Computer Blues
What's this?
Are you taking the piss?
A night on the tiles
Has put an end to your smiles?
There's even a rumour
You've lost your famous sense of humour!
It doesn't really matter whether
You're in a bad mood or at the end of your tether,
It's enough to drive you effing beserk,
The effing computer doesn't effing work! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Related quotes
Mind your language Billy!
Old Billy just loved to swear
he really liked to cuss
he'd use bad language everywhere
in the street and on the bus.
He would even swear in church
effing that and effing this
when the vicar told him to stop
Billy swore and said give us a kiss.
He swore when he was stone cold sober
but even worse when he'd had a few
old ladies often told him to mind his language
but Billy would laugh and say screw you.
One day though he wouldn't stop cussing
so a Policeman arrested him on the spot
when asked in court why he was swearing
Billy replied because he was too effing hot.
Sadly Billy choked one day while he was eating
but even in death his swearing would never die
because on his gravestone are written the words:
I EFFING KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THAT EFFING PORK PIE!
poem by Kevin Halls
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How Are You?
How do I feel? You'll never guess!
My life is just an effing mess!
It's all anxiety and stress
And it's getting worse, not getting less!
Perhaps I need some therapy?
Some soulful music or T.V?
Not Transcendental Meditation
But just some decent medication!
Or do I need a damn good drink?
It's better than an effing shrink!
Please God, give me some peace of mind
So I can leave these blues behind!
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Ode to Conformity
Do as I do, not as I say;
Find an effing way;
Go beyond the stupid teacher;
Be your own inner creature.
Run the glue onto the blue paper,
Then stick it firmly together;
On it draw a perfect face
In exactly the right place
So if you hold it up to a mirror
You'll see your own interior,
Your intelligence
That is your diligence,
And astounds the professor
Who now has become your confessor.
Get one job for effing life.
Get out of bed
And head for the rifeness,
Turning your back on the ol' blue paper,
Still the same
Still the same
Still the same,
Playing a newfangled game.
When you go out for something to do,
All you do is forget the glue,
And drink yourself into a stew.
Nothing is ever new.
Ever.
poem by Stan Petrovich
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Lasting Peace
They laid creeping barrage down
in preparation for the push.
It was a pearler Mrs Brown
and turned the battleground to mush.
The effing noise was deafening
and then the silence even worse.
I saw the sergeant beckoning
my fervent prayer became a curse.
The first lieutenant leas us though
over the top into the mud
We had no choice we had to go
. Though why I’ve never understood.
We couldn’t charge we had to trudge
There seemed to be no solid ground
the effing world was full of sludge
and if you fell you would be drowned.
We over ran a German trench
much like the one we left behind.
It had the same familiar stench
and like our own badly designed.
How I survived I do not know
But I got home still in one piece
I still feel guilty sometimes though
And seldom sleep the night in peace.
Remember then the fighting men,
The men like simple Sammy Brown.
Who lived to see his home again
unlike his mates who were mown down.
Though Sammy lived to ninety three
he never could forget the past.
He lies In Highgate cemetery
his epitaph reads Peace at last.
10-Nov-07
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Selecting a reader
It really doesn’t matter
how she looks, although I would prefer
her to be pretty and maybe a little bit witty
with a good sense of humour
and maybe in the dead of the night
when life is at its loneliest
or early in the morning,
or any time will really do
she will find time,
maybe from a busy life,
or caring for her kids
to switch her computer on
and on the internet
find a line
which means something to her
and if she smiles, laughs, cries,
are infuriated, concerned
or thinks that my poems are utter rubbish
it doesn’t really matter
as she had seen the world,
through my eyes
and has experienced life
in a different way.
[Reference: Selecting A Reader by Ted Kooser.]
poem by Gert Strydom
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Carol Thatcher's Golliwog
PC?
Not me!
You must be thinking of the BBC!
They'll soon be winning, can't you see,
The Nobel Prize for Stupidity!
What's that you said?
'Golliwog'?
For Heaven's sake!
They'll burn you at the effing stake!
No good saying you were joking, my dear,
This is the end of your career!
(Perhaps we're dumb,
Perhaps they just didn't like your mum!)
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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It Doesn't Matter
Hey, how's your conscience lately
You tried so hard to please me
And now you seem so uneasy
You say that you've enough and you're out of love
It hit me like a hurricane
It hit me like a speeding train
I try to climb a mountain range
And fall down on the ground again
I thought that it would be OK
But you had other cards to play
Just like a shot from a gun
I got hurt, I got stunned
That's how it hit me
I just want to know why
Do you do this to me?
And where, is your sense of reason?
So how, could you fool me so long?
And now, watch my tenderness turn to emptiness
It hit me like a hurricane...
It doesn't matter what I do
It doesn't matter much to you
It doesn't matter what I do
It's over now, we're through
You got me feeling excited
You gad me set and ignited
But now I'm feeling so down low
Like some down-trodden hobo
It doesn't matter...
You gad me chasing illusions
You got me lost in confusion
And I'm so tired of losin'
I've got to stop, now, and not get involved with you
again
It doesn't matter...
song performed by by Supertramp
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It Really Doesn't Matter
You say your ugly, i say it doesn't matter.
You say you have a dark past,
i say it doesn't matter.
You say theirs overwhelming responsibility,
i say it doesn't matter.
I don't believe in walking away when things get hard.
In fact they are my spark to continue my march.
Through thick and thin where to begin.
You say you don't have a way.
I say it doesn't matter.
You say that you cant give back what you would like.
I say it doesn't matter.
You say, you say oh it really doesn't matter,
I live one day at a time.
Choices will be made that will save the day
but hurt me financially.
It doesn't matter Choice will be made
that will set me back in my expectations.
It doesn't matter,
It really doesn't matter.
Its well worth it.
To see the beauty that
you have placed before me.
Oh how its worth it.
To settle down and not be looking to be found.
poem by Ace Of Black Hearts
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We Are Lost
album: one-armed bandit$
track: 09
I wanna climb up in the sky with you
To seize the stars and put them on your head
I wanna take you down
where the sun begins
a journey on the clouds once again
I wonder if I will ever see your face again
and the rest of my opinion is of no importance
guess I have made a choice
for us
we are lost
in this world
we are lost
in this time
we are lost
we decide
we are lost
we are lost, lost in our own world
It doesn't even matter if you like it or not
we are lost, lost in our own world
It doesn't even matter if you're happy or not
We are lost, lost in are own world
It doesn't even matter if you like it or not
We are lost, lost in our own world
It doesn't even matter if you're happy or not
song performed by by Zornik
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rumour
Just because
I love his
Sense of
Humour,
There is this
Rumour,
That I'm in
Love with him ;)
Just because
He's also in love
With my humour,
Someone's
Spreading
This roaring
Rumour…
That I've now
Married him ;)
Just because
We both love
Each other's
Humour :)
There seems to be
This ongoing rumour,
That I'm now
Honeymooning him ;)
poem by Aparna Chatterjee
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Ordeal By Cab Driver
Gloria Susindra frustrated said
“Indian cab drivers in melbourne
are effing idiots. Ungrateful
low lives who should be thankful
they have a job to do instead
of always cheating the fare n
taking the wrong way. Seriously idiots.”
How many times
bule (expatriates)
in Jakarta Indonesia
suffer a similar fate?
Let us not
count the times.
Let us be grateful
for all honest
cab drivers.
“Yes. I love it
when theyre nice n
leave a tip but
usually oh my goodness...”
Yes I also enjoy
leaving a happy tip
gratefully when not
taken for the wrong ride.
Dedicated to, inspired by, and quoted comments by Gloria Susindra.
poem by Terence George Craddock
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Lock Up the Weirdos! ! (overheard in a pub)
'Just look at me! I earn my bread
And pay my taxes, watch TV,
Mind my own business,
I'm a normal bloke,
I'll have a pint and share a joke;
Lock up the weirdos, that's what I say,
If they can't conform then make them pay!
Those guys are lazy, they're not sick,
It's time they were given a bit of stick!
They're scrounging off the Welfare State,
It's all handed to them on a plate,
And while we're on the subject
Why do we call the perverts 'gay'?
They're just a bunch of effing queers,
Shoot them all and I'll shed no tears! !
Don't give me all that psychology sh*t,
I don't believe a word of it! '
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Just Because
Just because you did
Doesn't mean that you should
Just because you can
Doesn't mean that you could
Just because you are able
Doesn't mean you would
Just because you sat
Doesn't mean you should‘ve stood.
Just because you spoke
Doesn't mean that you thought
Just because you looked
Doesn't mean that you sought
Just because you argued
Doesn't mean that you fought
Just because you dreamed
Doesn't mean that you wished not.
Just because you cried
Doesn't mean that you wept
Just because you had
Doesn't mean that you kept
Just because you cleaned
Doesn't mean that you swept
Just because you said yes
Doesn't mean that you accept.
Just because you gathered
Doesn't mean that you own
Just because you gave up
Doesn't mean that you were alone
Just because you saw
Doesn't mean that you were shown
Just because you expiate
Doesn't mean you should atone.
Just because your old
Doesn't mean that you have flaws
Just because you won
Doesn't mean you have to applause
Just because you waited
Doesn't mean that you paused
Just because you were you
Doesn't mean anything, because.
Randy L. McClave
poem by Randy McClave
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Secret Lover
Maybe you come in the night, maybe you come in the dawn
It doesn’t matter, I’m waiting for another occasion
Maybe you stay for one night, maybe you doesn’t stay at all
It doesn’t matter, as long as you still looking for me
Maybe you gone for nights, maybe you don’t give any news
It doesn’t matter, you’ll come back someday with your silly smile
Maybe people say I’m fool, maybe they say I’m fooled
But they never actually know meeting with you is like a dream for me
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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Darkness
Been spending so much time underground
I guess my eyes adjusted
To the lack of light
I got
Covered in darkness
Covered in darkness
Hibernating always waiting for something new
Happiness always endin'
In the blink of an eye
There was no one attending
No one attending
It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I got covered in darkness
Covered in darkness
Ever wonder why I never really truly connect
Although my eyes are open
I can hold your gaze
But I am never connected
Never connected
I am famous for my generosity
They say I am the kindest
But it is easier to
Give than receive love
Give than receive love
It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I was covered in darkness
Covered in darkness
Turning pages over
Run away to nowhere
And it's hard to take control
When your enemy's old and afraid of you
You'll discover that the monster you were running from
Is the monster in you
Better to hold on to love
Better to hold on to love
Change will come
It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I was covered in darkness
Covered in darkness
It doesn't really matter where it all began
Cuz all I know
I was lost
I was lost
No, no
It doesn't really matter where it all began no no
All I know
I was lost
I feel lost
Lost
No...
song performed by by Darren Hayes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rumour Has It
Spoken:
Rumour, rumour hear all about it
Rumour has it and i'm gonna shout it
Rumour, rumour hear all about it
Rumour has it and i have got to shout it
Thank you so much alright
Now i'll tell you what i heard
Rumour has it all around the town
Someone's looking for a girl like me
Where can she be found
I hope it's who i think it is
I wonder if it's really him
It's got to be the man i love
No one else but him
There's a rumour, rumour has it
There's a rumour
They say he's gonna make this girl his everything
He's gonna love her and surround her
With all those beautiful things
It was the most wonderful moment in my life i had
My life ended on that evening
I lost him, lord it hurt so bad
There's a rumour, rumour has it
There's a rumour
You never know just what you've won until you've lost
And the object of the game is not to pay the cost
Anyone can play the game, there are no rules
And you never know just what you've won until you lose
There's a rumour, there's a rumour
Rumour has it
There's a rumour, there's a rumour
Rumour has it, rumour has it
There's a rumour, there's a rumour
There's a rumour, such a rumour
song performed by by Donna Summer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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An Ordinary Middle-Class Wife (or, The Little Woman Is Always Wrong!)
You were just an ordinary middle-class wife,
Why did you have to take your life
And cause me such embarassment?
It wasn't meant
To be like this. I can see it in their eyes -
The neighbours all despise
Me now -
You broke the marriage vow
'In sickness and in health',
I didn't have a clue
That you were going to do
This! It came as quite a shock
And now they mock
Me in their different ways,
I can't avoid their gaze,
You've landed me in the sh*t!
WHY did you do it?
I was always a decent bloke
But you've made my life a bloody joke!
I never let you down
But I'm the laughing stock of this little town -
Is that what I deserve?
You had the effing nerve
To wreck my reputation
And there's no bloody explanation!
I was always good to you,
I was always kind and true,
But you had to destroy
My simple joy.
I hope that God will punish you! ! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Square One
You're in control
Is there anywhere you wanna go?
You're in control
Is there anything you wanna know?
The future's for discovering
The space in which you travel in
From the top of your first page
To the end of the last page
From the start in your own way
You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are
I said I'm on the top, I can't get back
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa
The first line in your first page
To the end of the last page
That you...
From the start in your own way
You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are
You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
Oh, you just want
Somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are
Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too?
They're bleeding all the colors into one
And a few come undone
As if you've been run through
Some catapult who fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one.
song performed by by Coldplay
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Does It Matter
Does it matter if the sun doesn't shine
Does it matter if i'm drunk from wine
Most people I see, don't know who I am
Their ways, their life, they try to cram
How I feel doesn't matter to most
I'm very cordial, I'll be their host
What I think doesn't matter anymore
I've swam in life, got washed to shore
My life has been, many hurricanes
With very strong winds and lots of rains
They say life has it's ups and downs
Somedays it's smiles, somedays it's frowns!
poem by Donna Nimmo
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Shining Tonight
You're a star
You'll go far
Doesn't matter who you are
It's time to go
Time to fly
Way up in that beautiful sky
I see you shine
Oh so bright
Wish I could be with you tonight
We have the moonlight
We have the stars shining bright!
Doesn't matter who you are
Your a star
We will go far
Your my shooting star
My shooting star
Gonna drive all day
Gonna drive all night
I don't care if I gotta fight
Just to see your alright
Gotta look into your eyes
Gotta see your smile
Gotta hear your laugh
Gotta feel your touch
Gotta feel your breathe
All I want is you to be with me
Your a star
You'll go far
Doesn't matter who you are
Just as long
As I see your face
I'll know then
There is a safe place
poem by Becka Rhodes
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