Mind your language Billy!
Old Billy just loved to swear
he really liked to cuss
he'd use bad language everywhere
in the street and on the bus.
He would even swear in church
effing that and effing this
when the vicar told him to stop
Billy swore and said give us a kiss.
He swore when he was stone cold sober
but even worse when he'd had a few
old ladies often told him to mind his language
but Billy would laugh and say screw you.
One day though he wouldn't stop cussing
so a Policeman arrested him on the spot
when asked in court why he was swearing
Billy replied because he was too effing hot.
Sadly Billy choked one day while he was eating
but even in death his swearing would never die
because on his gravestone are written the words:
I EFFING KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THAT EFFING PORK PIE!
poem by Kevin Halls
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Computer Blues
What's this?
Are you taking the piss?
A night on the tiles
Has put an end to your smiles?
There's even a rumour
You've lost your famous sense of humour!
It doesn't really matter whether
You're in a bad mood or at the end of your tether,
It's enough to drive you effing beserk,
The effing computer doesn't effing work! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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How Are You?
How do I feel? You'll never guess!
My life is just an effing mess!
It's all anxiety and stress
And it's getting worse, not getting less!
Perhaps I need some therapy?
Some soulful music or T.V?
Not Transcendental Meditation
But just some decent medication!
Or do I need a damn good drink?
It's better than an effing shrink!
Please God, give me some peace of mind
So I can leave these blues behind!
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Don't Loose My Number
They came at night leaving fear behind
Shadows were on the ground
Nobody knew where to find him
No evidence was found
"I'm never coming back"
They heard him cry
And I believe him
Well he never meant to do anything wrong
It's gonna get worse if he waits too long
Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere
That I can find you
Oh now Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere that I can find you, oh no
Searching through the day and into the night
They wouldn't stop till they found him
They didn't know him and they didn't understand
They never asked him why
"Get out of my way"
They heard him shout
Then a blinding light
Ooh all I could see was him running down the street
Out of the shadows and into the night
Now Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere that I can find you, oh
Don't give up
Keep running, keep hiding
Don't give up
Billy, if you know you're right
Don't give up
You know that I am on your side
Don't give up
Oh Billy, you better, you better, you better run for your life
Now Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere that I can find you, oh
They came at night leaving fear behind
Shadows were on the ground
Nobody knew where to find him
No evidence was found
"I'm never coming back"
They heard him cry
And I believe him
He never meant to do anything wrong
It's gonna get worse if he waits too long
Now Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now Billy, Billy don't you lose my number
Cos you're not anywhere that I can find you, oh
song performed by by Phil Collins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Billy Radcliff
Billy radcliffe didnt go to town and when he looked up he was really looking down catching blue in his eyes that were brown billy radcliffe
Billy radcliffe owned by the state from his first breath to the cemetery gate he was the first boy born in space billy radcliffe
Billy radcliffe very first one he really had lived just a cursed son a split in half man sang the cherubim billy radcliffe
Billy radcliffe saw what the devil man saw a spot of blue in the black of the eye of the lord such a cruel love is the kind that has wrought billy radcliffe
Billy sadly didnt live long he had to stay there because he wasnt too strong hes stepping out the door blowing up like a bomb billy radcliffe
Billy radcliffe very first one really a hatched man a light switch son a split in half man sang the cherubim I bet you cried when he died now didja, now didja?
Now billy radcliffe saw what the devil man saw a spot of blue in the black of the eye of the lord now billy radcliffe saw what the devil had and I feel very bad for william radcliffe
song performed by by Frank Black
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dont Lose My Number
They came at night leaving fear behind
Shadows were on the ground
Nobody knew where to find him
No evidence was found
Im never coming back
They heard him cry
And I believe him
Well he never meant to do anything wrong
Its gonna get worse if he waits too long
Billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you
Oh now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh no
Searching through the day and into the night
They wouldnt stop till they found him
They didnt know him and they didnt understand
They never asked him why
Get out of my way
They heard him shout
Then a blinding light
Ooh all I could see was him running down the street
Out of the shadows and into the night
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh
Dont give up
Keep running, keep hiding
Dont give up
Billy, if you know youre right
Dont give up
You know that I am on your side
Dont give up
Oh billy, you better, you better, you better run for your life
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh
They came at night leaving fear behind
Shadows were on the ground
Nobody knew where to find him
No evidence was found
Im never coming back
They heard him cry
And I believe him
He never meant to do anything wrong
Its gonna get worse if he waits too long
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh
song performed by by Phil Collins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dont Lose My Number
They came at night leaving fear behind
Shadows were on the ground
Nobody knew where to find him
No evidence was found
Im never coming back
They heard him cry
And I believe him
Well he never meant to do anything wrong
Its gonna get worse if he waits too long
Billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you
Oh now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh no
Searching through the day and into the night
They wouldnt stop till they found him
They didnt know him and they didnt understand
They never asked him why
Get out of my way
They heard him shout
Then a blinding light
Ooh all I could see was him running down the street
Out of the shadows and into the night
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh
Dont give up
Keep running, keep hiding
Dont give up
Billy, if you know youre right
Dont give up
You know that I am on your side
Dont give up
Oh billy, you better, you better, you better run for your life
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh
They came at night leaving fear behind
Shadows were on the ground
Nobody knew where to find him
No evidence was found
Im never coming back
They heard him cry
And I believe him
He never meant to do anything wrong
Its gonna get worse if he waits too long
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere
That I can find you, oh
Now billy, billy dont you lose my number
Cos youre not anywhere that I can find you, oh
song performed by by Phil Collins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ode to Conformity
Do as I do, not as I say;
Find an effing way;
Go beyond the stupid teacher;
Be your own inner creature.
Run the glue onto the blue paper,
Then stick it firmly together;
On it draw a perfect face
In exactly the right place
So if you hold it up to a mirror
You'll see your own interior,
Your intelligence
That is your diligence,
And astounds the professor
Who now has become your confessor.
Get one job for effing life.
Get out of bed
And head for the rifeness,
Turning your back on the ol' blue paper,
Still the same
Still the same
Still the same,
Playing a newfangled game.
When you go out for something to do,
All you do is forget the glue,
And drink yourself into a stew.
Nothing is ever new.
Ever.
poem by Stan Petrovich
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Billy Get Your Guns
I just seen trouble
He's calling out your name tonite
Billy get your guns
You could walk away
But I know you were born to fight
So Billy get your guns
The bandileros are strung out
In the promenade
Billy get your guns
Chorus
Billy get your guns
There's trouble blowing like a hurricane
Billy get your guns
That's the price on your head for the
Price of fame
And it'll never change
Billy get your guns
There's a whiskey bottle empty
Sittin' on the bar
Billy get your guns
And some organ grinder singing
About some sucker moving on
Billy get your guns
All the whores are hanging out
Waiting to get paid
Billy get your guns
From some Johnny on the spot
Who said hey keep the change baby
Billy get your guns
There's trouble blowing like a hurricane
Billy get your guns
That's the price on your head for the
Price of fame
And it'll never change
song performed by by Bon Jovi
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Stagger Lee
The night was clear, and the moon was yellow
And the leaves came tumblin down. . .
I was standin on the corner
When I heard my bull dog bark.
He was barkin at the two men
Who were gamblin in the dark.
It was stagger lee and billy,
Two men who gambled late.
Stagger lee threw a seven,
Billy swore that he threw eight.
Stagger lee, said billy,
I cant let you go with that.
You have won all my money,
And my brand-new stetson hat.
Stagger lee went home
And he got his .44.
He said, Im goin to the ballroom
Just to pay that debt I owe.
(bridge)
Go, stagger lee
Stagger lee went to the ballroom
And he strolled across the ballroom floor.
He said you did me wrong, billy.
And he pulled his .44.
Stagger lee, said billy,
Oh, please dont take my life!
Ive got three hungry children,
And a very sickly wife.
Stagger lee shot billy
Oh, he shot that poor boy so hard
That a bullet went through billy
And broke the bartenders bar.
Go, stagger lee, go, stagger lee!
Go, stagger lee, go, stagger lee!
(to fade)
song performed by by Huey Lewis And The News
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hik-Tee-Dik!
THE WAR-CRY OF BILLY AND BUDDY
When two little boys--renowned but for noise--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!--
May hurt a whole school, and the head it employs,
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
Such loud and hilarious pupils indeed
Need learning--and yet something further they need,
Though fond hearts that love them may sorrow and bleed.
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
O the schoolmarm was cool, and in no wise a fool;
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
And in ruling her ranks it was _her_ rule to _rule_;
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
So when these two pupils conspired, every day,
Some mad piece of mischief, with whoop and hoo-ray,
That hurt yet defied her,--how happy were they!--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
At the ring of the bell they 'd rush in with a yell--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
And they'd bang the school-door till the plastering fell,
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
They'd clinch as they came, and pretend not to see
As they knocked her desk over--then, _My!_ and _O-me!_
How awfully sorry they'd both seem to be!
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
This trick seemed so neat and so safe a conceit,--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!--
They played it three times--though the third they were beat;
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
For the teacher, she righted her desk--raised the lid
And folded and packed away each little kid--
Closed the incident so--yes, and locked it, she did--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
poem by James Whitcomb Riley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Billy
Billy left on Friday night with twenty dollars cash
Had a thousand more and a diamond on his hand
When he got back
I don't know just where Billy got that dough
Saturday he spent in style
Drinks were on the house
Lincoln here, and a Jackson there
Suspicions were aroused
A dime was dropped and a name was named
A body soon was found
A travelin' Bilble salesman on his monthly trip to town
Three bullet holes
A .38 done took his soul
What do you know
No diamond ring no money roll
A quick investigation
They dragged Billy to the station
And broke him down with the third degree
His alibi unraveled
Judge Riley banged his gavel
A 12-man jury all agreed
So he must be guilty
I knew Billy spent that night
Winning big at cards
And the salesman was a married man
Who broke my sisters heart
Billy sits in Levenworth
Waiting for the gas
And I know lots of other things
But no one ever asked
So they'll never know
Swear to God they'll never know
Case is closed, that's how the story will be told
song performed by by Keith Urban
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Only A Snippet From History
A young Brooklyn man
'Billy The Kid'
Was sentenced to death
~~ For murder ~~
He escaped the punishment
By murdering again, but
This was in vain.
He was still on the run.
One County Sheriff
'Saw red' it is said!
And using a gun
Shot Billy dead.
The history of Billy
Is detailed with care.
This is only a snippet
I do declare.
poem by Joyce Hemsley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Rockaway The Days
Billy got out of prison but he wasnt right
Some like to drink or gamble, billy liked to fight
He tracked back to his home state of maryland
Went to his moms mobile home where she took him in, alright
Chorus:
Rockaway the days, rockaway the nights
Gimme something to last me, baby, till the morning light
I aint lookin for trouble, I aint looking for a fight
Honey rockaway these days, rockaway these nights
Well at a picnic one sunday billy met mary dove
Mary looked at billy, billy fell in love
Billy swore to mary hed always love her so
They were married in the valley where the river flows, alright
(chorus)
At a roadside bar billy argued with a young man
And he settled that argument with a razor in his hand
With blood on his shirt back to mary he did run
She sighed billy, oh billy, what have you done?
He ran to his mas trailer but the lights were dim
He pounded on the door, she wouldnt let him in
Up the road to a neighbors house he drew near
They said billy go away, we dont want no trouble round here
Billy stole a car and headed out on the road
Pocketful of pills and his brain on overload
Seen some lights in his rearview mirror, panicked and gave her the gun
Wrapped himself round a telephone pole way out on 101
Well billy got cut out by the highway patrol
Just lay there with the cars passing on slow
Sheriff told billys ma that billy died
She buried his body by the riverside, alright
(chorus)
Well rich man want the power and the seat on the top
Poor man want the money that the rich man got
Honey tonight Im feeling so tired and unsure
Come on in mary, shut the light, close the door
(chorus)
song performed by by Bruce Springsteen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Iry And Billy Jo
Iry an' Billy an' Jo!--
Iry an' Billy's _the boys_,
An' _Jo's_ their _dog_, you know,--
Their pictures took all in a row.
Bet they kin kick up a noise--
Iry and Billy, the boys,
And that-air little dog Jo!
_Iry's_ the one 'at stands
Up there a-lookin' so mild
An' meek--with his hat in his hands,
Like such a 'bediant child--
(_Sakes-alive_!)--An' _Billy_ he sets
In the cheer an' holds onto Jo an' _sweats_
Hisse'f, a-lookin' so good! Ho-ho!
Iry an' Billy an' Jo!
Yit the way them boys, you know,
Usen to jes turn in
An' fight over that dog Jo
Wuz a burnin'-shame-an'-a-sin !--
Iry _he'd_ argy 'at, by gee-whizz!
That-air little Jo-dog wuz _his_!--
An' Billy _he'd_ claim it wuzn't so--
'Cause the dog wuz _his'n_!--An' at it they'd go,
Nip-an'-tugg, tooth-an'-toenail, you know--
Iry an' Billy an' Jo!
But their Pa--(He wuz the marshal then)
He 'tended-like 'at he _jerked 'em up_;
An' got a jury o' Brickyard men
An' helt a _trial_ about the pup:
An' _he_ says _he_ jes like to a-died
When the rest o' us town-boys _testified_--
Regardin', you know,
Iry an' Billy an' Jo.--
'Cause we all knowed, when _the Gypsies_ they
Camped down here by the crick last Fall,
They brung Jo with 'em, an' give him away
To Iry an' Billy fer nothin' at all!--
So the jury fetched in the _verdick_ so
Jo he ain't _neether_ o' theirn fer _shore_--
He's _both_ their dog, an' jes no more!
An' so
They've quit quarrelin' long ago,
Iry an' Billy an' Jo.
poem by James Whitcomb Riley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Stagger Lee
The night was clear and the moon was yellow
And the leaves came tumbling down
I was standing on the corner
When I heard my bulldog bark
He was barking up at the two men
Who were gambling in the dark
It was stagger lee and billy
Two men who gambled late
Stagger lee threw a seven
Billy swore, he threw an eight
Stagger lee told billy,
I cant let you get away with that
Well, youve won all my money
And my brand new stetson hat
Stagger lee ran home
Went and got him his 44
Said, Im going to the bar room
Just to pay that debt that I owe
Go stagger lee, go stagger lee
Go stagger lee, go stagger lee
Said, i m going to the bar room
Just to pay that debt that I owe
Stagger lee went to the bar room
Boy, he stood across the bar room doors
Said, now, nobody move
And he pulled out his 44
Stagger lee, cried billy
Oh, please dont you take my life
I got me three little children
And a very sickly wife
Go stagger lee, go stagger lee
Go stagger lee, go stagger lee
Got me three little children
And a very, very sickly wife
Stagger lee shot billy
Boy, he shot that poor boy so bad
That the bullet came thru billy
And went right thru the bartenders glass
While I was standing on the corner
When I heard my bulldog bark
He was barking up at the two men
Who were gambling in the dark
Go stagger lee, go stagger lee
Go stagger lee, go stagger lee
Well, he was barking up at the two men
Who were gambling in the dark
song performed by by Neil Diamond
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lasting Peace
They laid creeping barrage down
in preparation for the push.
It was a pearler Mrs Brown
and turned the battleground to mush.
The effing noise was deafening
and then the silence even worse.
I saw the sergeant beckoning
my fervent prayer became a curse.
The first lieutenant leas us though
over the top into the mud
We had no choice we had to go
. Though why I’ve never understood.
We couldn’t charge we had to trudge
There seemed to be no solid ground
the effing world was full of sludge
and if you fell you would be drowned.
We over ran a German trench
much like the one we left behind.
It had the same familiar stench
and like our own badly designed.
How I survived I do not know
But I got home still in one piece
I still feel guilty sometimes though
And seldom sleep the night in peace.
Remember then the fighting men,
The men like simple Sammy Brown.
Who lived to see his home again
unlike his mates who were mown down.
Though Sammy lived to ninety three
he never could forget the past.
He lies In Highgate cemetery
his epitaph reads Peace at last.
10-Nov-07
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Billy Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP. 3rd Grader I dare you to touch her boobs. Billy Touch her boobs That's assault brotha...... Ya double dare me
quote by Billy Madison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Billy And His Drum
Ho! it's come, kids, come!
'With a bim! bam! bum!
Here's little Billy bangin' on his big bass drum!
He's a-marchin' round the room,
With his feather-duster plume
A-noddin' an' a-bobbin' with his bim! bom! boom!
Looky, little Jane an' Jim!
Will you only look at him,
A-humpin' an' a-thumpin' with his bam! bom! bim!
Has the Day o' Judgment come
Er the New Mi-len-nee-um?
Er is it only Billy with his bim! bam! bim!
I 'm a-comin'; yes, I am--
Jim an' Sis, an' Jane an' Sam!
We'll all march off with Billy an' his bom! bim! bam!
Come _hurrawin'_ as you come,
Er they'll think you're deef-an'-dumb
Ef you don't hear little Billy an' his big bass drum!
poem by James Whitcomb Riley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Billys Bones
Billy ran around with the rare old crew
And he knew an arsenal from tottenham blue
Wed be a darn sight better of if we knew
Where billys bones are resting now
Billy saw a copper and he hit him in the knee
And he took him down from six foot to five foot three
Then he hit him fair and square in the do-re-mi
That copper wont be having any family
Hey billy son where are you now
Dont you know that we need you now
With a ra-ta-ta and the old kow-tow
Where are billys bones resting now
Billy went away with the peace-keeping force
cause he liked a bloody good fight of course
Went away in an old khaki van to the banks of the river jordan
Billy saw the arabs and he had em on the run
When he got em in the range of his sub-machine gun
Then he had the israelis in his sights, went a ra-ta-ta
And they ran like shiites
Hey billy son where are you now
Dont you know that we need you now
With a ra-ta-ta and the old kow-tow
Where are billys bones resting now
One night billy had a rare old time,
Laughing and singing on the lebanon line
Came back to camp not looking too pretty
Never even got to see the holy city
Now billys out there in the desert sun
And his mother cries when the morning comes
And theres mothers crying all over this world
For their poor dead darling boys and girls
Hey billy son where are you now
Dont you know that we need you now
With a ra-ta-ta and the old kow-tow
Where are billys bones resting now
Have a billy holiday
Born on a monday
Married on a tuesday
Drunk on a wednesday
Got plugged on a thursday
Sick on a friday
Died on a saturday
Buried on a sunday
song performed by by Pogues
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Western Union Wire
(kinky friedman)
From a cheap hotel in dallas
On a cold december day
A telegram was traveling on its way
Like a sad old song from somewhere
In the distance of a dream
Flashing cross the darkness
On the telegraph machine.
It said, from billy, at the bottom, to baby, at the top
Western union wire please help me stop.
Western union wire dont leave me. stop.
Well, the taxicab it took her
To the airport in the dawn,
She knew in just an hour shed be gone.
She was standing near the platform
bout to board the big pan am
When someone came
And put the lonely message in her hand.
It said, from billy, at the bottom, to baby, at the top
Western union wire please help me stop.
Western union wire dont leave me. stop.
Headin high above chicago
Just a-reachin for the skies
She found herself with teardrops in her eyes.
And a little boy beside her asked her,
mama, where is pop ?
And she just broke down a-cryin
cause she knew she couldnt stop.
It said, from billy, at the bottom, to baby, at the top
Western union wire dont leave me. stop.
ah, you said youd always love me how could you ? stop,
in pieces on the runway I love you. stop.
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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