Boy In The Pew
A boy in church sits in the pew.
His mind is not on sin.
In the background the preacher is preaching
and his voice is getting thin,
to the boy that is.
He's tuned him out.
He's not aware of the lecture or shout.
His mind is on more delectable things
like fishing and girls he knows.
The words of the preacher have not reached his ears.
His mind just simply goes
to a place where sin is not a fear,
to where a boy can always be
happy, lazy, boyish and free.
He closes his eyes and music plays
and the choir sings of God.
He listens and finally comes awake
and finds it really odd
that the words of a hymn
as he sits in the pew
can always reach his ears,
something the preacher can't do.
poem by Edwina Reizer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Preacher Boy
Jeanne burns / billie holiday
He was lanky and tall as a beanpole
And he wind fanned my heart to a flame
As he looked to the sky
And theres no wonder why
For preacher boy was his name
With his old yaller dog there beside him
And his eyes throwin sparks in the sun
I grew faint from the heat
From my heart to my feet
When I knew preacher boy was the one
Then he didnt say much
Hes the silent kind
But his arms were strong
Just the same as his mind
And my knees grew weak
As I clung to him
My preacher boy, my preacher boy
But he heard the call
Now hes left me
For his faith was stronger than i
And thought we are apart
Yet hes still in my heart
My preacher boy, my preacher boy
My wonderful preacher boy
song performed by by Billie Holiday
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Son Of A Preacher Man
(john hurley / ronnie wilkins)
Billy-ray was a preachers son
And when his daddy would visit hed come along
When they gathered round and started talkin
Thats when billy would take me walkin
A-through the back yard wed go walkin
Then hed look into my eyes
Lord knows to my surprise
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, mmm, yes he was
Being good isnt always easy
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin to me
Hed come and tell me everything is all right
Hed kiss and tell me everything is all right
Can I get away again tonight?
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, lord knows he was
How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes
Stealin kisses from me on the sly
Takin time to make time
Tellin me that hes all mine
Learnin from each others knowing
Lookin to see how much weve grown
And the only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, oh, yes he was
He was the sweet-talking son of a preacher man
I guessed he was the son of a preacher man
Sweet-lovin son of a preacher man
Ahh, move me
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Preacher Needs More Ram
I took the modem off the podium...
Just before the preacher sneezed!
I asked a doctor in a pew...
If the sneeze would spread disease?
And Doctor Blye looked in my eyes,
As if I was there for church.
I looked him up and down and said,
'I am here doing research! '
I came to hook the preacher up,
To a new connection!
He wanted all his emails sent...
And downloaded to the chatrooms.
I came to hook the PC up for online sessions!
But the preacher is displeased...
'Cause the modem seems to need,
More ram!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
I came to hook the preacher up,
To a new connection!
He wanted all his emails sent...
And downloaded to the chatrooms.
I came to hook the PC up for online sessions!
But the preacher is displeased...
'Cause the modem seems to need,
More ram!
oh Oh OHHH....
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet...
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Ahhhhaaaayyy
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
'Reverand Heath?
I recommend a live video hookup as well!
I think you will touch a lot of people.
I found myself 'slightly' involved.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Preaching is effective as long as the preacher expects something to happen-not because of the sermon, not even because of the preacher, but because of God.
quote by John E. Hines
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Preacher Can't Spell
this is for you, David Harris (LOL)
Have you ever heard of a preacher
who cannot spell?
never heard? oh, yes, i do..he he
were you able to read his notes for his sermons
and the words just scrambled
and the spelling is bad..oh, bad...
nahhh, i have noticed it..LOL
he went to school to learn
how to read and write
and guess what..spell the words right!
still, he can't spell it, his lips so tight
he seeped all the ink in his pen
he told me, that's why
and the pencil, he bite with all his might
see? what a beautiful sight.
his other excuse why he can't spell
is that his false teeth keep falling out
while typing...hmmmmm
and he cannot catch his teeth
and type straight at the same time.. (ok, , noted..he he)
But we love to hang around with this preachewr (preacher!)
Never mind if we will not be able to spell neither
What is important is the substance of his words
Words to live by, words to ponder why
Just love this Preacher, even if he cannot spell.
He is after all...the name that rings a bell....
Thank you for lafing..ehe..laughing...
at least.i made you smile even for a second..rihyt? LOL
And of course, with permayshoon from the prachry, David Harris.(ssshhh)
poem by Meggie Gultiano
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Lie Of All Lies
SOME YOUNG LADS SAT CHATTING MERRILY AND NOISILY WHEN A REVEREND PREACHER WALKED BY AND HE SAID TO THEM, WHAT BE THE CAUSE FOR THY NOISY CHATTER? HE ASKED AND THE CHILDREN REPLIED SAYING, PREACHER, WE HAVE PUT UP OUR SAVINGS FOR A WAGER! HE AMONGST US WHO TELLS THE GREATEST LIE WILL WIN THE WHOLE MONEY! THE PREACHER FROWNED AND SAID, LISTEN BOYS! IT IS NOT A GOOD THING TO TELL LIES! TAKE ME AS AN EXAMPLE! I HAVE NEVER TOLD A LIE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! STATED THE PREACHER! AND THE BOYS QUICKLY GOT UP, PACKED UP THE COINS ON THE FLOOR AND HANDED IT TO THE PREACHER SAYING, YOU WIN SIR! YOURS WAS THE BIGGEST LIE WE HAVE EVER HEARD!
poem by Overlord Don Manuel Ihcakeyno
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Amazing Grace
In the little town where I am the Preacher
every Sunday we are open
we sing what we call our healing hymn.
It is the last hymn of the service
and before we sing it, I ask everyone
to think of someone who is not well.
Whether they are at home or in hospital.
I ask them to picture in them in their mind
the person whom needs God’s help in some way,
and as they sing it,
think they are singing it to them as well as our Lord.
The hymn we sing is Amazing Grace,
what we call our healing hymn.
We raise our voices high without accompaniment.
If you heard us singing
you would not find a wrong note sung by anyone.
Instead, you would hear a choir of voices
like a heavenly choir.
24 May 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Preacher Tom
Preacher tom, your friends are many
And your good deeds are a plenty
And I know that God is plenty proud of you
Cause youve directed your attention
Towards a bright and shining mansion
God promise to the ones that pay their dues
Chorus:
So preacher tom, come on preach,
Let the one of which you speak have his way
Let his precious will be done
Preacher tom, come on
Teach of the one always in reach
Saying who so ever will let him come
Preach on preacher tom, preach on
Your smile is like the sunshine bringing warmth and joy to others
And love controls your understanding heart
And the message that you spread is just like water to the thirsty
A beacon that keeps shining through the dark
Repeat chorus twice & fade
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Precher Tom
Preacher tom, your friends are many
And your good deeds are a plenty
And i know that god is plenty proud of you
Cause youve directed your attention
Towards a bright and shining mansion
God promise to the ones that pay their dues
Chorus:
So preacher tom, come on preach,
Let the one of which you speak have his way
Let his precious will be done
Preacher tom, come on
Teach of the one always in reach
Saying who so ever will let him come
Preach on preacher tom, preach on
Your smile is like the sunshine bringing warmth and joy to others
And love controls your understanding heart
And the message that you spread is just like water to the thirsty
A beacon that keeps shining through the dark
Repeat chorus twice & fade
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ch 04 On The Advantages Of Silence Story 12
A preacher imagined his miserable voice to be pleasing and raised useless shouts, thou wouldst have said that the crow of separation had become the tune of his song; and the verse- for the most detestable of voices is surely the voice of asses- appears to have been applicable to him. This distich also concerns him:
When the preacher Abu-l-Fares brays
At his voice Istakhar-Fares quakes.
On account of the position he occupied the inhabitants of the locality submitted to the hardship and did not think proper to molest him. In course of time, however, another preacher of that region, who bore secret enmity towards him, arrived on a visit and said to him: ‘I have dreamt about thee, may it end well!’ ‘What hast thou dreamt?’ ‘I dreamt that thy voice had become pleasant and that the people were comfortable during thy sermons.’ The preacher meditated a while on these words and then said: ‘Thou hast dreamt a blessed dream because thou hast made me aware of my defect. It has become known to me that I have a disagreeable voice and that the people are displeased with my loud reading. Accordingly I have determined henceforth not to address them except in a subdued voice’:
I am displeased with the company of friends
To whom my bad qualities appear to be good.
They fancy my faults are virtues and perfection.
My thorns they believe to be rose and jessamine.
Say. Where is the bold and quick enemy
To make me aware of my defects?
He whose faults are not told him
Ignorantly thinks his defects are virtues.
Daddy Was An Old Time Preacher Man
(Dolly Parton)
Daddy was an old time preacher man
He preacher the word of God throughout the land
He preached so plain a child could understand
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
He told the people of he need to pray
He talked about God's wrath and judgement day
He preached about the great eternity
He preached hell so hot that you could feel the heat
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Aunt Leanona would get up to testify
And we'd sing "In The Sweet By And By"
The we'd sing "I'm On My Way To Canaan Land"
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Revivals and camp meetings went for weeks
Folks came from all around to hear him preach
Daddy said if one is saved it's worth it all
But the aisles were always filled at altar calls
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Daddy worked for God but asked for no pay
For he believed that God provides a way
We never had a lot but we got by
Guess it's 'cause the Lord was on Daddy's side
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Preacher Man
(Gary Rossington-Johnny Van Zant-Rickey Medlocke-Hughie Thomasson)
You know i'm dirty because it's in me
Life's not easy
And it's the heart that i won't change
I wouldn't be the same
You see me one day and then the next day
I don't wanna play
I'm not the same dog you have known
It's not written in stone
Well am i right or wrong
Lookin' out for number one
I never stay too long
I'm there and then i'm gone
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I've got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah
Saint was a sinner
Ain't he a winner
And did you hear him say
I didn't lie just as well
It's all in the head
Oh ain't it funny
How little money
Cheap talkin' honey
Can turn a sunny day to gray
Well am i right or wrong
Lookin' out for number one
I never stay too long
I'm there and then i'm gone
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I've got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
song performed by by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Don't You Hear Jerusalem Moan
Don't You Hear Jerusalem Moan
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Don't never let a chicken get big enough to crow
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Thank God there's a heaven and a ringing in my soul and my soul's got free
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Well a hard-shell preacher you can tell him how he do
Well he chews his own tobacco and he drinks his own brew.
Well a Baptist preacher you can tell him by his coat
Has a bottle in his pocket that he can't hardly tote
Well a Cambellite preacher his soul is saved
Well he has to be baptized every other day
Well the Holy Roller preacher he sure is a sight
Well he gets em all a-rolling and he kicks out the light
Well the Presbyterian preacher he lives in town
His neck's so stiff he can't hardly look around.
song performed by by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Confessions Of A Pretend Preacher
Being a pretend preacher
is almost like being the real thing.
People come to me in times of trouble
and who am I to turn them away.
I cannot and never will do
for reasons I cannot explain.
I hear their confession readily
an even relate to some.
I try to help wherever I can
with words that I can give.
Sometimes what you hear
can take its toll on you.
You never admit it though,
but keep on trying to help
wherever help is needed.
There are times you hear something
and it plays on your mind
over and over again
that you feel you will burst.
You never betray a confidence
of whom the incident is about.
Like a real priest’s rule of silence,
you obey it to the letter,
only telling the story
with no names attached
and after you have told it.
It exorcises if from your mind
and you can move on
to the next one who needs help.
My door is always open to help anyone.
I will never turn away anyone
who needs help from me.
I guess the role of a pretend preacher
really does suit me;
either that or I have grown into the part I play.
It doesn‘t stop my own heartaches of which I rarely tell.
The sadness that sometimes eats away at me.
However, you will never see it
behind my smiling face;
because that is the way,
I just want it to be.
4 October 2008.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Movement Iii - Crypt
Shanty
And so it was that I had grown
Into a youth uncertain, thrown
Amongst the lions and the lambs.
To pass the time we watched the children dance.
I used to come here when this place was a crypt.
Now the music plays.
Oh dont you sometimes wish theyd stick to the script
As the local preacher says.
Rain from heaven will blessings bring,
Behold the harvest grown. r
Ian from heaven falls down on you,
But me, I feel alone.
Preacher (sympathetically)
Alone.
Shanty
Alone.
Preacher
If they wont come to worship
God in a church
Something must be done.
We have to instigate a nationwide search
For a way to make it fun.
Rain from heaven will blessings bring,
Behold the harvest grown.
Shanty and preacher
Rain from heaven falls down on you,
Shanty
But me, I feel alone.
Alone.
Here now,
What am I doing here now?
Hear me,
Why do you never hear me?
Why do you never hear me?
Mary dee (as half-ghost)
Ill always be here.
Ill never leave you.
Ill always be in your mind.
Dreams of the future,
Ghosts of the past left behind.
Womens chorus
(ah)
Shanty
Thought I had a vision
Lying in a graveyard,
Thought I heard a melody inside.
Could it be the future,
Speaking with the voice of those who died?
Thought I saw a kingdom,
Happiness and laughter,
Somewhere for an innocent to play.
Is there any justice?
Do these things still happen in this way?
Mary dee
Dont tell him no,
It isnt fair.
For he was told by those who know
There was love everywhere.
Shanty
Love everywhere.
Mary dee
Nows the time to tell him,
While his mothers crying.
Break it to him gently as she weeps.
Let him know his father
Will be well looked after, where he sleeps.
Chorus (ghosts)
Hes sleeping amongst us.
Hes in our dreams.
Dont worry. hes with us now.
Shanty
Dont say its so,
It isnt fair.
For I was told by those who know
There was love everywhere.
Alone.
song performed by by Paul McCartney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Preacher's Son
Twenty years,
The father’s reign
A tool of God,
He cannot gain
The strength for war,
Or heart for love,
So silently he hides the dove
A preacher’s son,
A soul so safe
Hidden from life
Inside his faith
His winter scar;
A line of blood
A rush of faith
A mental flood
Of gods and demons
Fighting war,
Of church filled boys
And sin filled whores
The way is seen
The only one,
The preacher’s gold,
The preacher’s son
poem by Jack Cropes
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Missing Angels and Gallant Knight
The silence tells the girls and gkids are gone,
An emptiness I face for another few morns,
I look around with feelings so low empotionally,
...
That stirs the mind and heart very deeply.
Drowned in thoughts of my angels three,
And my gallant knight never did set me free.
Their glistenning smile upon their youthful face,
Fills my heart and makes the world a happy face.
The soft sweet gentle voice echoing in my ears,
Dries up the ever threatenning salty tears.
Awaited impatiently, ..frozen for the telephone call
For the melodious voice 'we are fine' thats all.
Then came the expected shrill of that precious ring
'Biggy we are in Colombo' and perfect in everything.
Though Miles apart their words music to my ears,
Happiness did kindly smile and dimmed my fears.
Safe in the loving arms of my neice and sister,
Relax I rest my mind and my heart free of blisters!
happy holidays...
poem by Shirani Ibrahim
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Easter Sermon
Each Easter three words come to mind, Betrayal, Crucifixion and Resurrection. We wonder how these can be relevant within our daily lives.
Betrayal.
Betrayal normally comes from people we hold close, friends and even our family.
Crucifixion.
Crucifixion comes from the words they bandy about to others making us look as if we are nasty and cheap. We then get the sly glances and whispering remarks behind our back from others whose words are based on what the betrayer has said.
Resurrection.
Resurrection comes when we rise above the sly remarks and innuendoes that are said. Rise above them and start a new and better life.
Yes, those three words are relevant within our daily lives. We need only look, around and we will see them everyday in people’s lives and we have probably felt them ourselves in our own lives from time to time.
Amen
12 April 2009
Author’s Note.
For those who may not know I am a pretend Preacher in a Western Town called Deadwood which I helped build. I have a church and as the Preacher I have to give a service on the Sundays whenever we are there. The above is my Easter Sermon I delivered on Sunday 12 April 2009. I always keep my sermons short to ensure no one falls asleep while I am delivering them. Thank you for reading this.
DVH.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Ichabod - The Story of Discontent (Narrative)
This story's for the humble
And I'll hide identities
For it may make you stumble
To know the realities.
It's about a nice preacher
Of a known denomination
Who aspired to be richer
Through his good congregation.
In a rented house he lived
With his lovely wife and children
But he wanted to receive
A better blessing from men.
So without much ado
He relayed in his preaching
A new house will do
So increase with your giving.
He said 'We'll build a Center
That will then accommodate
Five thousand new members,
And this church will be great.
But before that you must
Build a nice house for me
I hope you will trust
It's for our testimony.'
So poured the donations
And the gift offerings
For his house construction
With complete furnishings.
After the house, he needed
A new car for his trips,
So in preaching he related
Added needs in the worship.
'A Crosswind is fine'
Said he to the people,
'It's an Isuzu line
And the price reasonable.'
So he got the new wheels
And with peace for a moment,
But the joy that he feels
Soon leads back to discontent.
After a year, a predicament-
Another car he had wanted
Made known his sentiment,
Again the people submitted.
'A Mitsubishi Pajero,
It's the best for our missions
Will you let me know
Your complete contributions.'
When the giving was done
And the money was counted,
'For those who gave none
No prayers will be said.'
What kind of a shepherd
Will say such a prayer?
From heaven God heard
This very selfish preacher.
After that his own son
Brought sin to the church,
A curse that's undone
Took him down from his perch.
Though he preached with full volume
It was empty of Power
For the God Who consumes
Has abandoned the preacher.
Now seven years later
There is still no Center,
Eventually the Rapture
May not carry this preacher.
'Ichabod' - The glory of the Lord has
departed.
'We too often love things and use people, when we should be using things and loving people.'
..................................... .................................................
April 10,2009
Philippines
poem by Cynthia Buhain-Baello
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time there lived a preacher.
He was very famous one in the Christian world.
He was the best teacher.
He taught the Word of our Lord.
He visited so many places,
So many people had joined the church,
He saw so many faces,
For lonely hearts he did search.
Once his boat had come to an island,
An island where only one man lived,
That man was not christened,
The Word of our Lord was not sieved.
It took a preacher a long time
To teach the man the prayers
But then he saw the man’s eyes shine
And full of sincere tears.
At the end of the day the preacher had left,
But what he has seen surprised.
The man running on the water was so deft,
That fact he could not realized.
At first he thought about God himself
Or may be it was an ocean elf.
He fell down on his knees and prayed
But he was more surprised
Hearing the islands man’s voice:
“Hey, man! I had no choice.
I forgot the last prayer.
Can you repeat it, man?
I’ll be your best payer.”
Larisa R (Odessa, Ukraine)
poem by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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