Chimp Impressions
Chimp champion, ace trouble shooter,
was placed face value by recruiter
responding to a French commuter
hypnotised by his computer
in urgent need of astute tutor,
of good repute that none refute, ah!
No reputation absoluter
existed - fact that few disputer.
Sex undetermined, yet not neuter
for some said there was never cuter
while some there was none dissoluter,
yet others that it lacked apt suitor:
moot point as cousin lived in Utah.
Imp chimp upon a rapid scooter
soon throttled up and sped en route a
hand on wheel and one on hooter,
set out to check computer router
with monkey wrench, nuts, bolts minuter,
there never was tooled chimp astuter!
Repairing hard disk was a hoot, a
task accomplished, then rebooter.
Scrimp customer, a limp lounge suiter,
pleased the problem weren't acuter
thanked the chimp with little loot, a
banana bunch and a pea-shooter.
(21 May 2005 revised 10 February 2007 and 26 February 2012)
poem by Jonathan Robin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Jeanny Needs A Shooter
I was born down by the river
Where the dirty river flows
And the cool wind cut through me
It cut right through my clothes
And the anger and the yearning
Like fever in my veins
Set the fire burning
She came down from knightstown
With her hands hard from the line
From the first time I laid eyes on her
I knew that shes be mine
Her father was a lawman
He swore hed shoot me dead
cause he knew I wanted jeannie
And Id have her like Id said
Jeannie needs a shooter, shooter like me
Jeannie needs a shooter
Jeannie needs a shooter, shooter on her side
Jeannie needs a shooter
Jeannie needs a shooter
Jeannie needs a shooter
We met down by the river
On the final day in may
And when I leaned down to kiss her
She did not turn away
I drew out all my money
And together we did vow
To meet that very evening
And to get away somehow
Jeannie needs a shooter, shooter like me
Jeannie needs a shooter
Jeannie needs a shooter, shooter on her side
Jeannie needs a shooter
Jeannie needs a shooter
Jeannie needs a shooter
The night was cold and rainy
Down by the borderline
I was riding hard to meet her
When a shot rang out behind
As I lay there in the darkness
With a pistol by my side
Jeannie and her father
Rode off into the night
Jeannie needs a shooter
song performed by by Bruce Springsteen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Brainwashin' Our Fighting Boys
Somebody's been
Brainwashin' our fighting boys
Somebody's been
Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore
They're searching for the missing chimp
But they won't find him
The missing chimp is sewing gimp with me
He won't fight because
Somebody's been
Brainwashin' our fighting boys
Somebody's been
Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore
They're safe and sound
With its arms akimbo
Little legs are danglin'
In the pond, its big toe
Brainwashin' our fighting boys
Somebody's been
Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore
They've been forced to live
In a land of love
Forced to live
In a land of love
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My agent sent me the script and I loved it. I wondered how they would turn me into a chimp. My agent said it would probably not entail to much time. Just some hair and make-up. I found out that it was not so simple.
quote by Kim Hunter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My computer
Here is my dearest friend computer.
It is much more cuter than anybody else.
And... it is certainly my best tutor.
I sometimes feel nervous or sad
And it is always neutor, my computer.
But sometimes it behaves like an executer
Showing the things I don't like
Thinking I am just a looker.
It keeps mute as a fish, my computer.
But puts me sometimes into a fluter.
Oh, my dearest computer!
It is such a cure and even rude.
And behaves like a lure.
It can be ruder than anything else
Then I am in a stupor.
But...it is still my super.
It is my best curator.
It gives me a cue or something new.
The rest about it I'll tell you later.
poem by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We Met In A Freezer
Vaporize me when I am ailing, pretty,
As golden as the ripest cooked chicken.
I have reentered my room of chickens,
Chills are learnt, it is the chimp.
My chin knows the damp style of weather,
My fridge I enter escaped me from the start,
My chinbone knocks hard with the furniture
Of ice and icicles, I have entered the future
Of cold weather, the real freezer.
Please me when you are vapour or ice,
Ice is all I am now, now that the man with the gun
Is against my leg and arm.
poem by Naveed Akram
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Faith In Snappy Chimp Champion After John Dryden Happy The Man
Snappy chimp champion who can alone
candid cavort, call every faith his own:
secure within, who'd win reprieve or stay
from faithless human safari foray.
Be fair or foul or jungle rain or shine
who joy possesses man can't undermine,
pollution free, from storied past draws power,
may say what's been has been, when mankind's had its hour
Happy the Man John Dryden
Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He who can call today his own:
He who, secure within, can say,
Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.
Be fair or foul or rain or shine
The joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine.
Not Heaven itself upon the past has power,
But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.
poem by Jonathan Robin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Bad Sneakers
Five names that I can hardly
Stand to hear
Including yours and mine
And one more chimp who isnt here
I can see the ladies talking
How the times are getting hard
And that fearsome excavation
On magnolia boulevard
Chorus:
And Im going insane
And Im laughing at the frozen rain
And Im so alone
Honey when they gonna send me home
Bad sneakers and a pi? a colada
My friend
Stompin on the avenue
By radio city with a
Transistor and a large
Sum of money to spend
You fellah, you tearin up the street
You wear that white tuxedo
How you gonna beat the heat
Do you take me for a fool
Do you think that I dont see
That ditch out in the valley
That theyre digging just for me
Chorus
song performed by by Steely Dan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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High Ball Shooter
Well Im a rock and roll preacher
Not a sunday school teacher
You aint no shady lady
But I love the way you strut your stuff
Youre a snow queen looking mean
Tryin to make it on the scene
I guess you love it
cause I always see you hanging around
Youre a high ball shooter
You make it easy to see
High ball shooter
You sure ripped the low ones off me
A magnet brought you to me
Told me your name was jo
You said you liked my music
And you really did enjoy the show
Now I wanna play piano
But my fingers dont agree
Theyre busy on you woman
And I feel your fingers workin on me
Youre a high ball shooter
You make it easy to see
High ball shooter
You sure ripped the low ones off me
Its time to leave you honey
I know youre feeling sad
Dont you cry now baby
You know that only makes me mad
I see you everywhere I go
Every town and place
I cant recall your name
But I know I wont forget your sweet face
Youre a high ball shooter
You make it easy to see
High ball shooter
You sure ripped the low ones off me
cause youre a high ball shooter
You make it easy to see
High ball shooter
You sure ripped the low ones off me
song performed by by Deep Purple
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Computer Age
Cars and trucks
Fly by me on the corner
But Im all right
Standin proud before the signal
When I see the light
I know Im more than just a number.
And I stand before you
Or else we just dont see the other
Computer age computer age
Computer age.
Bikes and vans
Fly by me on the desert
But Im all right
Standing out here in the hot sun
When I see the light
I feel like more than just a number
And I stand before you
Or else we just dont see the other
Computer age computer age
Computer age.
Precious metal lines
Molded into highways
Running through me
So microscopically
Days and nights
Weeks and months and seasons
Rolling through me
So chronologically.
Computer age computer age
Computer age.
I need you
To let me know that theres a heartbeat
Let it pound and pound
And Ill be flying like a free bird
And you need me
Like ugly needs a mirror
And day by day
This horizons getting clearer
Computer age computer age
Computer age.
song performed by by Neil Young
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Janey Needs A Shooter
Well janey's got a doctor who tears apart her insides.
He investigates her and silently bates her every little sigh.
Oh, he probes with his fingers but he knows her heart only through a stethescope.
Oh, his hands are so old and his instruments so cold
Janey turns him down like dope.
And janey's got a proctor. from his marble pulpit he smiles.
He provides consolation and an open invitation to confession at any time.
Between the pages of his bible he holds from what janey he hides.
With her doors open wide she begs "come inside."
He's too long been content to mess around with the handles on the outside.
And janey needs a shooter
A shooter like this boy on her side
Janey needs a shooter
Someone who knows her style
And i know her style
Well janey loved a mechanic who owned a gas station down on route 9.
Well she took him to bed and i beat my head on *his gas tanks and bled all over his tires.
And then he smashed my car with big tow bar. i got out and asked him why.
He said, "'cuz with her it's either you or me, and it's gonna be me."
And i watched janey silently stand by.
Then she flopped with a cop who lived 'round the block.
He'd come peak in my window every night.
Janey's skin would turn pale as the siren he'd wail outside my house all night long when he knew she was inside.
She said his big gun was fun but janey's small, and sometimes he scared her.
So i held her real close. she was more a saint than a ghost.
And told her i so long had been prepared for her.
And janey needs a shooter
A shooter just like me on her side
Janey needs a shooter
Somebody who won't let her slide
And i can't let her slide
Woah, stay in here tonight, baby, and i won't let you slide.
I'm stayin' here tonight, woah, janey, and i won't let you slide.
I'm stayin' here tonight. baby i'm a-can'(t) let you slide.
song performed by by Bruce Springsteen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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At that point, which would be around February 2002, they came and they confiscated my computer, because, they said, they were suspecting that I was communicating with certain Senate members and taking this issue outside the Bureau.
quote by Sibel Edmonds
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mean Disposition
I'm getting wise to you
You're going to see
I'm going to work on you
The way you worked on me
I got a sharper aim
And you're in my sights
And if I'm going to go
I'm going in a blaze of lights
And in this crazy world of hit and run
There are no laws here
Just a loaded gun
She's got a mean disposition
She's got a big shooter too
She's got a mean disposition
Really make a mess
Really make a mess out of you
I never close my eyes
I never sleep
I'm staying on my guard
Waiting for my flesh to creep
And I never trusted you
You never trusted me
I'll do a deal with you
If you'll do a deal with me
For me the nightmare's only just begun
There is no law here
Just a loaded gun
She's got a mean disposition
Got a big shooter too
She's got a mean disposition
Got a bad attitude
She's got a mean disposition
Going to cut your half
Going to cut your half in two
I'm going have to stand my ground
Like Crockett at the Alamo
I'm going to draw the line
One of us has got to go
She's got a mean disposition
Got a big shooter too
She's got a mean disposition
Got a bad attitude
She's got a mean disposition
Going to make a mess out of you
She's got a mean disposition
Going to cut your half
Going to cut your half in two
song performed by by Rolling Stones from Voodoo Lounge
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If in areas like physics, chemistry, etc., many scientific findings are based on scientific experiments, behold, by the aid of computer methods can be powerful and effective tools for testing and demonstrations. For example, I can give the solutions to the following problems: the 4 colors (1977), combinatorial problem that underlies the backtracking method (method of artificial intelligence); smart chess program (historic defeat of Russian champion Garry Kasparov in front of Deep Blue in May 1997 in New York) defeating the man; the completion code sequences for the human genome, DNA (2005). Obviously there are many situations in mathematics when not in use computer.
Marin Vlada in ICVL Project - News Technologies in Education and Research (2015)
Submitted by Marin Vlada
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I Was Made To Love Her
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
I was born in little rock
Had a childhood sweetheart
We were always hand in han-an-an-an-and
I wore high-top shoes and shirt-tails
Suzy was in pigtails
I knew I loved her even then
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
Dont you know my papa disproved
My mama hooo-ooo-hoooed it
But I told them time and time again
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
Dont you know I was made to love her
Built my world all around her
Hey hey hey
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
Shes been my inspiration
Showed appreciation
For the love I gave her through the years
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
Like a sweet magnolia tree
My love blossomed tenderly
My life grows sweeter through the years
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
I know that my baby loves me
My baby needs me
Thats why we made it through the years
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
I was made to love her
What has she ever done
Hey hey hey
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
My little baby loves me
My baby needs me
And I know I aint goin nowhere
I was knee-high to a chimp
And the love bug bit me
And I have to be with her a thousand years
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
If the mountain tumbles
If this whole world crumbles
I know Ill still be standing there
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
cause I was made to love her
I was made to live for her
Hey hey hey
(hey hey yes I was made to love her)
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My Computer
"what?" they say, "you got a
computer?"
it's like I have sold out to
the enemy.
I had no idea so many
people were prejudiced
against
computers.
even two editors have
written me letters about
the computer.
one disparaged the
computer in a mild and
superior way.
the other seemed
genuinely
pissed.
I am aware that a
computer can't create
a poem.
but neither can a
typewriter.
yet, still, once or
twice a week
I hear:
"what?
you have a
computer?
you?"
yes, I do
and I sit up here
almost every
night,
sometimes with
beer or
wine,
sometimes
without
and I work the
computer.
the damn thing
even corrects
my spelling.
and the poems
come flying
out,
better than
ever.
I have no
idea what causes
all this
computer
prejudice.
me?
I want to go
the next step
beyond the
computer.
I'm sure it's
there.
and when I get
it,
they'll say,
"hey, you hear,
Chinaski got a
space-biter!"
"what? "
"yes, it's true!"
"I can't believe
it!"
and I'll also have
some beer or
some wine
or maybe nothing
at all
and I'll be
85 years old
driving it home
to
you and me
and to the little girl
who lost her
sheep.
or her
computer.
poem by Charles Bukowski
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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But now with technology I could sit down and do a bunch of character drawings and scan them into a computer, and the computer using my exact style could bring it into life, where it would have been edited by various human beings before.
quote by Bill Griffith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Apple Pie mmmmm My Eye
Boy, this bed rattles bangs and squeaks
Your mother said was louder than the works hooter
I told your mom it was the computer geeks
They were fixing your computer
She asked who has left the empty condom packets
I told her, I used them as handle covers for my tennis racquets
By what I said, to her she was quite taken aback,
She thought my mind wandered on another track
What is the point of that she asked In Turn?
Her eyes glaring hard at me looking so stern
I once dropped them, in mom’s apple pie
As she looked knowingly, in my eye
All the banging kept us awake
I told her you were chasing a little snake
Her eyes burned right through my head
Snakes she said a snake wandering in the bed?
Somehow, she thought I was telling a tale
As she looked at me, my face went pale
You had better see the local vicar
Do you think I was drinking liquor?
Sadly my roving days are done
My girlfriend’s oven has a bun
The wedding day came and went
Now my racquet handle, is slightly bent
poem by Gordon D Wilkinson
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A Most Unusual Wedding
Because the bridegroom couldn’t be found
the bride was driven continually around.
Dickie and Melanie were marrying in style;
the first chimpanzees to walk down the aisle.
A reception at the classiest hotel Torbay,
followed by a honeymoon in Zimbabwe.
The best-man also named Dickie was with the groom,
but in a nearby hospital waiting room.
Earlier that morning there had been an accident,
which left the groom’s legs broken and bent.
The best-man phoned Melanie to let her know,
so off to the hospital she did quickly go.
With both legs now in traction and suffering with pain,
Dickie the groom did his best to explain.
He also suggested that the wedding should go ahead
and she should marry the best-man instead.
Abhorred by what her beloved fiancé had said,
she exclaimed, 'that chimp', she would never wed.
However, by the time he had finished to explain,
she accepted the proposal as simple and plain.
She went outside and put it to the best-man,
and he reluctantly agreed to the plan.
They returned to the church and spoke to the vicar,
who agreed to a proxy without a bicker.
The wedding and reception went without a hitch
but the trip to Zimbabwe had to be ditched.
At the reception, the bride explained the situation,
and thanked the best-man for his co-operation.
The proxy groom stood up and nervously said,
that he would’ve swopped the ceremony for a hospital bed,
and that one of the things in life that he was always dreading
was the thought of being a spare Dickie, at a monkeys wedding.
poem by Orlando Belo
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Let us change our traditional attitude to the construction of programs. Instead of imagining that our main task is to instruct a computer what to do, let us concentrate rather on explaining to human beings what we want a computer to do.
quote by Donald Knuth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Epilouge
Lay my head on the surgeon's table
Take me fingerprints if you are able
Pick my brains, pick my pockets
Steal my eyeballs and come back for the sockets
Run every kind of test from A to Z
And you'll still know nothing 'bout me
Run my name through your computer
Mention me in passing to your college tutor
Check my records, check my facts
Check if I paid my income tax
Pore over everything in my C.V.
But you'll still know nothing 'bout me
You'll still know nothing 'bout me
You don't need to read no books on my history
I'm a simple man, it's no big mystery
In the cold weather, a hand needs a glove
At times like this, a lonely man like me needs love
Search my house with a fine tooth comb
Turn over everything 'cause I won't be at home
Set up your microscope and tell me what you see
You'll still know nothing 'bout me
song performed by by Sting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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