The Am I Nuts Test
Before taking The Am I Nuts Test,
Do your best to be objective and prepared...
To declare 'yourself',
As crazy as a bed bug!
Why declare this?
It will be easier to take the test,
With the acknowledgement...
There had been someone who picked on a bed bug,
To proclaim and announce it crazy.
Okay?
Now you should feel open to accept,
All possibilities.
First...
Have you ever discovered yourself quick to deny,
Anything?
Think about this and be honest.
Second...
Are you afraid to be critiqued?
For any physical flaws and blemishes you keep?
Third...
Do you seek to mask your insecurities?
With a pointing out those of others...
As you desperately try to secretly hide,
Those of your own that are hidden deep?
Fourth...
Do you get up each morning,
With wishes to find someone to impress.
Without first expressing a thankfulness for your blessings?
Do you find a need to rehearse this first?
Fifth...
Are you envious and jealous,
Of those addressing with confidence their identities?
Does this irritate you to no end?
And you are convinced,
They actually are trying to run away...
From their strange and differentness.
Do you feel people like this pretend?
And you remain one of the few...
Who advocate a 'normalcy' wishing others to approve?
Well...
You 'are' nuts!
And there is no need to have the results discussed.
If you believe others are out of their minds,
With a few like you being 'normal'.
And no evidence around you to validate and find.
You 'are' nuts and out of your mind.
No one today is normal.
'What makes you qualified to administer a test like this? '
Long ago I was confirmed as being dysfunctional.
And I resisted this refusing to admit it.
But today those dysfunctional,
Seem to be the ones left who have common sense.
'So...
You too are nuts? '
No.
My preference is to stay,
As dysfunctional for as long as I can.
I find to admit it makes me more marketable.
To discover someone is nuts,
Puts a limit to their opportunities.
And...
To debate with someone about the mentalities of bed bugs,
Is way out of my league.
I enjoy my life lived as simple as possible.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Quick to Dump Their Junk
Some seem ready to jump into a garbage dump.
Quick to dump their junk,
And then start running.
Quicker to abuse their minds.
Quicker to find the time to whine.
And quick to say who's nuts...
And who ain't crazy.
It seems easier to walk away from people raging.
Easier to say who should be who they are.
Easier to start a fight.
Easier to say who's not living right.
And easier to be the one who sleeps at night.
Quick and easy it seems not to worry.
It appears some live lives free of mental strife.
Quick and easy it seems for them not to hurry.
When a life they choose to live,
Is not disguised by lies.
It seems some can take their lumps and not be moaning.
Or groan from Sunrise 'til that Sun goes down.
Whether they keep a faith.
Or pray every second of each day.
They don't walk around,
With a face to frown.
Why is it...
Some seem ready to jump into a garbage dump?
And why is it...
Some are quick to dump their junk,
And run?
Why are they...
Quicker to abuse their minds.
And why so quick are they to whine?
And quick they are to say who's nuts...
But they're not crazy.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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You Must Be Nuts? You've Got To Be!
You 'must' be nuts?
You've got to be!
You are telling me,
I can not have...
What has been given,
To my brothers and sisters...
Whether or not they had asked for it?
And this has been done,
IN my presence to disregard my loyalty?
You must be nuts?
You've got to be!
Not only am I going to have what I want...
But I am also going to remind you,
Once I get it...
Just what I think of your acts,
Of attempting to prevent me...
From not having the kind of life,
To do as I please!
You must be nuts?
You've got to be!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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You Are Not Going to Play With Me Today
You are so far removed from my to do list.
So distant you are,
My binoculars can not locate you.
I never thought I would feel this way.
But I am looking for a mind easier to find.
And yours?
It is never where you claim it to be,
Even when you bring it.
Playing peek-a-boo and hide and seek...
Chase-me-until-you-find-me games,
Were fine when I was a 'kid' in my 40's!
But one of us has grayed and moved on...
To seek a more muture outlook that pleases.
Don't smile and grin.
You are not that far from the fringes of this explanation.
Well...
Maybe you are.
When some of us became adults...
You decided to take another destination.
And I'm not adding that to my frustrations.
Of which you have helped to manifest.
You are so far removed from my to do list.
So distant you are,
My binoculars can not locate you.
I never thought I would feel this way.
But I am looking for a mind easier to find.
And yours?
It is never where you claim it to be,
Even when you bring it.
You are 'not' going to play with me today.
I have run out of scotch.
And my neighbors are not yet quite convinced...
My standing on the ledge of the building,
Is to get away from your voice.
They believe I have other wishes.
Even though I tell them I am fine...
You tell them I am having problems.
But you never tell them you are the main one!
They think I am the one who is 'nuts'!
However...
Five minutes with you,
Should end any clues I might drop!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My Brother.....
My Brother is so annoying
My Brother is so sad
My Brother drives me crazy
it makes me wanna go mad.
My Brother makes my father constantly yell
My Brother makes my mother cry
My Brother makes me wanna go die, sometimes...
My Brother is crazy
My Brother is nuts
Sometimes I want to grab him and choke him til' he goes nuts
Someday I won't have my brother
and I wish that day will never come
because surely without him
I will nor be the same
poem by Vanessa Hernandez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We Just Go Nuts At Christmastime
Up the driveway, down the walk
Oh, janets hair is like her moms
Whos got her own, but acts like somethings
Different from the eyebrows up
Seems like only yesterday
Our d-i-v-o-r-c-e
I love you both and yuletide is pure
H-e-double-l for me
And we just go nuts at christmastime
Thats when everything falls apart
We just go nuts at christmastime
But its another year before were together again
Hi, this is john of they might be giants
As youre driving down the highway at 100 miles an hour with your head wagging out the window,
We urge you, please, put down the phone
We just go nuts at christmastime
Thats when everything falls apart
We just go nuts at christmastime
But its another year before were together
Again
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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New To The Neighborhood
I know you are new to the neighborhood.
And with that said...
I would caution you not to make any attempts,
To treat the other squirrels you see around here...
With respect or hints of it.
Since...
If you permit yourself to do that...
You just might find your nuts cracked.
'That's fine with me.
Isn't that the purpose?
I would consider that a neighborly act of unity.
And if I may admit this...
Sometimes it would be nice to sit and relax.
Knowing that another squirrel would do that for me.
And I didn't have to scratch any squirrel's back,
To keep my own nuts protected.'
Yeah...
You're new.
You've taken my comments...
Too far out on branches dislocated from the trees.
You must be a rehabilitated nut crusher?
Have you just been released,
From those Scotch Pines behind the Maples?
'No!
I'm a realist.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lets Go Crazy
Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life
Electric word life
It means forever and thats a mighty long time
But Im here 2 tell u
Theres something else
The afterworld
A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night
So when u call up that shrink in beverly hills
U know the one - dr everythingll be alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby
cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
Youre on your own
And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down
Go crazy - punch a higher floor
If u dont like the world youre living in
Take a look around u
At least u got friends
U see I called my old lady
4 a friendly word
She picked up the phone
Dropped it on the floor
(sex, sex) is all I heard
Are we gonna let de-elevator
Bring us down
Oh, no lets go!
Lets go crazy
Lets get nuts
Lets look 4 the purple banana
til they put us in the truck, lets go!
Were all excited
But we dont know why
Maybe its cuz
Were all gonna die
And when we do (when we do)
Whats it all 4 (whats it all 4)
U better live now
Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door
Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down
Oh, no lets go!
Lets go crazy
Lets get nuts
Look 4 the purple banana
til they put us in the truck, lets go!
Cmon baby
Lets get nuts
Yeah
Crazy
Lets go crazy
Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down
Oh, no lets go!
Go crazy
I said lets go crazy (go crazy)
Lets go, lets go
Go
Lets go
Dr. everythingll be alright
Will make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and dafodills will kill
Hang tough children
Hes coming
Hes coming
Coming
Take me away!
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Twisted Rhetoric
You can not tell folks they are nuts!
Not today.
Although their numbers growth,
To be observed in action.
They would rather take opportunities to prove it.
And do it as if someone has turned off their switch.
To leave those impulses once going to the brain...
Detoured to escape out of the ears to go ignored.
And taking that away from them...
The chance for them to prove themselves nuts,
Leaves them to sit longer in denial.
While dropping signs everywhere they can excuse,
With evasive and twisted rhetoric!
And other nonsense that exposes them,
For the morons they are.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Unhappy With Their Normalities
They claim 'them' to be dysfunctional?
And the purpose for that is what?
To prove themselves less moronic?
Because those who they say are dysfunctional,
Seem to make less doctor appointments.
Place no visits to prisons.
Have the respect of their friends, family and children.
Work and donate time to volunteer.
And appear to be living that life that is wished.
'You know?
I think they are right!
Those who oppose to their way of life.
They are dysfunctional.
Compared to how life today is lived.
And what it is like to live it right!
But,
If 'they' are dysfunctional...
Why are so many unhappy with their normalities? '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mel is nuts. He puts on a suit and a tie and acts like a normal person so people think he's okay. He's definitely out in left field. He's got the ambition of a boy.
quote by Dom DeLuise
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Boy Needs A Bike
Pop works in the shop til eight
Moms on the phone and shes kind of irate
Sallys doing sommersaults on the lawn
Pop slams open the front screen door
Just to scare mom
She says, "what the hell did you do that for? "
He washes his dirty hands in the sink
And things around the table are kind of rough
Mom says its pa
Pa says, "the times are just tough"
And me and sally dont say much of nothing at all
The garage door light brightens up the night
Pa always works on cars when he gets in a fight
As though he could figure out that woman by working on that
Old car
He said a car can cure any problem at all
Cause of looking at all them parts makes a fight look so small
But I wish hed just put me and sally in the backseat and
Drive us away
Thats when he sits me down
He says hes gonna teach me about life
He said, "a man needs a car and a boy needs a bike"
I got my first taste of freedom beneath the light of the moon
But if it were me
Id have the guts to put to test those bolts and nuts
And Id ride away so fast, so far
Ride away... so fast, so far
Put away our tools
We go back inside
Mom feels left out and now shes starting to cry
I wonder if all girls are crazy this way
I wish pops would just get a spine
I said I know its kind of small but you can borrow mine
He just smiled and said, "your mom means well son"
Most times are good its just some that are lean
But its love that makes up for those times in beteween
He got a tear in his eye as he took mammas hand
Said one day Id understand
But if it were me
Id have the guts to put to test those bolts and nuts
And Id ride away so far, so fast
Ride away so fast so far
Ride away
song performed by by Jewel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bitchin Again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me crazy
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me nuts
I thought you said
Youd bring home the groceries
I thought you said youd fill up the tank
I thought you said youd pull out for me
A hundred-fifty dollars from the bank
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me crazy
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me crazy
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me nuts
I thought you said
Youd bring me some flowers
You came home with nothing
You dirty rat fink
I thought you said youd
Clean up the living room
You said youd do the dishes in the sink
Im sick and tired of your childish behavior
Youre always coming home completely soused
Im sick and tired of this shoebox apartment
When are you going to buy me a house?
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me crazy
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me nuts
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me crazy
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again
Shes bitchin again drivin me nuts
song performed by by Phish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I think Elaine would go out with anyone if they showed interest in her. She's nuts. The woman's nuts.
quote by Julia Louis Dreyfus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lets Go Crazy
If you dont like the world youre living in
Take a look around, at least you got friends
I called my old lady, for a friendly word
She picked up the phone, dropped it on the floor
Is all I heard
Chorus
Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down?
(oh, no, lets go!)
Lets go crazy, lets get nuts
Lets look for the purple banana til they put us in the truck lets go!
Were all excited but we dont know why
Maybe its coz were all gonna die
And when we do, whats it all for
You better hurry up before the grim reaper come knocking on your door
Chorus
Cmon lets get nuts
Lets go crazy
Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down?
(oh, no, lets go!)
Lets go crazy, lets go crazy
Lets go, lets go, lets go, lets go
Dr everythingll be alright
Will make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and dafodills will kill
Hang tough children
Lets go crazy
song performed by by 911
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Problem between the In-Laws
Whether the experienced mother-in-law
or the newly qualified daughter-in-law,
both of them suffer from some cursed flaws.
As the cold war started since 'Creation'
has never ended between 'mother and wife'
the dude tries his best to convince them both.
He has to cock his ear towards the side
from which the whispers he hears
or else all of them have to be on fast.
If he colludes with one,
the other will go to hell.
If they play cat and mouse
what can this man do with feigning creatures?
His wife would conceal the healthy nuts
and at night before her husband, would ask:
' Why didn't you eat the Cashew nuts? '
and his mother would smirk and say:
'You youngones must eat the nuts to live long! '.
Each one surpasses the other in concocting
stories of joint and hip pain to evade the work
and confine him to do the household chores.
His wife blockmail him citing anti-dowry laws
and his mother warns him not to be hen-pecked.
He condones even his wife's misbehaviour of the past
to maintain peace in family life.
His child doesn't know where to go
between the mother and grandmother.
He trots in a 'Push and Pull' game
and the man should keep his doors shut in shame.
------
poem by Rajendran Muthiah
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Simply Complicated
When you find out things about yourself
that you hadn't thought to know.
When your grandma calls
and books you on the Jerry Springer show.
And you find out you and your wife for ten years,
just might be related
Brother, life's not over,
it's just simply complicated.
There's other situations
that might challenge you, I guess
When your daughter tries out for the footbal team
and your son tries on her dress
And you start to think that the devil's in charge
of how you're situated.
Life is still worth livin
It's just simply complicated.
Life is complicated with its
ifs and ands and buts.
It's alright to be crazy,
just don't let it drive you nuts!
My daughter wants to go on dates,
I think I'll let her go.
But she better not be movin'
at the movin' picture show.
Her stops by all those honky tonks
and getin' aviated
aint it all a caution?
Its just simply complicated.
Now I'm havin a big problem
with my present-day career
My ship, she has a rudder
but I don't know where to steer.
Am I country, pop or rock-and-roll?
I know they are related.
I'll just let you be the judge.
It's simply complicated.
Life is complicated with its
ifs and ands and buts.
It's alright to be crazy,
just don't let it drive you nuts!
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Junk
Dr. junk the dentist man
Fills your teeth with what he can
Airplane wings and corset stays
And when hes done hell let you pay
In paper clips or inner tubes
Or anything thats slightly used
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
Dr. junk the dentist has
An office full of colored glass
A garden with a paddle wheel
And funny plants for eye appeal
And though he watches them with care
Ive never seen them growing there
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
Eccentric things
Dr. junk the dentist built
A junky castle up on stilts
Junk within and junk throughout
And tv in the chimney spout
And fourteen levels to each floor
And now hes adding fourteen more
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
song performed by by Joni Mitchell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If your company has a clean-desk policy, the company is nuts and you're nuts to stay there.
quote by Tom Peters
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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So Small Is One Pea
So small is one pea,
When it is in a soup with nuts.
To distinguish it as being insignificant,
Would depend on who valued the adding of it...
Had something to do with the enhancement of the flavor.
And without the addition of just that one pea,
Would the attention given to the nuts...
Be then diminished?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Rhymes Stop Here
In this world there are two types,
The normal people and the not so normal,
The normal ones are the ones who wear stripes,
Always dressing as they need to be formal.
The not so normal ones,
Act and dress totally nuts,
Some wear dark makeup by the tons,
Some even get the courage or the guts,
To tell you what is right or not.
I stopped rhyming to tell you,
That even though some are different on the outside,
We are all the same on the inside.
Remember this when you sum up the stupid to bully again.
poem by Hannah Eichenauer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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