Just a tad snookered?
I Mighta Been a tad snookered
I remember you dimly
Through the fog of Jack Daniels
have vague memories of whipped cream
And naked cocker spaniels
I gave you my number
But didn’t get yours
Jack Daniels just makes me dumber
But it does open up my pores
We met at “Ozzie’s Big House of Burlap”
Our meeting I think, was brief
If you can, please call me asap
Cause I surely am in need of my teeth
This might sound kinda stupid
And you just might could be right
But I think I left my dentures
In your Silverado last night
poem by David Whalen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
She's Got The Jack
She gave me the Queen
She gave me the King
She was wheelin' and dealin'
Just doin' her thing
She was holdin' a pair
But I had to try
Her Deuce was wild
But my Ace was high
But how was I to know
That she'd been dealt with before
Said she'd never had a Full House
But I should have known
From the tattoo on her left leg
And the garter on her right
She'd have the card to bring me down
If she played it right
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Poker face was her name
Poker face was her nature
Poker straight was her game
If she knew she could get you
She played 'em fast
And she played 'em hard
She could close her eyes
And feel every card
But how was I to know
That she'd been shuffled before
Said she'd never had a Royal Flush
But I should have known
That all the cards were comin'
From the bottom of the pack
And if I'd known what she was dealin' out
I'd have dealt it back
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, and who knows what else?
She's got the jack, yeah, yeah
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack,
Ooh, It was a bad deal, (Jack)
She gave me the (Jack), hey
She's got the (Jack), she's got the (Jack)
She's got the (Jack), ooh can't you tell
She's got the (Jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack)
(She's got the jack, she's got the Jack)
She's got the jack, she's got the Jack
She's got the jack, you never know!
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, and it hurts!
(She's got the jack)
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Aaaaaah!
Oooooh!
Thank you, thank you, thank you people, thank you, thank you
I'm glad you like the show, yes, thank you very much folks.
Goodnight and God bless
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Black Jack Blues
Ow ow ow ow ow
This is the story of a man
He had a problem with gambling
He liked AA, he was a real big fan
But that didn't help and he just kept rambling
ow ow ow ow ow
He visited this casino in Las Vegas
He was hoping to gamble less
But it just didn't work, he couldn't hack it
He was just too addicted to Black Jack
ow ow-ow ow ow ow
He is the black jack man
He has the black jack blues
He's the number one fan
ow ow ow whoo hoo
He didn't know what to do
His wife had already left him, that beautiful Maggie Sue
He had nothing left to live for
Those black jack blues were killing him more and more
ow ow-ow ow ow ow
He is the black jack man
He has the black jack blues
He's the number one fan
ow ow ow whoo hoo
whoa oh oh whoo hoo
song performed by by Fleetwood Mac
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dumb and Dumber To
Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels, Angela Kerecz, Kathleen Turner, Jeff Daniels, Paul Blackthorne, Rob Riggle
from Dumb and Dumber To (2014)
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Jack U Off
If ure looking for somewhere to go
Thought Id take u to a movie show
Sittin in the back and Ill jack u off
I cant give u everything u want
But I can take u to a restaurant
If ure not hungry
Ill jack u off
If your man aint no good
Come on over to my neighborhood
We can jump in the sack and Ill jack u off
If ure tired of the masturbater
Little girl, we can go on a date
And if u like, Ill jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off
I only do it for a worthy cause
Viriginity or menopause
Ull have an instant heart attack if I jack u off
If u really really want to be a star
We gotta do it in your mommas car
Naked in a cadillac, Ill jack u off
If we cant find no place to go
Girl, Ill take u to a movie show, we can sit in the back
And Ill jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off, jack u off
Ill jack u off, yeah
Yeah, yeah, Ill jack u off
Alright say, well put some funk on here
Ill jack u off
If u aint chicken baby, come here
If ure good Ill even let u steer
As a matter of fact, u can jack me off
Yeah, thats right
Ill jack u off, yeah
Ill jack u off
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.
quote by Frank Sinatra
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Well Its True That We Love One Another
Well its true that we love one another
I love jack white like a little brother
Well holly I love you too but theres
Just so much that I dont know about you
Jack give me some money to pay my bills
All the dough I give you holly
You been using on pain pills
Jack will you call me if youre able?
I got your phone number written
In the back of my bible
Jack I think your pulling my leg
And I think maybe I better ask meg
Meg do you think jack really loves me?
You know, I dont care because
Jack really bugs me
Why dont you ask him now?
Well I would meg
I really just dont know how
Just say jack , do you adore me?
Well I would holly but love really bores me
Well maybe we should just be friends
Im just kidding holly
You know that Ill love you til the end
Well its true that we love one another
I love jack white like a little brother
Well holly I love you too but theres
Just so much that I dont know about you
Holly give me some of your english lovin
If I did that jack Id have one in the oven
Why dont you go off and just love yourself
If I did that holly there wont be anything
Left for anybody else
Jack its too bad about the way you look
You know I gave that horse a carrot
So hed break your foot
Will the two of you cut it out
And tell em what its really all about
Well its true that we love one another
I love jack white like a little brother
Well holly I love you too but theres
Just so much that I dont know about you
song performed by by White Stripes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's True That We Love One Another
Well its true that we love one another
I love Jack White like a little brother
Well Holly I love you too but theres just so much
That I dont know about you
Jack give me some money to pay my bills
All the dough I give you Holly
You been using on pain pills
Jack will you call me if youre able?
I got your phone number written
In the back of my bible
Jack I think youre pulling my leg
And I think maybe Id better ask Meg
Meg do you think Jack really loves me?
You know, I dont care because Jack really bugs me
Why dont you ask him now?
Well I would but Meg, I really just dont know how
Just say Jack, do you adore me?
Well I would Holly but love really bores me
Well maybe we should just be friends
Im just kidding Holly
You know that Ill love you til the end
Well its true that we love one another
I love Jack White like a little brother
Well Holly I love you too but theres just so much
That I dont know about you
Holly give me some of your
English lovin
If I did that Jack Id have one in
the oven
Why dont you go off and love yourself
If I did that Holly there
wont be anything left
For anybody else
Jack its too bad
About the way that you look
You know I gave that horse a carrot
So hed break your foot
Will the two of you cut it out
And tell em what Its really all about
Well its true that we love one another
I love Jack White like a little brother
Well Holly I love you too
But theres just so much
That I dont know about you
song performed by by White Stripes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Packing Her Jack Daniels
She taught high school.
With the eagerness of a beaver.
Breath sweeten with peppermint.
With a quick wisp of her preferred beverage.
Scenting the air like mouth wash.
She would teach to her students,
Those required subjects and about life.
How to keep it real...
With a tad of spice.
The students liked her!
And she was quite nice.
But behind her desk...
In a small container.
She would keep her Jack Daniels,
Packed in ice.
Packing her Jack Daniels...
She disguised in a bottle,
Labelled 'Tonic For a Quick Lift'.
Everyone saw it.
And no one thought anything of it.
She did this for more than ten years!
And no one suspected a thing.
She was always cheerful and inebriated.
And sometimes she would stray in her lectures...
Bringing the kids to laugh to tears.
With 'Tonic For a Quick Lift' grasped tightly in her hand...
She would take a 'swig' now and then,
Do a little gargle...
Before she sat.
Daring not to stand.
And after school she would cruise,
Down her favorite avenue.
With a small nip bottle of 'Jack' close by.
As she would spy on her students.
Or so she told the police.
Who would constantly stop her...
For suspicions of DUI.
'Ma'am...
Have you been drinking? '
~Of course not!
What makes you think I've been drinking?
I am a respectable 'educator and motivator'.~
'Well...
I've watched you for more than fifteen minutes.
And you've been driving in circles on the track field,
On school property.'
~I'm preparing my next lecture.
Entitled, 'Keep On the Right Track'.~
'Ma'am...
I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle.'
~But I only have my slip on! '
'I know!
Remember me from last week?
That's when I stopped you...
And you were then preparing your speech,
On Extracurricular Activities.
And I was off duty then! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Everything I Love
(harvey allen/carson chamberlain)
Coffee keeps me up and I cant sleep
And when I drink too much then I cant eat
Losing you has led me to believe
Everything I love is killing me
Everything I love is killing me
Cigarettes, jack daniels and caffeine
And thats the way youre turning out to be
Everything I love, gonna have to give up
cause everything I love is killing me
I guess I made a big mistake
Thinkin youre a habit I can break
Well, Im addicted to you now I see
Everything I love is killing me
Everything I love is killing me
Cigarettes, jack daniels and caffeine
And thats the way youre turning out to be
Everything I love, gonna have to give up
cause everything I love is killing me
Everything I love, gonna have to give up
cause everything I love is killing me
song performed by by Alan Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Jack
Here's a song of the record high voltage
This one is a song about the clap
Now we call it 'she's got the jack'
We'd like to give this one to you
Psssst
Gonorrhea, oh no, i just had my first dose
Of gonorrhea
She gave me her mind
Then she gave me her body
But it seems to me
That she gave it to anybody
But i made her cry
And i made her scream (scream for me)
[audience screams]
I took her high
And i curdled her cream
But how was i to know that she had been there before
She told me she was a virgin
She was number nine, ninety-nine on the clinical list
And i fell in love with the dirty little bitch
She's got the jack
(i hate to tell you this darling)
I searched her mind
And then i searched her body
...but so did everybody
But she gave me her heart
And she gave me her soul
And a great, big - warn out
Empty hole
But how was i to know it had been filled in before
She said, "bon, i've never had the urgency"
She was number nine, ninety-nine on the critical list
And i fell in love with the dirty little bitch
She's got the jack
(i'll kill her)
(oh and it hurts)
You know, i woke up one morning, and there it was on the sheets - the clap
Now i know you all call it the clap over here so what i'm gonna do
I'm gonna say "she's got the --", and i want you all to shout out
Just what it is she's got, in this case it's the clap
And if you wanna know who gave it to her, don't look at me
She's got the ...
(i wanna hear your voices)
She's got the ... clap
She's got the ... clap
She's got the ... clap
(that guy down there, whatta you doing?)
She's got the ... clap
(yeah, you show me)
She's got the ... clap
She's got the ... clap
(she got that too, ha?)
She's got the ... clap
(i think what she needs ... is an angus young penicilian)
Angus young
Alright
She's got the jack
Oh yes she has
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All he cares about is going out there with his Jack Daniels bottle. Nothing has changed. That's kind of sad. If David was doing better than he used to be, then that would be different. But it was a joke and he made it that way.
quote by Sammy Hagar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Terms of Endearment
Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, Jack Nicholson, Danny DeVito, Jeff Daniels
from Terms of Endearment (1983)
Submitted by anonym
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We saw very little of the real Jack Buck behind the microphone. He would touch people in ways that we will never know. Jack was much more than just an announcer.
quote by Ozzie Smith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Romance is Dead © 17/5/09
Romance is dead
It fell to the ground
With a bullet in its head
It was a cold blooded killer
That pulled the trigger
While the children played
In the park, on the swings
Poor Romance went down
Without a sound, Without a fight
It didn't stand a chance
Noone came to the funeral
It was shown up for what it was
Big Businesses Marionette
which lay beneath the soil
Along with Romeo and Juliet
It never lived happily every after
In careless abandonment
It chose instead
To die beside Heathcliff
On a dampened bed
By Scott L. Daniels
poem by Scott Daniels
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Story of Uriah
Jack Barrett went to Quetta
Because they told him to.
He left his wife at Simla
On three-fourths his monthly screw.
Jack Barrett died at Quetta
Ere the next month's pay he drew.
Jack Barrett went to Quetta.
He didn't understand
The reason of his transfer
From the pleasant mountain-land.
The season was September,
And it killed him out of hand.
Jack Barrett went to Quetta
And there gave up the ghost,
Attempting two men's duty
In that very healthy post;
And Mrs. Barrett mourned for him
Five lively months at most.
Jack Barrett's bones at Quetta
Enjoy profound repose;
But I shouldn't be astonished
If now his spirit knows
The reason of his transfer
From the Himalayan snows.
And, when the Last Great Bugle Call
Adown the Hurnai throbs,
And the last grim joke is entered
In the big black Book of Jobs.
And Quetta graveyards give again
Their victims to the air,
I shouldn't like to be the man
Who sent Jack Barrett there.
poem by Rudyard Kipling
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Jack
Did you hear that horrific shrill break the silence of the night?
What made that unearthly sound that gave me such a fright?
I can’t believe you never heard it I thought it echoed out loud,
why even the trees cowered that seconds ago stood so proud.
Listen! There it goes again surely you heard it this time,
it was louder and more piercing like a high-pitched whine?
It was also much closer possibly only a 100 meters or so,
look the grass has turned, as though it wants to up and go.
What could frighten nature this way, I’ve never seen the like before?
It has to be something unnatural it’s the only answer I’m sure.
I wonder if it’s some kind of animal, or a primitive type of man
it can’t possibly be both… at least I don’t think it can.
Jack! Jack, where are you? This is no time for fooling around,
stop playing silly games… I can hear a breathing sound.
Did you hear that branch snap? It sounded like a cracked bone,
I don’t like it here Jack… I think I’m going home.
Please show yourself Jack, I don’t want to go and leave you alone.
I’m sorry; I can’t stay any longer, I can hear a deathly moan.
Why don’t you answer your mobile..? The line seems to be dead.
Jack you’re really frightening me, I’m going home to bed.
poem by Orlando Belo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Better Watch Your Back
Oh, living the life of a madmans wife, has got to be unreal
cause shes got to hold on to ground control
While jack does what he feels
Well he stays away, and then he comes home
And he never knows where hes been
Jack blasts downtown then hes over the line,
And then hes a kid again
Jack said its hard living in a dream, and its hard
Always giving in to me
*his wife saw jack in a crowd of boys and he was talking against
The man
She saw the guys getting dangerous eyes, and she knew it
Was never or then
So she ran on back an d said to jack jack, jack I wouldnt do that,
If youre gonna continue to give your opinion, youd better
Watch your back
Oh, jack said youd better watch your back
Said youd better watch your back
Said youd better watch your back
*said youd better watch your back, oh, jack
Had knock down dream, then he saw the man.
And thought hed save the day
Jack gave roar, made for the door, hed go to church and pray
Say jackie, religion and you, aint mixed well in the past
Remember when you smashed your fist on the eucharist,
Threw up in high mass?
Its hard always giving in to me
* repeat*
Oh, jack youd better watch your back, oh, jack, oh jack,
Oh, jack........
song performed by by Hall & Oates
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jack the Giant Slayer
Nicholas Hoult, Stanley Tucci, Ewan McGregor, Warwick Davis, Bill Nighy, Ian McShane, Eddie Marsan, Eleanor Tomlinson, Ben Daniels
from Jack the Giant Slayer (2012)
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Jack Cornstalk
Jack Cornstalk as a drover born,
Jack Cornstalk gaunt and tan,
Jack Cornstalk leaves his love forlorn,
Jack Cornstalk man to man.
Jack Cornstalk as a careless scamp,
With day-dreams in his head;
Jack Cornstalk on his lone, wide camp,
Jack Cornstalk with his dead,
Jack Cornstalk at his best and worst.
The day dawns on his brow,
Jack Cornstalk’s country must be first –
Advance Australia now!
poem by Henry Lawson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Jack And Jill
this is not the usual story of Jack and Jill,
this is reality
welcome. Jack married Jill
in 1985
the first year was bliss
until the second year
when Jack
was so pressured
in his work
and Jill who was left at
home
got so bored with nothing
to do
except to listen
to Jack's shifting
towards the corners
of insanity
and then one day
Jill cooked Chinese noddles
for their wedding anniversary
which of course
she did not recall
but Jack still had it vivid
in his mind
the expensive wedding gown
the diamond ring
and flashy car
and the well attended
grand reception
Jack went wild
and throw the hot noddles
in Jill's face
Jill went to the U.S.
married a white man
Jack finally landed
in a mental asylum
The house where they once
lived
got burned
nothing remained
except the vacant lot
foreclosed by
the bank
sad
Jack and Jill
did not live happily everafter
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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