Too Long In Happiness
Did you expect to find me saddened?
Returning as a 'gift' to lift my spirits,
From darkened caverns of despair?
Hoping to build and boost me as your new project...
As you coached me through a narrow tunnel vision!
Something you suspect,
You placed and left there...
By a quick and regretted decision?
You have an expression of shock I witness.
Neither am I bitter...
Nor has hope for me been stopped!
Are you surprised I have no tears to drop?
What are you planning to plot on this 'visit'?
When you left without explanation...
And I saw you unexpectedly,
With a ticket to board a train at the station.
I knew right then you were setting me free!
I admit I was then a bit upset...
But something came over me!
I wasn't angry upon this sight I met!
I saw myself with a life you had stalled.
I chose to heal...
I chose to stand tall.
After bouts with doubts you left.
And after my emotions were torn as I crawled!
Realizing you were the one that had done this all...
I never looked back!
You made me see you were not worth that!
You made it clear you were not my destiny.
That was definitely a 'no no' for me!
Did you expect to find me saddened?
Returning as a 'gift' to lift my spirits,
From darkened caverns of despair?
Hoping to build and boost me as your new project...
As you coached me through a narrow tunnel vision!
Something you suspect,
You placed and left there...
By a quick and regretted decision?
I'll prepare you lunch.
And when you are done...
Disappear.
I wont allow you to smog my fresh atmosphere!
Is it clear...
I have been too long in happiness without you?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Related quotes
So Coached To Manifest Infestation
I hope they don't believe,
That a validating of their stupidty...
Will come to free them.
It is there and clear...
The initiator of current conflicts,
Wants nothing to do with the ownership of it.
And the choice to rid others from this cancer,
Begins the finalizing of their end.
Unfortuately people who think like this,
Are here to destroy.
Not to build and uplift.
And they have no idea what is done that they do!
So coached to manifest infestation.
So coached to manifest infestation.
So coached.
So coached.
So coached.
So coached.
So coached to manifest infestation.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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But Don't Despair
Despair, if you must –
But how's it going to pull you through?
Despair, when you trust
Naught since then there's naught to do.
Despair, should you thrust
Aside your pride, your self-esteem.
And so despair, if it's dust,
The only substance that you deem.
Despair, when a gust
Of slightly breeze can break your stance.
And do despair, when lust
Is your interpretation of romance.
But don't despair, if you can care
About the plight of any other being.
And you can focus on the help,
Support, and altruistic further actions
For the seeing. Be believing,
As despair will start receding
All around – simply since you found
A way to steer you clear
From this: the very cause of your despair!
So give to others; give them all a helping lift:
Despair, you'll find will disappear –
And that has got to be a well-deserved
And saintly gift!
Copyright © Mark R Slaughter 2009
Rain of despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
poem by Mark R Slaughter
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I Suspect
I suspect...
You are the only one who knows,
What you are doing.
And I suspect,
You also choose the way you feel,
When this you do.
Whether that color is bright,
Sunny and yellow mellow.
Or royal blue to appear as you do,
In the dumps with clouds gray...
That appear to be near you to subdue.
I suspect...
Any cheerfulness you get,
Comes from your chasing of rainbows.
After your eyes have dropped rain...
From many tears you've wept.
With no bucket of gold,
At the end of those chased rainbows.
I suspect...
The happiness I have chosen,
Makes you upset.
Because I wont let you,
Lead my parade...
With a showering done,
Of a negligence you wish to pour on me.
And this I will not accept,
To be in a darkened blackness on bended knees.
Not me!
You wont find me trying to please your disrespect.
I'm on the go and I am green.
Keeping my mind opened,
To experience refreshing beneficial scenes.
Romancing an agony?
You will not find yourself doing that here with me.
I suspect...
There is a controlling of me you wish to do.
In a closeness together...
I will not allow us to get.
Or you attempt to pursue.
And I suspect you have a selfishness.
Since only those things you wish to do...
Disregards what my wishes are with much disrespect.
Yes.
I've noticed that about you too.
And I suspect...
The happiness I have chosen,
Makes you quite upset.
Because I wont let you,
Lead my parade to redirect.
And I suspect,
You are afraid...
I don't need you to make my decisions.
And this you are correct.
I wont live a negativity...
As you do at your best.
I suspect...
You don't know me,
As well as you think you do.
I suspect you believed,
For you I'd be a fool.
Why should I want that kind of life with you?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Leaving You With That to Ponder
You STILL wouldn't 'get it'.
Even IF the directions,
Were drawn using neon crayons
Pointing to the exit...
From a darkened cavern.
To lift you into heights,
Where fresh air aids the thought process.
You still wouldn't get it.
You would wonder 'why' I chose the color 'yellow'.
And you prefer a 'forest green' with a hint of 'blue'.
With wisps of gray to give the image of mist!
And giving that an appearance of dew drifting away,
As the morning Sun rises to sparkle upon the horizon!
And that is why you have been left,
To ponder that decision made.
As the light dims upon your comprehension.
If that is noticed at all!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Regrets
I left my youth and teeth;
I regretted.
I left my beloved and civil life;
I regretted.
Parents and youngsters left me;
I regretted.
I shall be lost after death;
I now regret.
After death, where is the thought,
To regret?
02.10.2004
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Nothing
Shot down your instincts, turned into a freak
You said this was your first time
How fast changes come for you to finally see
Shallow plains for you to find what you...
There's nothing left!
For me on this ride
There's something left!
With you by my side
There's nothing left!
Noooo nothing left...
Stuck in with no way out a gift for your grief
Shattered your thoughts of a good thing that you never had
Hopelessly knowing whats right or wrong
Can't stop the feeling, it comes so strong
There's nothing left!
For me on this ride
There's something left!
With you by my side
There's nothing left!
Noooo...
Observe nature from a black top view
Left you defenseless hoping for defeat
Built on my fears
Confession of obsession
One day happy place for you to hide
There's nothing left!
For me on this ride
There's something left!
With you by my side
There's nothing left!
There's nothing left!
For me on this ride
There's something left for me!
With you by my side
There's nothing left!
With this ghost on my side!
There's something left
With you in my life!
There's nothing left!
Nothing left, nooo...
song performed by by Zug Izland
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Do That Quite Too Well With the Others
I wish I could appease you more than I do.
But that would leave me sitting in a vacantness.
Wrestling within with an unrest.
I would get upset with myself.
Especially if I left you feeling you could fly.
And I told you lies...
To see you make attempt after attempt,
With only one wing.
The humor of the sight of that,
Would only last but for so long!
And I'd be back.
Pacing with a regret I do not endear.
I am not professional at juggling doubts.
Not of my own.
Nor do I condone that skill of others.
I'd rather get you heated and pissed.
At least you would be expressing something other,
Than a pretentiousness that has its limits.
And I like to see you get raw!
Jaws dropping, draws and all.
Flipping out of your wits end.
And not for my own satisfaction,
Administered and you would produce.
But to see you loose.
With that cork removed from your ass.
I am not going to let you pretend with me.
You do that quite too well with the others!
And if I wanted to be entertained...
I can do that alone!
At least I don't have to question...
Anyone's honesty,
On how I am being perceived.
Or how I wish my emotions to be delivered,
With the best of intentions given
Based upon my requests.
And left resumés of those,
I chose to boost my ego!
I've learned the art of 'getting down and funky'.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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London
Smoke
Lingers 'round your fingers
Train
Heave on - to Euston
Do you think you've made
The right decision this time ?
Oh ...
You left
Your tired family grieving
And you think they're sad because you're leaving
But did you see Jealousy in the eyes
Of the ones who had to stay behind ?
And do you think you've made
The right decision this time ?
You left
Your girlfriend on the platform
With this really ragged notion that you'll return
But she knows
That when he goes
He really goes
And do you think you've made
The right decision this time
song performed by by Morrissey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Colorful Visions
There's a vision in my head
that surfaces while in bed.
And then when I awaken
the vision's gone.
It's beautiful to see
and when it comes to me
I feel as if it's here
but it moves on.
The vision's always fading
with colors bright, then shading
until I cannot see them
for it's dawn.
I anticipate the vision
and make a bold decision
to stay asleep
and trap this phenomenon.
But soon my eyes are open
and I find myself just hopin'
but once again my vision's
not there anymore.
Kaleidoscoping colors
where have you gone
every time I have that morning yawn?
It arouses me, undrowses me
and makes me sad to find
that I left it all behind
in that sleepy place for dreams.
And so it is it seems
wakefulness surrounds me
and I am left forlorn.
poem by Edwina Reizer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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London
Smoke
Lingers 'round your fingers
Train
Heave on - to euston
Do you think you've made
The right decision this time ?
Oh ...
You left
Your tired family grieving
And you think they're sad because you're leaving
But did you see the jealousy in the eyes
Of the ones who had to stay behind ?
And do you think you've made
The right decision this time ?
You left
Your girlfriend on the platform
With this really ragged notion that you'll return
But she knows
That when he goes
He really goes
And do you think you've made
The right decision this time ?
Thankyou
Oh ...
song performed by by Smiths
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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What We Both Need
You anger me when I see you in despair.
Because I know that is not where you wish to be.
You have the tools to lift yourself up.
But somehow you have chosen,
To be there to wallow...
And I wont allow myself to see you like this.
Remember when you said to me,
I alone can change my own destiny!
That I chose to sit,
With burdens and grief.
And if I didn't tell them to leave me...
I would struggle to stand.
And I welcomed my own defeat.
Look at you,
Rehearsing your pain and sorrow.
Do you need a swift kick,
To knock you into tomorrow.
Or should we trade tears...
To barter back and forth?
Or should we wait together,
For agony from others to borrow?
You anger me when I see you in despair.
Because I know that is not where you wish to be.
You have the tools to lift yourself up.
But somehow you have chosen,
To be there to wallow...
And I wont allow myself to see you like this.
And yet,
I can't leave you alone.
Come here...
Let me hold you.
Perhaps this is what we both need!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Surprisingly Alive
Happiness is gone, it disappeared
It played me for years making me feel I deserved it
It was positive, and left me an optimist
I saw life through different eyes with happiness
It made me see what cannot be seen
It made me feel feelings I had not bothered to explore
I felt free beneath it's control
I felt invincible in it's arms
Happiness was my everything, it was my soul
It was what kept me moving forward
It was what made me want to live, to breath, to be
Then one day it left, it walked out on me
It left nothing behind but memories I could not have again
It walked out and never looked back
It walked out on me when I needed it the most
It pretended like nothing ever happened between us
Happiness kicked me towards sadness, it shoved me towards it
Then it left after it saw what happened
It got weak and left me alone
It left me crying behind the door
It left me bleeding on the bathroom floor
It left me wishing I had never lived
It left me screaming into my pillow in pain with sadness
It left me walking aimlessly at night with tears crawling down my face
It left me with the words 'I give up' floating above my head
It left me imagining what death would taste like
It left me cold, scared, hopeless, alone
It left...
poem by Mariam Abdelghani
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As I Walk...
As I walk along this unknown path of emotions
I find myself in front of a mirror...staring at a sad eyed
soul with rags of despair draped over its shoulders and
an anvil chained to its heart. What is this? I ask
myself and the answer comes to me...
This is you, how you feel on the inside...you are a torn
soul, lost and confused while laden with despair and
a heavy heart.
This I already knew...
I lower my head...
What am I to do besides go on and hope
that I make it through the day without
choking or crying? I am only so strong
and this trial has pushed me beyond those limits
of strength. It's ok though, I am not ashamed to admit
that I have cried over my actions and feel regret and
despair. In admitting this I find my humanity, the part of me
that beats to the steady rhythm of my heart...this heart chained
to an anvil in symbolism of my regret and pain.
I look up into my own eyes and see
red circles, what I have done to myself?
More importantly, what have I done to her?
This expression of despair and regret does no
justice, it only scratches the surface...
Staring at the mirror for hours I find that each
rag of despair recedes...the anvil grows smaller as
each link in the chain slowly dissolves. Over time, I know
now that I shall heal...but what does it matter? I'll live
with this for the rest of my life. I may heal but when...when
shall I forgive myself? When will I be forgiven?
I turn my back and walk down
the darkened path of despairing emotion.
I feel the mirrors glare on my backside,
I wonder if my reflection stayed put and
holds a knife?
poem by Ryan Sanders
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With A Happiness Attack
I awakened this morning,
With a happiness attack.
I wasn't sure what it was.
So I laid quietly on my back.
When I fell asleep last night,
I didn't expect to wake up...
Not like that!
And when I opened my eyes,
I was surprised to feel so good.
So the next thing I did,
Was to thank God...
Like I should!
Unexpectedly I received my 'gift',
Delivered from God...
As only God could!
I awakened this morning,
With a happiness attack.
I wasn't sure what it was.
So I laid quietly on my back.
Making sure it was not the nightmare...
Many have become addicted to share.
And I had left staring in disbelief,
That I was not grieving with it!
And leaving it there.
On the other side of my door,
Where it was abandoned...
The day before!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Intended to Keep Them Peacocking
Slipping from a pinnacle,
Clawed from a sudden drop...
And open to cynical remarks to start.
Apart from those of mine already made,
It seemed as though...
They would have taken what was said,
To save themselves.
Instead of turning their backs to lay blame,
On others to attack!
With excuses stale and lame.
And now this slide is all that can be seen!
Reminding those who approved and chose this route...
How mean and cruel these scenes can be!
And comments made to correct such 'downgrades'...
Were intended to keep them peacocking about.
Initially!
But they really didn't 'get it'!
And received a booting regretted.
With their shouting and upset pouting,
Leaving them...
Left out!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Feel Terrific
You keep me lifted.
And I admit.
I feel terrific...
When I'm given this lift.
You keep me lifted,
And I admit...
I feel terrific,
When I'm given this lift!
No alcohol do I need to get this boost.
Anything that aggravates I just let loose.
I feel like sitting on the roof,
To do exactly what I choose.
When that mood in me rules!
And I want to get lifted.
I admit.
I feel terrific...
When I'm given this lift.
I do,
Just feel terrific.
And you...
Can feel terrific.
Just choose...
To be terrific.
And be lifted with a boost.
Be specific.
When you get your lift.
Feel terrific.
And just handle it!
I do,
Just feel terrific.
And you...
Can feel terrific.
Just choose...
To be terrific.
And,
Be...
Llifted with a boost.
I do,
Just feel terrific.
And you...
Can feel terrific.
Just choose...
To be terrific.
And be lifted with a boost.
You keep me lifted.
And I admit.
I feel terrific...
When I'm given this lift.
You keep me lifted,
And I admit...
I feel terrific,
When I'm given this lift!
I do,
Just feel terrific.
And you...
Can feel terrific.
Just choose...
To be terrific.
And be lifted with a boost.
And you...
Can feel terrific.
Just choose...
To be terrific.
And be lifted with a boost.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Vines of Eternity
I see vines entwined into a circle.
There are flowers, they look pink, red maybe.
Off to the left I think I see a stairway, maybe one to heaven.
And I see a moon and it looks like a tunnel of life
or love possibly.There are figurines in the center
swirling around in space.And there is a void
at the top left corner, signifying small doubts and
fears, which always reside in the corners of our minds.
As a whole impact now, it's an open invitation to share
with someone special, a special place, a garden next to
heavens frontgate, where two spirits can entwine in love
and race each other to the moon where as free spirits
can share the secrets only God knows.
poem by Midnights Voice
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Join The Club
The missing of someone taken for granted,
Is not easy to overcome.
When it is clear the feeling appears,
With the wish that person was close and near.
And everything done they did...
Had been to your benefit.
As you now find yourself,
Going from one extreme to the other.
Trying to find a replacement,
For the person dismissed.
With a wish they could witness...
Your broken heart!
Sitting you do...
Hoping for a return of the warmth remembered.
Before you chased that 'good thing' away.
On that fateful day when you had the nerve to say...
'If you can find somebody better than me,
You can leave! '
And you couldn't stop yourself quick enough,
Before those words fell from your lips.
And pride kept you from begging for forgiveness!
But that was then.
Now you do the best you can...
Trying to forget you had been that stupid!
Hey,
Join the club.
But I will say this...
Getting rid of the membership,
Aint all that easy!
It's best to take a long walk.
Before something regretted falls out of your mouth!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Those Who Made Choices
It is now a stinging,
That brings clear vision.
No favorites are protected...
As believed and once projected.
What one gives from the heart is returned.
If bitterness is inflicted...
Expect it to pay a visit!
There is no escape,
For those basking as if 'selected' ones.
Those who made choices...
In beliefs they are better than everyone!
Material gains can diminish in a minute!
Taking 'things' worshipped,
And leaving payments still unfinished!
Creditors without sympathy...
Only know that bottom line!
They want what is theirs...
Caring less who now whines!
With heads held high,
And with egos held even higher...
As people like these,
Now live in dire regret and remorse...
That clouds and transpires!
A course they chose...
To be separate from 'them' and 'those'!
As they sift through memories,
Hoping to find their minds....
While standing in lines,
For a meal and a change of clothes!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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They Are Not Saddened Enough
They are not saddened enough.
They expect more of it.
And that they did not get.
They are not saddened enough.
And the demon residing within them,
Is having a fit...
Trying to understand all of it!
They are not saddened enough.
And any happiness expressed,
Offends!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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