her dress were classic
She was curvy and tall and thin
She’d blood red shiny fingernails
Estee Lauder was under her chin

It was dark in the room when she entered
Except for a candle and chair
And a man with a handful of flowers
Expectantly waiting there

He wanted to be romantic
He wanted to be interesting
But she knew what he really was there for
In spite of the left handed ring

Yet she let down her hair with a flourish
Even though he had lied like a bum
She had lied to herself and she knew it
Cross the hundreds of miles she had come

They both knew there’d be spiritual fallout
They both knew someone surely would tell
They both knew there was no common sense in it
They both knew they would both burn in hell

But without thought or fear they went through with it
And when it was finally done
They were left with the shame and disgrace of it
Saying nothing before they ran home

So be mindful and always remember
If you find you've succumbed to their lot
There is never a happy conclusion
And your treachery's all that you've got

poem by Sara Fielder
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Im Not Sure Why It Took So Long

I'm not sure why it took so long
Making up my silly mind
To take that one step forward
And leave loneliness behind

I thought that it meant weakness
And I thought it'd take away
My hard won independence
Throw me in the "human" fray

I'm not sure why it took so long
For me to finally leave
The only thing I'd ever known
The sea, my boat, and me

But I suppose that I was stubborn
Vain with pride mixed in there too
And I never wanted you to think
That I was just like you

Secure on land, combined with all
The population's foam
For I had always thought that I
Was better on my own

I'm not sure why it took so long
To trade it for your face
How could I not? I finally did
And left my salty place

And now it's all so perfect
In our comfy, cozy home
Even though there are some days that I
Am wandering round alone

Upon the sea that's in my head
‘Cause there will never be
Replacement of that special part
That lives inside of me

poem by Sara Fielder
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Shallow Girl

I saw you in the marketplace
You cast a downward eye
Pretending to buy produce
And not notice I'd walked by
I wanted to say something
As you studied Bartlett pears
Cause in my mind I knew you knew
That I was shopping there
How difficult would it have been
To smile and say hello?
Not lingering to say too much
So grass would therefore grow
Under our feet except that we
The niceties had met
Required in society
A simple, easy debt
But all along you acted like
Most people always do
Like you had never seen me
Superficial and untrue

poem by Sara Fielder
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Doctors

I waited in the lobby as the television blared
While my mother was in surgery
Me wondering how she fared
Where the old ones in their wheelchairs
Pushed by strangers came and went
Wearing dressing gowns of cotton
With their dignity a-vent
And the doctors came to treat them
In their valuable time
Looking down upon these people
Without SEEING them, like mine
With their faces hid by masks
So you won’t know that they don’t care
Wearing paper shoes and paper hats
Such that you’d never dare
To waste their time by asking questions
And risk seeming like a fool
Just by virtue of the fact that they’ve
Had twenty years of school
But the sickly in their wheelchairs
Keep on coming back for more
Hoping they will beat Grim Reaper
As he bangs on deaths dark door
And the doctors with their scissors
And their scalpels cutting neat
Say “To hell with bedside manner
You are just a piece of meat”

poem by Sara Fielder
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My Prison

I don't know half as much as you
I won't pretend to
I just know what I know
Shut up, God told me so
Go on and have that argument with
Yourself
I'll wander room from room under impressed
While you are hell bent
On educating me with your divinity
You don't notice I'm not listening
Do you like the sound of your own voice that much?
Was this a CONVERSATION of such?
Strange to me when once upon a time
I was enthralled
But
Then my admiration grew
Creating a monster on his mountaintop
Without a clue
Making me to run
In opposite direction
The very thing that once fueled my desire
Has now become my prison

poem by Sara Fielder
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It's Only Text

Your abc's tethered me
Soft and subtle at first
Exes and ohs from another dimension
quietly prodding for attention
A gentleman, I visualized
The Wuthering Heights type
laying down your nouns for me to step on
evolving into cryptic codes and acronyms
I slipped on
But then, Emoticons!
Those little frowns and smiles
transmitted miles and miles to show you cared
Something Alexander Graham Bell
would never have anticipated
We read each other across the gulf
with words that were exclaimed
and punctuated by long gaps of silence
only serving to intensify and solidify our matrix
The el em en oh pees
making us both weak in the knees
When at last they lost their power
and I went back to using the calculator
to do simple math

poem by Sara Fielder
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Grandad and Hannah

Oh how he loves Hannah
It surely does show
From the top of her head
To her tee-niney toes.
She'll sit on his lap
And won't she be glad
When he asks who she loves
She can say 'You Grandad! '
Then Hannah leans over and gives Burb a kiss
But makes sure it's something that Grandad won't miss
It's part of the game
To taunt and to tease him
But deep in her heart
She knows it to please him
Then Grandad looks wounded
'Don't waste kisses! ' he'll shout
'Save 'em all up for me! ', then he puffs up and pouts
But she giggles and gives him a sweet sideways glance
Revealing the love that makes his heart dance
And we round the table can just watch with wonder
'Cause their love is stronger than lightning or thunder

NOTE: This poem was written about my father in law and his niece Hannah when she was 2 years old.

poem by Sara Fielder
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Rap Poem

You think you're cool because your mouth
is like a garbage can?
I think you're stupid and you
prolly need a CAT scan
You go to school,
but you haven't learned the one thing
To be a man you have gotta
keep your mouth clean
What goes inside,
must come back out
and if you're listenin' to that trash
you're lost there's no doubt
So pay attention,
and have I mentioned?
When you have kids that are your own
they will not listen!
Are you a sheep?
Are you asleep?
What makes you think the emphasis
should be on bleep bleep?
What makes a man?
It's not your clothes
It's not the fact you wear gold chains
and have ten white ho's
You want 'Real talk'?
I'll give you some
You are a phony and at night
you suck your own thumb
There is a verse
that you should learn
It comes from Matthew Twelve
that you should really rehearse
It goes like this
Be justified!
by all your words and then someday
you'll finally take pride!

poem by Sara Fielder
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Goodbye

Turn off the light
Let darkness come
Like some long dead blank being
Just drown yourself in all of it
Remembering not a thing
When we are young the hands of time
Move not and all is golden
When we look back
Our hearts the same
But body pained and broken
Just close your eyes
Before you die
As God puts out His hand
Goodbye green earth, Goodbye my lambs
It's time for my rebirth

poem by Sara Fielder
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Hello

Yesterday each step smelled like perfume
Plumeria and harvest rose in bloom
In present moment
Dreams
They look ahead
No fear of future fate
No future dread
We don’t look back, we only look ahead
Until the end
And we are nearly dead
And emptiness ‘round corner comes to view
Or with some luck
Perchance there’s something new
And with one kiss
We say to earth Goodbye
And hope our fleshly pains
Are but mellow
And when at once we meet that Godly eye
We can embrace with heartfelt love
Hello

poem by Sara Fielder
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A Chipped Shoulder

Stop trying to be my friend
I know you're a nice person
Nice people need acceptance
But,
you're barking up the wrong tree
I don't need acceptance
I only need to be liked by me

poem by Sara Fielder
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The Screamy Meanies

Each night the screamy meanies come
To kick me wide awake
They spit on me and yank my hair
Poke me with three pronged stakes
They torment without mercy
Till I’m drenched in my own sweat
They think it’s rather funny
And they live under my bed
One’s name is Anorexia
One’s name is Latex Sex
One’s name is You’re a Loser and one’s
Pills That You Ingest
One’s You’re a Dirty Liar and one’s
Your Extremely Vain
One’s You Like to Play with Fire
Till it Burns you With it's Flame
One’s You Should Read Your Bible More
One’s You Are Such a Fool
The One whose names Judgmental
Thinks he’s consummately cool
They all are very vengeful
And none of them are the same
Thank God in a few hours they
Go back from whence they came

poem by Sara Fielder
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Valentines Day

Once a year a day comes
On the calendar of time
That marks just one of many
I would hope to make you mine
For most it conjures visions
That begin only in part
Of Cupid slinging arrows
Through his intended victims heart
It's candy, cards, and flowers
That are touched by morning dew
And other sweet surprises
Full of love they might renew
It's pink champagne and candlelight
And gazing at the moon
A kiss with all the passion
That would cause a girl to swoon
It's all these things and many more
And what they're meant to be
But none nearly important as
The words that you love me
And in return I promise you
Through good times and in strife
I'll give you all my heart can give
My love, my soul, my life

NOTE: This poem was written for my husband many years ago.

poem by Sara Fielder
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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En.Citatepedia®.ro

Watching Mother Die

Related quotes

Rebecca Berkowitz

The Voice

Overflow

Der Liebesbrief

Patrick

Junk

My Death Wish

The Rendezvous

Im Not Sure Why It Took So Long

Shallow Girl

Doctors

My Prison

It's Only Text

Grandad and Hannah

Rap Poem

Goodbye

Hello

A Chipped Shoulder

The Screamy Meanies

Valentines Day

En.Citatepedia^®.ro