I've Been Doing This Most Of My Life
'I never thought you were that serious.'
About what?
Serious about what?
'That which you do.'
Please.
I have no time for riddles.
What are you talking about?
'Your writing.'
I 'keep' telling you,
I've been doing this most of my life.
Almost 60 years now.
'Lies!
That's impossible.
I thought you told me you were in your late 40's? '
You see...
Even I am confused.
That's how long it has been.
When I was then a mere child,
In the mid...
'70's? '
70's? ? ?
Are you kidding?
I've been doing this...much...
You know?
You are right!
I write so much...
I forget!
It's 2011 isn't it?
I am so glad you are here.
God works in mysterious ways.
It just seems as if,
I've been doing this much, much longer.
'I know it was in the '70's' because I remember,
You told me your oldest sister, Mimmie...
Believes she is your mother sometimes.'
LOLOLOL...
Yep!
That she does.
But...
Don't tell her.
She will 'never' forgive me for revealing her real age!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
When She Played It Was On Her Piano
As a kid I had ambitions.
And the first of them was to do my chores,
Before my mother would come home from work.
And she would pack them on too!
'I told you to sweep this floor.'
I did!
'With what?
A sandwich?
Do it again.'
My sister, Mimmie, would look at me.
And smile!
I couldn't wait,
To give her the spray can...
To kill the roaches!
I didn't know we weren't suppose to have them,
Until I was eight years old!
And that's not a joke.
One day when my mother went to work,
I made sure Mimmie got introduced.
She's a grandmother now.
And every once in a while...
She will mention how mean I was to her.
Nobody is going to sit,
And enjoy me getting whipped!
And that has been my philosophy...
Learned very early in my life.
Those days are long gone.
And being assigned to responsibilites,
I believe every child needs.
However...
Too many parents have raised lazy and spoiled children.
Believing one day,
They will awaken and be accountable for their actions!
Today as I reflect on my childhood,
I am glad my mother did not allow me to go to sleep...
To chance an awakening to what I knew I should do.
What I had and was going to do got done,
Before I had an opportunity to give it thought.
Procrastination,
Was not a lesson my mother taught.
I've seen parents,
Do everything possible for their children.
To wonder at a later date in time,
Why their children disrespect them.
Even 'if' I looked as if I wanted to say something back,
My mother would put a 'switch' to my behind.
AND...
I would have to fine one she liked to use on me.
That was before the calling of 911.
Today...
They would call that child abuse.
When I grew up...
We got our 'butts' tore up.
Just for looking as 'if'...
We did not enjoy getting whippings!
And I aint hardly kidding.
How does that 'old' saying go?
~Spare the rod and spoil the child.~
Well...
Mimmie and I were very spoiled.
But...
A rocking of a boat,
Did not float at all...
With Ms Edna!
When she played,
It was on her piano!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Where's Daddy?
My mother and I were close.
And had a unique relationship.
People thought I was a mama's boy.
And I didn't mind.
Since both my mother and I,
Would laugh when we discussed this.
I remember talking before I could walk.
And when we were out together publicly,
She would say to me...
'Please Larry, do not say one word.
I don't want anyone staring at you.'
~You mean like daddy does? ~
'Exactly.'
And when I got older,
When my sister Mimmie was born...
I use to ask my mother,
~Why is she so quiet? ~
'Give her time.
She's only a few months old.'
And...
When she did get older,
And we'd all be out in public...
My mother not once told her,
To be quiet.
I tried.
But she never listened to me.
And my father?
He would just stare at us in disbelief.
~Ma?
Where's daddy? ~
'Who knows? '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Some Times
I sit around sometimes and let my thoughts eat me alive
Till one day I thought of you
my birth mother and the flesh and blood of what is supposed to be my sister
after 3 years of getting on with my life I had completely forgotten
when I thought of you both I had to ask myself why out of all times after a long while
Then I remember it is because I could never stand the thought of you both without wanting to be sick to my stomache and filled with dissapointment that the one who gave me life chose to believe a very sick man she had been with an loved since I was six over her own flesh and blood
and a best friend
my little sister who could only think selfishly of her own happyness
Some times I wonder why I only told you of once
Then I remember its because I knew you wouldnt believe me
Your to blinded by love and selfish yourself
And it was worse then the other times he even touched me
because this time he went to far
I managed to escape cleverly the first time that day
but the second time I had to let him know to back off
I wish you were there to hear me scream no dad dont at the top of my lungs
even after you knew about that day and still to this day i have nightmares of him
Its pretty bad when I know that my biological dad who was never there is so much better then the sick creature you call your lover
an the waste of my effection calls dad
hopefully by the time my baby comes and I move into my new house with a man who loves me and his unborn child an who I know would never hurt our baby I can forget about you completely
Sometimes I miss you then i remember its useless to miss what you never had and then im happy all over again
Some times
poem by Sandy Vanity
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To Little To Late
Your vicious conning words
Still again whittle your way in
Their deaf ears unable to hear
The betrayal call you scream in their faces
They are all aware to the wipers I share
The tears you cry don’t fool me
I could cry the same tears
But they blind the unwilled mother
That you leaned your vicious ways from
Who wants to see the good
But I know better
You’re lies only bend the week
But no words come to me
Out of your slug slimed mouth
For you know I wont bye the ticket
If I don’t want to see the show
No don’t go talk to him
I’ll end your pointless life
Could you imagine what he could be if it wasn’t for your ways
No you cant you have no education
None
You are nothing
Will be nothing and can be nothing
More then my druggie sister that I don’t admit having
Shut up I don’t want to hear any more of the
Spoon feed poisoned lies
The heart gouging promises
That you will try to cover up with that pretty little innocent smile of yours
That this time it’s going to be different
That you’re getting help
Or even that you love me
You don’t and your not
You love the money that comes with it
They tell me to learn how to
Forgive and forget
Well I will forgive you
But it will take time a lot of time
The devil has stole my sister and still has her
For eight years he as had her
Time is of the heart
You tell me that you love me
Thanks sis but its eight years to late
To little to late
So just go away
poem by Mrs. Cynosure
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That's What You Told Me
Hook:
That's what you told me baby (x3)
You drive me crazy
(x2)
I thought I was the one
When we were together
You would take me to
Another place and time
That I could feel free
You were all that I was searching for
Bridge:
That's just when I
I thought I could lean on your for life
I thought that the sun would always shine
But you took my dreams away
I remember the lies that you told me baby
Chorus:
1 - you told me you love me
song performed by by Five
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Was Only Kidding
When I said that Id be faithful
When I promised Id be true
When I swore that I could never
Be with anyone but you
When I told you that I loved you
With those tender words I spoke
I was only kidding
Now, cant you take a joke?
When I said that I need you, baby
When I told you that I really care
When I said that I cant live without you
When I said Id follow you anywhere
When I said you could always trust me
When I said Id never leave you flat
Well, guess what? I was only kidding, baby
I cant belieeeeve you fell for that! youre so gullible...
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) you thought that was for real?
I was only kidding
Now Im sorry if you misunderstood, but the fact remains
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) baby, baby, I was...
(I was) only kidding
Well, I guess I got you pretty good, now listen...
When I said that I love you, baby
From the very bottom of my heart
When I said that I miss you so badly
Every second were apart
When I swore that youre just getting more and more
Beautiful every day
Well, I was only kidding, honey
Whats the matter with you anyway? let me tell you something
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) you understand, dont ya?
I was only kidding
Well, I guess it probably hurts you alot, but you gotta know
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) come on now, get a clue
I was only kidding
I really love you... not!
When I said you oughta marry
When I said that we should settle down
Well, I was pullin your leg there, honey
I was just foolin around
You see, I -- I never meant to upset you, darlin
I never meant to hurt anyone
I was only kidding, baby
Why dont you just put down that gun?
Lets talk this over
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) whatch where youre pointing that thing
(I was only kidding)
Hey, Im sorry if your heart is broke... you gotta realize
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) aww, yeah
I was only kidding
Now, honey, cant you take a joke?
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I didnt lie to you
I was only kidding... yes indeed
(I was only kidding) baby, baby, you know
(I was only kidding) hey!
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Rememer, .
I Remember, ..
I Remember, seeing cops take you away.
I Remember, it was just the 3 of us.
I Remember, going to see you.
I Remember, talking to you ALL the time.
I Remember, telling you ' I love you.'
I Remember saying, ' Daddy, i miss you.'
I Remember, when you packed your bags.
I Remember you, holding your new born child.
I Remember, when you left me.
I Remember when, i told you i hated you.
I Remember, when i met HIM.
I Remember, when HE called me HIS daughter.
I Remember, HE took your place.
I Remember when, I told HIM ' Dad, i love you.'
I Remember now, im not YOUR daughter, ..
IM HIS.
poem by Bree Chase
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Thats What You Told Me
Thats what you told me baby
Thats what you told me baby
Thats what you told me baby
You drive me crazy
I thought I was the one
When we were together
You would take me to
Another place and time that I could feel free
You were all that I was searching for
Bridge:
Thats just when i
I thought I could lean on you for life
I thought that the sun would always shine
But you took my dreams away
I remember the lies that you told me baby
Chorus:
(one) you told me you love me you need me
(two) you told me you never deceive me
(three) you told me youd always be true
(four)you told me were through, thats what you told me
Thats what you told me baby
Thats what you told me
Tell me was it fun taking my love for granted
Now Im not the one
Everything we used to share has up and gone
I dont need to tell you, you were wrong
(bridge)
(chorus)
Thats what you told me baby
Thats what you told me baby
Thats what you told me baby
You drive me crazy (x2)
Thats what you told me, girl tell me no lie
Do you want to fly super high, super dooper high
No mistakes when Im with you
Know exactly what I wanna do
Lay you down and pursue me
Im super fly, cos Im super high
When Im by your side if you like girl, tell me if you like
One, if you wanna
Two, if youre gonna
Three, time to jive
Four, five bring it live
(chorus until fade)
song performed by by Five
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Give Me Mimmie
Give me Mimmie.
Her honesty I accept.
Give me Mimmie.
What she does,
It's done at her best!
She 'may' have a flaw.
Not too many I have seen.
She's my oldest 'and' younger sister.
And when she whips her dander up...
Watch out!
She can let off some steam.
A jewel, a star...
A bright light shining.
Never to complain,
She refrains from whining.
Wife, mother and devoted grandmother too.
She says she has retired!
But from what?
She's 'so' busy.
She's always finding something to do!
Give me Mimmie.
Her honesty I accept.
Give me Mimmie.
What she does,
It's done at her best!
She's funny when she says she is going to relax.
By preparing a meal for fifty or more people...
For some function at her church,
Where she is very active at!
She doesn't hesitate,
To express the wisdom that she has.
It's sharp and quite clear,
To whomever it is passed.
And she entertains with humor.
When she jokes,
You are going to laugh.
She's quite accomplished...
Undertaking several task!
Yes...
Give me Mimmie.
Her honesty I accept.
Give me Mimmie.
What she does,
It's done at her best!
Dedicated to:
My sister Andrea Doreen 'Mimmie' Pertillar Dixon
'Love you, young lady! '
Larry
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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I thought it was a gift.
They told me it was a gift;
they told me and I was so glad.
I put my heart and soul into it all,
cried tears and sweat so many beads of my own metallic crimson blood.
I gave it all; I thought it was a gift.
I worked longer than anyone I knew.
I worked harder.
I gave up so much more, I did so many things, all at the same time;
just so I could please them. I put their needs and wants over mine.
I gave it all; I thought it was a gift.
I thought that this was what they called fate,
I thought that this was what they called destiny.
I thought that I'd been given a gift for good.
I thought that gifts were supposed to bring joy, and happiness, and peace.
I gave it all, all because I thought it was a gift.
You never told me,
that one day I'd be sitting here,
questioning myself -
about how and why a God given gift, had suddenly turned
into a curse.
Someone Once Told Me
Someone once told me
What an uncle did to
his nephew
Someone once told me
What the uncles brother
did to a young girl
Someone once told me
That their mother and sister
didn't care, because
they let them near the young
and the frail
Someone once told me
The guilty always get away
Someone once told me
They'll never pay
Now I'm telling someone
It's time to pay
Because justice is coming
and it's here to stay
poem by Dave Alan Walker
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Not In The Next Few Chapters
I remember how 'old' people seemed,
When they were in their twenties.
And I was then a child...
With a wish to be a teenager.
And I remember walking on my toes,
Wanting to be taller than I was.
Or at least keep up with my father,
Whenever he walked to the neighborhood store.
And I'd walk behind him,
Thinking he was a giant.
And when I then became thirteen,
And my sister Mimmie was still eleven...
I got very bossy.
We were both 'latchkey' kids and...
Well,
I was grown...
I thought.
And I made sure she did things around our apartment,
I just was too 'grown' to do.
Like sweep the floors while I looked at TV.
She hated me.
I didn't care.
I remember being eighteen and being called a 'rainbow',
As the rest of the enlisted boy/men stood at attention...
After arriving at Lackland Air Force Base,
In San Antonio, Texas.
We were called 'rainbow'
Because we were still in our 'civilian' clothes...
And instantly demeaned.
That was their way of making sure we understood,
We were in the military and mom and daddy weren't around.
We were guaranteed to be made full fledged men.
Thirty came in a hurry.
And I had already been divorced and remarried.
And that was in 1977.
I don't know 'why' I didn't like my 40's!
Maybe because they came and went too quickly.
And I was 'still' passing for the age of twenty-five.
That didn't last too long.
In 1987 I got a phone call from my mother,
Telling me my dad was ill and she was concerned.
So as the eldest and only son,
I thought I would leave San Antonio, Texas...
Where I made my home then,
And make a quick weekend trip back to Hartford, Connecticut.
Well...
One very long weekend later,
It is now close to 2011.
My 40's and 50's were a blur.
And today at 63...
With both my parents deceased,
I am just NOW able to say,
I can enjoy every moment of my life consciously.
And feeling a whole lot younger than I look.
I know this may sound crazy, but...
I've got to relive something that I've missed,
Between my 40's and 50's I can remember...
Other than my parents passing away,
And my getting a divorce.
That was number two.
And...
With God's blessing,
I 'hope' not to do a number three.
Not in the next 'few' chapters I hope to write!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Heffa
'Don't let me chase you...
Heffa! '
My mother would say this,
Before she did my sister's hair.
And I would sit in a chair...
To watch my sister.
And she would cry and I would stare.
'What you looking at? '
My sister Mimmie would say!
I'm looking at you!
What you gonna do?
'You kids better not start nothing with me.
Hold your head still, girl!
And don't you say another word, Larry! '
I would think to myself...
'Is Mimmie a 'heffa' when she gets her hair done?
Why when I called her that...
She would chase me,
And I would run?
Then my mother would say,
'Would you kids stop that!
Both of you get on my last nerve.
Stop that fighting crap.'
Ma, what is a 'heffa'?
And why is Mimmie one?
Is it the way she looks...
When her hair is undone?
If I called her that,
She wants to fight with me.
Daddy don't call her a heffa.
Why do you...
Exclusively?
My mother would look at me,
As if I was crazed.
I could tell in her eyes,
She was trying for 'something' to say!
I never heard my mother curse.
She didn't have to back then.
But I grew to understand...
'Heffa' was a word,
Black women shared between them!
And my sister Mimmie...
Thought she needed to keep me in 'check'!
And 'if' I didn't leave her alone...
A grown man I would never become or get!
I grew up in a family of very strong willed 'heffuhs'!
Dedicated to:
Those women in my family whom I love dearly.
And I have learned what they say to each other,
And amongst themselves...
Is between them as women!
And they have provided me with 'much' wisdom!
I know now...
What is said 'endearingly' between them,
Is not for a man to repeat!
Even though they can say what they wish,
About us!
'Right, fellas'?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Father Spoke in Code
Father spoke in code
Mother understood.
She would cry
once he went to bed.
I never understood the code.
My sister didn't either.
As we got older, we quit
asking Mother what he said.
A feral cat claimed our yard.
It would leap the fence
when anyone appeared.
Except, of course, Father.
When he came out to walk
around the garden after supper,
the cat would sit straight up,
then rub against his leg
and look at him as if it understood
what others never could.
My sister used to say
the two of us were proof
Father and Mother
got together twice.
I told her I wasn't so certain.
I looked a lot like Mr. Brompton,
the next-door neighbor.
He used to buy us sugar cones
from the ice cream truck.
My sister, by the way, didn't look
like anyone in the family either,
but that was 40 years ago
when I last saw her.
I went away to college
and she got married.
We were never close after that.
Not even Christmas cards.
Forty years is a long time.
Now, we plan to get together
for a weekend this summer
before one of us dies.
I suggested we wait
till one of us is terminal.
What's the rush, I said.
But my wife told her
I was only kidding,
that we'll be coming
and not to make a fuss.
Burgers and hot dogs
will do just fine.
I know what Sis and I
will talk about that weekend,
the two people we'll always
have in common, no matter
how many years and miles
may lie between us.
Father and Mother have been
dead for decades now
but they're still alive in us.
I talk in code, my wife says,
and my sister cries a lot,
now that her husband's dead.
The one thing I want to know
is if my sister knows
what happened to the cat.
It knew the code,
may have had some answers.
poem by Donal Mahoney
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Do You Remember?
We never talked about it
But I hear the blame was mine
Id call you up to say Im sorry
But I wouldnt want to waste your time
cos I love you, but I cant take any more
Theres a look I cant describe in your eyes
Yes we could try, like we tried before
When you kept on telling me those lies
Do you remember...?
There seemed no way to make up
cos it seemed your mind was set
And the way you looked it told me
Its a look I know Ill never forget
You couldve come over to my side
You couldve let me know
You couldve tried to see the distance between us
But it seemed too far for you to go.
Do you remember...?
Through all of my life
In spite of all the pain
You know people are funny sometimes
cos they just cant wait
To get hurt again
Do you remember...?
There are things we wont recall
Feelings well never find
Its taken so long to see it
Cos we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do
More important to say
But I love you wasnt one of those things
And now its too late
Do you remember...?
song performed by by Phil Collins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Why I write
I used to feel, like a pain is in my heart.
When without saying a word, u depart
Here I m alone, remembering our memories
Had so much left to tell you my life stories.
As an alternative of you I started talking to myself
Not that good idea but still it was little relief
Not for long that idea worked, if It was too much miss of your.
Thought of writing my felling so I took a pen and paper.
Started writing stories n poems about my felling
And things that I had always thought of telling.
I feel I m near to you and with you I m talking
That's why I write. Even if my writings are not good and boring..
poem by Sushanta Rokka
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will you believe me if I speak of love?
If I speak of love, it is because love speaks
To me, like we are having this conversation
About love itself, and I ask love that if I speak
Of love, will love believe me?
And love sighed, and finds this question
Too self-serving for itself, for love could
Be biased too, telling me that if I speak
Of her, she will believe me, oh, that would
Be too unnecessary of love, to speak about itself,
For love to believe in love from love itself
Who is asking about love,
About me and telling me, she will believe me,
In fact, this would be too confusing, too confusing,
But I speak of her today, and I speak of myself
Too, believing about this love of mine,
And so confused we see each other eye to eye,
The eye of love to my eye of true love,
Talking heart to a true heart,
The heart of love talking to the heart of true love,
and finally, though confused, and still taking breaths,
love, she finally,
Said, yes, love believes me, love believes my love,
love speaks of love, love believes in love,
In my love, and there is no other. Love begets love.
That is what human history had always told to itself.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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I Thought Id Write To Juliet
I thought Id write to juliet, for she would understand
And when someone is already dead they can no longer let you down
Instead I find myself talking to you, as my oldest friend
Tell me how I can advise someone, that I dont even know,
To welcome death
For I received a letter that is worth reporting
And though it may raise a cynical smile
It leaves a sinking feeling
Like when a soldier in a story says to the sergeant...
Have you seen my pride and joy? ...
You know the rest...and its no joke...forgive me please as I quote...
This is a letter of thanks, as Im so bored here in I cant
Say where.
So Im writing to people that I may never meet
And I was thinking if something you said...
Im a female soldier, my name is constance.
I enlisted in the military needing funds for college
Im twenty-three years old and if I do get home alive
I imagine I may think again...
Im sleeping with my eyes open for fear of attack
Your words are a comfort, theyre the best thing that I have
Apart from family pictures and, of course, my gas mask
I dont know why I am writing to you
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Understanding
How people tell you lies. I thought you felt the same.
Somehow I thought youd be there.
Help him beat me down, again. its all I know.
So you want for me, some things we never see.
Left alone to fill time.
So empty all your thoughts now, turn around your hate,
Take a look at me. hang on security.
Its all been overated, this life you live, its not your own.
Theres no one here to help you.
Its all been un-adulterated lies, theyll keep telling you.
Theyll keep telling you, how I want to...
Raise it on my own, nothing special maybe, nothing special lately.
Time to feel it on your own, time you want to take control.
Control.
So youve told them all, I thought you looked the same!
Do you read this light to help you see it clearer again.
Closer to my letter, open up for some to breed,
Youre sharper these days, toll on security.
Its all been overated, this life to live, its not your own.
Theres no one here to help you.
And its all been un-adulterated lies, theyll keep telling you.
Theyll keep telling you, how I want to...
Riase it on my own, nothing specialal lately, nothing special maybe.
Time nto feel it on your own, time you want to take control.
No now fall, call for me to fall for.
Everybody wants to tell you something,
Everybody wants to fill you, nothing.
Everybody wants to break you out now,
Everybody wants to be be you out now.
And everybody wants to tell you, and everybdoy wants to fill you in.
Do you think its time to tell them?
Yes I think its time you shove them a little harder
Yes I think its time that you pushed them over
Dont you think its time you told them stop!
Raise it on my own no, no, time to your souless lately.
Everybody wants to tell you something,
Everybody wants to bring you something,
Everybody wants to take you,
And everybdoy wants to bring you down,
Time you feel it in your own, time you let them take control,
Time to fill their needs, so empty all your thoughts my friend.
For everybdoy wants to break you,
And everybody wants to you push you around...
song performed by by Candlebox
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Women's League Day Care Center
My early lessons taught,
Were delivered...
At the Women's League Day Care Center,
In Hartford, Connecticut.
I had to have been all of two,
Or maybe 3 years old...
When I first began the beginning,
Of an aware consciousness.
I though my mother was giving me away!
And I was quick to show everyone,
Within listening distance...
I didn't like it at all!
I remember Mrs. Hines!
And the wrought iron encased stairsteps,
To the dismal West Avon Street joint.
Right off of Main Street.
A stone's throw...
From Bellevue Square.
A tenement project,
I loved and hated equally.
OH!
I forgot.
This is a poem.
Not a Declaration of Independence.
Well,
Anyway...
The Women's League Daycare Center,
Was extremely significant in my growth process.
I didn't realize it,
Until I was well into my 20's...
What a gift, my sister Mimmie and I, were given.
Gee...
That was back in either 1949 or '50!
And Mim and her husband AL,
Are GRANDPARENTS.
You know...
My mother 'always' told us,
God works in mysterious ways.
And to this day,
I'd like to know...
How my niece, Shayla
And my nephew, Landry...
My sisters Tammy and Lisa,
Get to be...
So much 'older' than me?
Do we 'not' share the same genes?
OH!
This could go on and on.
I feel it!
Dedicated:
To the Women's League Day Care Center,
a name I knew it as for 'many' years.
Located in Hartford, Connecticut.
'Probably the first day care center established,
in the country. Who knows? I'm a writer/poet...
not an historian.
Although, I'm beginning to feel like a dinosaur.
A youthful one, I might add.'
~lsp~
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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