The Diplomatic Platypus
I had a duck-billed platypus when I was up at Trinity,
With whom I soon discovered a remarkable affinity.
He used to live in lodgings with myself and Arthur Purvis,
And we all went up together for the Diplomatic Service.
I had a certain confidence, I own, in his ability,
He mastered all the subjects with remarkable facility;
And Purvis, though more dubious, agreed that he was clever,
But no one else imagined he had any chance whatever.
I failed to pass the interview, the board with wry grimaces
Took exception to my boots and then objected to my braces,
And Purvis too was failed by an intolerant examiner
Who said he had his doubts as to his sock-suspender's stamina.
Our summary rejection, though we took it with urbanity
Was naturally wounding in some measure to our vanity;
The bitterness of failure was considerably mollified,
However, by the ease with which our platypus had qualified.
The wisdom of the choice, it soon appeared, was undeniable;
There never was a diplomat more thoroughly reliable.
He never made rash statements his enemies might hold him to,
He never stated anything, for no one ever told him to,
And soon he was appointed, so correct was his behaviour,
Our Minister (without Portfolio) to Trans-Moravia.
My friend was loved and honoured from the Andes to Esthonia,
He soon achieved a pact between Peru and Patagonia,
He never vexed the Russians nor offended the Rumanians,
He pacified the Letts and yet appeased the Lithuanians,
Won approval from his masters down in Downing Street so wholly, O,
He was soon to be rewarded with the grant of a Portfolio.
When on the Anniversary of Greek Emancipation,
Alas! He laid an egg in the Bulgarian Legation.
This untoward occurrence caused unheard-of repercussions,
Giving rise to epidemics of sword-clanking in the Prussians.
The Poles began to threaten, and the Finns began to flap at him,
Directing all the blame for this unfortunate mishap at him;
While the Swedes withdrew entirely from the Anglo-Saxon dailies
The right of photographing the Aurora Borealis,
And, all efforts at rapprochement in the meantime proving barren,
The Japanese in self-defence annexed the Isle of Arran.
My platypus, once thought to be more cautious and more tentative
Than any other living diplomatic representative,
Was now a sort of warning to all diplomatic students
Of the risks attached to negligence, the perils of imprudence,
And, branded in the Honours List as 'Platypus, Dame Vera',
Retired, a lonely figure, to lay eggs in Bordighera.
poem by Patrick Barrington
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Related quotes
Researcher of poetry
‘Researcher of poetry’
To be or not to be that is the question
Am I a word junkie or a poetry equestrian?
Riding a rhyme changing the line
To make it look like it was mine
The good Lawrence Durrell was a wordy man
Little about poetry he did understand
Till a woman led him to the Promised Land
Now he’s one of the best in the land
Barrington had a duck-billed Platypus at trinity
With whom he shared a remarkable affinity
The Platypus made Barrington nervous
When he suggested they join the Diplomatic Service
John’s padre was an old sky pilot
Until they clipped his wings
He sits in his garden: writing poetry
Playing guitar, composing songs which he sings
Noel proved he was no coward
He proved he was the brave one
With mad dogs and Englishmen
He went out in the midday sun
Cole Porter said let’s do it let’s fall in love
I said Cole you have had to much porter
I really don’t fancy you, but, if you can wait
To get drunk: I might like a little porter
I did do some research to come up with this prose
I know you’re not happy, and what’s getting up your nose
I am not a researcher I will tell you for free
I may just be a thief of other people’s poetry
MICMAC
poem by Michael Micmac Mccrory
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Old Man Platypus
Far from the trouble and toil of town,
Where the reed beds sweep and shiver,
Look at a fragment of velvet brown,
Old Man Platypus drifting down,
Drifting along the river.
And he plays and dives in the river bends
In a style that is most elusive;
With few relations and fewer friends,
For Old Man Platypus descends
From a family most exclusive.
He shares his burrow beneath the bank
With his wife and his son and daughter
At the roots of the reeds and the grasses rank;
And the bubbles show where our hero sank
To its entrance under water.
Safe in their burrow below the falls
They live in a world of wonder,
Where no one visits and no one calls,
They sleep like little brown billiard balls
With their beaks tucked neatly under.
And he talks in a deep unfriendly growl
As he goes on his journey lonely;
For he's no relation to fish nor fowl,
Nor to bird nor beast, nor to horned owl;
In fact, he's the one and only!
poem by Andrew Barton Paterson
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Who Am I
In the bottom of a stream;
In water so pure and clean —
I live, an animal so strange,
Sensitive to every little change.
Just like a duck, I have webbed feet,
But I do not eat a bit of wheat.
I live in a long, dark hole,
But I am nowhere near a mole.
Every so often an egg I may lay,
But I do not fly, night or day.
I even have short, brown fur;
Just like a slinking cur.
When I go out at will,
I find my way with my bill.
My name rhymes with octopus.
I am a platypus;
And God made me so.
poem by Joses Tirtabudi
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Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.
quote by Robin Williams
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Now I am obsessed with collecting Platypus paraphernalia.
quote by Trevor Dunn
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ogdenashical to amuse
I am a duck billed platypus
I very seldom make a fuss.
Though you will find if you tread on me
I can react most peevishly
Because you’ve made me furious.
Wallace Wart hog was not willing
unless he got the top billing.
Although he thought he was the best
he was much worse than all the rest
and never earned a single shilling.
Adalbert the alligator
had a sister but he ate her
Which was not the thing to do
but Adalbert had downed a few
He was chastised by his pater.
Anthony the armadillo
was a very funny fellow.
his only hobby telling jokes
which were not funny to most folks
and they rudely told him so
A donkey mated with a horse
accidentally of course.
The stallion was a love lorn fool
Mixing breeds made me a mule
To be an ass would be much worse.
Fish can swim and birds can fly.
Although I sometimes wonder.
Flying fish can leave the sea
take to the air quite easily.
Fish are not supposed to fly
Chimpanzees live in the trees
which they navigate with ease.
Searching for their favourite food
In a way no human could.
Sadly they can be very crude.
The killer whale is bound to fail
although he tries to no avail
but he continues stubbornly
he is convinced that one day he
will be a banjo playing whale.
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Circumstantial
Corella agitates and Redback spins.
Inspector Numbat eyes them with distrust.
Rosella whistles tunes and Dingo grins;
Companions round the billabong at dusk.
Unearthing plots and sifting dirt for clues,
Mendacious Emu's trouble-making trails,
Surveilling Wallaby's tracks and Kangaroo's,
The keen Inspector's always on their tails.
And Wombat's buried many past misdeeds.
'Not guilty', lies Koala, looking sweet.
The Inspector knows the only thing he needs
Is one last puzzle piece to make complete.
Although he's got the culprits nailed this time,
Lamentably, he's not yet found the crime.
SUSPICIOUS
Shy,
Unseen,
Spurs and silt,
Platypus glides.
Ibis sidles by.
Cicadas criticize.
Ironbark rustles a song -
'Oh where has poor Echidna gone,
Unnoticed by the billabong throng'.
Shy, unseen, spurs and silt, Platypus glides.
poem by Diane Hine
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Assange Has Courageously Exposed...?
Will South American governments defend freedom of speech?
Or will a man be Obama witch hunted for exposing diplomatic
deceit; political foreign invasion; occupation conspiracy lies?
Assange has courageously exposed an orchestrated litany of lies?
To delet the diplomatic status of an embassy; to arbitrarily
revoke the immunity of embassies would be a crime worthy;
of Nazi Germany Iran North Korea but no threat to withdraw;
diplomatic status is an insane UK 'hostile and intolerable act'?
poem by Terence George Craddock
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Way Down Yonder
The Thingamabobs and the Diddleysquats,
Ate platypus-puke and hot booger-tots.
The Tiddleywinks and the Snickerdoodles,
Had roasted head lice with stink-bug noodles.
They played all day on the purple seesaw...
Then headed on down to the Mardi Gras!
poem by ToddMichael St. Pierre
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I feel akin to the Platypus. An orphan in a family. A swimmer, a recluse. Part bird, part fish, part lizard.
quote by Trevor Dunn
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I am proud to be an American Citizen.
quote by Robert Purvis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My proposal to re-establish diplomatic relations - not necessarily friendly relations, but diplomatic relations - is a sensible, simple, and straightforward approach that will finally get us off dead center.
quote by Cyrus Vance
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I was never the diplomatic diplomat.
quote by Adolfo Aguilar Zinser
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A real peace
I consoled and preferred to live at ease
There was never a comfort and peace
I was definitely a close friend but never in race
I wore beautiful smile with nice dress
Why do I feel so dejected?
I was never admired or rejected?
At no point of time I was even objected
Still in funny way I had acted
I wished happy days for them
What made them to think then?
I did not like to have loose or permanent joint
I was never attached at any point
I wished them all the best
I followed the routine as rest
It was to have smooth sailing
I believed in chance availing
You have failed to steal
I never tried to conceal
I never felt in fact as real
It had no approval or seal
I can blame no one
But you were not the someone
You imagined your role as beloved
You were never a reality and were removed
I can't entertain foolish idea
There complete mismatch in plea
It failed me to impress or appeal
As it was not at all perfect deal
I might have considered or consented
I sensed its futility and resented
It was never an idea to go for bond
I was never at ease or fond
You expressed your desire
I did not agree or went on to admire
It was tale of desperation
I did not find any reason or relation
You may think of impossibility
I need not bear its responsibility
You may rest your head anywhere
I was never before and will not be there
Did you notice my displeasure?
I never admired or reassured
You were totally in illusory world
You may certainly feel very cold
I know how to maintain pace
I have for others limited space
I know what can be my fate
Thought it may be realized very late
I believe in time and destiny
It might have been realized by many
I was little pink rose
But I preferred not to pose
I shall be considered as arrogant
It was more or less very important
I will have to shape or think in my own way
I can't keep quite and stay away
One has to be very brave and bold
Our conscience should not be termed as sold
It is definitely clear choice to be followed
No one should attempt or try to to be swallowed
poem by Hasmukh Amathalal
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Two Fortune Tellers Said
When Vera and I first met,
a second marriage
was the last thing on her mind.
Her first husband had not long run off
with a fourteen year old
and left this world in a suicide pact.
Some years earlier,
a Fortuneteller had told her
she would never end her days with him.
She would meet a tall dark person
sooner than she thought.
She shrugged off the suggestion,
as she never wanted to marry again.
With a failed marriage
that only brought her grief.
She was not going to take the chance again.
Once was enough.
She could never trust
anyone again.
Years earlier in my life
a Fortuneteller told me
I would settle down
with someone with the initial D.
My way of thinking that was a Christian name
like Dorothy or Diane,
but not a surname.
When her husband died
being a friend I attended his funeral,
never dreaming that one day
his widow would
eventually become my wife.
After all her name began
with a V and not a D.
Then a group of his friends
met one night in a coffee bar.
Someone suggested one of us
take her out for an evening.
As there were no takers,
so I volunteered.
However, I joke about it now.
We went out together
time and time again.
When I asked her to marry me,
she wasn’t really sure.
Memories of her previous marriage
kept plaguing her,
but eventually she said yes.
After we were married,
she could not totally trust.
Even though she was reassured
that I was not like her first husband
and wouldn’t cheat on her.
That I wasn’t like that.
Almost two years passed
before trust slowly returned.
It was then she realised
that I was the one
the Fortuneteller had told her about.
You cannot get much taller than six foot three.
As for me and the initial D.
Vera’s married surname
began with the initial D.
Here we are through troubles thick and thin
fast approaching
our 38th Wedding Anniversary.
We’ve hardly been parted
within those years.
Not because of distrust,
but because of love.
We get lonely
whenever we are apart.
Now as for fortune-tellers,
I’m not sure what to believe.
It would seem a coincidence
that two different people
would predict our lives together.
This is true and I wonder
was it just a lucky guess,
or is there more to it.
I’ll let you decide.
21 March 2008
poem by David Harris
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It is the safeguard of the strongest that he lives under a government which is obliged to respect the voice of the weakest.
quote by Robert Purvis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Story Of Desire
forced by desire to write
one night I took a pen and paper under light
I dreamed, imagined and not what I did
Still could not make the pen and paper meet
I looked inside as well as outside
But failed to find a subject to describe
The wind blew and moon appeared
But they did not made my mind delight
I thought and thought and fought a lot
And slowly my will began to broke..
At the end, I forced my desire to die..
With a smile, of course of failure and shy! !
My father was a diplomatic officer. As a diplomat's daughter, you have to learn to present yourself very early on.
quote by Kathleen Turner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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To make me believe that those men who have regulated education in our country have humanity in their hearts is to make me believe a lie.
quote by Robert Purvis
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I elect to stay on the soil of which I was born and on the plot of ground which I have fairly bought and honestly paid for. Don't advise me to leave, and don't add insult to injury by telling me it's for my own good; of that I am to be the judge.
quote by Robert Purvis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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