When Your Pants Begin to Go
When you wear a cloudy collar and a shirt that isn't white,
And you cannot sleep for thinking how you'll reach to-morrow night,
You may be a man of sorrows, and on speaking terms with Care,
And as yet be unacquainted with the Demon of Despair;
For I rather think that nothing heaps the trouble on your mind
Like the knowledge that your trousers badly need a patch behind.
I have noticed when misfortune strikes the hero of the play,
That his clothes are worn and tattered in a most unlikely way;
And the gods applaud and cheer him while he whines and loafs around,
And they never seem to notice that his pants are mostly sound;
But, of course, he cannot help it, for our mirth would mock his care,
If the ceiling of his trousers showed the patches of repair.
You are none the less a hero if you elevate your chin
When you feel the pavement wearing through the leather, sock, and skin;
You are rather more heroic than are ordinary folk
If you scorn to fish for pity under cover of a joke;
You will face the doubtful glances of the people that you know;
But -- of course, you're bound to face them when your pants begin to go.
If, when flush, you took your pleasures -- failed to make a god of Pelf,
Some will say that for your troubles you can only thank yourself --
Some will swear you'll die a beggar, but you only laugh at that,
While your garments hand together and you wear a decent hat;
You may laugh at their predictions while your soles are wearing low,
But -- a man's an awful coward when his pants begin to go.
Though the present and the future may be anything but bright,
It is best to tell the fellows that you're getting on all right,
And a man prefers to say it -- 'tis a manly lie to tell,
For the folks may be persuaded that you're doing very well;
But it's hard to be a hero, and it's hard to wear a grin,
When your most important garment is in places very thin.
Get some sympathy and comfort from the chum who knows you best,
That your sorrows won't run over in the presence of the rest;
There's a chum that you can go to when you feel inclined to whine,
He'll declare your coat is tidy, and he'll say: `Just look at mine!'
Though you may be patched all over he will say it doesn't show,
And he'll swear it can't be noticed when your pants begin to go.
Brother mine, and of misfortune! times are hard, but do not fret,
Keep your courage up and struggle, and we'll laugh at these things yet,
Though there is no corn in Egypt, surely Africa has some --
Keep your smile in working order for the better days to come!
We shall often laugh together at the hard times that we know,
And get measured by the tailor when our pants begin to go.
......
Now the lady of refinement, in the lap of comfort rocked,
Chancing on these rugged verses, will pretend that she is shocked.
Leave her to her smelling-bottle; 'tis the wealthy who decide
That the world should hide its patches 'neath the cruel look of pride;
And I think there's something noble, and I swear there's nothing low,
In the pride of Human Nature when its pants begin to go.
poem by Henry Lawson
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Related quotes
No Pants On
My little sister is talking to me like an Army Commander!
But she has no pants on and i don't know why;
And i am exemplified by nature's care.
It is not easy when you are left alone without car,
So seek to know the truth always;
For she is naked before me and giving me commands,
But i have to let her wear her pants.
It is better to die a Bachelor than to fall into the traps of love,
For there is always a prey to where the eagle flies to;
And i am the easy access in her hand today.
DO grow with time and do learn a lot,
For i have no roses to share with the thief!
But i will try to pick you with my bicycle because,
My sisiter needs to put her pants on
Somebody needs to talk to her because,
She can't stop the rain from falling;
But she has no pants on and i don't know why.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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Adolescent hormones…
I have a devil in my pants
With a three pronged lance
Look here? Look there?
Look everywhere?
The whores of Babylon
And the wenches of France
Are serving up a dance
In my pants, in my pants
In my pants,
Yet; my heart wants romance.
poem by Mark Heathcote
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Laughter
I Laugh at Life: its antics make for me a giddy games,
Where only foolish fellows take themselves with solemn aim.
I laugh at pomp and vanity, at riches, rank and pride;
At social inanity, at swager, swank and side.
At poets, pastry-cooks and kings, at folk sublime and small,
Who fuss about a thousand things that matter not at all;
At those who dream of name and fame, at those who scheme for pelf. . . .
But best of all the laughing game - is laughing at myself.
Some poet chap had labelled man the noblest work of God:
I see myself a charlatan, a humbug and a fraud.
Yea, 'spite of show and shallow wit, an sentimental drool,
I know myself a hypocrite, a coward and a fool.
And though I kick myself with glee profoundly on the pants,
I'm little worse, it seems to me, than other human ants.
For if you probe your private mind, impervious to shame,
Oh, Gentle Reader, you may find you're much about the same.
Then let us mock with ancient mirth this comic, cosmic plan;
The stars are laughing at the earth; God's greatest joke is man.
For laughter is a buckler bright, and scorn a shining spear;
So let us laugh with all our might at folly, fraud and fear.
Yet on our sorry selves be spent our most sardonic glee.
Oh don't pay life a compliment to take is seriously.
For he who can himself despise, be surgeon to the bone,
May win to worth in others' eyes, to wisdom in his own.
poem by Robert William Service
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Vest
Why do you wear a vest?
Do you really need to wear it?
When you come to me…
Don’t you think it prevents me
From accessing you directly?
Come to me only with your
Buttoned up tucked in shirt,
Leave the rest to me…
What to do, how to do,
How long and how well to do.
The whys, hows and wherefores
Of doing things to you…
And when I do those things to you,
You’ll come back to me again
And again and again, and those
Endless times and again…
With that vestless shirt of yours
So that I could do those things
To you, unbuttoning so many ways
Of seeking the pleasures in you.
Don’t tell me where to begin.
I know the beginnings and the endings
The tops, the bottoms and the tips
The line breaks and the paragraphs
The commas, semi colons and full stops
All that punctuates to the last dot.
Not to forget your quest of queries
And my answers of exclamations!
I can do it in pairs or in singles
I know all the mixes and the mingles
I know what jerks and jingles!
I just know what you want
I can see it in your eyes…
I can feel it in your quivering voice
I can hear it in your ecstatic cries.
Let me practise before the final play
Let me trace you in your clothes -
And see what your shirt and trousers
Say! Hmmm…Feels Nice.
Doesn’t it? What? You loved it!
Wao! When? Oh, Yes!
I know that feels Nice.
When I touch you on those
Tips of yours, in the collars
And the pockets, on the left,
The right, the sides and the folds
Of that vestless shirt of yours -
And the pivots of your trousers.
Let’s get this over now.
Lots of practice had its way
Let’s now begin the final play
I know and I can feel that Bulge.
The Zip is panting to give you way
But it has to wait, you see…
For the buttons need to be undone
One by one, don’t make haste
Relax…slow down, breathe in,
Breathe out, savour every moment
Of your vestless shirt’s seduction
As the Fun has only just begun!
poem by Aparna Chatterjee
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Such A Groovy Guy
I got my alligator boots I wear my pants skin tight
I wear my dark sunglasses in the middle of the night
And when I look in the mirror im-a such an awesome sight
It makes me wanna kneel down and pray
Im so charming and adorable Im sure that you can see
And everyones always trying to hang around with me
They tell me Im the greatest and its hard to disagree
cause Im so perfect in every way
And Im so cute I can hardly stand it
And Im so handsome honey I could just die
I know that youll never be as wonderful as me but at least you can try
cause Im such a groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
Im such a groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
Im such a groovy guy
Baby are you in the mood for a little romance?
Well for starters I can pour some chocolate pudding down your pants
And then attatch electrodes to your brain and watch you dance
Oh, golly wouldnt that be fun?
And then I might decide to tie you up with dental floss
Ill make you wear a harness and Ill show you whos the boss
Of course if you refuse, well honey its your loss
I mean I dont do this with just anyone.
So how can you say its all over?
So how can you tell me goodbye?
So now you tell me that youre leaving me for good
And all I wanna know is why
I mean after all Im really such a groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
Im such a groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
Im such a groovy guy
I mean you could do worse!
Im such a groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
Im such a groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
Such a groovy groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
Im such a groovy guy (such a groovy guy)
(to fade)
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pants
Gonna take off my pants gonna take off my pants gonna take off my pants gonna take off my pants and your mama cant stop me and your papa cant stop me and the police cant stop me no one can st
Gonna do it right now gonna do it right now Im gonna take off my pants gonna take off my pants and your teachers cant stop me and your priests cant stop me and your firemen cant stop me and
President cant stop me will you take off my pants? will you take off my pants?
song performed by by Randy Newman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Let's Sew Our Pants Together
Raise the window
Its getting hot in here
All these breathers
And all of these suckers
Shake my hand now
Pleased to meet you but
Skin is pretty
But underneath you're a monster
Are we friends now?
Am I your brother?
Can we bleed together
Are we lovers?
Let's sew our pants together
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Let's climb right in forever
6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Then won't we all be so clever?
If we sew our pants together
Wake the next morning
One below the waist
But you want poached eggs
And I want to go to the bathroom
What do we do now?
What do we make of this?
Can my blood flow
Apart from your stitch?
Let's sew our pants together
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Let's climb right in forever
6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Then won't we all be so clever?
If we sew our pants together
Lets set our hair on fire
Lets throw our hearts in the mire
Lets sell our eggs to any buyer
We've made a liar of desire
Lets sew our pants together
Lets sew our pants together
We've made a liar of desire
We've made a liar of desire
We've made a liar of desire
We've made a liar of desire
song performed by by Weezer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Im Gonna Laugh You Out Of My Life
(cy coleman, joseph allen mccarthy)
Im gonna laugh you right out of my life,
Laugh, and forget this affair
Guess I was foolish
To care.
So Im gonna dance you right out of my dreams,
Try to be carefree and gay
I guess Ill learn to play
The part.
cause when our friends begin that
Heartless rumor,
I know Ill really need my
Sense of humor.
Im gonna laugh you right out of my life,
Make it a beautiful joke.
No one will know you broke
My heart.
But if I find you and i
Really meant that last goodbye,
Then Im gonna laugh so hard,
Ill cry.
~interlude~
But if I find you and i
Really meant that last goodbye,
Then Im gonna laugh so hard...
Ill cry.
song performed by by Nat King Cole
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Put Those Pants Back On
Look, BOY!
Pull those pants up.
Or either take them off.
'But POP? '
Don't you 'POP me boy.
You heard what I said.
'Ooookkkaaay.'
What are you doing?
Put those pants back on.
'That's what I've been trying to tell you.
I am overdressed these days.
Some of the kids are totally butt naked.
And they are allowed because they have high grades! '
So what are you saying?
You get F's on purpose?
'Well...
Kinda.'
Well..
Kinda put those pants around your waist.
And kinda do it with a belt.
I don't care if you are perceived,
To be the dumbest walking the hallways in school.
Your ass will stay covered.
Is that understood?
'Yes.'
Yes what?
'Yes, Your Majesty.'
Hee with two Haahs.
Now get out of here.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Another Day
What seems like such a winter's tale
Lightening runs through the fallen flames
By kneeling down we're here to pray
At that point forsaken unafraid
I only wanna feel you being strong
I only wanna feel you being strong
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
Feel my breath go cold and calm
My pride is last and I sin again
And all the seasons change their scent
A year of hell they come against my head once more
I only wanna feel you being strong
I only wanna feel you being strong
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
INSTRUMENTAL
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
song performed by by Texas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Another Day
What seems like such a winter's tale
Lightening runs through the fallen flames
By kneeling down we're here to pray
At that point forsaken unafraid
I only wanna feel you being strong
I only wanna feel you being strong
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
Feel my breath go cold and calm
My pride is last and I sin again
And all the seasons change their scent
A year of hell they come against my head once more
I only wanna feel you being strong
I only wanna feel you being strong
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
INSTRUMENTAL
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
Another day
Call me up and let's begin
Call me up and let's begin
You done that to me
song performed by by Texas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fundamental of Liar Chapter XXII: Laugh
there's laugh, forced laugh
laugh, gentle rejection without word
laugh, looking sympathy with laugh
laugh but actually doesn't laugh
hiding anger, hiding pain
cheerful laugh but alone inside
why you try hard to impress people?
tired and wounded more
laughing your foolish joke
and crying life in the dark room
laugh for yourself
laugh with your heart
and you'll never regret to try an honest laugh
poem by Maria Sudibyo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Caught With Your Pants Down
Runnin round with the wrong crowd
Goin out on a last stand
Playin too hard an too loud
Bad cards in a bad hand
Wanna dance, wanna sing
Whip you with that lickin thing
Tonight Im gonna kick up
Out drivin in a big truck
An maybe Ill get beat up
Caught with your pants down
Lining up for a roll call
Goin out with a big bang
Gettin caught in a shootout
Take it hard like a big man
Woman workin so hot
Givin it everything you got
Just like its never gonna stop
Tonight Im gonna kick up
Out drivin in a big truck
An maybe Ill get beat up
Caught with your pants down
She take em down down down
She rip off her stockins when the place start rockin
She was a woman with a mission, stick it in your face
Caught with your pants down
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mr. Hero
I found this hero today.
They looked right through me,
As though I were invisible.
They never noticed me,
What a smile I had on my face.
I am happy to see you, Mr. Hero,
But you don't see that I'm right here.
You're looking right through me.
You're not seeing that I'm here.
Mr. Hero, I am here to save you,
For you are my hero no longer.
I'm here to take care of you, Mr. Hero,
Not for you to take care of me.
Wake up, Mr. Hero.
I'm here to take your temperature.
I'm here to make sure you're all better.
Mr. Hero, I'm sorry to inform you,
But you're not my hero anymore.
poem by Shannon Nicole
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Rage Hard
(gill/johnson/nash/otoole)
Rage! rage! rage! rage!
Rage hard!
Laugh like the head of apollo
Young and strong on the wings of tomorrow
Rise up in millions get off your knees
Dispelling the demons
In the valley of danger
We all work together, sculptures in sorrow
With love light to follow, on
Sweet head of apollo
Rage hard, into the light
Rage hard, doing it right, doing it right
Rage hard, against the dark
Rage hard, make your mark
Let the tournament begin
Dont give up and dont give in
Strength to rise up, strength to win
Strength to save the wor(l)d from losing
Rage hard, into the light
Rage hard, doing it right
Rage hard, against the dark
Rage hard
Rage!
Rage hard
Though blue eyes of children
They shine without fear
Hope is the future, with oceans of cheer
Nothing to fear
Theres nothing to fear
Though laughter of angels resounding
From heaven keep fighting the favours
Of charlatan saviours, charlatan saviours
Rage hard, into the light
Rage hard, doing it right, doing it right
Rage hard, against the dark
Rage hard, make your mark
Let the tournament begin
Dont give up and dont give in
Rage hard, into the light
Rage hard, doing it right
Rage hard, against the dark
Rage hard, make your mark
I dont know which way to go
My loves like driven snow
When we past the test of time
My love you shall be mine
And if only, lost and lonely
Is all thats wrong with me, we ll be free
Be free, be free
Laugh like the head of apollo
Young and strong on the wings of tomorrow
Rage hard
Rage hard
Let the tournament begin
Dont give up and dont give in
Rage hard, into the light
Rage hard, doing it right
Let the tournament begin
Dont give up and dont give in
Strength to rise up, strength to win
Strength to save the wor(l)d from losing
song performed by by Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Battling Days
So, sit you down in a straight-backed chair, with your pipe and your wife content,
And cross your knees with your wisest air, and preach of the ‘days mis-spent;’
Grown fat and moral apace, old man! you prate of the change ‘since then’—
In spite of all, I’d as lief be back in those hard old days again.
They were hard old days; they were battling days; they were cruel at times—but then,
In spite of all, I would rather be back in those hard old days again.
The land was barren to sow wild oats in the days when we sowed our own—
(’Twas little we thought or our friends believed that ours would ever be sown)
But the wild oats wave on their stormy path, and they speak of the hearts of men—
I would sow a crop if I had my time in those hard old days again.
We travel first, or we go saloon—on the planned-out trips we go,
With those who are neither rich nor poor, and we find that the life is slow;
It’s ‘a pleasant trip’ where they cried, ‘Good luck!’ There was fun in the steerage then—
In spite of all, I would fain be back in those vagabond days again.
On Saturday night we’ve a pound to spare—a pound for a trip down town—
We took more joy in those hard old days for a hardly spared half-crown;
We took more pride in the pants we patched than the suits we have had since then—
In spite of all, I would rather be back in those comical days again.
’Twas We and the World—and the rest go hang—as the Outside tracks we trod;
Each thought of himself as a man and mate, and not as a martyred god;
The world goes wrong when your heart is strong—and this is the way with men—
The world goes right when your liver is white, and you preach of the change ‘since then.’
They were hard old days; they were battling days; they were cruel times—but then,
In spite of all, we shall live to-night in those hard old days again.
poem by Henry Lawson
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When You’re Bad in Your Inside
I remarked that man is saddest, and his heart is filled with woe,
When he hasn’t any money, and his pants begin to go;
But I think I was mistaken, and there are many times I find
When you do not care a candle if your pants are gone behind;
For a fellow mostly loses all ambition, hope, and pride,
When—to put the matter mildly—he is bad in his inside.
Bobby Burns was down on toothache, and it troubled him no doubt;
But you know a man can always have a molar taken out,
And be all right then, excepting for the duller pain that comes
To the hollow that is lying like a gully in the gums.
But you can’t extract your innards—they must stay within your hide,
And you’ve got to moan and cuss it—when you’re bad in your inside.
You dunno what to take for it—you dunno what to do:
You are puzzled to remember what has disagreed with you,
You lie in all positions—there is none will give you ease;
And you think an aching stomach is the king of agonies.
You feel as though your innards in a double knot are tied,
While the devil ties it tighter—when you’re bad in your inside.
Then you send that boy—that Harry—and you tell him to be quick,
For a shilling’s worth of brandy, “for a person who is sick”.
You make him swear to hurry, and he goes off like a shot;
But you wait an hour and suffer, and the brandy cometh not;
Then you look out through the window, and you swear to bust his hide,
For the wretch is playing football, while you’re bad in your inside.
Then there’s mostly some old woman, with your aunt or mother, too,
And it’s really quite indecent how she cross-examines you.
She insists on giving physic, and will hear of no excuse;
And dilates upon your bowels till you wish her to the deuce.
You wish she’d go and leave you—let you be and let it slide,
And go about her business, when you’re bad in your inside.
But she’s come to see you through it, and she bustles in and out;
And she talks of private matters that she oughtn’t talk about.
She proceeds to pill and dose you, and she vows that you’ll be ill
Till you’ve swallowed every nostrum—castor oil, and draught and pill,
And you wish, good Lord! that she would pass across the Stygian tide,
And nurse the gory Devil, when he’s bad in his inside.
But the hag is interested, and she bustles out and in;
And in various disguises give you nauseous medicine.
Till she’s shifted all obstructions, and has soothed your keenest pain
(Though her remedies may leave you a much sicker man again);
But she’s done her best to help you, for her sympathy is wide,
And you’ll bless that same old woman when you’re right in your inside.
poem by Henry Lawson
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Patches
Mother focused with a frown
The part of me where I sit down.
Said she: "Your pants are wearing through;
Let me sew on a patch for you."
And so she did,--of azure blue.
My britches were of sober grey,
And when I went to school next day,
The fellows said: "Excuse our smile:
We saw your patch 'way off a mile."
Said I: "Sure, it's the latest style."
So each boy asked his Ma to match
With bluer blue my super-patch,
And when to school they came en masse,
It was the emblem of our class,
Admired by every bonnie lass.
Now when I'm old and in my dotage,
I hope I'll have a humble cottage,
And sit me by a hive of bees,
A patchwork quilt accross my knees,
Warming my worn hands in the sun,
All ropey with the work they've done.
The work they've done to give me this
Brief bit of comfort, ease and bliss;
My pathway edged with cockle shells,
And bright with Canterbury bells,
That leads to where my humble thatch is,
It, too, adorned with straw-bright patches.
poem by Robert William Service
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I'm No Heroine
you think I wouldn't have him
unless I could have him by the balls
you think I just dish it out
you don't think I take it at all
you think I am stronger
you think I walk taller than the rest
you think I'm usually wearing the pants
just 'cause I rarely wear a dress
well...
when you look at me
you see my purpose
song performed by by Ani DiFranco from Imperfectly
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Laugh If You Want To
I don't care what that outside looks like.
Or that picture painted they want you to believe.
I've been living on the inside,
For years!
Day AND night.
And nothing about my life,
I will allow deceivers conceive for you to perceive.
The ones who have been smiling in your face,
Are the very same ones who slither around like snakes.
And they know I know them too well.
I've only recently begin to live a life,
Protected by faith and a happiness within that dwells.
Shocked they are,
I have survived going through their hell.
And that's the only reason why...
They have chosen you their next victim,
To smooze with a feast...
Before they sink their teeth in you,
With a demoralizing to then eat you alive.
And if you do survive...
You too will have that same story to tell.
Laugh if you want to!
That's exactly what they want you to do!
Laugh if you wanted to!
But don't come to me,
When they begin on you to chew!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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