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Madam and The Rent Man

The rent man knocked.
He said, Howdy-do?
I said, What
Can I do for you?
He said, You know
Your rent is due.

I said, Listen,
Before I'd pay
I'd go to Hades
And rot away!

The sink is broke,
The water don't run,
And you ain't done a thing
You promised to've done.

Back window's cracked,
Kitchen floor squeaks,
There's rats in the cellar,
And the attic leaks.

He said, Madam,
It's not up to me.
I'm just the agent,
Don't you see?

I said, Naturally,
You pass the buck.
If it's money you want
You're out of luck.

He said, Madam,
I ain't pleased!
I said, Neither am I.
So we agrees!

poem by Langston Hughes
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The Dress-Maker

A CLOISTERED nun had a lover
Dwelling in the neighb'ring town;
Both racked their brains to discover
How they best their love might crown.
The swain to pass the convent-door!--
No easy matter!--Thus they swore,
And wished it light.--I ne'er knew a nun
In such a pass to be outdone:--
In woman's clothes the youth must dress,
And gain admission. I confess
The ruse has oft been tried before,
But it succeeded as of yore.
Together in a close barred cell
The lovers were, and sewed all day,
Nor heeded how time flew away.--
"What's that I hear? Refection bell!
"'Tis time to part. Adieu!--Farewell!--
"How's this?" exclaimed the abbess, "why
"The last at table?"--"Madam, I
"Have had my dress-maker."--"The rent
"On which you've both been so intent
"Is hard to stop, for the whole day
"To sew and mend, you made her stay;
"Much work indeed you've had to do!
"--Madam, 't would last the whole night through,
"When in our task we find enjoyment
"There is no end of the employment."

poem by La Fontaine
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Rats For Neighbors

Rats scramble across the floor,
making loud noises like never before.
They are in the attic having a fun time,
they are nesting together they know it’s Christmastime.
Wind blows and they huddle together,
they are smart, they know better.
Rats lived in the back house and now they are in the front,
if they are of the same family I’m out of luck.
They are from Europe and they are die hards at that,
they will want to stay in a house not a flat.

poem by Christina Sunrise
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Liberation

Slipped in through window
Pokes herself in the mirror
A sparrow at home

She circles in mirth
Round the running fan gleeful
Hit..! ! falls on the floor

A while in weak squeaks
Out through way back flaps escape
Fanning Hades fades out

poem by Indira Renganathan
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Rosie Roberts

I was sick, but more than that, I was mad
At the crooked police, and the crooked game of life.
So I wrote to the Chief of Police at Peoria:
"I am here in my girlhood home in Spoon River,
Gradually wasting away.
But come and take me, I killed the son
Of the merchant prince, in Madam Lou's,
And the papers that said he killed himself
In his home while cleaning a hunting gun --
Lied like the devil to hush up scandal,
For the bribe of advertising.
In my room I shot him, at Madam Lou's,
Because he knocked me down when I said
That, in spite of all the money he had,
I'd see my lover that night."

poem by Edgar Lee Masters
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Madam Jane

Money meks us bonny,
Money meks us glad;
Be she auld or ugly,
Money brings a lad.
When I'd ne'er a penny,
De'il a lad hed I--
Pointin ay at Jenny,
Laughin they flew by.

Money causes flatt'ry,
Money meks us vain;
Money changes aw things--
Now I'm Madam Jane.
Sen auld Robby left me
Houses, fields, nit few.
Lads thrang round i' clusters,
I'm a beauty now!

Money meks us merry,
Money meks us bra;
Money gets us sweethearts--
That's the best of a'!
I ha'e fat and slender,
I ha'e shwort and taw;
I ha'e rake and miser--
I despise them aw!

Money they're aw seeking,
Money they's git neane;
Money sends them sneaking
Efter Madam Jane!
There's ane puir and bashfu',
I ha'e i' my e'e;
He's git han and siller,
Gin he fancies me.
Money meks us bonny, &c.

poem by Robert Anderson
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Ye Agents

These agent men! these agent men!
We hear the dreaded step again,
We see a stranger at the door;
And brace ourselves for war once more.
He bows and smiles. 'Walk in,' we say,

He smiles again. 'I come to-day,
Dear Madam, with a great invention;
And Sir, pray give me
your
attention;
Now here, you see, is something new,
And just the thing, my friends, for you.'

In vain we interrupt and say:
'We shall not buy of you to-day.'
'But, Madam, Sir, you have not seen
The beauties of this new machine;
When thus arranged, your old affair,
'Tis plain to see, is just nowhere.'
'No doubt,' I say; ''Tis very fine,
And quite superior to mine.'
This gives him courage. On he goes,
And every sentence glibly flows,
Until his lesson is repeated
To 'warranted if fitly treated.'

'Yes, new and fine, and grand,' we say,
'But still we shall not buy to-day.'
'But, Madam, Sir, pray list to reason,
'Twill buy itself in half a season;
You see the thing is bound to go.'
'Oh certainly, we see, we know,
But still we do not wish to buy.'
He turns and leaves us with a sigh,
And while we hasten to our labor
He goes and persecutes our neighbor.

But lo! another follows on,
Before the last is fairly gone.
One day a reaper, next a mower,
And then a fanning mill, and sower;
Machines of all kinds 'neath the sun,
Each better than the other one;
A rocker for each dining chair,
A brace to hold the broom in air,
A book, just out, and you must buy
Or give a proper reason why.

So if we sometimes turn away
Abruptly, Sirs, you must remember,
That we have heard your tale each day
From early Spring to late December.
Why! if we listened to you all,
And gave you the required attention,
I think ere long each one would call,
The 'county house,' the
best
invention.

1869

poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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Miss Otis Regrets

(cole porter)
Miss otis regrets
She's unable to lunch today.
Madam...
Miss otis regrets
She's unable to lunch today.
She is sorry to be delayed,
But last evening down at lover's lane, she strayed.
Madam...
Miss otis regrets
She's unable to lunch today.
~interlude~
When she woke from her dream
And found that her love had gone,
Madam...
She ran to the man
Who had led her so far astray.
And from under her velvet gown,
She drew a gun and shot her lover down.
Madam...
Miss otis regrets
She's unable to lunch today.
Then the mob came and got her
And dragged her from the jail.
Madam...
They strung her upon
A willow across the way.
And the moment before she died,
She lifted up her lovely head and cried.
Madam...
Miss otis regrets
She's unable to lunch today.

song performed by by Nat King Cole
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Madam's Past History

My name is Johnson--
Madam Alberta K.
The Madam stands for business.
I'm smart that way.

I had a
HAIR-DRESSING PARLOR
Before
The depression put
The prices lower.

Then I had a
BARBECUE STAND
Till I got mixed up
With a no-good man.

Cause I had a insurance
The WPA
Said, We can't use you
Wealthy that way.

I said,
DON'T WORRY 'BOUT ME!
Just like the song,
You WPA folks take care of yourself--
And I'll get along.

I do cooking,
Day's work, too!
Alberta K. Johnson--
Madam to you.

poem by Langston Hughes
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Nymph and the servant

Madam!
Am I getting mad?
Just doing nothing
At your Palace.
Polishing the floor
Do watering in the garden.
What else?
Take your dogs out for a walk.
You tell me fairy tales in the night.
About the beautiful angels in the heaven.
You said “one day the angel will come down to see you
And I will loose my obedient servant”.
Madam! I cannot read and write
And tell stories like you.
She refuse me for my ignorance.
Then I’ll tell her honestly,
I can polish the floor nicely
Do watering in the garden
And what else?
I can take her out for a walk in the heaven.

poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Miss Otis Regrets

Miss otis regrets, she's unable to lunch today, madam,
Miss otis regrets, she's unable to lunch today.
She is sorry to be delayed,
But last evening down in lover's lane she strayed, madam,
Miss otis regrets, she's unable to lunch today.
When she woke up and found that her dream of love was gone, madam,
She ran to the man who had led her so far astray,
And from under her velvet gown,
She drew a gun and shot her love down, madam,
Miss otis regrets, she's unable to lunch today.
When the mob came and got her and dragged her from the jail, madam,
They strung her upon the old willow across the way,
And the moment before she died,
She lifted up her lovely head and cried, madam......
Miss otis regrets, she's unable to lunch today.
Miss otis regrets, she's unable to lunch today

song performed by by Ella Fitzgerald
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Madam and Her Madam

I worked for a woman,
She wasn't mean--
But she had a twelve-room
House to clean.

Had to get breakfast,
Dinner, and supper, too--
Then take care of her children
When I got through.

Wash, iron, and scrub,
Walk the dog around--
It was too much,
Nearly broke me down.

I said, Madam,
Can it be
You trying to make a
Pack-horse out of me?

She opened her mouth.
She cried, Oh, no!
You know, Alberta,
I love you so!

I said, Madam,
That may be true--
But I'll be dogged
If I love you!

poem by Langston Hughes
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Third Rate Romance

Announcer: Hello my friends, J.D, and we're back to more Alan Jackson live from Nashville.
Alan: We're going to put a little more flovor on this one.
Sitting at a tiny table in a ritzy restaurant
She was staring at her coffee cup
He was trying to keep his courage up by buying booze
The talk was small when they talked at all
They both knew what they wanted
There was no need to talk about it
They were old enough to know about it, to keep it loose.
I never really did this kinda thing before, have you?
Third rate romance, low rent rendezvous.
--- Instrumental with ad libs. ---
They left the bar, and got in his car, and they drove away
He went to the Family Inn
She didn't even have to pretend she didn't know what for
He went to the desk, and made his request while she waited outside
He came back with the key
She said "Give it to me and I'll unlock the door."
She kept sayin', "I've never really done this kind of thing before, have you?"
Third rate romance, low rent rendezvous.
And he said, "Yes I have, but only a time or two."
Third rate romance, low rent rendezvous.
Third rate romance, low rent rendezvous.
Yeah, talk about a third rate romance, low rent rendezvous...

song performed by by Alan Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Passing The Buck

Whatever the task that comes your way,
Just take it as part of your luck.
Look it right square in the eyes, and say,
'This is
my
task, I'll do it to-day':
Don't pass the buck.

Oh! whether you cook, or whether you fight,
Or whether you trundle a truck,
Just tackle your job and do it right:
Don't pass the buck.

The wheels of the earth have gone, alack!
Deep into war's mire and muck.
If you want to put it again on its track,
Don't shift your load on another man's back:
Don't pass the buck.

poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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Rent

(again... again... again... ooooh
(again... again... again... again... ...)
You dress me up, Im your puppet
You buy me things, I love it
You bring me food, I need it
You give me love, I feed it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
With everything we see
I never want anything, its easy
You buy whatever I need
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
You phone me in the evening on hearsay
And bought me caviar
You took me to a restaurant off broadway
To tell me who you are
We never-ever argue, we never calculate
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
Im your puppet
I love it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
And sometimes ecstasy
Words mean so little, and money less
When youre lying next to me
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
(ooooh) ooh, I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent (its easy, its so easy)
(ooooh) you pay my rent (its easy, its so easy)
(ooooh) you pay my rent (its easy, its so easy)
(ooooh) I love you (its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)

song performed by by Pet Shop Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Humble letter to the Queen

Honored Madam,
I take this opportunity to wish you a happy birth day as I saw in the BBC the celebrations,
Oh! What a lovely pageant.
My blessings, you may long-lived!
Sri Lanka is once a colony under your kingdom.
Thank God we got independence.
But Madam you left your precious friend in our tiny country
And his name is ' Divide & Rule' a real gentleman.
One day some innocents died of a bomb explosion
But your precious BBC showed only the empty bus.
I think some defect to their cameras?
This ethnic cleansing is a by-product of your factory 'The Imperialism'.
Never mind Madam we can forget the past as we are Sri Lankan.
But I humbly request a favor Madam,
if possible could you please minimize?
You're prominent BBC's (Prima Donna) partial yelp!
Thanking you in anticipation of a kind and a favorable reply.
I remain Madam,
Yours most obediently,
A scribbler,
Nimal Dunuhinga

I dedicate this poem to Miss or Mrs. Dumeetha.Luthra (BBC correspondent in Sri Lanka) for your prominent double standard.

poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Miss Piggy regrets..

Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today, madam..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today:
That tastelessly named flu’s got her
(She forgot to wash her front trotter…) so
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today..

Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today, madam..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today:
It’s a swine of a stroke of bad luck:
Her eyelashes, she sneezed them unstuck… so
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today…

Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today, madam..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today:
She’s all pink from her snout to her face;
Her mascara’s all over the place… so
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today..

Why not try the lamb today, madam…?

poem by Michael Shepherd
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Good day Sir

Good day sir,
Is what I say.
Good day madam,
He says back.
We stop,
To speak.
How are you,
I say.
good
You,
He asked.
I'm very good,
Thank you,
I say.
We apologize to chat for a few minutes,
Before I say
Have a good day, sir.
He says back,
You too.
We go our own way,
And have good days.
We're dying on the same day,
And are buried side by side.
Good day sir,
I say when we meet.
Good day madam,
He says back.

poem by Dragon Crenshaw
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The Whole Mess... Almost

I ran up six flights of stairs
to my small furnished room
opened the window
and began throwing out
those things most important in life

First to go, Truth, squealing like a fink:
'Don't! I'll tell awful things about you!'
'Oh yeah! Well, I've nothing to hide… OUT!'
Then went God, glowering & whimpering in amazement:
'It's not my fault! I'm not the cause of it all!' 'OUT!'
Then Love, cooing bribes: 'You'll never know impotency!
All the girls on Vogue covers, all yours!'
I pushed her fat ass out and screamed:
'You always end up a bummer!'
I picked up Faith Hope Charity
all three clinging together:
'Without us you'll surely die!'
'With you I'm going nuts! Goodbye!'

The Beauty… ah, Beauty--
As I led her to the window
I told her: 'You I loved the best in life
…but you're a killer; Beauty kills!'
Not really meaning to drop her
I immediately ran downstairs
getting there just in time to catch her
'You saved me!' she cried
I put her down and told her: 'Move on.'

Went back up those six flights
went to the money
there was no money to throw out.
The only thing left in the room was Death
hiding beneath the kitchen sink:
'I'm not real!' It cried
'I'm just a rumor spread by life…'
Laughing I threw it out, kitchen sink and all
and suddenly realized Humor
was all that was left--
All I could do with Humor was to say:
'Out the window with the window!'

poem by Gregory Corso
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Have You Ever Tried To Run Faster Than Someone Else?

Why not?
Yes of course Sir/Madam!
In my frequent nightmares
When a shrewd politician chases behind me
to get my humble vote?
And when the bearded Landlord
grumbles of the house rent?
In reality,
When the Beauty Queens undress in semi-darkness
and try to hug me affectionately?
and the poor Pickpockets in their hard career
ready to snatch my holey wallet?
et cetera,..............................!

poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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The Importance Of Keeping The Peace

I hope what I say is understood.
The rent I pay to stay in my home,
Is not to listen to others argue...
In front of it.
And I am asking you,
To give me some respect.
By leaving this area...
And taking your mess,
To a place where you pay...
To lay your heads down to rest.

'None of us pay rent.
We live with friends...
Because our parents wont let us in.'

Trust me,
I sympathize with your plight.
However...
With that said,
And like your parents...
I'd like to get some sleep tonight.

And when and 'if'...
You get the opportunity to pay mortgage or rent,
You will come to understand...
The importance of keeping the peace.

Thank you!
And none of that did I ever do to my mother.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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