An Honest Self Examination
I am not one to assess another's flaws,
With wishes they perceive my view of life.
I can not say who should rid themselves of them,
To correct themselves to make things for them right.
An honest self examination that self assesses,
Delivers to one an insight.
And if one lives in fear of honesty...
Any heard believed is a critique of their beliefs,
Does not bring them peace of mind...
But keeps them in a state that makes them uptight.
And I have rescued myself from being judge and jury.
I possess an insight that was not achieved overnight.
And I am going to feel blessed.
I can not feel I've been delivered with abilities to assess.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Not Seduced By Gloss
The time to evaluate and assess one's life,
Should be done with a clear consciousness.
With a self examination taken day and night.
However...
Many do take flight from flaws they wish to cover.
Until all exits are closed that imposes,
One to face truth.
A truth that reduces its sweetness.
Or seduced by gloss one chooses others to perceive.
'And when a dark night rises,
Seekers to do evil prowl to dupe folks.
Fed by produced videos to boost wicked egos.'
What?
'I said...
The time to evaluate and assess one's life,
Should be done with a clear consciousness.
With a self examination taken day and night.'
But...
You didn't say that.
I did.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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With A Daily Affirmation Done
Someone doing you no favor,
Has planted a wealth of ignorance...
You have accepted as a confirmation.
And with a daily affirmation done...
You possess abilities to incorrectly assess,
Others who are not in the act of digging ditches...
To protect their imperfections.
Since you believe imperfections,
Are kept as blessings to invest...
With a more delibitation done,
That has become effective.
And to some you wish this is impressive.
And it does impress,
With a showing of an abesence...
Of a dignity one should possess.
Someone doing you no favor,
Has planted a wealth of ignorance...
You have accepted as a confirmation.
And with a daily affirmation done...
You possess abilities to incorrectly assess.
And this is not my point of view.
This...
You have made to be clearly observed.
And there will come a time this has to be recessed.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Words of Hypocrisy
I see with my eyes
But I am told
My mind should not believe.
I hear with my ears,
Whispers and jeers!
Words of hypocrisy.
My heart stays hopeful,
For wishes to come true.
And when I see them delivered...
You say they belong to you.
A habit once done you enjoyed to do!
Yet...
You appear uncomfortable,
Attempting to stride...
In my custom made shoes.
Trying to interpret life!
From a misunderstood,
Demented point of view
Pursued to spoil with spite.
Blinded you are without insight!
Nothing did or done that you do...
Succeeds,
Fool or subdue even a few!
Since the me you're trying to be,
Isn't you...it's me!
Whom you perceive...
Lives a life that is such a breeze!
I see with my eyes,
But I am told...
My mind should not believe.
I hear with my ears,
Whispers and jeers!
Words of hypocrisy.
My heart stays hopeful,
For wishes to come true.
And when I see them delivered...
You say they belong to you.
Yet...
You appear uncomfortable,
Attempting to stride...
In my custom made shoes.
Trying to interpret a way life!
From a misunderstood,
Point of view pursued.
Dimmed without light.
Nothing did or done...
Succeeds,
Or is right!
Since the me you're trying to be,
Isn't you! ...it is me!
Whom you perceive...
Lives a life that is such a breeze!
And watching this...
From a distance I resisted,
Makes me glad I didn't struggle to keep...
Something taken,
That awakens you shakened,
And now makes you restless...
Weeping unable to sleep!
Thinking my journey would be easy to take,
Without knowing the obstacles...
Or the path of hurdles dodged I take.
Crept to leap with steps of faith.
Leaving none undone...
Or wanting to leave any left faked!
And that which you have taken away from me,
Has left one of us clearly in heartbreak!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Defending Your Ability To Become Offended
You've already planted in your head,
Not to listen to a thing I've said.
You wish to perceive and assess,
Something heard you haven't digested yet.
You've already planted in your head,
Not to listen to a thing I've said.
You wish to perceive and assess,
Something heard you haven't digested yet.
And I am to regret,
Your lack of comprehension...
After spending time with you,
Defending your ability to become offended.
Do I seem as if,
My life depends on it?
I don't believe we are on the same page,
Lifted from a book...
Written with pictures to depict life right.
You can not get beyond the cover.
Because you say the colors are loud.
And the background doesn't match...
A preferred darkness you like!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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God Is The Main One
I know I am on no one's 'Favorite Things to Do' list.
It has been a long time since I've been twenty one.
I don't have money in the bank.
No home I own,
Or car to drive.
I am among many...
Who do what they can to survive.
My hair is grey,
And will hopefully turn white.
I've been married before!
Even done that twice.
But I do feel blessed,
With health I maintain.
I'm grateful to say...
'Thank God I've remain sane! '
My social life is zero.
And I'm no hero to no one.
However...
You are in no position to assess my life.
I enjoy the peace of mind I have.
And the things I do...
I like!
I don't apologize for anything done that I did.
When I walk I do that proudly.
Caring less about those who can not forget or forgive.
Today very few have options.
They have lived for things,
Now to find them meaningless.
And I may have nothing to show you I possess.
Although you appear to have everything.
Except the presence of happiness.
And a life without happiness...
Can not fully be expressed!
You see the sky?
Without a cloud and exposing Sun?
That's the way I feel!
Dismissing anyone who believes,
I'm the one they can look down upon.
Like others receiving judgements,
By those doing that as a means to have fun!
And God is the Main One in my life,
That's got me like that!
And I'll leave 'that' with you!
You can look away if you wish.
Since you have nothing...
To keep me here,
I find benefits or attract!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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No Longer Will They Choose to Be Abused
Rescued from sleaze and teasing.
Once bottled up in guilt and shame...
And clamped to pain,
As a goal one chose to pursue and aim.
Fused to booze like a loser,
With no hope or faith to gain.
Remaining desperately afraid...
And a named glued to making mistakes.
Refusing to take any blame,
Or claim to feel a struggle with heartbreak.
Untied...
And let loose,
From excuses.
Overnight...
Many had been bitten,
By insight!
A light shown on their lives!
To beam ever bright!
And a cloak from their emotions...
Took a hike from inside!
Untied...
And let loose,
From excuses.
Overnight...
Many had been bitten,
By insight!
A light shown on their lives!
To beam ever bright!
And a cloak from their emotions...
Took a hike from inside!
And no longer will they choose to be abused,
Or pay a price for a ride...
They don't like!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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From Where I Came
I've lived in places,
People wouldn't dare visit...
To nod to fall to sleep.
That's why to a degree,
I could care less...
Who believes they can assess me.
Or my abilities.
And how I received them.
I know from where I came.
And how I have managed to get,
What I have obtained.
To remember it for the rest of my life.
And in the process...
People can assess me for as long as they like.
To come to go to leave me knowing who I am.
That's a given not to be taken away.
I don't do fake!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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See It As It Is
It becomes a foolish proposition,
To debate those pre-conditioned...
Who perceive themselves to be,
Free of critique and self examination
To maintain one's peace,
It is apparent one must release...
From such mindsets trapped,
Within points of views abused.
See it as it is,
And leave the people like this alone.
See it as it is,
And accept the consciousness you own.
See it as it is,
And leave the people like this alone.
See it as it is,
Or that peace of mind you had will...
Move on.
Gone!
It becomes a foolish proposition,
To debate those pre-conditioned...
Who perceive themselves to be,
Free of critique and self examination
See it as it is,
And leave the people like this alone.
See it as it is,
And accept the consciousness you own.
See it as it is,
And leave the people like this alone.
See it as it is,
Or that peace of mind you had will...
Move on.
Gone!
See it as it is,
Or that peace of mind you had will...
Move on.
Gone!
See it as it is,
Or that peace of mind you had will...
Move on.
Gone!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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You Have Skeletons In Your Closet
A faithful presence kept within,
Isn't in need of outside intervention.
Or someone to assess the depth of it.
A faithful presence kept within,
Has been tested through one's experiences.
And not a piece of it is scattered,
To allow judgemental critique...
Others unconsciously,
Enjoy to see another in defeat.
A faithful presence kept within,
Reflects a strength in battles against opposition.
With an emotional bleeding,
One may feel but does not show.
'You are not perfect.
I've known and have seen what you've done.
You have skeletons in your closet.
Just like everyone.'
~Those skeletons.
Were they behind door number one, two or three?
And while you were whispering behind my back...
There's not an aspect of my life,
Hidden from the eyes of God who keeps contact.~
'I know you 'sin'.'
I never said I didn't
Or will not again.
A faithful presence kept within,
Isn't in need of outside intervention.
Or someone to assess the depth of it.
I am a work-in-progess.
And 'that' I don't pretend.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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(The) Benefit of Needless Conflict
Blessed are those,
Who awaken with insight!
Those who have been shakened,
From a need to maintain...
Routine indoctrinations,
Of a perceived sanity.
One in which restricts limited beliefs.
Inflicted to sustain pain and grief.
And becoming less frightened,
They are...
By a Creator who wishes them to envision,
A 'truth' that is!
A truth that frees a consciousness,
Reaching to seek a peace within!
A peace shared and released between mankind.
And with truth accepted,
This without obstruction...
Can and does finally begin.
Blessed are those,
Who awaken with insight.
Those who have been shakened,
From a need to maintain...
Routine indoctrinations,
Of a perceived sanity.
One in which restricts limited beliefs.
Inflicted to sustain pain and grief.
At the benefit of needless conflict.
That produces sicknesses of all kinds.
And let it be said,
It has been to no one's benefit...
To admit on this Earth,
In their minds reflecting upon it.
That any conflict ever condoned...
Has created a respect for peace.
At least none as yet that has been expressed,
Or urgently digested to put an end to conflicts known.
To manifesting a peace that increases this benefit,
As can be shown!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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To Assess And To Free
It has taken me many years to rebuild my life.
MANY.
And I could care less how I am perceived.
My experiences have assisted in my beliefs.
There are few people,
If any at all who know what this means...
For me to assess and to free myself from BS.
With the success of a peace of mind I have received.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Needed Rest
So overwhelmed to give at times,
I find isolation brings me peace of mind.
To give is to receive.
And in that I do believe.
But a necessity to set limits...
Allows me to feel I should and can breathe freely.
Without jeopardizing my abilities,
Which requires my much needed rest!
Although I may get protests,
From those who perceive...
My abilities are given just to please their needs.
Blessed?
Yes.
But those best lessons I've learned,
Have been the ones I have kept.
And without rest for the mind,
Guess who gets the quality time?
No one.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Those Tricks Played
Strip away from yourself,
Those tricks played...
That have outdated themselves,
And only then we can agree...
Upon what is honest,
In this relationship.
Your elementary school tactics used,
Once believed hiding insecurities...
Are no longer needed to impress,
Your ego needing to be addressed.
If I can take years of your critique,
I am sure one self examination...
Done you do will clear the air,
Between you and me.
Strip away from yourself,
Those tricks played...
That have outdated themselves,
Without delay.
And only then we can agree...
Upon what is honest,
In this relationship.
Both us seem to believe,
Has a value left and worthy to keep.
'I 'guess' you are right!
We both seemed to have gotten older...
And to me it has seemed,
To have happened overnight.'
Well...
Those nights have been the longest ones,
I have ever known in my life.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Relationships
It’s in the greater scheme of things
we often fail to see the true relation
that one thing has or shares with another.
Like one who doesn’t see past their nose
of those things which are very immediate and obvious.
There are always many hidden relationships
particularly between people of give and take
that to grasp some idea let alone fathom
the depth of a situation given or implied
requires insight into the workings of mind and nature.
The real significance of a good or true relationship occurring
is the fruition of the search for love in the dim or recent past.
And only those who have unraveled
the mystery of their own existence
may appreciate and assess these subtle aspects of life.
poem by George Krokos
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Methods Used To Assess
People have come to assess and evaluate others,
On standards that have been chosen as long valued.
Only to discover those long valued standards,
And the people assessed by an evaluation conducted...
Have their own methods used to assess others as well.
With values they possess but not as openly expressed.
And that is one reason not given to others with interests,
They have a preference for keeping to themselves.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Discover your divine root
Discover your divine root
We make certain claims
Based on the fact we are sons of soil
But really speaking
We are on the earth through the soil
And not in fact from it
We have our root
Up there in heavens
And it is all divine
Our belief that we are from the soil
And our root is stuck there
Makes us put in efforts to
Accumulate, assess, account
Ascertain earthly things
We take pride with things we possess
We justify our move in that direction
As we consider these things add to comfort
And that these only form the scales
For others to decide the level of our success
But, instead of giving us the comfort we foresaw
They add to our worries, anxieties and what not
They even steal the peace we had earlier without their being there
They threaten our harmonious co-existence
With people and things around
We spend time and energy in keeping them under our hold
If your turn your interest on to the discovery
Of your divine root
You have a chance to stay balanced ever
Not that this effort towards discerning your divine root
Is going to hold you back from worldly things
You still be accumulating earthly things
They will flow into your life
You will also enjoy the comforts they offer
But, since you maintain a touch with divine
Your attachment to these will be loose
Your will not mind their presence or absence
And enjoy a well balanced mind set
With all your abilities to perform worldly acts in tact
Stay in touch with your divine root
And have a great living ever
poem by Bashyam Narayanan
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Those 'New To Discover Life' People
Often I am amused by those...
'New To Discover Life' people.
Either they have been rehabiliated in prision.
Or a brick wall they have run into most of their lives,
Suddenly provided them with insight.
Reconditioned to mingle about,
In today's dysfunctional society...
Has instilled within their minds certain beliefs,
That everyone they pass along city streets...
Needs someone who has been recently 'released',
To provide them with guidance and moral comfort.
Often I am amused by those...
'New To Discover Life' people.
Either they have been rehabiliated in prison.
Or a brick wall they have run into most of their lives,
Suddenly provided them with insight.
And those who face and battle their struggles,
On a daily basis...
Without sitting in a cell or running into bricks,
Have been deluded by their lives lived in reality.
And they sit with wishes wanting to hear...
Fables from an ex-con,
Who made choices to live life quick.
And still seeks to live as easy as possible.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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With An Awakening That Was Done
If I had just one insult to make,
Let it be the one you take...
And analyzed as something said,
That offends you enough to influence...
An improvement that benefits,
Those irritating things you do.
As if a thought to assess,
Never entered with consciousness...
To reflect with insight inside your head.
The prooof of it I have not yet to witness.
And hopefully,
One day you will come to see me...
As someone who finally,
Spoke to you the truth!
With an awakening that was done,
You from that day continued to pursue.
Not too many,
Are offering to speak the truth without pay.
Not today!
Not at the cost and price of defamation.
Or the degree of receiving,
Either staring or rolling eyeballs.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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That Which Possesses My Life
It has been 24 years now,
That I decided to leave behind...
Every possession I had collected,
And had owned.
To be of comfort to someone else.
I had did this before,
Back in 1969.
For a similar reason,
That has blessed me...
With tremendous insight.
And I do..I can understand 'why',
People cling tightly onto what they possess.
It connects them with their existence to life.
And I am glad I've discovered...
I am life!
Not 'that' which I possess.
I awakened with a consciousness to that revelation.
And...
THAT which possesses 'my' life,
Awards me for expressing my gratefulness.
And so blessed I am to be aware of this connection.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Here to Breakdown Barriers
Please.
No need to apologize.
We all have a reason to misinterpret.
And yes, I do agree.
They should regard it a privilege,
That I am in their presence.
Ain't too many of me up in here!
Providing 'urban' insight.
From a point of view,
They believe from TV 'should' be...
Full of venom with tidbits of hate.
Because I am a black man.
Raised in projects they have created,
And made ghettos.
I do not serve that kind of mentality.
You see...
I know I have more to offer.
And I give it to them for free.
I am not a Huxtable.
Although I greatly appreciate Bill Cosby.
He too delivers from an insight fresh!
And as a writer/poet...
I do my best to express from a consciousness,
Much broader than the confines...
Of mindsets defined by one's color.
And from me,
People do get those experiences and observations...
Far beyond fenced in divisions.
And from me,
Expressed!
Not based upon beliefs or limitations of ignorance.
Those boundaries I wish to stretch!
And many might find that offensive,
Since it represents an intelligence unrestricted.
And some wish more ethnicity to see,
To classify me.
I defy those branded standards.
I am here to breakdown barriers!
Not to build them!
There are too many of those architects.
And I do not apply my insights,
To those aging blueprints I detest.
Yes.
And those who say they judge folks on their character?
Should not self annoint themselves as judges at all!
That's the point I make!
Again...
I am here to breakdown barriers!
Not to build them!
Or provide a safety net...
For those insecurities yet to heal.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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