Wendy Cope's Bank Statement (in answer to her article in the Gaurdian Weekly)
Wendy Cope
You have no hope
If you think the Muse will make you rich,
You may get fame
And make your name,
But the little lady is a bitch!
Whate'er you do
When writing verse
Won't earn you any money,
The joke's on you
And what is worse
It isn't very funny.
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Unsolicited Testimonial
They say Wendy Cope
Writes humorous verse
And whyever not?
She could do a lot worse
She could write clever poems
Intended to sound
Philosophically deep
Obscurely profound
Or pen tragic poems
Of love, loss and woe
Tearfully epic
Dreadfully slow
Or criticise men
Just for having a willy
For not being perfect
And sometimes quite silly
But dear Wendy Cope
Writes humorous verse
Which is quite a relief
It could be so much worse
poem by Pat Duggan
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Stand-Up Comedians
Stand-up comedians so funny
Joke around to earn their money
They’re never funny sitting down
But when standing vertically upright
Their comedic humor is out of sight
Funny-ing as they act like stand-up clowns
They just can’t be funny or sassy
Sitting on their sorry assy’s
Perpendicular they invite loud guffaws
And with their joke-around renditions
In their stand-around positions
They welcome all appreciative applause
When they’re on stage it is behooved
To have all the sit-down chairs removed
So they can fill the halls with tons of laughter
So these stand-up fools so funny
Can earn rafts of funny money
The house is filled with laughs up to the rafter
poem by Stanley Cooper
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How To Make You Funny?
How to make you funny?
And you are always funny,
You hide it and
It is still funny,
And that makes me laugh.
How to make you serious?
And you can not be serious,
Funny is funny,
And being seriously funny is not that funny,
And you laugh.
How to tell you a joke?
And you are the funniest joke
That makes you more funny and serious
While you are drinking and thinking
At the risk
Of spilling the juice of your lips
At my laugh.
poem by Atef Ayadi
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Money, Money
I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay
Ain't it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That's too bad
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball...
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world
A man like that is hard to find but I can't get him off my mind
Ain't it sad
And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldn't fancy me
That's too bad
So I must leave, I'll have to go
To Las Vegas or Monaco
And win a fortune in a game, my life will never be the same...
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world
It's a rich man's world
song performed by by ABBA
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Id Rather Be Rich
Id rather be rich, it sounds a little funny;
If diggin a ditch would earn me lots of money,
Id dig like a fool in the land of milk and honey;
Where everythings cool, provided you have money, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Id rather be rich, just short of being greedy;
Im eager to switch, to hell with being needy.
Id rather be rich, the truth of cash is tragic,
The systems a bitch, but money works like magic, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Money makes the world go round;
Buy and sell it by the pound;
Bitter truth that I have found:
Food to eat, shoes on your feet,
Maybe some heat, you live with defeat.
Bridge:
Money gets you justice, money sets you free,
Money makes it possible to be or not to be.
Money is the power, money is the key,
Sad and so unfortunate, but real as it can be, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Id rather be rich, than what the other choice is;
My thumb out to hitch, or riding in rolls royces;
cause I aint no fool in the land of milk and honey;
Where everythings cool until you lose your money.
song performed by by Chicago
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Money and Love
She was reading a book on a bench.
He recognized her. Years ago
He had a crush on her in high school.
So what is now your luminous goal in life? ”
She asked.
“Money and fame”, he said.
“Your answer is more disappointing
Than surprising”, she said.
“Why? You don’t want money and fame? ”
“No, I don’t want money and fame.”
“You’re a hypocrite.”
“This sneer was predictable, but I really
Don’t want money and fame.”
“Why? You don’t need money to buy
Food, clothes and other necessities? ”
“Of course I need. However, I am talking
About priorities. I don’t live to make
Money; I make money to live”, she said.
“I see. But how can you be happy
If you are not rich? ” he asked.
“I don’t believe that happiness really
Can emanate from wealth.
My neighbor won millions in the casinos
Of Las Vegas but he is still depressed.
And a lot of unhappy rich and famous
People walk the streets out there.”
“So what is it that you really desire in life? ”
“Peace, well-being and contentment.”
“That’s all? ”
She gave him a gentle and exploring look.
“No”, she said. “That’s not all.
I desire to have an inner fortune that
Eclipses all the external thrills of the world.
I want to love and to be loved.”
poem by Paul Hartal
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Money Power
Money is the need of life
Everyone loves this, either mother or wife
Yes, it is very lovable-
Why not, as it gives us respect and make us able
We can buy every precious thing
And some say, if you have money only then have "Honey"
We can by-pass any law and order-
Using money and speak louder
But money cannot replace truth
Yet it can hide it on mysterious earth
It cannot make us to sleep
But it can make us to weep
Money is the dust of our hand
Which will be washed away when we wash hand
Money can make us respectful
But it cannot make us truthful
Money should not be treated as everything
Or we will miss truthness of worldly things
Everything should not be done just for some money
Or we will miss love of others, which will make us funny
Earn money don't pride of it
Love money don't do crime for it
Or God will make distance from you
You are his only son, is the truthest true
Money is not life but life is money
The tour of life is very "Turny"
Humanity is the first duty of ours
Search for truth and get success in yours Life's Tour
poem by Shashank Dwivedi
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Money Money Money
I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay
Aint it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
Thats too bad
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldnt have to work at all, Id fool around and have a ball...
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich mans world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich mans world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
Its a rich mans world
A man like that is hard to find but I cant get him off my mind
Aint it sad
And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldnt fancy me
Thats too bad
So I must leave, Ill have to go
To las vegas or monaco
And win a fortune in a game, my life will never be the same...
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich mans world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich mans world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
Its a rich mans world
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich mans world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich mans world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
Its a rich mans world
Its a rich mans world
song performed by by ABBA
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Money And Life
Isn't Money Funny?
Money, money, moneyIsn’t it funny?
Some crave for a penny
Some own cores many
When I was younger
I would believe indeed
That money is not all
That we need
But we grow up
And so we learn
That we earn to live
And live to earn
Food, clothing and shelter
Is not everything we require
These things even
A beggar does acquire
I thought all we need
Is love and friends
And our search
For happiness there ends
But in this world
Nothing comes for free
To win these too
Money holds the key
Money not, only god,
Earning the only prayer
Spending the only religion,
It’s the only thing we care.
Wendy
Wendy, wendy what went wrong
Oh so wrong
We went together for so long
I never thought a guy could cry
til you made it with another guy
Oh wendy, wendy left me alone
Hurt so bad
Wendy, wendy dont lose your head
Lose your head
Wendy dont believe a word he says
I cant picture you with him
His future looks awful dim
Oh wendy, wendy left me alone
Hurt so bad
Wendy I wouldnt hurt you like that
No no no
I thought we had our love down pat
Guess I was wrong
The farthest thing from my mind
Was the day that Id wake up to find
My wendy
Wendy left me alone
Wendy, wendy left me alone
Hurts so bad
Wendy, wendy left me alone
Hurts so bad
Wendy, wendy left me alone
Hurts so bad
Wendy, wendy...
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Funny Money
Some poems may be funny,
But mine is not so funny,
A shocking reality,
That involves money.
The funny thing about money,
It makes the world go round,
The real and funny money,
Banks make the world go around,
By loaning and keeping money,
A dirty secret found,
They even do the laundry,
We all are so confound!
We love the smell of money,
But don't smell the funny money,
The banks are in big trouble,
They found one, now it's double.
And that's not so funny,
Coz it's one too many.
I Will Take The Money
In assets quite poor with little cash to my name
I will take the money you can have the fame
Your fame it will not buy you a loaf of bread
No you have the fame I'll have money instead
Your money speaks more of you as it does seem
Than fame or it's sibling known as high esteem
With money as such they cannot hope to compare
This simple truth with you I only do share
Few things money cannot buy that much we do know
And on bushes and trees money it does not grow
In life it is quite important it does seem that way
And it does speak every language as some are known to say
Perhaps I may sound greedy for that me do not blame
When I say I will take the money you can have the fame.
poem by Francis Duggan
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King Of Comedy
Make your money with a suit and tie
Make your money with true denial
Make your money expert advice,
If you can wing it
Make your money with a power ply
Make your money with a buy out bribe
Make it lie as long as you mean it
Im not king of comedy,
Grease the pig, give a squeeze (squeeze me)
Make your money with exploitation
Make it holy illumination
Say a prayer at every station
Dont forget to ask for mercy
Make your money with a pretty face
Make it easy with product placement
Make it charged with controversy
Im straight, Im queer, Im bi
Im not king of comedy,
Im not your magazine,
Im not your television
Make your money, make it rich
Make it young and make it quick
Make your money on the jukebox, baby,
Lets pick up sticks
Make your enemies make your moves
Make your critics stumble through
Make it smart and make it schmooze
Make it look easy
Im not king of comedy,
Im not your magazine,
Im not your television,
Im not your movie screen
Im not commodity (all together now)
Im not commodity
Im not commodity
song performed by by REM
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rich Girl
Youre a rich girl, and youve gone too far
cause you know it dont matter anyway
You can rely on the old mans money
You can rely on the old mans money
I ts a bitch girl but its gone too far
cause you know it dont matter anyway
Say money but it wont get you too far,
Get you too far
And dont you know, dont you know
That its wrong to take what is given you
So far gone, on your own
You can get along if you try to be strong
But youll never be strong
cause
Youre a rich girl, and youve gone too far
cause you know it dont matter anyway
You can rely on the old mans money
You can rely on the old mans money
Its a bitch girl and its gone too far
cause you know it dont matter anyway
Say money but it wont get you too far,
Get you too far
High and dry, out of the rain
Its so easy to hurt others when you cant feel pain
And dont you know that a love cant grow
cause theres too much to give, cause youd rather live
For the thrill of it all, oh
Youre a rich girl, and youve gone too far
cause you know it dont matter anyway
You can rely on the old mans money
You can rely on the old mans money
Its a bitch girl and its gone too far
cause you know it dont matter anyway
Say money but it wont get you too far,
Say money but it wont get you too far,
Say money but it wont get you too far,
Get you too far
And you say
You can rely on the old mans money
You can rely on the old mans money
Youre a rich girl, a rich girl
Oh, youre a rich rich girl yeah
Say money but it wont get you too far,
Oh, get ya too far
song performed by by Hall & Oates
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Love the money
Money
Is not money...
It is life....
Money is not
Money
It is happy...
Money is
Not money
It is faith...
Money is not
Money
It is friend...
Money is not
Money
It is life maker...
Money is not
Money...
It is your hard work...
Money is not
Money...
poors god...
money is not
Money
Rich people Cap...
Money is not
Money
World wide all...
Any or many thing money
With money...
So...
Love the money...
Each every day...
Earn too enjoy
with your's life...
witrh good...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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Marry for money, my little sonny, a rich man's joke is always funny.
Bloody Christmas, here again, let us raise a loving cup, peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.
quote by Wendy Cope
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Make Me Rich
Purchase purchase buy buy
Purchase purchase buy buy
Purchase purchase buy buy
Purchase purchase buy buy.
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
'Horns and tambourines'
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
'Congas'
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
' And to the bridge'
Purchase purchase buy buy
Purchase purchase buy buy
Purchase purchase buy buy
Purchase purchase buy buy.
'Lead/background singers and violins,
With bass! And give it...'
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
'Gimme Gimme Gimme'
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
'Gimme Gimme Gimme'
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
'Gimme Gimme Gimme'
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
'Gimme Gimme Gimme'
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
'Gimme Gimme Gimme'
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
'Gimme Gimme Gimme'
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
'Gimme Gimme Gimme'
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
'YES...'
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
Make me rich
(Purchase purchase buy buy)
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Like a lady
You make me feel like a lady
You caress me
Compliment me
You look at me with this funny smile
A lovely smile
I am no longer lonesome
I am finally someone
You bring the best out of me
Make me laugh
say funny noises
You tell who I am
How I am
What it's like to be mine
I am your precious
your princess
I can never demand to much of you
I am your flower
and I blossom in your heart
Oh yes
You make me feel like a lady
poem by Camilla Fodgaard
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Isn't Money Funny?
Money, money, money
Isn’t it funny?
Some crave for a penny
Some own crores many
When I was younger
I would believe indeed
That money is not all
That we need
But we grow up
And so we learn
That we earn to live
And live to earn
Food, clothing and shelter
Is not everything we require
These things even
A beggar does acquire
I thought all we need
Is love and friends
And our search
For happiness there ends
But in this world
Nothing comes for free
To win these too
Money holds the key
Money the only god,
Earning the only prayer
Spending the only religion,
It’s the only thing we care.
poem by AMyth Kulkarni
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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