What A Crazy World
What a crazy world we live in,
and you can say that again.
For when we open up, ours mouths
sometimes the words we say,
just come out all wrong.
A Scottish friend of my wife
went to see the Doctor
as her pregnancy was over due.
The Doctor told her
he would give it another week
and then he would have to induce her.
When she went, home
and her husband asked how it went.
What she said next must
have come as a big surprise.
The Doctor said if I haven’t had it
in another week,
he was going to seduce me.
Another friend of Vera’s
went to the Doctor one day.
He asked, have you come on your cycle?
She quickly replied,
no my husband brought me in his car.
Vera must be learning from them.
When we were engaged,
my mother gave her
a large bunch of peonies.
She went to work the next day
and told all her friends about the flowers.
She then wondered why
they were curled up with laughter.
She told them about the flowers OK,
but her tongue couldn’t get a grip on peonies
and something else came out instead.
What a crazy world we live in
and I wouldn’t change it in anyway.
21 February 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
A Doctor’s Mistake
As towns flourish and teem with life
Of all colours and creeds
In one of them lived with his wife
A doctor, with certain needs
Life and practice were more than good
He’d friends on every side
Yet took to drugs so oft he could
Which soon would turn the tide
One day a bad mistake was made
A fault he tried to hide
With pills a man in bed was laid
Who very nearly died
His medicine was wrong of course
The doctor was so high
The dose he gave could kill a horse
A man would surely die
For many years the doctor’s wife
Had prayed both night and day
For God to change her husband’s life
And take the drugs away
Her prayers were heard God saw how sad
His daughter lived with tears
Although her husband’s deeds were bad
God freed them of their fears
The doctor’s heart began to melt
He joined his wife in prayer
“Oh Lord my God what guilt I’ve felt
Since knowing You are there”
Salvation came because a wife
Had knelt in fervent prayer
Not only had her husband life
But now! Life’s Truth they share.
poem by Michael P. Johnson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A patient going to a doctor for his first visit was asked, "And whom did you consult before coming to me?"
"Only the village druggist," was the answer.
"And what sort of foolish advice did that numbskull give you?" asked the doctor, his tone and manner denoting his contempt for the advice of the layman.
"Oh," replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, "he told me to come and see you."
The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Seeing Double
(ian hunter)
Doctor, doctor, am I alright?
I keep on stayin up - all through the night
Smokin, drinkin, watchin t.v. til the light
Its been a long time since I slept
All I seem to think about is what I aint yet
Im seeing double
Doctor, doctor, am I in need?
Seems like theres somethin wrong with me
Underneath this stone lies a different guy
My head says yeah - my body says no
I cant seem to get up - I cant seem to go
Im seeing double
In the middle of my life - its just a little strange
All those people - theyre alright - if theyd stop messin with my brain
I remember when the world was new
Doctor, doctor, what can you do?
Im tired of runnin - give me something to slow down
Aint been to bed in over a week
I cant catch up son sleep - its playing hide n seek
Im seeing double
song performed by by Ian Hunter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor, Doctor
Doctor, theres something wrong with me
My health is not all that it used to be
My heart is out of beat, I got chokers on my feet
My eyesights getting dimmer, I cant see
Doctor thanks for seeing me today, Im glad,
Ive got every sickness there is to be had
I had whooping cough last month
And today Ive got the mumps
And tomorrow Ill catch chicken pox as well.
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go now I can tell
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Those pills I took have no effect at all
Just the other day I had a nasty fall
And I think I broke my jaw when it hit the kitchen floor
And Im shrinking last week I was five foot four
Ive been getting shivers lately, is it flu?
I know the bug is going round, what can I do?
Its about to pick on me, Ive still got the other three
Do you think I caught smallpox Id get flu?
[chorus]
Do you think its time that I made out my will?
Ill leave everything to you to pay my bill
Just how long is there to go
Please tell me I want to know
But on second thoughts dont tell me, Im too ill.
song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Talking To Animals (Fun Poem 97)
For those who don’t have pets
won’t know what I mean,
but for those who do
will know just what I mean.
I am not Doctor Dolittle,
but I talk to animals all the time
and they talk back to me.
That to some may sound crazy
while others will know
what I am talking about.
I had a friend once
and he never had a pet of any sort.
He did a small collection round
and one evening while out
he knocked on this particular door.
The owner’s cat lay on the doorstep
having comfortable forty winks.
My friend knelt down and stroked him
then he asked the cat.
Meow once if they are in
and twice if they are not.
The cat meowed twice.
My friend thanked the cat
and then went next door.
They answered after his first knock
and the first words they said were
next door are not in.
My friend replied I know,
their cat told me.
At which they looked at him strangely
as if he were a bit crazy.
However, I believed him
having cats of my own.
I talk to them all the time
and they talk right back to me.
20 March 2009
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Comedy of Error
A couple went to the family doctor
Husband to get his usual insulin dose
And wife takes her contraceptive injection.
There is a new doctor in the absence of the Physician.
The new doctor is really an absent minded mediocre
Who does illegal abortions?
It seems by mistake the syringes being changed
And the husband got the contraceptive and wife the insulin.
Then after sometimes she conceived for the fifth occasion.
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor’s Day,2010
Doctor, doctor, carer of sick!
Doctor, doctor, healer on earth;
Doctor, doctor, noble is thine field;
Doctor, doctor, serve thine brethren well!
Doctor, labor all the more;
Clean and dress the chronic sore;
Let no person taint thine name;
Never forget thine great aim.
Doctor, let not wealth allure;
Doctor, lead a life all pure;
Doctor, try to always cure;
God will bless thee on earth, sure.
Dear Dr.B, K, Padmavathi M.D.,
‘Happy Doctor’s Day,2010! ’
From the Dean and staff of IRT, PMC
Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2010
poem by John Celes
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Bad Habits & Infections
Come to me like Im the doctor
Say you need someone to talk ta
You want advice go ask your mother
One bad turn deserves another
cause Ive been cursed with your infection
Makin my head hurt makin my eyes burn
Youve taken me in the wrong direction
And left me there with no protection
Bad habits can be cured by cutting
Them out
Infections can be cured by cutting
Them out
Maybe youll find a friend up in the
Rainbow room
If you can dodge the drinks that
Theyve been throwing at you
Anyway, your boyfriend should be
Coming home soon
Then you can hide your life away
Bad habits can be cured by cutting
Them out
Infections can be cured by cutting
Them out
Come to me like Im the doctor
Come to me like Im the doctor
Come to me like Im the doctor
I am the doctor
I am the doctor
song performed by by Hall & Oates
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Two Fortune Tellers Said
When Vera and I first met,
a second marriage
was the last thing on her mind.
Her first husband had not long run off
with a fourteen year old
and left this world in a suicide pact.
Some years earlier,
a Fortuneteller had told her
she would never end her days with him.
She would meet a tall dark person
sooner than she thought.
She shrugged off the suggestion,
as she never wanted to marry again.
With a failed marriage
that only brought her grief.
She was not going to take the chance again.
Once was enough.
She could never trust
anyone again.
Years earlier in my life
a Fortuneteller told me
I would settle down
with someone with the initial D.
My way of thinking that was a Christian name
like Dorothy or Diane,
but not a surname.
When her husband died
being a friend I attended his funeral,
never dreaming that one day
his widow would
eventually become my wife.
After all her name began
with a V and not a D.
Then a group of his friends
met one night in a coffee bar.
Someone suggested one of us
take her out for an evening.
As there were no takers,
so I volunteered.
However, I joke about it now.
We went out together
time and time again.
When I asked her to marry me,
she wasn’t really sure.
Memories of her previous marriage
kept plaguing her,
but eventually she said yes.
After we were married,
she could not totally trust.
Even though she was reassured
that I was not like her first husband
and wouldn’t cheat on her.
That I wasn’t like that.
Almost two years passed
before trust slowly returned.
It was then she realised
that I was the one
the Fortuneteller had told her about.
You cannot get much taller than six foot three.
As for me and the initial D.
Vera’s married surname
began with the initial D.
Here we are through troubles thick and thin
fast approaching
our 38th Wedding Anniversary.
We’ve hardly been parted
within those years.
Not because of distrust,
but because of love.
We get lonely
whenever we are apart.
Now as for fortune-tellers,
I’m not sure what to believe.
It would seem a coincidence
that two different people
would predict our lives together.
This is true and I wonder
was it just a lucky guess,
or is there more to it.
I’ll let you decide.
21 March 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Cancer
he went to the doctor because of
a pain in his chest.
they gave him a physical and ran every test.
the doctor told him:
the results will come back within one week
then we'll sit and we'll speak.
the results came back, just like he said
and with it bad news, of which he had dread.
CANCER! how can that be, i am only thirty three.
what will happen, what can i do.
i have a family just like you.
what will happen to my children
and my lovely wife, how will she
survive in this uncertain life?
two kids to raise and her husband not there.
what is GOD thinking, does'nt he care.
i'll accept death, be it as may.
but i always dreamt with my children i'd play.
now with the bad news he had to face the family.
should he tell them the truth, or tell them a lie.
but sooner or later he would die.
that night with tears in his eyes
he told his family he was going to die.
the time i have left on this earth only GOD can tell.
and if i'll go to heaven, or if i'll go to hell.
so while i am here, i want to share my entire life
with my family, because with you is where i want to be.
we're going to do all the things that we've
never done before, like take a trip to the shore.
all the sports that we wanted to do
fishing, boating, hunting, hiking
and just some quality time all alone.
for i don't know when i'll be coming home.
i want you all to remember this:
this is not words of good-bye
for we'll see each other on the other side.
CANCER: THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU TAKE THAT DRAG
FOR IT MAY BE YOUR VERY LAST.
poem by Louis Rams
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Uncertain match plays in the ground of Radiation!
The whole World is sick and in the Asylum
Patients were given the Tranquilizers!
And they watch the match with Doctor Confused!
Thank God! The Sea is calm and there won't be any Tsunami?
The head umpire is not certain whether the ball touched the bat
And it's an out?
He's requested the decision from the match Referee.
An Alien comes with a deep cry from a different Planet.
Doctor asked what can I do for you?
'I am a fortune teller' He replied.
'Oh! You came in the right time and is it out? '
'I am not sure.'
'Then who wins the match? '
'That's uncertain.'
'I have a hole in the heart since my childhood and it's very painful
Even the Tetanus scared to approach and finish this sad story.'
Doctor gave him a Morphine injection!
And all is quiet now, match goes on!
I too watch this entertaining game from infinity!
To all the Cricket fans in gratitude!
(Including my friend JVL.)
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Doctor Doctor
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh the mess Im in
She walked up to me
And really stole my heart
And then she started
To take my body apart
*livin, lovin, Im on the run
Far away from you
Livin, lovin, Im on the run
So far away from you
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, Im goin fast
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, Im goin fast
Its only just a moment,
Shes turnin paranoid
Thats not a situation for a nervous boy
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, the mess Im in
But you look so angry
As I crawled across your floor
Shes got the strain,
And I cant take any more
*repeat
*repeat
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor My Eyes
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
'Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it's later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it's too late for me
Is it too late
Is it too late for me
Tell me doctor
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the price for having learned how not to cry
song performed by by Wilson Phillips
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Red Blood & Black Tears Part 4
in the darkness of her room,
calming her self,
she has been raped,
bashed,
and cut all over,
shes telling her self,
that there is no help for her now,
her lover was dead,
she had no family,
no life,
and no one to help her,
she was all alone,
then there was a knock at the door,
she ran for it,
she got there,
it was the doctor who help her love and her-self,
he said,
your husband die of a Disease,
a poison had killed him,
for one of his knifes,
he told her to stop or she might be the same,
as he walked away,
she walked back inside,
with a smile on her face,
she was pleased,
that her husband did not kill himself,
and that there was somebody who cared,
she started to think,
about was the doctor had said,
should she stay the same,
or change to a everyday person,
she was thinking,
and thinking,
the she said,
I will...
poem by Harley Morriss
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Just A Little Bit Of You
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
I told my mama how I feel about your power
Your love can heal, cant no doctors remedy
Ever do what you do for me
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Eeny weeny teeny bit of your love
Baby its all I need, its all I need
Since the day Ive been loving you
I cant catch a cold, I cant catch the flu
The sweet loving youve been giving me
Has become my daily need
Just a little o your love, every day
Its all I need, thats all I need
Just a little bit baby
Thats all I need, thats all I need
So dont send no doctor to my door
cause doctor john been here before
Dont you send him, just come yourself
Bring your loving and nothing else
Ooh just a, just a,
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
song performed by by Michael Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor My Eyes
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
Ive been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where there will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That its later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if its too late for me
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry
song performed by by Jackson Browne
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Suppose She Cannot Live By Trust
She married him for love alone he seemed a charming man
And she told her friends the World's greatest husband is my Stan
But love is blind or so they say which in her case is so true
And there is more far more to love than saying I love you.
He told her he loved her many times but words not hard to say
And after eight months of marriage he left her for some one new life often is that way
His little son who turned three in early February
He has not met and it would seem he has no desire to see.
With a married man she is having a clandestine affair
The husband of a friend of her's though with her one secret she will not share
That her husband with her is having his quiet bit on the side
By such secrets when they are leaked friendships have been destroyed.
What her ex husband has done to her to her friend she now do
Suppose she cannot live by trust if trust she never knew
Suppose she could find a single man to fulfil her sexual need
But she does not need one without ties for her that to love might lead.
And that to hurt again could lead by love she has been hurt before
And the burned child she dreads the fire she won't go back for more
She plays tennis with her lover's wife but to her she never say
Your husband he made love to me in my bedroom yesterday.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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