0298 Cosmetic Surgery
She bought a new face
with all her riches;
then heard a good joke;
it left her in stitches.
poem by Michael Shepherd
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Nice To See Ya!
Nice to see ya,
Let's have a chat,
We can talk of
This and that.
How ya doing?
Any news?
What you knowing?
Any clues?
See our Annie?
She's a case,
Tripped up, fell
And cut her face.
Bruises all over,
Stitches too,
Poor old soul,
She's black and blue.
Ellie's husband,
He's no good,
Went and left her,
Knew he would.
Said she didn't
Mind at all,
Don't believe her,
She loves Paul.
Charlie's wife,
Is overdue,
Still don't know,
If it's a Prue or Hugh.
They'll take her in
Before too long,
They won't leave her,
Hanging on.
Had a phone call,
From cousin Ila,
She's bought a dog,
A young rockweiller.
How she'll manage,
Goodness knows,
Jack and her
Will come to blows!
Well it's nice
To see ya Dot,
I've prattled on,
Now what ya got!
poem by Ernestine Northover
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Joke's On Me
The old days were no fun
Im not sorry that they're gone
I don't miss them and I won't miss them
and it was always wrong
Everything I've ever done
From the beginning and to the ending
and things never got better, it seems like forever
Since we had fun or maybe I never have fun
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me
You were always lame, a headache and a pain
I don't miss you and I won't miss you
I tried not to get bitter but I was such a quitter
Oh yeah I had dreams but they were only ever bad dreams
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me, The joke's on me...
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
How everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
That everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
[2x]
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me...
song performed by by Reel Big Fish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I am poor and naked, but I am the chief of the nation. We do not want riches but we do want to train our children right. Riches would do us no good. We could not take them with us to the other world. We do not want riches. We want peace and love.
Sew Who Needs Who
You're a needling....me
like a sewing machine
I'm in stitches over you
If I wanted to be nagged
I'd clothe in leather...dragged
Don't look at my unbridled soul
Will horseshoes bring us luck?
More likely hockey falls on us
while we're chasing one good puck
I tried to slightly sew this up
in a rags to riches way
but the rags were hags
the britches were bitches
no matter what I say
poem by Boink Boink
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Sense Of Humor
listen to a joke
just listen and then don't mind the face of the teller
just listen and then something clicks
and you catch something funny
and you laugh
keep the joke and dissect it
let is stay
retell it to yourself or even to your friend
retell it how many times to him
and let him write it
you see there is no click anymore
something funny was lost
because you want to keep it
because you want to let it stay in you
one thing with a joke is that it must
always be something new
one that you have not heard before
i tell you, it is just like a poem
thereis this switch, a clicking
and then something happens
how can you tell it? you can't
tell it and then it is gone
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Want The One I Cant Have
On the day that your mentality
Decides to try to catch up with your biology
Come round ...
cause I want the one I cant have
And its driving me mad
Its all over, all over, all over my face
On the day that your mentality
Catches up with your biology
I want the one I cant have
And its driving me mad
Its all over, all over, all over my face
A double bed
And a stalwart lover for sure
These are the riches of the poor
A double bed
And a stalwart lover for sure
These are the riches of the poor
And I want the one I cant have
And its driving me mad
Its all over, all over my face
A tough kid who sometimes swallows nails
Raised on prisoners aid
He killed a policeman when he was
Thirteen
And somehow that really impressed
Me
And its written all over my face
Oh, these are the riches of the poor
These are the riches of the poor
I want the one I cant have
And its driving me mad
Its written all over my face
On the day that your mentality
Catches up with your biology
And if you ever need self-validation
Just meet me in the alley by the
Railway station
Its all over my face
Oh ...
song performed by by Smiths
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Stolen Identity
This is a stolen identity
Because I’m bent on forgetting me
All left is my eyes
And I think their gonna die
Don’t look in, you can see me
I’d rather wear this stolen identity
Exactly what they want to see
I’ve got the lock on the door
Don’t force yourself to love me anymore
You don’t need to
I’m now something new
But its not really me, it’s all for you
He put the stitches on the cut
When she’s perfect, then there’s love
She’s perfect in this mask
Hiding his shame at last
Because without identity goes the past
No, I can’t look up to your eyes
I know I’ve got something else in me
It’s breathing hard, it tries rise
Like the third of a trinity
No, I’ve got this at last
Now I’ve found the perfect mask
And I’ll shake these thoughts with this flask
Because with this failure goes a past
That he never wanted to see
A part that was forced to bleed
But with this identity goes stitches
Though it bleeds, though it itches
But I’m sewn up, strung out, all you’ll ever need
Though these stitches bleed
poem by Kathryn Garner
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Have you ever heard a good joke? If you've ever heard someone just right, with the right pacing, then you're already on the way to poetry. It's about using words in very precise ways and using gesture.
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
quote by Wanda Sykes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Search
I bought a young and lovely bride,
Paying her father gold;
Lamblike she rested by my side,
As cold as ice is cold.
No love in her could I awake,
Even for pity's sake.
I bought rich books I could not read,
And pictures proud and rare;
Reproachfully they seemed to plead
And hunger for my care;
But to their beauty I was blind,
Even as is a hind.
The bearded merchants heard my cry:
'I'll give all I posses
If only, only I can buy
A little happiness.'
Alas! I sought without avail:
They had not that for sale.
I gave my riches to the poor
And dared the desert lone;
Now of God's heaven I am sure
Though I am rag and bone . . .
Aye, richer than the Aga Khan,
At last--a happy man.
poem by Robert William Service
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Hes A Whore
Have you seen her face
Shes got a face that would stop a clock
And with that face I surely wont stop
To look her in the eyes
But her moneys green
Like tea and sos her teeth
But shes still so close to my reach
If I call, if I call at all
Anytime at all
Anytime at all
Anytime at all
Anytime at all
So the story goes
I think Ill take her for a ride
With this moneybag by my side
A giggolo is the only way to go
So I show my face
And I can even fake a smile
But Im laughing inside all the while
This little girl
Shes a joke
Shes a joke
Shes a joke
Anytime at all
Anytime at all
Anytime at all
Anytime at all
song performed by by Cheap Trick
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Wrangler
ONE day a shameless and impudent wight
Went into a shop full of steel wares bright,
Arranged with art upon ev'ry shelf.
He fancied they were all meant for himself;
And so, while the patient owner stood by,
The shining goods needs must handle and try,
And valued,--for how should a fool better know?--
The bad things high, and the good ones low,
And all with an easy self-satisfied face;
Then, having bought nothing, he left the place.
The tradesman now felt sorely vex'd,
So when the fellow went there next,
A lock of steel made quite red hot.
The other cried upon the spot:
"Such wares as these, who'd ever buy?
the steel is tarnish'd shamefully,"--
Then pull'd it, like a fool about,
But soon set up a piteous shout.
"Pray what's the matter?" the shopman spoke;
The other scream'd: "Faith, a very cool joke!"
poem by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Worst Joke Ever
You see there's this cat burglar who can't see in the dark.
He lays his bets on 8 more lives, walks into a bar.
Slips on the 8 ball, falls on his knife.
Says, "I don't know what I've done, but it doesn't feel right!"
Some things don't hold up over the course of a lifetime,
When's the first time you heard that one, 1954?
Get to the punch line. fall to the floor.
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup for
The worst joke ever, I never
I'll tell you my version of the greatest life story
Don't bore me
Now I am floating,
I feel released.
The moorings have been dropped,
The weights unleashed.
Everything is crystalline, simple and free.
The crime of good men who can't wrestle with change,
Or are too afraid to face this life's misjudged unknowns
You're not hurting anybody else's chances,
But you're disfiguring your own.
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup for
The worst joke ever, I never
I'll tell you my version of the greatest life story
Don't bore me, I NEVER
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup
You see there's this feeling that I've heard this one before
song performed by by REM
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nobody Spoke (for Karen)
Nobody spoke to Lucy,
nobody spoke at all,
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
nobody spoke
for five long years
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
Lucy withdrew
without a clue
why nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years,
nobody spoke
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke!
Lucy went mad
she went crazy!
She screamed
she cried, she sobbed,
but nobody spoke,
for five long years
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
Many years later
she saw them,
those people she wanted
to be her friends.
but ain't no joke
nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years.
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
Lucy left a note
in daddy's drawer,
put on her very best dress.
Did her hair in a very fine way
and walked into the hall as a guest.
She walked up to the folk
that never spoke,
said hello in an ordinary way,
then she pulled out a gun
and opened fire.
Yes she shot all those folk
on that day.
Now they were silent
now they were still,
cos ain't no joke
that nobody spoke
and now
they never will.
poem by Ruth Walters
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lost On The Seventh
I’ve played the message you left a thousand times
about our next meeting on Oxford Street.
I see the last flick of your eyes when we said goodbye
after one too many gins, many too few now.
The sweater you left is washed
so you can wear it when you call back next.
Wish I hadn’t now, but I bought your cologne,
maybe I’ll spray it soon, and I wait.
Your voice recording still cheers a joke,
I choke when the beep prompts a future chat.
No words now.
A windswept graduation snap flaps outside Aldgate.
poem by Sonja Broderick
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I thought
I thought I saw his face to day.
In the wake of the sun.
And then I heard the Lord say.
His work here is done.
I thought I heardhis voice today.
And luagh your joyfull luagh.
Then I heard the Lord say.
There is peace dear one at last.
I though I felt your touch in the breeze that rustled by.
And then I heard the lord say.
The spirit never dies.
I thought I saw my broken hart.
In the cresent of the moon.
And then I heard the lord say.
I am coming soon.
I thought that you had left me
for the stars above.
And then I heard the lord say.
He has left you with his love.
I thought that I would miss you so.
And never find my way.
Then I heard the lord say.
He is with you every day
poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Losing A Whole Year
Losing a whole year
Losing a whole year
I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed
Losing a whole year
Lying in your room wed lay like dogs
The phone would ring like a joke thats left unsaid
Losing a whole year
Rich daddy left you with a parachute
Your voice sound like money and your face is cute
But your daddy left you with no love
You touch everything with a velvet glove and
Now you want to try a life of sin
You want to be down with the down and in
Always copping my truths
I kind of get the feeling like Im being used
And now I realize you never heard
One goddamned word I ever said
Losing a whole year
Losing a whole year
I took your stuff and put it in the basement
When I found out what the smile on your face meant
Ive seen you pop that check
Craning your neck at my car wreck and
It always seems the juice used to flow
In the car, in the kitchen you were good to go
Now were stuck with the tube
A sink full of dishes and some aqualube
And I remember you and me used to
Spend the whole goddamned day in bed
Losing a whole year
And if its not the defense then youre on the attack
When you start talking I hear the prozac
Convinced youve found your place
With the pierced queer teens in cyberspace
When you were yourself it tasted sweet
But it sours into a routine deceit
Well this drama is a bore
And I dont want to play no more
Losing a whole year
I remember you and me used to
Spend the whole goddamned day in bed
Losing a whole year
song performed by by Third Eye Blind
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Better Person
MATERIAL RICHES MAKETH NOT THEE A BETTER PERSON,
MATERIAL RICHES MAYEST GIVE THEE QUALITY WINE,
MATERIAL RICHES MAYEST ACQUIRE FOR THEE, CHOICE VINTAGES,
MATERIAL RICHES MAYEST GIVE TO THEE, RICH AND SILKY CLOTHES,
INDEED, IT MAY GIVE THEE A COMFORTABLE ABODES AND LIFE,
INDEED, IT MAY GIVE TO THEE, ABUNDANCE IN GOLD, SILVER AND DIAMONDS
BUT MATERIAL RICHES DOST NOT MAKE A BETTER BEING OUT OF THEE,
LO, I TELL THEE THIS,
YOU IT IS, THAT CAN MAKE THYSELF A BETTER PERSON,
YES, A BETTER PERSON OF WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING,
YOU ALONE CAN SAY TO THYSELF, THIS IS GOOD AND THIS IS BAD,
YOU ALONE CAN CHOOSE TO BE A BETTER PERSON,
YES, YOU ALONE HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHICH IS GOOD FOR THEE AND WHAT IS BAD FOR THEE,
THUS, YOU ALONE CAN MAKE THY WAY BETTER,
I AM A BETTER PERSON, BECAUSE I CHOSE TO BE ONE
poem by Overlord Don Manuel Ihcakeyno
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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She Doesn't Respond
Your a good looking girl but that doesn't mean I want you to leave with me
cause I see through the make up off the naivety
another girl looking for a ritch man, looking for money
he tells her a joke and she acts like she finds it funny
buying her drinks, your paying her for sex
and at the end of the night she can still reject
at least if you get a prostute she will give you what you expect
you asked the bar man for service and you know he heard you
he lets three girls go before you and still doesn't serve you
and theres some fool by your side who tells you to chill
Well I'm stood behind you and I'm ready to kill
and five minutes later one of them girls is being sick
I've heard of ladys first but you need to do your job properly you idiot
before I know it I'm face to face with the guy whose by your side
even if I was sober I would still have this pride
so this isn't just a drunken fight
I wasn't sticking up for you, I was only doing what was right
because modern day men have become so soft and its ridiculous
he is such a good guy and yet he manages to act big with us
and he said that I was far from a gentleman or sumat
at least I wouldn't give her free shots she couldn't stomach
I saw her trying to walk down the stairs she was bound to slip
I tried to help her up she thought I was tryna touch her hip
got her a glass of water and she still ended up on a drip
it turns out that shes a good girl from a wealthy family
I told her mate to take her home, he didn't understand me
he only listened when he heard what the doctor said
shes mixed drink and drugs, could have ended up dead! ?
Yeah, you got her drugs and thats why your face is red
this is all cause you thought you could get her into bed
go to the mirror and take a good look at who you are
your an idiot your just like the fool who works behind the bar.
This ones more than likely a student looking for stability
but sometimes naivety, it turns into vunrability
so come on, wake up, ey, are you still with me?
poem by Daniel McCann
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Great Rain
Great rain great rain
I thought I heard you call my name
Great rain great rain
I thought I heard you call my name
I was standing in the station
Waving down an unmarked train
Theres a fire at the junction
Why do you do the things you do
Theres a fire at the junction
Why do you do the things you do
I was praying for mercy
And all he ever sent me was you
Jimmy bought the liquor
I bought the cups and ice
Jimmy bought the liquor
I bought the cups and ice
I tell you funny stories
Why cant you treat me nice
Great rain great rain
I thought I heard you call my name
Great rain great rain
I thought I heard you calling my name
I was standing by the river
Talking to a young mark twain.
song performed by by John Prine
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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