The old Watch Maker in my schooldays
One day I took my Grandpa's 'Damas' pocket watch for repairs
As he complains it goes ten minutes faster and he doesn't want to die soon!
I call him uncle who does watch repairs in his cubicle in the shopping complex.
When I entered I saw he's watching the Sun a long time
And laughed continuously.
I asked; 'What's wrong with you uncle? '
Then he started the story;
'You must know this sonny, I was really amazed of my next door spinster those days and she's in her naughty forties!
You cannot see her blue eyes straight away a minute
And you feel like burning inside yourself.
You know what happened at last?
My wife put up a parapet wall but ten feet high from her father's pension
As I was unemployed.
Afterwards she has moved to another place and I heard no more.'
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Related quotes
I'm My Own Grandpa
It was many many years ago when I was twenty-three,
I was married to a widow, she's as pretty as can be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red,
my father fell in lover with her, and soon these two were wed.
I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa.
It sounds silly, I know, but it really is so, oh
I'm my own grandpa.
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life:
My daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife.
And then to complicate the matter, though it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
This bouncing baby then became a brother-in-law to dad,
and so became my uncle, though it made me very sad,
for if he was my uncle then he also was the brother
of the widow's grown-up daughter, who, of course, was my step-mother.
I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa.
It sounds silly, I know, but it really is so, oh
I'm my own grandpa.
Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue,
because although she is my wife, she's my grandmother, too.
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
Husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa.
It sounds silly, I know, but it really is so, oh
I'm my own grandpa.
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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25 Minutes To Go
They're buildin' the gallows outside my cell.
I got 25 minutes to go.
And in 25 minutes I'll be in Hell.
I got 24 minutes to go.
Well, they give me some beans for my last meal.
23 minutes to go.
And you know... nobody asked me how I feel.
I got 22 minutes to go.
So, I wrote to the Gov'nor... the whole damned bunch.
Ahhh... 21 minutes to go.
And I call up the Mayor, and he's out to lunch.
I got 20 more minutes to go.
Well, the Sheriff says, 'Boy, I wanna watch you die'.
19 minutes to go.
I laugh in his face... and I spit in his eye.
I got 18 minutes to go.
Well...I call out to the Warden to hear my plea.
17 minute to go.
He says, 'Call me back in a week or three.
You've got 16 minutes to go.'
Well, my lawyer says he's sorry he missed my case.
Mmmm....15 minutes to go.
Yeah, well if you're so sorry, come up and take my place.
I got 14 minutes to go.
Well, now here comes the padre to save my soul
With 13 minutes to go.
And he's talkin' about burnin', but I'm so damned cold.
I got 12 more minutes to go.
Now they're testin' the trap. It chills my spine.
I got 11 minutes to go.
'Cuz the goddamned thing it works just fine.
I got 10 more minutes to go.
I'm waitin' for the pardon... gonna set me free
With 9 more minutes to go.
But this ain't the movies, so to hell with me.
I got 8 more minutes to go.
And now I'm climbin up the ladder with a scaffold peg
With 7 more minutes to go.
I've betta' watch my step or else I'll break my leg.
I got 6 more minutes to go.
Yeah... with my feet on the trap and my head in the noose...
5 more minutes to go.
Well, c'mon somethin' and cut me loose.
I got 4 more minutes to go.
I can see the mountains. I see the sky.
3 more minutes to go.
And it's too damned pretty for a man to die.
i got 2 more minutes to go
I can hear the buzzards... hear the crows.
1 more minute to go.
And now I'm swingin' and here I gooooooooo....
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Uncle Sam
Here they come again hop scotching up to my door
One by one again knockety knock knocking upon my floor
Swinging on my gate they gain entry by the yard
Pulling at my hair they scream paint your thoughts upon my card
But not tonight Ive got studies to examine
Tomorrow Ill be watching all the queens men
A talent contest on monday with my uncle sam
Who now takes up all of my time he gives me things to do
cause hes a wonderful man
But Im sailing across the sea to see my uncle sam
Im sailing across the sea to be with my uncle sam
To be with my uncle sam
Silly little sniggers from the women liberators
But Ill stand and hold my post
Polished buttons and erect Ill raise the flag
Ill show those women whos the most
But not tonight Ive got studies to examine
Tomorrow Ill be watching all the queens men
A talent contest on monday with my uncle sam
Who now takes up all of my time, gives me things to do
Hes a wonderful man
But Im sailing across the sea to see my uncle sam
Im sailing across the sea to be with my uncle sam
Im sailing across the sea to see my uncle sam
Im sailing across the sea to be with my uncle sam
But not tonight Ive got studies to examine
Tomorrow ah ah ah
And tomorrow Ill be watching all the queens men
A talent contest on monday with my uncle sam
Who now takes up all of my time he gives me things to do
cause hes a wonderful man
Im sailing across the sea to see my uncle sam
Im sailing across the sea to be with my uncle sam
Im sailing across the sea to see my uncle sam
Im sailing across the sea to be with my uncle sam
song performed by by Madness
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Wile Watching the Black and White TV
Your old man
came into the lounge
where you were watching
black and white TV
and your mother was standing
talking to an uncle
it's the baker
your old man said
he wants his £50
what £50?
your mother asked
the £50 I owe him
well pay him
your mother said
I can't
I don't have it
you watched
the cowboy film
with half interest
you took a glance
at the debtor
well tell him
you'll pay him
next week
your mother said
I told him that
last week
your old man said
what did you want
to borrow £50
from the baker for?
your mother asked
her cheeks getting flushed
to buy my new suit
what new suit?
the one I'm having made
you noticed
your old man's
moustache flicker
and he stroked it
as he did
when cornered
your mother
breathed heavy
and you looked
at the uncle
ok
the uncle said
here's the £50
go pay him
what you owe
to get him off your back
but you better pay me back
or I'll bust your head
sure I will
your old man said
going out of the room
clutching the money
in his palm
your mother sighed
and the uncle
put away his wallet
into an inside pocket
and you saw that one
of the cowboys
on the black and white
TV screen
had been shot
and died
the other looked angry
and ugly
and mean.
poem by Terry Collett
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The Ballad of Uncle Mukungu
He's my uncle and to my father a brother,
To many a darling or to all and sundry rather;
A pot of knowledge unique, and of humor and quit,
And queer a sight, a wonder as right.
This mine uncle as much do I love,
For he be within and near must cause me to laugh;
And you, liking or not whether,
Never can stand my uncle's weather.
I won't tell all- my uncle's long,
A story you would love as of humor strong;
I will do you a bit, and perhaps a bit more,
Of Mukungu's sweet and sometimes some sore.
At class three a dropout my uncle became,
And thus many had it- uncle has lost his aim;
But no! Who harbored thoughts so was but mistaken,
Listen to Mukungu and your ribs will be shaken.
His talk will behind leave no bit of sagacity,
That bit by bit and all kills ambiance of solemnity;
To imbue the air and emotion with humor high and enough,
To bury hate option and hatch of uncle to love.
Uncle is a guru of eating great,
And many a cuisine none he does hate;
And thus he's indefatigable bull of village,
Cuts through others like a sharpest edge.
Perfect artist he is and scientist as well,
He'll sing a song and tell the stars fell;
He has his language and in he's a virtuoso,
Moreover he acts and he's a star so.
poem by Willy Munyoki
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Uncle Arthur
Strikes the bell for 5 oclock, uncle arthur closes shop
Screws the tops on all the bottles, turns the lights out, locks it up
Climbs across his bike and hes away
Cycles past the gasworks, past the river, down the high street
Back to mother, its another empty day
Uncle arthur likes his mommy
Uncle arthur still reads comics
Uncle arthur follows batman
Round and round the rumours fly, how he ran away from mum
On his 32nd birthday, told her that hed found a chum
Mother cried and raved and yelled and fussed
Arthur left her no illusion, brought the girl round, save confusion
Sally was the real thing, not just lust
Uncle arthur vanished quickly
Uncle arthur and his new bride
Uncle arthur follows sally
Round and round goes arthurs head, hasnt eaten well for days
Little sally may be lovely, but cooking leaves her in a maze
Uncle arthur packed his bags and fled
Back to mother, alls forgiven, serving in the family shop
He gets his pocket money, hes well fed
Uncle arthur past the gasworks
Uncle arthur past the river
Uncle arthur down the high street
Uncle arthur follows mother
song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Uncle Johns Band
Well the first days are the hardest days, dont you worry any more,
cause when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door.
Think this through with me, let me know your mind,
Wo, oh, what I want to know, is are you kind?
Its a buck dancers choice my friend; better take my advice.
You know all the rules by now and the fire from the ice.
Will you come with me? wont you come with me?
Wo, oh, what I want to know, will you come with me?
Goddamn, well I declare, have you seen the like?
Their wall are built of cannonballs, their motto is dont tread on me.
Come hear uncle johns band playing to the tide,
Come with me, or go alone, hes come to take his children home.
Its the same story the crow told me; its the only one he knows.
Like the morning sun you come and like the wind you go.
Aint no time to hate, barely time to wait,
Wo, oh, what I want to know, where does the time go?
I live in a silver mine and I call it beggars tomb;
I got me a violin and I beg you call the tune,
Anybodys choice, I can hear your voice.
Wo, oh, what I want to know, how does the song go?
Come hear uncle johns band by the riverside,
Got some things to talk about, here beside the rising tide.
Come hear uncle johns band playing to the tide,
Come on along, or go alone, hes come to take his children home.
Wo, oh, what I want to know, how does the song go.
song performed by by Grateful Dead
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Upside Down
She wiped the dish and turned it upside down;
But my uncle sat quietly watching her because,
She was his wife.
The plum,
Sorcery and divination;
But Asherah is your love and,
I have to stay off your tracks! !
And i have to watch my steps always.
Upside down,
You are making me forget all the pains of love;
But my uncle will tell you much of his own experiences.
You still worship all the lhost of heaven!
Of the sun, the moon, and the stars;
But i will now like to introduce my aunty to you,
For i have come of age.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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Uncle’s Hat
Uncle’s hat
A black little hat
Thrown by a cat
And left out to be wet
Uncle trembled
And shouted aloud
“Who left my hat
To wet out side
The cat mewed
Uncle fumed
“What a naughty cat”.
poem by Dilipbhasker Mathra
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My Uncle Gay
I can not say in a way,
That would for anyone be understood.
But I have an uncle named Gayhall,
Who stands for me very tall.
A minister he is,
With a wife Pamela and two adorable kids.
Well...
They are no longer 'kids'.
Two beautiful women I 'should' say.
Nicole and Tiffany...
Each with a uniqueness,
Anyone can see.
Although my Uncle Gay,
Has been sick of late.
I hate the fact that he's like that.
But what can I do,
Besides pray from my Uncle Gay?
I 'see' him getting better,
Each day as I 'visualize'.
I want his health to return to him.
Because he is very special,
In my eyes.
I love my aunts and uncles...
As 'if' they were mine!
And...
Hey,
They are 'mine'!
Well...
Let me define what it is I want God to do!
'God,
I know for a fact...
You are with me all the time!
But...
Will You heal my Uncle Gay?
Right 'now'!
And...
Today! '
Dedicated to:
My Uncle Reverand Gayhall Pertillar.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
'Love you, Uncle Gay...
Pam and 'kids'.'
Nephew Larry
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Day That Time Would Stop!
The passageway was longer than he thought
He would have said,
It seemed to go forever,
But the words stayed in his head.
That drumming in his ears was surely
Just the lack of sound,
And could it be, he floated,
With his feet just off the ground?
The ambulance had called for him at just
On half past three,
He'd told his wife: ‘Don't bother,
It will go away, you'll see! '
His wife was more determined than she'd
Ever been before,
She dialled up on her mobile
And she waved him, at the door.
‘It's all just fuss and bother, this, ' he thought,
And flushed quite red,
The fellow in the ambulance
Looked grim, and shook his head.
He tried to give him oxygen, then
Called out to his mate:
‘You'd better put your foot down,
Or we might be there too late! '
He felt the lurch of speed, and heard the
Sirens start to wail,
He only felt embarrassment,
‘Such fuss! Beyond the pale! '
But then the light had faded in the
Middle of the day,
And that was when he found himself
Deep in that passageway!
The light became much brighter, at the end
He saw a door,
It slowly started opening,
He couldn't see much more,
But then he floated through it, standing
Stark within this room
Filled wall to wall with flowers that
Had just begun to bloom!
He stood there for a moment, he could not
Believe his eyes,
A crowd of happy people jumped
On out, and yelled: ‘Surprise! '
Then streamers and balloons appeared
And tangled round his feet,
He stared at them in wonder as
His heart had ceased to beat!
His father stood there grinning, he had died
Before his time
While his mother wiped a tear away,
She'd left when he was nine,
And all the aunts and uncles from
His distant memories,
Now stood and charged a glass to him,
And smiled, and shouted: ‘Cheers! '
‘He doesn't know what's happened, give him time, '
Said Uncle Ron,
‘We're just so glad to see you - My!
The weight that you've put on!
You must have seen it coming, all
That pain before you drop;
It's common to us all, you know,
The Day that Time would Stop! '
He paused to think about his wife, and
Wondered if she cried,
Or simply shrugged her shoulders when
She heard that he had died,
The heart that he no longer had
He knew would never mend;
He stood erect and dignified -
A funeral to attend!
poem by David Lewis Paget
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Uncle Johns Band
Uncle johns band
By: jerry garcia, robert hunter
1970
Well the first days are the hardest days
Dont you worry anymore
cause when life looks like easy street
There is danger at the door
Think this through with me
Let me know youre mine
Ooh, oh, all I want to know is
Are you kind
Its a buck dancers choice my friend
You better take my advice
You know all the rules by now
And the fire from the ice
Will you come with me
Wont you come with me
Ooh, oh all I want to know
Will you come with me
Goddamn I declare
Have you seen the like
Their walls are built of cannon balls
There motto is dont tread on me
Come here uncle johns band
Playing to the tide
Come on along or go alone
Hes come to take his children home
Its the same story the crow told me
Its the only one he knows
Like the morning sun you come
And like the wind you go
Aint no time to hate
Barely time to wait
Ooh, oh all I want to know
Where does the time go
I live in a silver mine
And I call it beggars tomb
Ive got me a violin
And I beg you call the tune
Anybodys choice
I can hear your voice
Ooh, oh all I want to know
How does the song go
Come here uncle johns band
By the river side
Got some things to talk about
Here beside the rising tide
Come here uncle johns band
Play into the tide
Come on along or go alone
Hes come to take his children home
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Uncle Fred and The Sand Dance
Your Uncle Fred
on Christmas Eve
at Gran's house
when you were a kid
did the sand dance
wearing an old fashion
man's striped nightgown
and a red fez
(he got that in Egypt
during WW2
Gran said)
and brown
open toed sandals
and Uncle Ed
turned the handle
of the windup gramophone
where an old
78rpm record
was playing
and there were
glasses of sherry
being consumed
and cigarettes being smoked
and you sat watching
clapping your hands
and Gran would get up
afterwards
and do her Can-Can
like she used to
as she young woman
on the stage
and Granddad sat there
quiet saying nothing
looking at
the people gathered
sipping his sherry
watching his wife
lifting her legs
her white fuzzy hair
going to and fro
as she moved
and you wanted
to have some sherry
but your mother said
no you have lemonade
little boys
don't have sherry
so you sat
with your lemonade
watching Uncle Fred
and his dance
and the music coming
from the old gramophone
and the smell of sherry
and beer and cigarette smoke
and Uncle telling the adults
one of his old army jokes.
poem by Terry Collett
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Watch Closely Now
Watch closely now
You'll observe a curious exchange of energy
Are you a figment of my imagination
Or I one of yours?
Watch closely now - are you watching me now?
Your eyes are like fingers
They're touching my body and arousing my soul
Ridin' the passion arisin' inside me
How high can I go?
You're comin' with me girl
I'm gonna show you how
When it's scary, don't look down
Watch closely now - are you watching me now?
I see the hunger arise in your eyes and it's a-urging me on
Higher and harder and faster and farther
Than I've ever gone
You're comin' closer lady
Don't ya leave me now
We're gonna make it
Don't look down
Maybe I'm takin' me too many chances
With no net at all
Maybe I'll teach you at least that
You've got to be free when you fall
Watch closely now - are you watching me now?
I'm the master magician, who's setting you free
From the lies you've been told
When they're breaking your back
Bring your last straw to me
I turn straw into gold
I'm gonna need you later
When you're not around
But I can take it
Don't look down
Watch closely now
Are you watching me now?...
song performed by by Kris Kristofferson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Uncle Johns Band
Well the first days are the hardest days
Dont you worry anymore
Cause when life looks like easy street
There is danger at your door
Now think this through with me
Let me know your mind
Oh what I want to know
Is are you kind
Now its a buck dancers choice my friends
Better take my advice
You know all the rules by now
And the fire from the ice
Now will you come with me
Wont you come with me
Oh what I want to know
Will you come with me
Sister well I declare
Have you seen the like
Their walls are built of cannon balls
Their motto is dont tread on me
Come hear uncle johns band
Playing to the tide
Come with me or go alone
Hes come to take his children home
Its the same story the crow told me
Its the only one he knows
Like the morning sun you come
And like the wind you go
Aint no time to hate
Barely time to wait
Oh what I want to know
Where does the time go
I live in a silver mine
And I call it beggers tomb
Ive got me a violin
And I beg you call the tune
Anybodys choice
I can hear your voice
Oh what I want to know
How does the song go
Come hear uncle johns band
By the riverside
Got some things to talk about
Here beside the rising tide
Come hear uncle johns band
Playing to the tide
Come on come on or go alone
Hes come to take his children home
Whoa what I want to know
How does the song go
Come hear uncle johns band
By the riverside
Got some things to talk about
Here beside the rising tide
Come hear uncle johns band
Playing to the tide
Come on along or go alone
Hes come to take his children home
Come hear uncle johns band
(brother)
By the riverside
(aint no time to hate)
Got some things to talk about
(sister)
Here beside the rising tide
(aint no time to wait)
Come hear uncle johns band
Playing to the tide
Come on along or go alone
Hes come to take his children home
song performed by by Indigo Girls
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Kiss Of Life
See me a big woman, big woman look how you dance
See me a big woman, big woman caught in a trance
Dancing on the tabletop, covered up with the easter feast
Youre dancing for the fishermen, from the very large right
To the least
Dancing for the slow release, first the boy and then the beast
Then the beast
Burning, buring with the kiss of life
Burning, buring with the kiss of life
See me, a big woman, big woman so full of life
See me, a big woman, big woman going to be my wife
Watching for the different eyes - they change your face -
They come inside
Watch the spirits laugh and cry, watch them find a place
To hide
Watch the spirits talk in tongues, watch them take you for
A ride
Down at the ocean lies a body in the sand
Big woman sits beside, head in hand
With heat from her skin, and fire from her breath
She blows hard, she slows deep in the mouth of death
Burning, burning with the kiss of life
Burning, burning with the kiss of life
Burning, burning with the kiss of life
song performed by by Peter Gabriel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Cat Is Dead
Deedle dee, three tots are we.
And were as clever as can be.
We live with grandma ida and our dear old grandpa ned
And little baby mike (the brat)
And dont forget the siamese cat
And in the attic from detroit is big, fat uncle fred
Oh grandpa wishes he were rich,
And grandma just complains (the bitch)
And uncle fred gets drunk while mike just cries all night and day
The cat thinks that he owns the place
He bites and scratches on the face
Itd be so nice if they just went away, away
Ooh daddle, daddle daddle daddle daddle daddle day
(chorus)
The cat is dead, the cat is dead
I went to pat him on the head
He didnt purr, he didnt meow he didnt blink or snip.
He seemed to have a funny smile that made me laugh
But all the while, the tail that used o flip and flap
Got awful cold and stiff.
We chopped him into tiny bits,
And seasoned him with apple bits
And with some dust, we made a crust and put him in a pie.
Into the oven he did sit, until the crust was nice and crisp
Ill love that little kitty till I die.
Dee die, dee di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di.
The cat is dead, the cat is dead.
And mikey too, and uncle fred
Expiring oh so suddenly while sipping down some tea.
The tea was hot, the tea was hot
With stricknine and a little spice to
Cover up the funny taste of our conspiracy.
When grandpa saw what we had done,
He went straight for his hunting gun
But we were quick we sole the clip
The rest is history
To make sure grandma wouldnt flea
We gave her a lobotomy
And nows shes just as happy as can be
Dee dee, dee deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle dee
(chorus)
song performed by by Oingo Boingo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dumping Many Buckets
A building done,
With no retraint...
Peels the paint.
And cracks the stairs.
And those staring in despair,
Are not there to tile the roof.
When all moved in...
Everything 'appeared'...
To glisten with gloss and be good as new.
Now they are inside,
Dumping out the buckets...
From a dripping done,
Through the roof.
Yes...
Now they're inside,
Dumping many buckets...
With the hope their home stays status proof!
Nobody cares about repairs!
No one aware of repairs is prepared.
And those staring in despair,
Are not there to tile the roof.
When all moved in...
Everything 'appeared'...
To glisten with gloss and be good as new.
A building done,
With no retraint...
Peels the paint.
And cracks the stairs.
Nobody cares about repairs!
No one aware of repairs is prepared.
Now they're inside,
Dumping out the buckets...
From a dripping done,
Through the roof.
Yes...
Now they're inside,
Dumping many buckets...
With the hope their home stays status proof!
Now they're inside,
Dumping many buckets...
With the hope their home stays status proof!
And with a crying sigh,
Dumping many buckets...
With the hope their home stays status proof!
No one has driven by,
Watching them dump buckets...
And pretending there's no leaking from their roof
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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A Bond Made In Heaven
we have a unique bond,
strengthened over a period of time,
over four years to be exact.
a gentleman,
an uncle in a million.
a great poet,
a friend,
and an advisor,
I am truly blessed
with the best uncle anyone could wish for
a man of compassion
for whom I have great respect
my uncle dearest
and I his niece
never a word out of place
thank you Uncle dearest
for keeping me in prayers
and always wishing for me the best
poem by Persian Khushi
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The Kick Under The Table
After a man has been married awhile,
And his wife has grown used to his manner
And style,
When she knows form the twinkle that lights
Up his eye
The thoughts he is thinking, the wherefore and
Why,
And just what he'll say, and just what he'll do,
And is sure that he'll make a bad break ere he's
Through,
She has one little trick that she'll work when
She's able-
She takes a sly kick at him under the table.
He may fancy the story he's telling is true,
Or he's doing the thing which is proper to do;
He may fancy he's holding his own with the
Rest,
The life of the party and right at his best,
When quickly he learns to his utter dismay,
That he mustn't say what he's just started to say.
He is stopped at the place where he hoped to
Begin,
By his wife, who has taken at kick at his shin.
If he picks the wrong fork for the salad, he
Knows,
That fact by the feel of his wife's slippered toes.
If he's started a bit of untellable news,
On the calf of his leg there is planted a bruise.
Oh, I wonder sometimes what would happen to
Me
If the wife were not seated just where she
Could be
On guard every minute to watch every trick,
And keep me in line all the time with her kick.
poem by Edgar Albert Guest
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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