Ode on the Mammoth Cheese
We have seen the Queen of cheese,
Laying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze --
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.
All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial Show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.
Cows numerous as a swarm of bees --
Or as the leaves upon the trees --
It did require to make thee please,
And stand unrivalled Queen of Cheese.
May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great World's show at Paris.
Of the youth -- beware of these --
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek; then songs or glees
We could not sing o' Queen of Cheese.
We'rt thou suspended from baloon,
You'd cast a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.
poem by James McIntyre
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Related quotes
Prophecy of a Ten Ton Cheese
In presenting this delicate, dainty morsel to the imagination of the people, I believed that it could be realized. I viewed the machine that turned and raised the mamoth cheese, and saw the powerful machine invented by James Ireland at the West Oxford companies factory to turn the great and fine cheese he was making there. This company with but little assistance could produce a ten ton cheese.
Who hath prophetic vision sees
In future times a ten ton cheese,
Several companies could join
To furnish curd for great combine
More honor far than making gun
Of mighty size and many a ton.
Machine it could be made with ease
That could turn this monster cheese,
The greatest honour to our land
Would be this orb of finest brand,
Three hundred curd they would need squeeze
For to make this mammoth cheese.
So British lands could confederate
Three hundred provinces in one state,
When all in harmony agrees
To be pressed in one like this cheese,
Then one skillful hand could acquire
Power to move British empire.
But various curds must be combined
And each factory their curd must grind,
To blend harmonious in one
This great cheese of mighty span,
And uniform in quality
A glorious reality.
But it will need a powerful press
This cheese queen to caress,
And a large extent of charms
Hoop will encircle in its arms,
And we do not now despair,
But we shall see it at world's fair.
And view the people all agog, so
Excited o'er it in Chicago,
To seek fresh conquests queen of cheese
She may sail across the seas,
Where she would meet reception grand
From the warm hearts in old England.
poem by James McIntyre
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Oxford Cheese Ode
The ancient poets ne'er did dream
That Canada was land of cream,
They ne'er imagined it could flow
In this cold land of ice and snow,
Where everything did solid freeze,
They ne'er hoped or looked for cheese.
A few years since our Oxford farms
Were nearly robbed of all their charms,
O'er cropped the weary land grew poor
And nearly barren as a moor,
But now the owners live at ease
Rejoicing in their crop of cheese.
And since they justly treat the soil,
Are well rewarded for their toil,
The land enriched by goodly cows,
Yie'ds plenty now to fill their mows,
Both wheat and barley, oats and peas
But still their greatest boast is cheese.
And you must careful fill your mows
With good provender for your cows,
And in the winter keep them warm,
Protect them safe all time from harm,
For cows do dearly love their ease,
Which doth insure best grade of cheese.
To us it is a glorious theme
To sing of milk and curds and cream,
Were it collected it could float
On its bosom, small steam boat,
Cows numerous as swarm of bees
Are milked in Oxford to make cheese.
poem by James McIntyre
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What Grandpa Mouse Said
The moon’s a holy owl-queen.
She keeps them in a jar
Under her arm till evening,
Then sallies forth to war.
She pours the owls upon us.
They hoot with horrid noise
And eat the naughty mousie-girls
And wicked mousie-boys.
So climb the moonvine every night
And to the owl-queen pray:
Leave good green cheese by moonlit trees
For her to take away.
And never squeak, my children,
Nor gnaw the smoke-house door:
The owl-queen then will love us
And send her birds no more.
poem by Vachel Lindsay
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Oxford Cheese Makers Song
When Father Ranney left the States
In Canada to try the fates,
He settled down in Dereham,
Then no dairyman lived near him.
He was the first there to squeeze
His cows milk into good cheese,
And at each Provincial Show
His famed cheese was all the go.
CHORUS.
Then long life to Father Ranney,
May he wealth and honor gain, aye !
He always took the first prize,
Both for quality and size ;
But many of his neighbors
Now profit by his labors.
And the ladies dress in silk
From the proceeds of the milk :
But those who buy their butter,
' How dear it is,' they mutter.
CHORUS.
Then long life to Father Ranney,
May he his health retain, aye !
Farmers now can not be beat
With their cheese and their wheat,
Though now their greatest care is
For to watch o'er their dairies ;
They carefully fill their mows
With provender for their cows,
And they thus enrich the soil
With much profit for their toil.
CHORUS.
We will sing this refrain, aye,
Long life to Father Ranney.
The motto, 'Union is Strength,'
Is carried out at length
In the most compact array
At every cheese factory.
You'll see without going as far as
There is one kept by Harris,
The factory of Ingersoll,
Just out at the first toll.
CHORUS.
May he never suffer pain, aye,
The father of cheesemen, Ranney.
Or you may go all the way
To see one kept by Galloway,
And out in the Norwiches
Dairymen are making riches;
And honor has been won
By Harvey Farrington ;
The same path is trodden
By folks about Culloden.
CHORUS.
May his strength never wane, aye,
The great dairyman, Ranney.
And of late we saw some
Very good cheese from Lawson ;
All around Mount Elgin
Dairymen have well done;
And out in East Nissouri
They make some scores a day ;
From Jarvis and Elliott
Some good cheese is bought.
CHORUS
And we will all remain, aye,
Indebted to Father Ranney.
Now we close this glorious theme,
This song of curds and rich cream,
Subject worthy of our muse,
You can buy your hoops and screws,
Boxes and vats, all things like these,
In Ingersoll, great mart for cheese ;
Here buyers all do congregate,
And pay for cheese the highest rate.
CHORUS.
So we call on you again, aye,
To honor Father Ranney.
poem by James McIntyre
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Facts About Cheese
When the price of cheese was so low a few years ago that the
dairymen seriously thought of giving up the manufacture
of cheese and of selling their cows, we published the fol-
lowing lines and distributed them by the thousand :
Price soon will rise, though now 'tis low,
And brooks of milk will onward flow ;
Were it collected in one stream
There would be floods of milk and cream.
Mr. T. D. Millar has just secured, Sept., 1884, the first prize for cheese at the great
cheese fair at Amsterdam, Holland. They weighed over 600 pounds each, and were
manufactured by the Burnside Factory of Dorchester. The Galloway Factory is manufacturing
several cheese weighing one ton each. The mammoth cheese, alluded to in cheese ode,
was manufactured by Mr. James Harris, Ingersoll Factory. The Dnnn Cheese Factory, North
Oxford, secured first prize at the great Centennial Exhibition, but where all factories
produce such excellent cheese perhaps it would be making invidious distinctions to specify
the honours won by any particular factory. The West Oxford Company have recently built a
fine factory on the Culloden Road.
poem by James McIntyre
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Ode To Cheese
☺ .
Ode To Cheese,
Which Makes Us Smile,
When Camera's go Clack.
Ode To Cheese,
Which make us taste,
The greatest of flavors, the wackiest of whack.
Ode To Cheese,
Blue, Gorgonzola,
American and Cheddar.
Ode To Cheese,
Beja and Feta,
In all types of weather.
Ode To Cheese,
For those on a diet,
or trying to get fatter.
Ode To Cheese,
with crackers and wine,
with grapes can flatter.
Ode To Cheese,
when you're sad and happy,
Cheese just fits.
Ode To Cheese,
Mountains and Mountains,
or bits and bits.
Ode to the Cheese,
To appreciate,
eat,
and take pictures.
Father Ranney, the Cheese Pioneer
When Father Ranney left the States,
In Canada to try the fates,
He settled down in Dereham,
Then no dairyman lived near him;
He was the first there to squeeze
His cow's milk into good cheese,
And at each Provincial show
His famed cheese was all the go.
Then long life to Father Ranney
May he wealth and honour gain aye.
He always took the first prize
Both for quality and size,
But many of his neighbors
Now profit by his labors,
And the ladies dress in silk
From the proceeds of the milk,
But those who buy their butter,
How dear it is, they mutter.
Then long life to Father Ranney
May he wealth and honour gain aye.
Now we close this glorious theme,
This song of curds and rich cream,
You can buy your hoops and screws,
And all supplies for dairy use,
Milk cans and vats, all things like these
In Ingersoll great mart for cheese,
Here buyers do congregate
And pay for cheese the highest rate.
So we call on you again aye,
To honor Father Ranney.
poem by James McIntyre
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The Moon Rabbit
In the night sky,
Sits the moon,
And on that moon lives,
The moon rabbit.
What he does up there,
All alone,
Is completely unknown.
But I think I’ve figured it out.
He spends his time,
Making cheese.
He makes cheese,
For the moon people.
And every year,
They have a cheese party,
To say thank-you,
To their cheese making friend.
poem by Mandy Jane
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Cheese Cake
I met a babe in a backseat drive-in
Back in the saddle shed sit
Pulled on the reins just to keep me risin
She loved to chomp at the bit
Daddy do it, oh, just do it
Daddy do it, please let me see
Do it, please just do it daddy
Do it, do it, drivin me crazy
She walks away with her eyes
Down on her bootlace
She lives to give it away
She dont believe in the right or the wrong case
Shes always liable to say
Daddy do it, oh, just do it
Daddy do it, please let me see
Do it, please just do it daddy
Do it, do it, drivin me crazy
(cheese cake), looser than her sister
(cheese cake), her sugar gets me high
She knows I cant resist her (cheese cake)
Got my fingers in her pie (cheese cake)
(cheese cake), sneakin out the back door
(cheese cake), rollin down the lawn
Everybody kissed her (cheese cake)
At the crack of dawn (cheese cake)
Daddy do it, oh, just do it
Daddy do it, please let me see
Daddy do it, please just do it daddy
Do it, do it, do it, drivin me crazy
(cheese cake), looser than her sister
(cheese cake), her sugar gets me high
She knows I cant resist her (cheese cake)
Got my fingers in her pie (cheese cake)
Repeat (cheese cake)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Evilmania
[laughs]
Evilmania, Im gonna rule your world,
Gonna tease you and squeeze you,
Till you drop. opps!
I can hypnotise, hit you right between the eyes,
My poison bites, put out the lights, and then you stop!
[shes so full of evilmania, like the queen of translvania.]
Yes Im the queen, the queen of evilmania!! [laughs]
With a mission to destroy, Ill bend you like a toy,
Ill kiss you, hiss you, miss you, when your gone! [laughs]
I can stroke you with my tale, but my mercys not for sale,
See how your queer eyes shine, you world is mine!!
[shes so full of evilmania] yes! [like the queen of translvania.]
Yes Im the queen, yes Im the queen, the queen of evilmania!!
Yes Im the queen, yes Im the queen, the queen of evilmania!!
Yes Im the queen, yes Im the queen, the queen of evilmania!![laughs]
song performed by by Grace Jones
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Queen
Head strong and steadfast junkies
All barter for the clean
They all wait in their plastic lines
To find what color means
Cause they all wanna be queen
And you do know what I mean
Cause they all wanna be queen
And you do know what I mean
I spoke to a girl by the backdoor
She said she'd do anything just to meet you
You know I've seen that smile before
Just in time for a knee to hit the ground
Little girls
Dressed up like French whores
In velvet paintings
Wide eyed
Long nails
They all wanna live the fairy tale
(Chorus)
Did they tear you all up inside
Did they take away your pride
and she cried herself to sleep that night
Cause they all wanna be queen
And you do know what I mean
Cause they all wanna be queen
And you do And you do And you do
know what I mean
Queen wanna be queen
Queen wanna be queen
Queen wanna be queen
Queen wanna be queen
song performed by by Tonic from Sugar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Govt. Health Warning.
'I'm terrified of cheese, ' he said,
'And rather scared of hats, '
'The cheese will make me sneeze,
You see, and hats just drive me bats! '
The doctor gave a little smile,
'I've news for you! ' he said,
'Tonight you'll eat some Irish stew,
Tomorrow you'll be dead! '
'Beware of gorgonzola!
Beware of Danish Blue!
Beware of wearing hats at all!
Beware of Irish stew! '
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Why Are You Gloating?
Why are you gloating?
You look as if you were a mouse,
Who was just awarded...
A lifetime supply of cheese.
'That's almost funny.
No.
But...
Say I 'was' that mouse.'
Okay...
Mouse.
'And that mouse was suspected of stealing cheese.
And those who made the cheese...
Did all they could to find the mouse guilty of the crime.'
Go ahead,
I'm listening.
'And...
The mouse,
Kept telling the makers of cheese...
They actually befriended rats!
And those rats were the culprits of the theft all along.'
I don't get it.
What has that got to do with you?
'You see...
The folks had their eyes focused on the mouse closely.
Under microscope.
Not realizing they socialized and entertained disguised rats.
Masquerading as wholesome folks with undeniable integrity.'
What became the outcome?
'Well...
Not only was the mouse awarded that lifetime of cheese you mentioned.
But efforts long dismissed achieved notoriety for that same mouse.'
Soooo,
'Why' are 'you' gloating?
'Forget it.
Just forget it.'
Hey,
Wait a minute.
Don't get angry with me.
You were the one to bring up the mice and rats in disguise,
Working inside a cheese factory.
Yeah...
That's right.
Walk away.
You need to lay that head down and get some rest.
No wonder I see him smiling all the time.
The dude is nuts!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Inca Queen
Once there was an inca queen
She gazed at her sundial
All around her workers raised
Golden idols to her smile
The waiting years werent hard to see
Behind the tears of mercury.
She spoke of silver from the sky
And many floating safety boats
To pick them up when they would fly
Far above their dreams and hopes
And they a mountain city raised
Where their queen above the clouds
Could watch out.
Inca queen has, inca queen has, inca queen has come
Inca queen has, inca queen has, inca queen has come.
Out in the jungle the drums were heard: inca queen has come
From the biggest elephant to the smallest bird: inca queen has come
She spoke of silver from the sky, inca queen has come
To pick them up when they would fly, inca queen has come.
Once there was an inca queen
She gazed at her sundial
All around her workers raised
Golden idols to her smile
And though the air was thin and cold
Soon the day would come the queen had told.
Inca queen has, inca queen has, inca queen has come.
song performed by by Neil Young
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Queen
The French Queen
Offered cake to the hungry
Marie Antoinette
The English Queen
Lost her head for her King
Anne Boleyn
The Russian Queen with no children
Loved cats a lot
Catherine the Great
The Queen of Sidewalks
Fell asleep at work
City Whore
The Queen of Computers
Fell asleep at the keyboard
Her identity is protected
poem by Jankovic Zoran
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Cheesy Moon (Ghazal)
Look up and gaze at craters on the cheesy moon.
A cow, a spoon jumping over the cheesy moon.
Opening the refrigerator, what cheese now?
How about more of tasty, crusty, cheesy moon?
Dare I taste the zesty tang of pepper-jack cheese,
Mix and dance with the tango of a cheesy moon?
My office cloudy, loveless, lifeless gray
Could use some life-giving zest of a cheesy moon.
Brie and Camenbert, Ben loves soft and crusty cheese,
Swiss and Gruyère with wide eyes opened, cheesy moon.
- April 8,2008
This was published online by The Ghazal Page in July of 2008.
See:
http: //www.ghazalpage.net/2008/moon_challenge/2008_moo n_radif.html
poem by Ben Gieske
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Dairy Ode
Our muse it doth refuse to sing
Of cheese made early in the spring,
When cows give milk from spring fodder
You cannot make a good cheddar.
The quality is often vile
Of cheese that is made in April,
Therefore we think for that reason
You should make later in the season.
Cheese making you should delay
Until about the first of May.
Then cows do feed on grassy field
And rich milk they abundant yield.
Ontario cannot compete
With the Northwest in raising wheat,
For cheaper there they it can grow
So price in future may be low.
Though this a hardship it may seem,
Rejoice that you have got the cream,
In this land of milk and honey,
Where dairy farmers do make money.
Utensils must be clean and sweet,
So cheese with first class can compete,
And daily polish up milk pans,
Take pains with vats and with milk cans.
And it is important matter
To allow no stagnant water,
But water from pure well or stream
The cow must drink to give pure cream.
Canadian breeds 'tis best to pair
With breeds from the shire of Ayr,
They thrive on our Canadian feed
And are for milking splendid breed.
Though 'gainst spring cheese some do mutter,
Yet spring milk also makes bad butter,
Then there doth arise the query
How to utilize it in the dairy.
The milk it floats in great spring flood
Though it is not so rich and good,
Let us be thankful for this stream
Of milk and also curds and cream.
All dairymen their highest aims
Should be to make the vale of Thames,
Where milk doth so abundant flow,
Dairyland of Ontario.
poem by James McIntyre
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Queen Jane Approximately
Now when your mother sends back all your invitations
And your father to your sister he explains
That you're tired of yourself and all of your creations
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Now the flower lady wants back what she has have lent you
And the smell of her roses does not remain
When all your children start to resent you
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Now when all the clowns that you have commissioned
Have all died in battle or in vain
And you find yourself sick of all this repetition
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Now when all of your advisers heave their plastic
At your feet to convince you of your pain
Trying to prove that your conclusions should be more drastic
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Now when all the bandits that you turned your other cheek to
All throw down their bandannas and complain
Maybe you want somebody you don't have to speak to
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
song performed by by Grateful Dead
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Unrest in the Kingdom of London Dairy? (Sung God Save the Queen or My Country tis of Thee)
The real verses The parody
God save our gracious Queen God save our Dairy Queen
Long live our noble Queen, No fancy shakes to be seen,
God save the Queen: God save the Queen
Send her victorious, Ice cream floats and fries,
Happy and glorious, Cheeseburgers you should try
Long to reign over us: Blizzards and Malts oh my
God save the Queen. God save the Queen
O Lord, our God, arise, DQ cakes, what’s at stake,
Scatter thine enemies, Chili dogs, Strawberry Cheesequakes
And make them fall: And make a small dipped cone
Confound their politics, Blizzards as Snickers or Oreos
Frustrate their knavish tricks, Chocolate Cookie Dough
On thee our hopes we fix: Let’s have cappuccino
God save us all. God we haven’t grown
Thy choicest gifts in store, Your choicest treats in store
On her be pleased to pour; You can’t each much more
Long may she reign: Our tables are clean
May she defend our laws, Sundaes you can get any day
And ever give us cause Brownie earthquakes if you pay
To sing with heart and voice And some Peanut Butter Parfaits
God save the Queen. God save the Queen
(2-29-2008)
poem by Joe Rosochacki
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Religious Nature
Why do you sleep when time has finished,
And cheese is a food for the sheep to make,
For the cheese asyouknow can bind you;
For cheese is recommended more than milk
And milk is what religion transmitted and given,
To forget and forgive the children say milk will be given,
As religion will thrive as regions of life can gain heaven.
poem by Naveed Akram
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