The Grand Consulation
"Ambubaiarum Collegia Pharmacopeiæ."
--Horace.
If the health and the strength, and the pure vital breath
Of old England, at last must be doctor'd to death,
Oh! why must we die of one doctor alone?
And why must that doctor be just such a one
As Doctor Henry Addington?
Oh! where is the great Doctor Dominicetti,
With his stews and his flues, and his vapours to sweat ye?
O! where is that Prince of all Mountebank fame,
With his baths of hot earth, and his beds of hot name.
Oh! where is Doctor Graham?
Where are Sonmambule Mesmer's convulsions magnetic?
Where is Myersbach, renown'd for his skills diuretic
Where is Perkins, with tractors of magical skill?
Where's the anodyne necklace of Basil Burchell?
Oh! where is the great Van Butchell?
Where's Sangrado Rush, so notorious for bleedings;
Where's Rumford, so famed for his writings and readings;
Where's that Count of the Kettle, that friend to the belly,
So renown'd for transforming old bones into jelly--
Where, too, is the great Doctor Kelly?
While Sam Solomon's lotion the public absterges,
He gives them his gold[1] as well as his purges;
But our frugal doctor this practice to shun,
Gives his pills to the public, the Pells to his Son
Oh! fie! fie! Doctor Addington!
Oh! where is Doctor Solomon?
Where are all the great Doctors? No longer we want
This farrago of cowardice, cunning and cant,
These braggarts! that one moment know not what fear is,
And the next moment, trembling, no longer know where is--
Lord Hawkesbury's[2] march to Paris?
Then for Hobart and Sullivan, Hawkey and Hervey,
For Wallace and Castlereagh, Bleeke and Glenbervie,
For Sergeant, Vansittart, Monkhouse, and Lee,
Gives us Velno and Anderson, Locke, Spilsbury,
Doctor Ball, Doctors Brodum and Bree.
And instead of the jack-pudding bluster of Sherry,
With his "dagger of lath," and his speeches so merry![3]
Let us bring to the field--every foe to appal--
Aldini's galvanic deceptions--and all
The slight of hand tricks of Conjuror Val.
So shall Golding and Bond, the Doctor's tall yeomen,
Dame Hiley, Dame Bragge, and the other old Women,
For new mountebanks changed, their old tricks bid farewell to,
And to the famed D'Ivernois his arithmetic sell to,
That wonderful wonder, the great Katterfelto!
So shall England, escaped from her "safe politicians,"
Such an army array of her quacks and physicians,
Such lotions and potions, pills, lancets, and leeches,
That Massena shall tremble our coasts when he reaches,
And the Consul himself--his breeches.
poem by George Canning
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Doctor’s Day,2010
Doctor, doctor, carer of sick!
Doctor, doctor, healer on earth;
Doctor, doctor, noble is thine field;
Doctor, doctor, serve thine brethren well!
Doctor, labor all the more;
Clean and dress the chronic sore;
Let no person taint thine name;
Never forget thine great aim.
Doctor, let not wealth allure;
Doctor, lead a life all pure;
Doctor, try to always cure;
God will bless thee on earth, sure.
Dear Dr.B, K, Padmavathi M.D.,
‘Happy Doctor’s Day,2010! ’
From the Dean and staff of IRT, PMC
Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2010
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Doctor
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh the mess Im in
She walked up to me
And really stole my heart
And then she started
To take my body apart
*livin, lovin, Im on the run
Far away from you
Livin, lovin, Im on the run
So far away from you
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, Im goin fast
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, Im goin fast
Its only just a moment,
Shes turnin paranoid
Thats not a situation for a nervous boy
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, the mess Im in
But you look so angry
As I crawled across your floor
Shes got the strain,
And I cant take any more
*repeat
*repeat
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor, Doctor
Doctor, theres something wrong with me
My health is not all that it used to be
My heart is out of beat, I got chokers on my feet
My eyesights getting dimmer, I cant see
Doctor thanks for seeing me today, Im glad,
Ive got every sickness there is to be had
I had whooping cough last month
And today Ive got the mumps
And tomorrow Ill catch chicken pox as well.
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go now I can tell
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Those pills I took have no effect at all
Just the other day I had a nasty fall
And I think I broke my jaw when it hit the kitchen floor
And Im shrinking last week I was five foot four
Ive been getting shivers lately, is it flu?
I know the bug is going round, what can I do?
Its about to pick on me, Ive still got the other three
Do you think I caught smallpox Id get flu?
[chorus]
Do you think its time that I made out my will?
Ill leave everything to you to pay my bill
Just how long is there to go
Please tell me I want to know
But on second thoughts dont tell me, Im too ill.
song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Celebates
They must not wed the Doctor said,
For they were far from strong,
And children of their marriage bed
Might not live overlong.
And yet each eve I saw them pass
With rapt and eager air,
As fit a seeming lad and lass
As ought to pair.
For twenty years I went away
And scoured the China Sea,
Then homing came and found that they
Were still sweet company.
The Doctor and the Priest had banned
Three times their wedding ties,
Yet they were walking hand in hand,
Love in their eyes.
And then I went away again
For years another score,
And sailored all the Spanish Main
Ere I returned once more;
And now I see them pass my gate,
So slow and stooped and grey,
And when I asked them: "Why not mate?"
"We do," they say.
"No priest and village bells we need,
No Doctor to approve;
The Lord has wedded us indeed
With everlasting love.
How wonderful to understand
The working of His will!
Lo! We are walking hand in hand,
And sweethearts still."
poem by Robert William Service
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Old Village Doctor
In the village where he married,
Doctor Eldebury tarried;
And for fourty years our people knew him well.
How he listered us and bled us,
How with calomel he fed us,
Only I am living now to tell.
Though his drugs were deadly, yet his heart was kind,
And with voice tuned cheerily and high,
It was "Up, now, my little fellow! livly's can be!
Come, take your medicine like a little man,
And you'll feel better by-and-by."
Count the mossy marbles in the graveyard!
Our old doctor and his patients, there they lie.
All regradless of the weather,
They are waiting there together,
For that long-sought "better by-and-by."
Some physicians talk in Latin;
Some array their wives in satin;
As for our old doctor, such was not his way.
Gleaning fees of half a dollar,
Would you find a learn-ed scholar
'Mong the mountains, riding night and day?
Saddle-bags behind him, on his "pale white horse,"
To his far off patient see him fly,
Saying "Up, now, my little fellow! livly's can be!
Come, take your medicine like a little man,
And you'll feel better by-and-by."
Oh! the doses he invented!
Us in youth he tormented
With his plasters, and his powders, and his pills;
Water for our thirst denying,
Fevered though we were and dying,
While the cool springs wasted from the hills!
Yet he thought no evil, and he meant no harm:
We had faith--yes, hope when he came nigh
With his "Up, now, my little fellow! livly's can be!
Come, take your medicine like a little man,
And you'll feel better by-and-by."
poem by Henry Clay Work
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Just A Little Bit Of You
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
I told my mama how I feel about your power
Your love can heal, cant no doctors remedy
Ever do what you do for me
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Eeny weeny teeny bit of your love
Baby its all I need, its all I need
Since the day Ive been loving you
I cant catch a cold, I cant catch the flu
The sweet loving youve been giving me
Has become my daily need
Just a little o your love, every day
Its all I need, thats all I need
Just a little bit baby
Thats all I need, thats all I need
So dont send no doctor to my door
cause doctor john been here before
Dont you send him, just come yourself
Bring your loving and nothing else
Ooh just a, just a,
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
song performed by by Michael Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Happy Doctors’ Day,2008
All doctors are not demi-gods;
No doctor is miraculous;
All doctors are human beings,
Who help the sick and try to cure.
But doctors deal with human lives;
The profession’s noblest of all;
The Healer is Almighty God;
The doctor is His instrument.
The world is rife with ailments new;
The doctor strives his best to cure;
The doctor lessens suffering;
The miracles are done by God.
Yet, newer therapies have come;
The future for patients is bright;
Let people be more health-aware,
And live lives longer happily.
‘A Happy Doctors’ Day, ’08! ’
Pray God gives cures for more ailments;
The body’s, mind’s health stands foremost;
The doctor is like you, human.
Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2008
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.
quote by Jonathan Swift
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Shot (intro)
phones ringing babies crying]
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
nurse: Doctor's office could you hold please? Yes sir can I help you?
white guy: Yes I have a four o'clock appointment I'm here to get my shot.
nurse: Okay come right with me.
white guy: This isn't gonna take too long is it?
nurse: Here we are here have a seat right here.
white guy: Oh great thanks thanks.
nurse: The doctor will be right with you, and can I get you anything?
white guy: Uhh maybe a glass of water would be great.
nurse: Okay great.
[door shuts]
white guy: Damn, what is taking so long?
[door creaks open, funky music in the backround]
doctor Ice Cube: Yo wussup?
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
doctor Ice Cube: Alright, let's see what we got here uhh, Mr. White huh?
white guy: Yes sir that's me.
doctor Ice Cube: heh, I heard you don't like shots do ya?
white guy: No I sure don't.
doctor Ice Cube: Aww you're a big boy uhh this won't hurt a bit,
jus' uhh turn your head...
white guy: Let's get this over with.
doctor Ice Cube: yeah uhh, rub a little alcohol on there, right here,
for you, and uhh brace yourself!
[click]
[BANG
song performed by by Ice Cube
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Soul Doctor
Well I woke up this morning
Took your advice
I dialed the number
And I let it ring twice
Then I hung up
Now I tried to do
Everything I could
To save our love
And make it feel good again
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
I give you love, you aint giving it back
I cant take it
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
Ive been kicked in the corner
Im down in the dirt
I cant feel a thing
But I know it ought to hurt
Now your shaking my spirit
Im breaking my back
Im too blind to hear it
So I over react to satisfaction
If I could get me some
I aint talking, theres nothing to say
Misunderstandin, your walking away
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
The doctors soul intention
Let it be understood
Cant pull the strings of my heart
I aint made out of wood
Now I take what I get
To get what it takes
Need a little bit a love
Got a whole lotta heartaches
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Hey, a little bit of soul, oh yeah
Doctor soul is in
Heart and soul doctor
I need to see the soul doctor, soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor save my soul
Doctor soul is in
Ooh
song performed by by Foreigner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Are You Drinking?
washed-up, on shore, the old yellow notebook
out again
I write from the bed
as I did last
year.
will see the doctor,
Monday.
"yes, doctor, weak legs, vertigo, head-
aches and my back
hurts."
"are you drinking?" he will ask.
"are you getting your
exercise, your
vitamins?"
I think that I am just ill
with life, the same stale yet
fluctuating
factors.
even at the track
I watch the horses run by
and it seems
meaningless.
I leave early after buying tickets on the
remaining races.
"taking off?" asks the motel
clerk.
"yes, it's boring,"
I tell him.
"If you think it's boring
out there," he tells me, "you oughta be
back here."
so here I am
propped up against my pillows
again
just an old guy
just an old writer
with a yellow
notebook.
something is
walking across the
floor
toward
me.
oh, it's just
my cat
this
time.
poem by Charles Bukowski
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Shot
[phones ringing, babies crying]
White guy: hi how ya doin ?
Nurse: doctors office, could you hold please? yes sir can I help you?
White guy: yes I have a four oclock appointment, Im here to get my shot.
Nurse: okay, come right with me.
White guy: this isnt gonna take too long is it?
Nurse: here we are, here have a seat right here.
White guy: oh great, thanks, thanks.
Nurse: the doctor will be right with you, and can I get you anything?
White guy: uhh maybe a glass of water would be great.
Nurse: okay great.
[door shuts]
White guy: damn, what is taking so long?
[door creaks open, funky music in the backround]
Doctor ice cube: yo wussup?
White guy: hi how ya doin ?
Doctor ice cube: alright, lets see what we got here uhh, mr. white huh?
White guy: yes sir thats me.
Doctor ice cube: heh, I heard you dont like shots do ya?
White guy: no I sure dont.
Doctor ice cube: aww youre a big boy uhh this wont hurt a bit,
Jus uhh turn your head...
White guy: lets get this over with.
Doctor ice cube: yeah uhh, rub a little alcohol on there, right here,
For you, and uhh brace yourself!
[click]
[bang!]
song performed by by Ice Cube
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dr. Detroit
Don't you stop
Don't you wonder why
Life itself pops in
And takes you by surprise
Don't you try to run
It gets you from behind
Like a common cold
It takes you for a ride
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
Call me doctor (repeat)
No need to look
He's not in the book
The doctor's not an m.d.
What he does this time he does for free
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor My Eyes
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
'Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it's later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it's too late for me
Is it too late
Is it too late for me
Tell me doctor
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the price for having learned how not to cry
song performed by by Wilson Phillips
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lady & The Doctor
The lady keeps the doctor in a place inside her pocket
The circle made her circle like a wheel
The doctor gives a strange love, but the lady she dont knock it
Shes glad to get a piece of anything
Because the lady needs the medicine ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Doctor needs the lady to see
The doctor keeps the lady in a page in a book
On the history of communicable diseases
The ladys been to school, she lets the doctor play it cool.
He writes the script, she follows his lead.
cause the doctor writes love story so fine
The ladys learned to read between the lines
Sometime
The doctor, he takes housecalls where he visits the animals
In their stalls, shoots them full of juice and then goes home.
The lady hits the supermarket where she rides the aisles in a shopping cart
till she feels shes played enough of the part to set by ooh,
The lady feels its enough to just be good.
But the doctor has his need to be understood.
The doctor feels hes so abused and the lady feels shes so unused
And demands the doctor tends her daily parts.
Ooh, but the doctor just cant do it because so long ago the lady
Blew it, theyre too old now to make another start.
The lady feels the doctors made of stone.
The doctor heart, it just aint fond of ? home?
song performed by by Bruce Springsteen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dr. Bogenbroom
I have one foot in the graveyard and the other on the bus,
And the passengers do trample each other in the rush.
And the chicken hearted lawman is throwing up his fill
To see the kindly doctor to pass the super pill.
Well, i'm going down, three cheers for doctor bogenbroom.
Well, i'm on my way, three cheers for doctor bogenbroom.
Well i've tried my best to love you all,
All you hypocrites and whores,
With your eyes on each other and the locks upon your doors.
Well you drowned me in the fountain of life and i hated you
For living while i was dying, we were all just passing through.
Well, i'm going down, three cheers for doctor bogenbroom.
Well, i'm on my way, three cheers for doctor bogenbroom.
song performed by by Jethro Tull
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Day I Got My Finger Stuck Up My Nose
When I got my finger stuck up my nose
I went to a doctor, who said,
"Nothing like this has happened before,
We will have to chop off your head."
"It's only my finger stuck up my nose,
It's only my finger!" I said.
"I see what it is," the doctor replied,
"But we'll still have to chop off your head."
He went to the cabinet and took out an axe.
I watched with considerable dread.
"But it's only my finger stuck up my nose.
It's only a finger!" I said.
"Perhaps we can yank it out with a hook
Tied to some surgical thread.
Maybe we can try that," he replied
"Rather than chop off your head."
"I'm never going to pick it again.
I've now learned my lesson," I said.
"I won't stick my finger up my nose -
I'll stick it in my ear instead."
poem by Brian Patten
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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