An Irreverent Look At Some Favorite Nursery Rhymes
Hickory dickory dock
I'd run around the block
For just one kiss
Oh my, what bliss!
Hickory dickory dock
JACK BE NIMBLE
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
He burned his butt
The lad's a nut
Now he cannot sit
MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY
Mary, Mary
Quite contrary
Whats your garden grow?
"A row of tulips,
And one magic rose,
Guarded by a fairy"
HUMPTY DUMPTY
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;
(Dejected)
After his cell dropped her call
AT&T, with all its repair men,
Couldn't connect Humpty Dumpty again
LITTLE BO PEEP
Little Bo Peep lost all her sheep,
And didn't know where to find them
She left 'em alone,
hoping they'd come home;
But finally gave up at 7: 00 a.m.
JACK N' JILL
Jack n' Jill went up the hill
To fetch a six pack of beer
Jill fell down,
"You tripped me you clown"
"So much for sex later my dear"
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Related quotes
The Bliss Of Ignorance
When Jack took Nell into his arms
He knew he acted ill,
And thought as he enjoyed her charms
Of his fiancée Jill.
"Poor dear," he sighed, "she dreams of me,
I shouldn't act like this;
But after all, she cannot see,
And ignorance is bliss."
Yet Jill at that same moment was
In Fred's embrace close caught,
And just a little sad because
Of sweetheart Jack she thought.
"Poor dear," she sighed, "he loves me so,
And what's a little kiss?
Or two or three - he'll never know,
And ignorance is bliss."
Now in fond wedlock all is well,
Though in their nuptial bed,
Jack's thought will sometimes stray to Nell,
And Jill's to handsome Fred.
Yet though in fancy they may flirt,
There's nothing much amiss:
What they don't know will never hurt -
Aye, Ignorance Is Bliss.
poem by Robert William Service
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J.o.a.t.
There's very little I cannot do
After making up my mind to do it
"Jill of all trades" (my best virtue)
It's not my nature to say "I quit"
Lest up front I say "Aw screw it"
ROTMS
(
Dedicated to women who "Go it alone")
View poems, images and video at;
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Big Trouble at the North Pole
"Red alert"
Issued by Mrs. Claus:
"Big trouble at North Pole because;
"Santa and his elfin boys,
Quit production of the toys"
"Seems they drank to much wine n' beer
Christmas cancelled ‘til next year"
ROTMS
http: //youtu.be/EQ3Gm-JlESc
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Crazy Kiddie Ryehemmmmmmmmmm
GANGSTA WHISPHER... KIDDIE RYHEMMMMSSS
DEAR NBK MESSAGE
LITTLE KIDS RYHEMMMS
THAT NEVER CHANGE WITH TIMES
IT WASNT A SHAM
THAT MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
OR TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
I REALLY WANT A HUMMER CAR
JACK B NIBBLE JACK B QUICK
JACK CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND HAD A LITTLE STICK
HICKORY DICKORY DOCK
R KELLY INSISTS HE HAS THE BIGGEST ****
LONDON BRIDGES FALLING DOWN
MAKING THIS POEM LOL LIKE A CLOWN.
poem by kiki KEYKEY amador
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Handy Andy
"Handy Andy" (He's nicknamed):
A guy who builds homes n' fixes stuff
"No jobs too big or small" it's proclaimed
This hands-on guy is "No cream puff"
Let's not argue, and let's not bandy
Need something done?
Call "Handy Andy"
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Jack And Jill
this is not the usual story of Jack and Jill,
this is reality
welcome. Jack married Jill
in 1985
the first year was bliss
until the second year
when Jack
was so pressured
in his work
and Jill who was left at
home
got so bored with nothing
to do
except to listen
to Jack's shifting
towards the corners
of insanity
and then one day
Jill cooked Chinese noddles
for their wedding anniversary
which of course
she did not recall
but Jack still had it vivid
in his mind
the expensive wedding gown
the diamond ring
and flashy car
and the well attended
grand reception
Jack went wild
and throw the hot noddles
in Jill's face
Jill went to the U.S.
married a white man
Jack finally landed
in a mental asylum
The house where they once
lived
got burned
nothing remained
except the vacant lot
foreclosed by
the bank
sad
Jack and Jill
did not live happily everafter
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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So Within, So Without
"Opposites attract" is quite true
Of this there can be little doubt
When I look at me and see you
(And don't like what I see)
I prove "So within, so without"
ROTMS
http: //youtu.be/odifqe_8Ers
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poem by Ray Lucero
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The Dream
Said Will: "I'll stay and till the land."
Said Jack: "I'll sail the sea."
So one went forth kit-bag in hand,
The other ploughed the lea.
They met again at Christmas-tide,
And wistful were the two.
Said Jack: "you're lucky here to bide."
Said Will: "I envy you."
"For in your eyes a light I see
Of tropic shores agleam."
Said Jack: "You need not envy me,
For still you have the Dream.
"The Dream that lured me out to sea;
'Twas bright as paradise;
Far fairer than the memory
You see within my eyes.
So if my foolish urge you share
In foreign lands to roam,
Take up my kit-bag waiting there
And I will stay at home."
* * * * * * * *
Yet while the years have fated Will
To sow the sober loam,
The eyes of Jack are starry still,
High-riding hills of foam.
poem by Robert William Service
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Red Pill
The "Blue pill" induces blissful sleep
Administered by hearts black as coal
The "Red pill" shall set you free;
From global elite who want your soul
"Inform yourself,
Free your mind"
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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A Snake Yarn
"You talk of snakes," said Jack the Rat,
"But blow me, one hot summer,
I seen a thing that knocked me flat -
Fourteen foot long or more than that,
It was a reg'lar hummer!
Lay right along a sort of bog,
Just like a log!
"The ugly thing was lyin' there
And not a sign o' movin',
Give any man a nasty scare;
Seen nothin' like it anywhere
Since I first started drovin'.
And yet it didn't scare my dog.
Looked like a log!
"I had to cross that bog, yer see,
And bluey I was humpin';
But wonderin' what that thing could be
A-lyin' there in front o' me
I didn't feel like jumpin'.
Yet, though I shivered like a frog,
It seemed a log!
"I takes a leap and lands right on
The back of that there whopper!"
He stopped. We waited. Then Big Mac
Remarked: "Well, then, what happened, Jack?"
"Not much," said Jack, and drained his grog.
"It was a log!"
poem by William Thomas Goodge
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Poet Be True
Its not my style to scrape n' pander
Best be true to what feels right to me
Far better to be accused of slander
Than "Go along" or "Wait n' see"
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Obeah Healer
"Obiman" (a shaman) lives in Cuba;
Who can levitate and walk on water
Taught herbs n' healing by "Annuba"
A mermaid who gave him a daughter
Obiman's blood remembers "Mu"
Ancient homeland lost 'neath the sea
Volcanoes n' earthquakes left no clue
'Cept the highest peaks, Hawaii to Fiji
A few souls survived on "Easter Island"
Another peak of land above the waves
Living with stone sentries buried in sand
To despair n' isolation they were slaves
The magic of Mu in Obiman still thrives
In 100 years he's saved a thousand lives
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Small Cog In A Big Wheel?
We're told;
One person is puny and has no power;
"Your just a small cog in a big wheel"
Cosmic-clock soon chimes the final hour,
When all create again, from hearts who feel
"Big plans" give way to "Simply doing"
For God/Mother Earth always provide
Jesus shall minister once more;
Whilst (out back) the crowd is booing,
He's learned by now;
"Take everything in stride"
"As the season turns, turns, turns"
After dry-chaff burns, burns, burns;
Renewal!
God's gift to everyone;
Father,
Mother,
Daughter,
Son
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Some Of Their Laws Are Nothing But Farce
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty never did fall,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Weren't needed to put Humpty together again.
Why was this I hear you all say,
It has always been that is the way,
By saying it's not you are causing affray,
I'ts the reason Humpty's alive today.
When Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
It couldn't be built more than four inches tall,
So if and when he decides to fall,
The kings men and their horses won't need a call.
When Jack and Jill went up the hill,
They didn't fetch a pail of water,
Jack didn't fall down or break his crown,
Nor did Jill come tumbling after.
What is this nonsense I hear you all ask,
Tell us the truth or we'll take you to task,
Well Jack and Jill get their water by stealth,
That way they both remain in good health.
To ask children to work you must be a rotter,
Especially your son and your daughter,
It's like putting lambs to the bloody slaughter,
For that you'll find yourself in very hot water.
When Simple Simon met the pieman,
On his way to the fair,
He said you think that you're a fly man,
So eat my food if you dare.
Simon said I can't because your pie is far too cold,
As it doesn't have a sell by date, I can't say how old,
I've afraid I've got to tell you that your business must now fold,
My gift gift of observation is a power to behold.
Food unheated you must never eat,
If it's went cold you must not reheat,
Especially when it's a type of meat.
Or for sure you'll end up on the toilet seat.
Ring a ring of rosies,
No need to carry posies,
Atishoo atishoo,
Nobody fell down.
This was based on fact you know,
You cannot change all that,
Yes I can I'll tell you so,
You can't blame the poor old rat.
By allowing rats to thrive you see,
Is good for all as they run free,
Killing them all I trust you'll agree,
Is bloody murder we must let them be.
Three blind mice three blind mice,
They no longer run they no longer run,
They got the police to the farmers wife,
Who was arrested for carrying a carving knife.
Now she's in jail for a very long time,
For attempting to commit such a heinous crime,
The mice have a life that is really sublime,
As over the bread and cheese they climb.
Mice are creatures that easily please,
It's wrong to say that they spread disease,
That statement can only be classed as sleaze,
As for cutting their tails off their must be a freeze.
These prime examples I'm sure you will find,
They are not just barbaric they are so unkind,
You all now must get it into your mind,
In Health and Safety they are all now enshrined.
Though it's something the majority really deplore,
You can no longer do what you want anymore,
Big brother is watching your every chore,
It would destroy your soul to the very core.
If we obeyed all the rules Health and Safety impose,
The worlds economies would come to a close,
Their guidelines for working are unclear and sparse,
'' Some Of Their Laws Are Nothing But Farce ''
She's Got The Jack
She gave me the Queen
She gave me the King
She was wheelin' and dealin'
Just doin' her thing
She was holdin' a pair
But I had to try
Her Deuce was wild
But my Ace was high
But how was I to know
That she'd been dealt with before
Said she'd never had a Full House
But I should have known
From the tattoo on her left leg
And the garter on her right
She'd have the card to bring me down
If she played it right
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Poker face was her name
Poker face was her nature
Poker straight was her game
If she knew she could get you
She played 'em fast
And she played 'em hard
She could close her eyes
And feel every card
But how was I to know
That she'd been shuffled before
Said she'd never had a Royal Flush
But I should have known
That all the cards were comin'
From the bottom of the pack
And if I'd known what she was dealin' out
I'd have dealt it back
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, and who knows what else?
She's got the jack, yeah, yeah
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack,
Ooh, It was a bad deal, (Jack)
She gave me the (Jack), hey
She's got the (Jack), she's got the (Jack)
She's got the (Jack), ooh can't you tell
She's got the (Jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack)
(She's got the jack, she's got the Jack)
She's got the jack, she's got the Jack
She's got the jack, you never know!
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, and it hurts!
(She's got the jack)
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Aaaaaah!
Oooooh!
Thank you, thank you, thank you people, thank you, thank you
I'm glad you like the show, yes, thank you very much folks.
Goodnight and God bless
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Black Hearts Hide ‘neath Black Dresses
Black hearts hide ‘neath black dresses
‘Whilst being called "Father and Priest"
"Abstinence makes Church grow fondlers"
So upon the naïve n' innocent they feast
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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(Ain't That) Just Like Me
Mary had a little lamb
His fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
the lamb was sure to go
Now ain't that just like me
well you know cracking up over you
you know that I love you (yeah)
love you (yeah)
Won't you come along there too
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put him back again
chorus
Hey diddle-diddle the cat had a fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such fun
and the dish ran away with the spoon
chorus
verse 3
chorus
It's all right now
Won't you come along there too
We're shaking now
Won't you come along there too
Come on baby
song performed by by Hollies
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Deaf House Agent
That deaf old man
With his hand to his ear--
His hand to hi head stood out like a shell,
Horny and hollow. He said, "I can't hear,"
He muttered, "Don't shout,
I can hear very well!"
He mumbled, "I can't catch a word;
I can't follow."
Then Jack with a voice like a Protestant bell
Roared--"Particulars! Farmhouse! At 10 quid a year!"
"I dunno wot place you are talking about."
Said the deaf old man.
Said Jack, "What the Hell!"
But the deaf old man took a pin from his desk, picked
a piece of wool the size of a hen's egg from his ear,
had a good look at it, decided in its favour and re-
placed it in the aforementioned organ.
poem by Katherine Mansfield
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Greatest Country In The World?
The days of innocence n' prosperity are gone
Vanished! Into a cloud of corruption n' greed
The promise of "Yes we can" was but a con;
To pacify, until plans to trash U.S.A. succeed
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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Entitlement My A$$!
Some call Social Security "Entitlement"
In order to down-play forced austerity
Tho' FICA was designed to aid retirement,
Feds seek destroy middle class prosperity
ROTMS
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poem by Ray Lucero
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