En.Citatepedia^®.ro

Today As I Reflect Upon My Blessed Life

I have been tested and criticized,
By the best.
And have had obstacles placed,
Directly in front of my own footsteps.

I've lived in a project!
And was still compared to suburbanites.
Some folks I am related to,
Didn't speak to me...
Because they believed I thought I was 'white'.
So foolish are those with that insight.

Today as I reflect upon my blessed life...
I realize how blind many are,
Choosing darkness over a vision of lighted sight.
And I thank God day and night,
For allowing me to witness His gift!
Without feeling compelled to be limited,
To pressures of isolated ignorance that exist!

There is so much to be grateful for.
Each day I recognize this more and more!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Who Am I to Deny It Promise?

If I am not living my life today...
With the fulness that I should,
To be left feeling betrayed.
Then everyday I have lived my life,
Has been invalidated.

If I can say,
I am not living my life today.
I am dreamless without hope.
I give empty reasons to mope!
I am a vacant shell...
Existing in a hell I've created.
If I am not living my life today!

Where did I store those memories?
When did any happiness come to leave?
Why am I not pleased...
With anything that comes my way?
If I can say,
I am not living my life today!
And I breathe just to witness my breath...
Fade away into a nothingness.

If I am not living my life today...
What is this,
That IS!
And 'who' am I,
To deny 'it' promise?
Like a gift one receives...
Selfishly to leave unwrapped.
Can I honestly believe,
I am not worthy to do that?

If I am not living my life today...
Perhaps I should.
And unpack...
From sorrows deeply stacked.
Trapping my sight in darkness,
Without daylight I alone hold back.

If I am not living my life today...
With the fulness that I should,
To be left feeling betrayed.
Then everyday I have lived my life,
Has been invalidated.

And I know there is 'something' I value,
I can give!
To say 'that' is the reason,
I am here to live!
If I can remove myself...
To cast shadows,
Instead of finding an escape within them.
To live and let my life,
Be the one I have and learn to like!
Unfrightened.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Hard For Them to Believe

I was asked,
At a time...
If I knew what I was doing?
As if my thoughts,
Could not produce my deeds.
As if my efforts,
Did not match where I lived.
Since I was born and lived in the ghetto.
And I should not be aware or know,
Of those things I did!

As If my blackness was for them limited!
Like it was for friends I had,
And some relatives.
All believing then I was trying to be white...
And not the black neighborhood kid!
Who did for me,
What I knew was right!

They believed I should be,
That kind to clown and be down to Earth.
And not have a mind as creative as mine!
With dreams to fulfill...
That broke down barriars and walls,
Others believed I existed behind!
And not to know my own value or worth.
Or reach for heights...
Few I knew took effort to climb!

I was asked,
At a time...
If I knew what I was doing?
I am not asked 'that' question anymore.

Today,
Some try to downplay...
My affect!
But I had always known,
To be grateful to be blessed.
And let God handle the rest!

I was asked,
At a time...
If I knew what I was doing?
Of course I knew.
From the very beginning.
But the few who did not know...
Now they do too!

And nothing has changed...
From where I live,
To what I do.
And that is a fact...
Hard for them to believe!
That I can say who I am.
Be who I am.
Stay where I am and know it!
AND achieve!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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You Are Just a Small Part of All of It

You wish to live life,
On your terms?
As if you have earned that right.
As if you command Summer breezes,
To caress your flesh both day and night.
Devoid of any obstacles on your path,
You might view in your sight!

Advice spoken may be for you traumatic.
And leave you feeling...
Your performance has not been that melodramatic.
However...
Keep your dreams alive and well.
But get up off your butt.
Don't give those dreams up!
See life for what it is.
Whether negative or positive!

And those you found time to listen to moan and whine?
Leave them behind to do that!
That is a trap!

Once you view your life as a gift given...
Realize it was a 'loan'.
Giving you a chance to invest.
Doing it at your best!

You may have expectations!
Like some who live with preferences?
Look around you.
Up and down!
You are just a small part of all of it!
And God did not gift you with life...
Based upon your demands!

You have been given a right to think.
And this I am sure leaves God amused!
You may make requests.
But God ultimately decides...
And He alone does the choosing!
Unless you have found another way,
To live on your terms without His knowing.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Unique and Cartoonish

She said 'things' I write about did not exist!
As if she knew my experiences...
And the affects they played on my mind!
Of course I've learned to have patience
With such ignorance.
I identified that immediately on my journey...
And was prepared to respond.
Moving on and feeling blessed...
I am no longer disturbed in rest,
Or protest misunderstandings!
Yet I do know how to remove nonsense
Off my path fast!
There is something about clarity I've learned to enjoy!
And he say-she say-they say mindless crap,
Has graduated my insight with a peace of mind I like!
I grew up with folks disputing truths
Reduced to gossiped innuendos!
Perhaps that is why my writings aren't believed,
As actual occurrences.
The dysfunctions are too unique and cartoonish in application!
However...
My impressions,
Sometimes suppressed by depressions!
And inflicted aggrevation from apartheid oppression...
Still existing in disguise as diversity wishes.
Were not created by Disney and a crew of animators!
Although I admit...
I became quite amused by the busloads of tourists!
And folks still think all that's needed in areas of my birth
Is a few peanuts to exist as they take snapshots...
To prove their 'liberal' sensibilities!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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To Shut Down, Turn Off and Ignore

The last time someone said to me,
I couldn't do what I enjoyed in my own hometown.
That I would have to leave to find peace of mind.
With a creative outlook I had that sought activity.
If I wished to witness success believed.
Well...
That I achieved!
And it seems so many years ago.
In a place I was told I should leave and go!

Today...
As I think of those who said,
I had to go away...
To realize those dreams I had in my head.
I think of how embarrassing it must be to feel,
To discourage someone who reveals a determination...
That proves doubters only motivate,
The whims of procrastinators.

And my mama always said to me...
'I know you aint paying me no attention,
Pretending to be listening.'

And my mama was so right.
I've developed when to shut down, turn off and ignore.
Not out of disrespect.
But rather to protect my own survival and footsteps.

Some folks are inspired by deadends.
And I must admit,
The challenge of them and what they present...
Inspires me to remove obstacles.
And I have never been able to explain that to anyone.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Pursued With A Doing Of Missions

So magnificent is this gift of living life.
Pursued with a doing of missions to undertake.
Some loved.
And...
Some disliked.

But many do not appreciate this gift that they get.
And others hate being tested,
To be picked as the ones to get a specific job done.

No one who grows with a faith that shows,
Stays determined to stick selfishly indifferent.
Or refuses to experience those obstacles to face.

Yet...
Many do not appreciate this gift of life they get.
No!
Many prefer to sit through all of it.
While complaining to anyone who listens,
How someone else is 'lucky'.
And all they have known is bad luck and conflicts.

'Nobody knows the troubles I've seen.
Nobody knows my...'

~Do that in a different key.
Try avoiding B-flat.
You have no idea how many times I've sung that.
And in B-flat.
Until I began to hum it.

And one day I awakened to realize,
I was shuffling along to a wrong beat.
I had to speed it up a bit.
Since that song didn't fit any of my missions.
Not a one.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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I Too Am Human

I too am human.
And exist with human needs.
At one time I believed,
Those needs I had...
Were in the pleasing of others.
And that was okay,
For those days long gone away.
But those days long gone away,
Today I do not address.

I too am human.
And when I awakened to realize,
Just how human I was...
I felt grateful and blessed,
To have been there for others.
But today...
My needs I want met.
I too am human.
And today that is what I address.

The giving, the taking with its heartbreaking,
Has been done with the best of my time invested.
I too am human.
And it has taken me a while to digest it.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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When and Where Did They Leave Behind Their Minds

I have been blessed to be in the presence...
Of those obsessed with the purchasing of things.
Themselves and what they possess.
And have them profess to me,
What 'I' could be and 'things' I could have...
IF I just put my mind to it!

So glad I endured such ignorance.

Little did they know,
I thought people like that were ridiculous.
And in time they would come to think of themselves,
That very same way.
It happens.
It pays to be observant.

What I have today and have had most of my life,
Is a sense of my own self worth.
What I have today and have had most of my life,
Is identity and self respect.
What I have today and have had most of my life,
Is my faith and gratefulness...
To know from where my blessings flow!
And the source of my insight.

And those folks...
Wouldn't leave from their doorsteps,
Without making sure their pretensions were intact.
But then again...
Times have changed!
And maybe some of them are scurrying around,
Trying to discover...
When and where did they leave behind their minds.
And what had been their purpose?
What purpose do they serve?
And how is that purpose felt?
Where is that purpose at?

Especially those clinging onto materialistic notions!
Believing themselves to be...
'Blessed and highly favored',
To have acquired positions of status.
With bling and other things to flaunt,
An eroding way of life that has them entrapped.
And I wonder...
Is 'this' a purpose?
Or is this,
A sad act!

God...
I thank You,
For showing me how to lead.
And not follow.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Increasingly Addicted

Cultural and self hate issues,
Will remain to stay...
For those unable to face them to correct.
With a choosing to view them not as foolish,
But choices made embedded forever to accept.

And people living where hate crimes exist,
Have been fed with beliefs what is done is moralistic.
With a hoping that a praying of truths away...
Will someday validate their animalistic ways.

Many are embarrassed by realities.
Believing themselves immuned...
From truth obvious and seen.
Too many have been taught truth demeans.

And many are rooted in concepts held,
That if a telling of a lie is kept long enough...
Their denials will rise to heights.
And facts that exist will vanish from their eyes.

Cultural and self hate issues,
Will remain to stay...
For those unable to face them to correct.
With a choosing to view them not as foolish...
But tools to use to abuse for amusement.

Labelling people evil who speak with truth,
To keep lives lived unchanged and deluded...
Only transfers those minds medicated on fantasies,
To become increasingly addicted...
Limited and mentally sick.
For all eventually wishing to awaken from this!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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I Owe Who I Am to You

How grateful I am,
To have lived.
And You have allowed it.

To experience seasons,
With changes that exist.
In an acceptance,
Of Your offerings...
That come and go,
To be as is.

And to be able to express this...
In a completedness,
I do not resist.
With an acknowledgement,
My life on Earth without You...
Would leave me less blessed,
And prehaps without gifts.

How grateful I am,
To have lived.
And You have allowed it.
To lead me to learn and to grow.
Knowing I owe who I am to You!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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We Grow Accustomed to the Dark

We grow accustomed to the Dark --
When light is put away --
As when the Neighbor holds the Lamp
To witness her Goodbye --

A Moment -- We uncertain step
For newness of the night --
Then -- fit our Vision to the Dark --
And meet the Road -- erect --

And so of larger -- Darkness --
Those Evenings of the Brain --
When not a Moon disclose a sign --
Or Star -- come out -- within --

The Bravest -- grope a little --
And sometimes hit a Tree
Directly in the Forehead --
But as they learn to see --

Either the Darkness alters --
Or something in the sight
Adjusts itself to Midnight --
And Life steps almost straight.

poem by Emily Dickinson
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Not Trying To Sell This

I don't feel that offended to defend my point of view.
Why would I feel a need to do it?
I can look back at my footsteps,
And realize I have lived my life with and without critique.
I continue to do the same thing to this day.

Only faith tested has brought me this far and kept me.
That is why I do not seek what your opinion of me is!
Your life as you live it has not been my main focus.
I have been conscious of my own experiences.
And they have kept me too emotionally busy.
Some when they came left me numb and stunned.

I don't feel that offended to defend my point of view.
It has been earned and I like it.
I am not trying to sell this to anyone,
Yet.
And when and 'if' that should happen...
I still wouldn't have any regrets.
Some delays expressed,
Maybe!

I have been fortunately blessed to place my steps,
Where they were urgently needed.
With just a few who knew from where they led!
To where they would come to grips,
With another experience welcomed to visit.

That's how I have come to look at it.
My life is to be lived!
So...
Make any attempt you wish to discredit my efforts!
Guess who would know it and still keep steppin'?
Feeling there is nothing from anyone,
I seeks that needs approval.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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This Creation That I Am Is Yours

I feel such a ray within me radiating.
Each time You and I are alone.
And I am comforted in the quietness of peace.

I feel so blessed and grateful,
To have this ease You have bestowed upon me!

Was it hours away in a yesterday gone...
I had questioned my faith,
With a false face I had put on.

But today I know I was all wrong.
You were there protecting me.
And those obstacles that challenged...
Were placed on my path,
So I would realize with You...
I am and can be strong!

I am the 'me' You have made me to be!

I feel so blessed and grateful,
Yes!

I feel such a ray within me radiating.
To this I confess.
To You I am grateful to this blessing,
That has gifted me with happiness.

I had questioned my faith,
With a false face I once had put on!
But I have since removed those disguises.
I want it known You alone own my soul!
And in my mind and heart...
What need do I have to feel forelorn?

I am Your warrior,
My Father.
By Your command...
My actions remain forever bold.
And under Your control...
I stand each day,
To become a better man.
As You alone understand,
This creation that I am...
Is Yours!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Mistakes Are Expected To Be Made

Would it be worth it to reverse and redo,
Those mistakes I've made along the way?
For purposes to correct,
What today I am better to convey?
With a maturity that is assured.
And with a humility I've learned to display?

Many times I have thought about this.
As I reminisced those lessons,
I should have grasped but dismissed.

And IF it was a possibility,
To correct and perfect my blemishes...
Flaws and imperfections,
Others inspected and criticized!
My life would not be as fulfilling.
Since my time would be occupied...
With making excuses and creating alibis.
And I would have been limited to sit in fear.

And I thank God,
It was not the fear of obstacles...
That have kept my steps blessed.
It was faith and prayer that made me aware...
I was just one of many artists,
Assigned to do my part...
To add onto this living canvas,
We've come to call life to live and give.

And mistakes are expected to be made.
With attempts in the wrong direction,
Only God forgives if we ask of Her or Him...
Or Both,
To be forgiven!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Drugged Up and Prescribed Medicated Existences Limited

If folks think I'm a homo?
I'm gonna give them that,
And something more than homo.
If they think of me as straight?
They will get that too,
On their dinner plate.

People finding slots to lock,
Names and tags on one another...
Have done themselves the injustice.
And grounded, they are, in cemented ignorance.

Trying to find themselves in religions,
Where those 'church' addicted commit most the sins.
Is a programming of the mind that's done.
To have those in need be controlled by someone.

And me,
My life will be loved.
Independently to breathe as it was given to me.
And if another human being wishes to hug me with love,
They will get that received.
Just how it was given to me.
But I do have my preferences.
If you get my drift!

So if folks think I'm a homo?
I'm gonna give them that,
And something more than homo.
If they think of me as straight?
They will get that too,
On their dinner plate.

I do not spend my time,
With folks seeking to find a hole
To bury their brains including their minds.
Is there anything else folks can do?
Than to entertain their empty lives,
With who screwing and doing 'who'.
This is all so immature and foolish.

I'm going to live my life as the gift it is.
And leave those who are self righteous about theirs,
To their own drugged up and prescribed medicated existences limited.

'I bet you can't say that five times fast? '

What? 'drugged up and prescribed medicated existences limited'?
You're right!
I had trouble saying it 'that' time and the first as slow as possible.
I am the author.
So...
I don't have to say it at all.
It's written and for that purpose intended.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Too Blind To Recognize

Too blind to recognize.
No one really knew,
Who they saw on a regular basis.
And this was not encouraged,
To be expected to accept.
Yet discussing other people,
Was what they did best.
Too blind to recognize.

Too blind to recognize.
Disrespecting was all they knew.
And this they did with a full effect.
No one knew who did what.
Or who had experiences to share,
That would provide benefits all would get.
So no one saw to see to receive opportunities,
They would meet but too blind to recognize.

Too blind to recognize,
Gifts given as a prize!
Gifts given they should pride.

Too blind to recognize,
Gifts given as a prize!
Gifts given they should pride.

Just too blind to recognize.
Just too blind to recognize.
Just too blind to recognize...
Gifts given as a prize!
Gifts given they should pride.
Too blind to recognize.
Just too blind to recognize.
Too blind to recognize.
Just too blind to recognize...
Gifts given as a prize!
Gifts given they should pride.
Too blind to recognize.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Eyes To See And Ears To Hear

My friend, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink,
And so you can fill a man with wisdom, but he can't eternally think.

He can have eyes like both you and I and see colors of every kind,
But point him to the things above and he is often spiritually blind.

Many men listen to and even heed the advice given by a fellow peer,
But speak to them The Word of God and they will not be able to hear.

It seemed so easy for you and me, so why yet have they not believed?
Christ may seem obvious to you and me but friend they are deceived.

For the god of this world has blinded the minds of those perishing,
And unless we speak God's Truth Satan's lies will keep flourishing.

They perish because they refuse to embrace the Truth and be saved,
So God has given them over to their lusts to become utterly depraved.

But we can't be hasty and forget the life which we were saved from,
And how someone cared and pointed us to The Kingdom soon to come.

For we were all born into this world of sin where wrong seems right,
Led by our old nature we lived in darkness as children of the night.

But by God's Grace, The Spirit came upon us and gave us new sight.
And we were saved out of that darkness and brought into His Light.

For it is by the power of The Blood that we are no longer deceived,
And by His Grace we were then given ears to hear and truly believed.

poem by Bob Gotti
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He Rode On a Bus

Since he rode on a bus,
They believed him to be without powerful allies.
Since he rode on a bus,
They believed him to be limited in influence.
Since he rode on a bus,
And lived amongst the poor and not the rich...
He was disrespected more.
But only a few knew,
His worth was more than this.
Even though his funds were limited.

And since he chose to ride on a bus,
He knew he could do what he wished.
His life was not lived to acquire material possessions.
His life was lived for him...
To enjoy every bit of it.
Being there with the people,
As his experience.
And if he rode on a bus...
That was a piece of 'his' happiness.
No explanations did he have to make,
Since for him this was a perfect fit.
Unlike the others,
Who expressed pretentions...
Every chance they would get.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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If The Surface For Them Did Not Exist

If the surface didn't exist,
Many wouldn't have a thought to cling to.
Many wouldn't know,
Which gossip heard was true.
If the surface for them did not exist.

If the surface didn't exist,
The many dependent on having lives not their own...
Would be lost without being told what to do.
Many absolutely would not have a clue...
How to find their way around,
Without following in someone's footsteps.
If the surface they sniffed did not exist.

And if the surface for them did not exist...
They would not be able to sit alone,
Doing something completely on their own...
And appreciating life,
With the minding of their own business.
If...
The surface for many did not exist,
It would be taumatic for them to seek a thought process.
Many would not know where or how to begin.

So many are accustomed to living lives that are shallow.
With an ability only to identify with that...
Which is supplied and arrives to them surfacely.
Even a dog sniffing tries to find a place to bury a bone.
And doing that alone.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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If God Was Not With Me

I thought I had taken much of my life,
For granted.
With a mind God has blessed.
And a family I think is the best.
And trust me...
There is a lot of love to go around.
So much of it...
I realize,
More is still to be uncovered and found.

And as I reflect those taken steps,
Some made I regret.
I have never yet to meet,
An obstacle that stopped the movement of my feet.
Or a challenge created masquerading as my defeat.

Andrea, Tammy, Lisa and I...
Were encouraged to live our separate lives.

Early my identity was molded.
And I held onto beliefs...
My dreams were no bigger,
Than I could make them!

And I can now admit to this...
Having been blessed,
Not to lay all my eggs in one nest to rest.
Or get upset by mistakes I've made!
And glad a few cracks,
Only appeared in two or three baskets.
With ambition as my mission.

I thought I had taken much of my life,
For granted.
With a mind God has blessed.
And I have found the willingness to forgive,
Without regret to forget my failures.

Knowing my own success,
I would not realize...
If God was not with me to open my eyes.
Or provide me breath to breathe,
I would not recognize any achievement.
Or believe deeds done I could do.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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