Future Perfect dialect poem
Future Perfect
Two auld biddies gossiping
aboot their hubbies suffering.
My Albies plagued with aches and pains
Ye knaa he’s got varry close veins..
That’s aaful pet her friend replied.
With eagerness she could not hide
My Fred has a cardiac heart.
That’s bad enuff just for a start.
He has a gastric stomach too.
He’s hard to live with I tell you.
Aah dee me best as ye well knaa,
he’s only happy doon the bar.
Supping beer he shouldn’t have
he’ll drive me to an orly grave
Ye knaa hinny but for us
they’d starve to death Its curious.
Theres neither of them fit te work
Aah wonder sometimes if the shirk
but we gan on as women dee.
We have nee time to be poorly.
They said Tara and went their way.
They’d had their gossip for the day.
There’s hoosework waiting to be dyun
we get nee help from anyone.
His lordship likes to lie in bed
He’s like a bear with a sore head.
If Aah distorb him early on
before the noonday buzzers gone.
He gets up shouting for his grub.
His breakfast forst then doon the pub.
It hurts to see him suffer so
aah doot he hasn’t lang to go.
His funerals paid for at the store
that’s one worry aah can ignore.
Aah’ll be a widow woman then
Aah divvent think aah’ll wed again.
AAh’ll get mesel a bungalow
wi lace cortins in the window.
Aah have a black dress put away
ah divest wear it ivory day
Aah keep it by for funerals
it’s ower fancy for me gals.
Aah’ll wear it when they bury me
a sight Aah will not live te see.
AAh’ll be alone when Fred has gone
but dee me best to carry on.
Nee lazy man to bother me.
Aah think aah’ll manage easily.
8-Sep-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Aspiration
Aspiration.
Aah divvent like the winter neets
because wor netty’s doon the yard
It’s caad and damp and has ne leets
and varry often frozen hard.
Aah’d rather use the chamber pot
that hides beneath the double bed.
Aah sometimes wish that aah had got
a warm dry inside loo instead.
Me sister hes a bungalow
that has a bathroom and a loo.
Noo she is rather posh you know
and looks doon on the likes of me.
She married weel, hor man was rich
an left hor weel provided for
Hor life hes gone without a hitch
She had ne bairns but I hed four.
But varry soon aah’ll qualify
and get an aad folks bungalow.
A modern hoose that’s warm and dry
The aah’ll be good as her you know.
The airs and graces she displays
impress hor neighbours but not me.
Cos aah recall wor childhood days
which she forgets conveniently.
Me sister is a proper snob
but she’s the only one aah’ve got.
Aah only wish she haad her gob
not taak a lot o tommy rot..
24-Dec-07
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Well suited
I feel no need to power dress
No longer trying to impress.
My style today is casual
What you see is what you get
and I confess to no regret.
Today I can be comfortable/
I need not wear a shirt and tie
and try to act impressively.
I find it rather comical.
When I observe young men today
trying hard to make their way.
It’s not at all unusual.
For them to think they know it all
But pride oft goes before a fall
and sadly that is typical
When we are young we foolishly
we must dress fashionably
So that we seem acceptable.
Now that I’m old I do not care
If no one likes the clothes I wear
I dress to suit myself not you
it is my right and so I do.
25-Mar-09
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Borrowed Time
His life is drawing to its close.
He has lived past three score and ten
and has no reason to suppose
That he should know the how and when.
He is not ready yet to go
his life is full of interest
Although his pace of life is slow
he has retained his youthful zest.
Now often plagued by aches and pains,
accepts them philosophically.
Its very seldom he complains,
he knows there is no remedy
for his ailments. He is quite sure
death will provide a lasting cure.
8-May-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Karma
To sleep, perchance to dream and wake no more
I know I have to stay but long to go
and leave behind me all my cares and woe
Back to where I have often been before.
A place of rest in which I can restore
my weary spirit easily I know.
In soft green meadows where the waters flow
and work out what the future holds in store.
I must return I’ve lesson yet to learn
I am sure that death is not the end
but just another step along the way
Towards perfection for which I yearn.
Each wrongful action which I can’t defend
I know that I must suffer in my turn.
31-May-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Auld Lang Syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
Well take a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
We twa hae run aboot the braes
And poud the gowans fine;
Weve wanderd mony a weary foot
Sin auld lang syne.
We two hae paidled i the burn,
Frae mornin sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roard
Sin auld lang syne.
And heres a hand, my trusty friend,
And gies a hand o thine;
Well take a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
Well take a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
Well take a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
song performed by by Boney M.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Cushy Billet.
Lunatic sonnet.
Psychiatrists have labelled me,
In doing so have set me free
From all responsibility.
I need not worry any more.
All of my needs are catered for.
I laugh until my sides are sore.
Although they keep me close confined.
To tell the truth I do not mind.
I left my troubles all behind.
When I was certified insane
I lose much less than what I gain.
I need not ever work again.
I live in idle luxury
My every want provided free.
Monday,15 August 2011
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Forbidden Territory for M lady Kelly Houseman
I tend my gardens on the moon
The far side which the earth can’t see.
Although I fear that very soon
astronauts will visit me.
I’ll hide my gardens from their eyes.
This is a place they should not be.
This is no time for compromise.
I will repel them forcibly
I value highly solitude
and my hard won serenity
I disdain men’s attitude.
They’re lacking in maturity.
A member of an older race
I’ve paid my dues and earned the right
To protect my own living space
which I keep hidden out of sight.
Intruders I won’t tolerate
I will destroy them instantly
and leave no trace as to their fate.
If they intrude impudently.
I tend my gardens on the moon
with loving care contentedly
and ask from fate one single boon.
No astronaut should bother me.
I live alone because I choose
Preferring my own company
for others I have little use.
In perfect self sufficiency.
13-Aug-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Baldly Stated
I use to wear it centre parted.
But now alas it has departed
When I was young I had thick hair
but now my head’s completely bare.
I wear a hat against the sun
a sunburnt scalp is not much fun.
The only plus that I can see
I need not pay a barbers fee
nor spend my money on shampoo
As hirsute men are forced to do.
A sign of masculinity
they say though I would rather be
Possessor of a well thatched head
than one from which all hair has fled.
1-Jun-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Auld Lang Syne
(r.burns)
Traditional new years eves song. jeff performed it live at mercury lounge, new york, on december 31 1995.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
Well tak a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
And surely yell be your pint stowp
And surely Ill be mine!
And well tak a cup o kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
Well tak a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes
And poud the gowans fine
But weve wanderd mony a weary fit
Sin auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
Well tak a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
We twa hae paidld in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine
But seas between us briad hae roard
Sin auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
Well tak a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
And theres a hand, my trusty fere
And gies a hand o thine
And well tak a right gude-willie waught
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
Well tak a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
song performed by by Jeff Buckley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Dogds of War for JT Earley
Devastation, desolation.
Nothing offers consolation
when the tides of war have passed.
Only our misery can last.
Though we tried to live in peace
The dogs or war had slipped their leash.
Strangers came into our land
although we didn’t understand.
They treated us as enemies
looting killing as they please.
There was nothing we could do
but run away as we tried to.
We weren’t welcome anywhere.
Always moving’s hard to bear.
We would rather be at home
instead of being forced to roam.
Once unleashed the dogs of war
no matter what they’re fighting for.
Leave only sorrow in their wake.
Death and suffering and heart ache.
Devastation, desolation
nothing for our compensation
for the way of life we lost.
The innocent must bear the cost.
18-Apr-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Keeping up appearances forJTEllison
Why do we feel the need to ask?
Just who we are so frequently
Why is that we wear a mask
to hide our true identity?
Why do we try so hard to be
somebody other than we are
Adopt a personality
in the same way we choose a car.
Who are we trying to impress?
Why do we feel the need to hide
behind a façade of success.
It does not alter what’s inside.
Although we try we’re doomed to fail
because we can’t sustain the lie
Our efforts are to no avail.
Yet still we feel compelled to try.
2-Mar-09
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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I hear and Reflect
A bell tolls sonorously
one single chime. Then silence reigns
It wakes me from my reverie.
Conscious again of aches and pains.
I had lost temporarily
in contemplation of the past
That single knell reminding me
Of the long years which quickly passed.
Before the years caught up with me
For old age does not come alone
It brings along infirmity.
Which hitherto you have not known.
When you are young you do not know
What future lies ahead of you
but as you live and learn and grow
You will become as others do.
Much more aware than what you were
of how your body will re- act.
To the stress and strain you bear.
That you must think before you act.
Gone is the energy of youth
You used to waste without a thought
You slowly come to learn the truth
That rude health can’t be sold or bought.
As long as I can hear that chime
which has disturbed my reverie
I can be certain that this time
The death knell does not ring for me.
Each day an opportunity
To do things I can still do
although slow and steadily.
My body still allows me to.
Although I pay in aches and pains
I do not think the price too high.
My interest in life remains.
I am too busy far, to die.
I know I will eventually
but do not let it worry me
It is the only certainty
the bell will toll one day for me.
23-Nov-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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A Girl Named Fred
Once upon a time not many years ago
a girl named Fred fell in love with a boy named Fran.
Although the names seemed an odd combination
and could easily be confused by people who did not know
that Fred was a girl and Fran was a boy.
They made the perfect couple as everyone agreed
and when their wedding day arrived,
the priest who was standing in
did not know about the names
only that he was marrying a Fred to a Fran.
Turning to Fran he said,
Fred with you take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should be husband.
The priest looked up a bit dismayed, but just carried on.
Turning to Fred said Fran will you take this man
to be your lawful wedded husband.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should wife.
The priest’ eyes rolled around in his head
very dazed and confused.
The silent sniggers in the congregation began to grow louder
as peels of laughter not bells rang out within the church.
The poor priest was now in utter disarray
and after blessing the rings;
he handed them back the wrong way about.
Then the poor priest red faced said
to whomever I pronounce you man and wife.
Just to make things more riotous
someone switched the Wedding March
to Rock Around The Clock,
which sent the bride and groom bopping down the isle,
and the poor priest he had a nervous breakdown
saying he would never perform
a wedding ceremony again.
He would stick to funerals
as there was only one body involved
and they wouldn’t talk back to him.
poem by David Harris
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Fred The Clown
Orange, blue, red, white and brown
The favorite colors of Fred the Clown
A happy and jolly clown he is
But some people he likes to tease
Everyone hates to be with Fred the Clown
But Fred never showed the people a frown
He never felt bad for what he did
The hatred inside the people had hid
The people thought of what to do with Fred the Clown
They decided to talk to the mayor of town
He laughed at what the people said
He laughed until his face gone red
The mayor didn't believe the people
For Fred the Clown gives him a tickle
They always the mayor smiled that way
Ever since Fred came each day
He already knew what Fred was doing
So he decided to call Fred for a meeting
The mayor told him what the people had said
And so left poor little Fred
The people decided to give Fred a chance
So Fred the Clown gave them a dance
The dance was so funny that they laughed all day
Fred the Clown will forever stay
poem by Geneen Meyers
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Fred the Clown
Orange, blue, red, white and brown
The favorite colors of Fred the Clown
A happy and jolly clown he is
But some people he likes to tease
Everyone hates to be with Fred the Clown
But Fred never showed the people a frown
He never felt bad for what he did
The hatred inside the people had hid
The people thought of what to do with Fred the Clown
They decided to talk to the mayor of town
He laughed at what the people said
He laughed until his face gone red
The mayor didn't believe the people
For Fred the Clown gives him a tickle
They always saw the mayor smiled that way
Ever since Fred came each day
He already knew what Fred was doing
So he decided to call Fred for a meeting
The mayor told him what the people had said
And so left poor little Fred
The people decided to give Fred a chance
So Fred the Clown gave them a dance
The dance was so funny that they laughed all day
Fred the Clown will forever stay
poem by Geneen Alyssa Meyers
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Dying to succeed for Friend Jon London
The pace of life is fast and furious.
We have no time to simply stand and stare.
There is no peace to be found, anywhere,
so many pressures brought to bear on us.
Why is that we have to fume and fuss
lack of success is not so hard to bear
despite the direful warnings we hear
As for myself I find it curious.
Why many men assume that they must fail
if they don’t work a sixteen hour day.
Subsuming every other interest.
Some work themselves to death to no avail
because it seem to them the only way
To prove they’re better than the rest.
18-May-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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All Dressed Up For School
Doot doot doot-doot doot
Doot doot doot-doot doot
Doot doot doot-doot doot
Doot doot doot-doot doot
Well she first caught my eye a runnin' round in shorts
But she never bothered with her hair
Just a barefooted chick with all skinned up knees
Yeah she didn't care what she'd wear
(All dressed up for school)
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
All dressed up for school
All summer long she had a crush on me
But I just couldn't care at all
But new to school threads really did it for me
Yeah she's turned into a doll
(All dressed up for school)
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
All dressed up for school
Weah
Goes out every night 'cause she's a sharp little doll
And the guys can't leave her alone
Now she hardly finds the time to talk to me
She's not the little girl I've always known
(All dressed up for school)
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
Dressed up for school, ooo what a turn on
All dressed up for school
Doot doot doot-doot doot
Doot doot doot-doot doot
Doot doot doot-doot doot
Doot doot doot-doot doot
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Who was he? Welsh bardic form
Cywydd Llosgynrog.
I am forced to live alone
All those I knew long since gone.
There’s no one left who loves me.
This must be the penalty
I pay for longevity
It will be my turn soon
I am waiting patiently
Death will claim me finally
I will be happy to go.
There’ll be nothing left of me
but a fading memory
Which will be soon forgotten.
Thursday,11 February 2010
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Taboo
I find it rather curious
There are some things we don’t discuss,
not even with our closest friends.
As if our peace of mind depends
on the pretence that we won’t die.
Despite its crass stupidity
We know it is a certainty
but do not know the reason why.
Why is to talk of death taboo
.Except to the enlightened few.
Who believe that death is going to
set them free to start again.
Death is a door we all pass through
we should not fear it but we do
12-Dec-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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He calls me Honky.
My friend’s as black as ebony
and he delights in teasing me.
He says I am the coloured man
I can’t deny it no one can.
My hair is blond my eyes are blue.
His words are obviously true,
My facial skin is pink and white.
to anyone with normal sight
His eyes, his hair and skin are black
I cannot counter his attack
But he’s my mate so I don’t care
His banter isn’t hard to bear
We’re much the same bar for our skin.
What matters most must lie within.
Monday,16 November 2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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