The World Outside My WIndow
There exists a big world outside-
It rained last night. - Puddles of water reflect the sun rising from
Behind cumulus clouds- A break in the storm-
A cease-fire of the thunder- Lightening strikes my heart with its
Unyielding pain and untamed rage-
I am locked inside a world of my own-
I bravely step over the threshold that
Defines my madness- hoping for a
Break in the clouds and for the sun to shed some light
Upon the darkness that consumes me- People are talking-
Inside my mind without interruption-
If I were to sing, it would be an elegy-
Leave no flowers to adorn my gravesite-
In this war I fight from day to day
Out in the world beyond my front doorstep
An army of three billion soldiers has been declared the enemy-
I am the victim- safety has evaded me- Locked inside the firing zone-
I am captive of intruders who wish to harm me-
Inside my mind, people are dressed to kill.
If I could swim an ocean towards safety,
An island of serenity- I would most likely drown before
I reached the shore of my destiny.
Lightening shall brighten skies blackened with terror,
Though only for a brief moment and then
I am locked back inside that penitentiary of despair-
Inside my mind voices scream and tell me that
They want me dead and if I believed they
Could hear me singing that elegy and were to come to life,
They would leave a bouquet of roses upon my gravesite –
Yellow roses as had grown in my deceased father’s garden-
It rained last night- it is raining now and tomorrow,
Is another day- it is summer and leaves on the trees are greener and
Grasses grow high-I can see from my picture window-
This big world exists outside my front door.
I sing my elegy and hold on to that bouquet of yellow roses-
They bring back so many fond memories and I weep as I
Await another lightening bold to give me- if none but a split second of
Brightens to guide me, as I once more attempt to swim that ocean towards
My destiny, although the rain just keeps on falling-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Two Worlds
Today is overcast- they say it will rain,
They said it would rain last night-
I was lost in thought when the thunder clapped-
Lightening brightened up the sky, though only for a moment-
Then darkness overtook the entire universe-
I am alone in my own world- that is my choice-
I see people everyday- outside of the world I was born in.
These people are strangers speaking a language I understand although
When words are put together in sentences- I cannot relate.
I am speaking of two worlds- one where millions live,
That unsafe, threatening place- and the world of my thoughts that I live in
Nearly all of the time- the one into which I surely believe
Is the one into which I was born, at the time, safe and sound.
Today is overcast- they say it shall rain-
They said it would rain last night, but when the raindrops
Splashed upon the edge of time, I was lost inside of that world of my own.
In that world of my own, where rain never falls,
In that world of my own, children are never born into.
Somebody stole me and brought me here- into the cruel and threatening place
Where millions of deranged and crazy people live-
Somehow, inside that world, I never fit in and
I feel I never belonged.
I would dance in the rain - the rain that they predicted-
I would dance and sing in this cruel world trying to cope until the sky would fall and
I would find myself in that sky, searching for the world into which I was born?
I am searching for always for that magical place that
Presently only exists inside the world of my thoughts.
Some years ago they took me and locked me inside a room they called 'Seclusion'-
A room dreaded by many to be locked inside-but I found peace of mind there,
If such a thing exists and in this room I could build my fantasies and dreams-
Until they released me back into that world that had not been kind to me.
Let it rain and let lightening strike-let the rain wash my tears away-
I guess I will keep dancing and singing in the rain until the sky falls or until
They take me away again and lock me in that room once more and there
I can lose myself into the world I created and listen to the rain fall as the sky falls-
While thunder claps- a beautiful sound that drowns out angry voices and
Lightening strikes, brightening a pathway where some day I dream,
I will find peace of mind without ever having to turn back time.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Essence of my Dreams
Losing myself in flight on an early summer's morning-
In flight, unaware of the direction-
Unaware of the time of day, I know that
I don't believe in heaven anymore-
In flight above deep blue mountains-
But not weary of the sun's rays attacking me-
Never touching the sun and
Never finding my rainbow,
A myriad of colors are painting the sky-
Though only inside the world of my imagination.
Losing myself in flight and wondering-
If I will ever find safety and peace of mind here in the sky,
Amongst the scattered clouds that surround me-
I could hide behind a cloud to escape reality-
Reality that has become none but a threat to my existence.
Within the figment of my imagination-
I have wings that carry me high above the mountains,
Above the treetops and the ocean turning green as
Its waves lap against the shore-
A multitude of colors are decorating the land below-
Trees are never green but violet in their hue and
That ocean- green but never blue as are the mountains-
In flight I am losing myself in so many different ways-
Separating myself from the world into which I was born-
My mind is creating visions of far away places and
Inside the fortress of my mind, God has given me wings to fly with,
Although I do not believe in heaven-
Within moments I find myself lying upon the ground-
The sky, cloud covered as rain begins to pour down upon me-
I am a lost, lone, and confused spirit-
Threatened by sounds of cars speeding up and down the road behind me-
And people shouting while thunder claps and lightening strikes.
Voices inside of mind are commanding me
To lift my wings and take flight once again-
However I am trapped, being unable to fly, my wings having been phantasmal-
Though inside my dreams I can swim the ocean, searching for safety and familiarity-
Perhaps I shall find myself an island amongst the sea-
But alas only in my dreams-
And perhaps the rain shall stop falling and a rainbow shall rise above the mountains-
Inside the world of my thoughts I shall paint the sky blue and cloudless,
Lift my wings and soar back into the sky and look down-
Down at this world where I have always wished to escape from-
Happiness shall be found within the world of my imagination-
Violet hued trees - their branches swaying in the wind
May someday give me shade as I close my eyes and dream,
Then I shall burst into song, in chorus with the voices inside my mind-
I have peace of mind now knowing I can be anyplace I can fathom-
Because I am a person who though never believed in heaven-
Strongly believes in the essence of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Outside My Picture Window
It has been said that there is a world outside my picture window and
Beyond the trees I see everyday and the sky, sometimes overcast and
Other days, when the sun rises early- I can see the sky and have often wondered if
There exists another world within our universe- I know that
There exists a world inside of my mind and
My pupils are the windows into which
People would look if I were to venture outward?
Beyond the sky, and beyond the sun-
Beyond that world inside my mind,
I would never know where there exists a place for me-
Last night outside of my window
I could see the stars- stars mean different things to different people as
Does the sun, the trees and this whole world outside-
The world inside my mind revolves about
The sun that shines upon my own horizon and
As for this world outside, all I can do is look- and to
See a tree, perhaps a single cloud and the grass that grows-
I have shut my mind to the people who live beyond
The trees, clouds and the grass that I can see-
That window opens to the world inside of my thoughts-
I have just shut and pulled the curtain to discourage all intruders-
I am lying by my window in total darkness now as I place my hand over my eyes,
Shutting out reality and now I can see mountains, flowering trees and
A creek flowing in which I can see my reflection and
I am running upon the grass that grows beneath my feet-
I believe I heard music playing inside the fortress of my mind-
It has been said there is a world outside and I have pulled the curtain
To the window once opened to veracity-
Darkness has never looked as beautiful as I am safe here in my solitude-
Even when the stars are shining and the sky is such a magnificent sight to see-
No place is as exquisite as the creek that runs through my inner space and
The sun inside the world of my thoughts that shines upon my horizon?
The stars are far away and all that is real, though just outside my picture window
I perceive as too far away for me to reach- I would touch the stars and I could be a dove
That can lift my wings and fly away from all that threatens, but only inside my dreams-
Children sing songs and read fairy tales and they believe and I believe that
The sun shines light upon their worlds and
Someday their dreams shall blossom as has mine and shall become their homes-
Home is the safe place inside a person's mind, not within the madding crowd that
Exists outside my picture window- even if the stars are always there- and
That unique and special sun shall just keep on shining upon the world of my dreams….
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Downhill Path
Life is never a flowering tree and a hurricane snatched some brutality away-
In one sense of the word freedom would rule and
In another, I can only see the rain. I foresee no future-
Only dandelions grow all summer long and
Leaves fall from the maple trees as autumn sets in.
I grew up in a home in which
I often believed I was living in purgatory-
Far away from stars in the sky, although overshadowed by clouds-
The sun always rose at dawn.
Today rain falls upon the essence of time and
I can feel the heat of the brushfires in hell below me
Searing the road I am trying to walk- all uphill with no direction-
I have yet to find my place in this world, in other words, reality-
It hardly matters because behind me exists a downhill path upon
Which I can turn back and walk back upon to the world of my thoughts;
Life has never been a flowering tree and although rain has been said to
Nourish trees and make them grow- fog is dense and I am locked inside
A chamber of madness where the only sounds I can hear and see are
Monstrous beings and voices that cannot be seen or heard by anyone else-
I would pick a bouquet of dandelions in the summer if I believed that
As a gift they could bring joy to somebody- but flowers die soon after they are
Plucked from their mother stems and when all of the flowers have been picked,
All I can see is rolling hills of grass, that is when cloud cover and fog
Become too impenetrable for me to foresee any destiny?
I often wonder if the stars so many speak of truly exist-
If they do so exist, they are many light years away-
Rain is pouring and I can hear the wind, as I walk down that hill where
The world of my fantasies awaits me- there I can find some freedom ruling.
Inside the world of my reverie I cannot fathom what the future holds-
This gives me hope that there is a chance I may someday sit peacefully
Beneath a flowering tree- at dusk looking up towards the sky seeing the stars, and
As past memories dissolve into nothingness and my future remains a mystery to me-
I shall just keep on watching the rain falling- but I am not without hope, as for
Some reason- I know that there is always an end to rain, I have created a world for myself,
And I am certain that the sun shall rise again- even after all of the flowers are gone…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Self Portrait
I can see this world in a different way- from this world I hid for many years.
Riding a ship towards some other galaxy,
Though only inside of my mind-
The rain would pour down upon the real world, and
In the mid winter the snow would fall, but
Lost in some other place in time, I only saw the sun.
I was a rare bird whose wings would carry me
High above the treetops, the mountains and
Even above the highest clouds,
Traveling far away from everybody and everything that was real.
Rain, sleet and hail would fall, though all I could see was a rainbow,
Glistening within the sky, high above the mountains-
I placed no trust in the people who walked upon the ground below,
Although it hardly mattered- I could always converse with those people
Who lived within the kingdom inside of my mind.
I would board a ship, its full sails to the wind,
Carrying me towards the world of my dreams-
Today I see the world in a different way-Now I see reality,
I see reality- hunger, war and people who threaten, and
All I can do is place my hands over my eyes, hoping to shut this cruel world out.
The ship I rode to some other place has been lost somewhere in the sky and
A rare bird, whose wings are now broken, I now see the world under a different light.
Somebody took me and locked me away last night and I have become
A prisoner inside of my own mind-upon that ship with fallen sails
I feel as if I am on a pathway headed towards nowhere-
I place my hands over my eyes. Attempting to hide from all that is real,
Unable to find peace of mind, unable to find my rainbow.
I find myself alone inside of an empty room, with no windows and a door that is locked-
I converse with the voices that speak to me inside of my mind-as
These, nobody can take them away from me and
They are all that is left of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Heart of Gold (-for my mother)
I was not the person I appeared to be-
In your eyes, I was different.
Although you never told me-
In your spoken words, I was like all of the others-
So many times you had hurt me deeply,
Through your spoken words and through your eyes,
I could never do right-
The slap of your hand across my face
When I was none but a child of six, even before the words came out-
Told me I was a bad girl- I wept and you just walked past me.
Roses grew in my father’s garden, plentifully and beautifully, in the summertime,
Our home was a palace- my father was the king and you were the queen.
When flowers blossomed in the springtime and
Leaves changed colors in the autumn- snow would fall in the wintertime-
No matter the season, you were the one with the friendly smile and the life of the party-
We were the perfect family though I could almost say- though secretly- I hated you.
I was only fourteen years old when I broke down and they put me away-
I used to think that if you did love me, I never would have known.
The bird that could not fly and the child that did not grow up-
The young woman, who heard voices nobody else heard, saw sights no one else saw-
Everybody was a threat except for those who lived inside the world I had fabricated.
I was not the person I appeared to be- the act you forced me to put on-
To be like everybody else, I could never be.
I wept myself the night father told me how you cried every night I was locked inside
The world of my delusions and locked inside that place where
People like me were put away- and a month before you passed away,
I remember reading the words inscribed across the yellow lined paper-
That you had always loved me and I was the most important person in your life.
Through those written words, I could see the pain written across your face and
For the first time, the love you felt for me shone through your soulful brown eyes-
It was the ticking of the wall clock that made me understand, was
Keeping time and telling me that in just a short time you would be gone, and
To be departed from this world forever.
I am alone now and your ashes have been scattered at sea,
As had been your final wish and desire-
A woman who had lived a life of suffering and
Who was not there for me because she could not be, only because
She had been locked inside a world of her own despair,
A survivor of a life filled with tragedy and pain, but
Having grown, I can understand and hear the beating of a golden heart, and
Tears cried out of love for a child who had lost her sanity at an age so young-
I would remember more than
Flowers blossoming, leaves changing colors and snow falling,
Year after year, and the agony of growing up in a family I believed at the time
Did not care or understand-, but I would remember those precious words inscribed
Across yellow lined paper- then I would pick a flower and tuck it behind my ear,
Continue my journey through this life and always keep in mind as I listen,
In my fondest memory- the ocean’s waves lapping against the shore where
Your ashes were scattered twenty years past and
The beating of your golden heart…
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Have You Ever?
Without compassion, I gaze into your tear-filled eyes, I ask you
“Have you ever fallen and hurt yourself, ”, or
“Have you ever been in love and lost-or have you ever been trapped
Inside of a blizzard of snow, while the snow outside is falling
So hard that you couldn’t see the trees or even the sky-, it is only raining now and
You are inside your home, safe and free from outside intruders-
I have fallen in love and lost, while you are weeping, seemingly without reason?
I never have seen you running outside and having fallen,
Neither crying over the loss of a loved one? ”
Now, as I listen I can hear you say to me-
“Don’t turn your head or close your eyes while my tears are falling-
Don’t laugh while I pick up the pieces of my shattered past-“
Then I hear you ask-“have you ever been hurt inside by voices
Wishing you nothing but harm, voices you say talk only to you
That no one else can hear? ” and
“Can you fathom being locked inside an empty room alone,
Only because you couldn’t stop screaming-
You have loved and lost, though I have never been loved at all before, and
I see the snow falling in torrents in this moment-
As in this moment I am losing myself inside
A blizzard of madness as I fall into a trap of my own delusions, ” then
With anxious eyes gazing aimlessly downward, you question
“Have you ever seen snakes crawling up you bedside or
Have you ever been trapped within moments of madness?
Where fate has thrown the key to the wind? ”, then,
“Listen to the wind screaming and see my tears falling as would
A downpour in a summer storm- lightening strikes between us and
To you, it comes, illuminates the darkness and disappears, while
To me it tells me that this world I have been so cruelly born in is not a safe place-“
“Don’t speak to me of lost love and skinned knees as the snow falls
Painting a beautiful picture for you of a winter’s wonderland-
My world has just caved in and I have yet to see the stars-
I would ride upon the tail of a shooting star if I only could
To travel to another planet where nobody threatens me-
This is none but a dream and most of my past dreams have been nightmares-
The snow is falling in torrents and while you can’t see the sky,
I am only thankful that at this moment in time, I cannot see the demons
That persecute me day and night- though only for this brief moment-
You were once a child with a broken leg that has healed and
I see you running marathons of delight while
I am a bird with a broken wing that cannot ever fly.”
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Escape
As I lose myself inside of a world of my own-
Perhaps a shadow would pass me by,
Or maybe a fawn would wade in the creek
Along side of the path I walk-
I fear other people, this world’s intruders.
I would break away from reality if only
There was a point of no return and escape towards
A place where I can look down
Upon this path I have walked before-
Far away from all of the people who slight, follow and wish me harm-
Evergreens and maple trees-
Wild rabbits, squirrels and wild geese roam about-
These are the ones I call my true friends-
I would dance in the sky if I could-
Lost inside of a world behind the clouds, as
The sun behind me is casting shadows
Upon the path that I am now walking
Shadows that shall transform to dreams-
Dreams of an eternal life inside this world of my own-
Listen- can you hear the calling of the wild?
Listen- can you hear the gentle breeze rustling the leaves within
The litheness of nature surrounding me?
Listen- can you hear the sound of my heart beating amorously as
My own shadow disappears behind myriads of towering oak trees?
Rain could begin to fall and
A storm could approach and now I can say in all honesty it would not matter-
My mind has finally locked the door to reality and I have tossed the key
To the rapids rushing up the creek beside me-I have finally escaped.
If thousands of people were to approach and cross the path upon which I make my way-
I have lost touch with all that is real and in flight of the imagination
There is no turning back- even if it is only with in a dream;
Nobody needs war, cacophony and disaster,
If one can be in union with nature and fantasy that can be found in
One’s own back yard and a gust of wind can carry away that key to the door of
Pain and misfortune. Follow the shadows cast by the sun, and
Never look back, as this world inside of your dreams could last for an eternity…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Photograph
Fear falls out like rain again
Washing over me
You say nothing will ever change
What do I believe
You fall deep inside again
There's nothing left to see
Weakness fills your heart again
You put it to rest
Hoping everything
You were never strong enough
Close my eyes again
Pray that I will not give up
I try to see your face again
A photograph of me
Your voice calling out again
Nothing left for me
You try to find your place again
Waiting just to breathe
Weakness takes your heart again
You put it to rest
Locked inside again
Locked inside again
Locked inside again
Hoping everything
You were never strong enough
Close my eyes again
Pray that I will not give up
Hoping everything
You were never strong enough
Close my eyes again
Pray that I will not give up
Did you
Forget about the things I said
Right the lies inside your head
I never tried to bring you down
Kill the pain and emptiness
Find your love and lose yourself
Well I hope that your just a memory
Locked inside again
Locked inside again
Locked inside again
Holding everything
You were never strong enough
Close my eyes again
Pray that I will not give up
Hoping everything
You were never strong enough
Close my eyes again
Pray that I will not give up
song performed by by 12 Stones
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Inside Out
Inside out, ooh you got me inside out
Oh inside out, oh inside out
Now everybody keeps on telling me how to be
And everybody tells me do what they say
Oh Ill help myself its up to me and no-one else
But till Im ready just keep out of my way
Inside out, ooh you got me inside out
Oh inside out, oh inside out
Now everybodys got me running round, up and down
And here I am going out of my mind
But I wont lose sight of all the, the things Im looking for
Theyre coming to me and Im taking whats mine
Inside out, ooh you got me inside out
Oh inside out, oh inside out
Ill play the game
Well make the same mistakes
Its all the same
If we can give and take
Hold on, hold on, ooh
Hold on, hold on, ooh
Inside out, ooh you got me inside out
Oh inside out, oh inside out
All of my life Ive been searching and hanging on
Turning a corner, never know what Id find
But now Im back again like I never went away
Ooh let me in Im through with wasting my time
Inside out, ooh you got me inside out
Oh inside out, oh inside out
Oh inside out, ooh you got me inside out
Oh inside out, oh inside out
song performed by by Phil Collins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Internal Reverie
In the darkness on a starlit night
I lay close to the shore of my memory and imagination-
Waves of anger and recollections of personal injury,
Mistrust and betrayal are flooding over me as
A tidal wave would, splashing tears of hurt and doubt
From my eyes as the moon laughs ridiculing
The fear that has me immobilized-
Starlight is dim as any hope left inside,
The light of the moon, figments of my imagination and
Feelings of rage are overwhelming me as
Rain begins to fall and as raindrops hit the ground I feel an upsurge of emotion-
I cannot control as the starlight becomes dimmer
- Inside my mind a clock is ticking rapidly-
Flight of time is terrifying as the waves of resentment
Splash upon the imaginary shore where I lie-
Lost hope and the pain of self harm induce once hidden fears to resurface-
Ships sailing in an ocean without direction, in the darkness of this starlit night
I would board a ship and search for another destination as
I ride the waves, no land in sight- Overcome by bleak darkness as the moon disappears
Behind the clouds and the rain pours down in torrents,
Blinding me- I never believed there was a god or a heaven,
I never believed in angels singing or
Patron saints that would bring me towards some sort of salvation-
Life has been a tragic musical of which I am the star-
Lost inside my own world from which I was snatched away-
I lived in a world where the sun rose in the very early morning and
People never deceived one another and starlight was bright in
The early evening, into the dawn of the next day-
Waves were gentle, washing over a shore of freedom and
Rain never fell, obliterating my horizon-
I ride my ship into the night as the stars and moon have disappeared-
Waves are closing in on me and I am searching for an island of serenity –
I hear for the first time angels singing their most heartrending melodies-
Perhaps it is only a dream- but in my mind dreams are my only reality as
I can see the stars appearing on the horizon as candles would brighten a
Home on a winter’s night, I keep on riding that ship still trying to find redemption-
Islands of expectation and trust that may appear in my wildest reverie-
In fate and luck I am a believer whether or not a God exists-therefore
Even though light may be dim, a gentle ocean breeze shall
Perhaps carry me towards that island in my fondest dream where
The sun shall appear from behind those clouds of misfortune, which shall
Become none but lost memories of the past, never to reemerge.
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Where Darkness Prevails
Outside my window- only darkness prevails and inside my bedroom
Shadows flutter about the walls-
Light has evaded every corner, the floors, and the ceiling and I know that
Even though my thoughts, misconstrued inside my own mind and
Yesterday seems as an eternity passed-
I never have been able to perceive what tomorrow may bring-
As I lie here in bleak darkness I hold onto the present moment
As it was a string to a kite
Ready to escape and disappear into the heavens-
Voices I can hear are none but a figment of my imagination and
Shadows have become ghosts that are threats to my existence-
It seemed as if none but a few hours ago- My spirit, lithe and free,
Had much hope for what tomorrow would bring and
Somehow that hope has vanished in the darkness-
Leaving me alone, terrified and trusting none but
The thoughts that run rampant inside of me-
Life is a mystery to me and how
The sun, a rainbow and laughter can turn to
Rain pouring from the darkest clouds in the universe,
And inside of my mind
That feeling of freedom and happiness has transformed to
Mistrust, anger and my grasp onto reality, flagging?
If I could only find a star in this prevailing darkness
That lurks outside my window I could wish upon that star for
Rejuvenation of peace and hope for a future –I would-
But now I hear torrents of rain falling outside that could just as well be
Tears from angel’s fury and betrayal?
The moon is full on this night and inside the world of my reflections
As old tales have declared- if I were to dance outside
Beneath the moon on this night, my sanity would be lost
In a gust of wind and my sprit would be reborn in another world,
Lithe and free as could be- in some other dimension, place and time
There would be a sun that would rise for me alone-
Time has evaded me and I believe I am holding onto that kite’s string
Soaring upward in the sky living for none but the present moment
Ready to escape and disappear into the heavens- where
Darkness has become none but a delusion?
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Stars, Stripes and Paper Dolls
Stars, stripes and paper dolls
Sometimes most prominent inside
My troubled mind,
That sordid spirit had
Locked the door to humanity-
I was none but a child-
Too many dreams
Snakes at my bedside-
My delusional world
Alive last night,
This morning and at
Noon, every night-
Walking the tightrope day by day
Some child lashing out at me, spit in my face-
None but a child myself-it frightened me-
I became a prisoner inside the world of my dreams-
Locked inside with a platinum key-
Fell one day down the elevator slats-
Closed the door on humanity, I did-
Stars, stripes and paper dolls-
Each had a name-
Intruders from a different galaxy, or perhaps
Some other universe-
I never saw that child again- I had shut the whole world out-
A snake wrapped about my mother’s severed hand-
It hardly mattered; she was close by, protecting me-
Locked inside a world I had
Fabricated for my self alone-
Sitting cross legged on the carpet, staring at the ceiling-
They threatened to take me away last night-
Today, tomorrow, noon and at night-
Stars, stripes and paper dolls-
I played as a child of fourteen-
It didn’t matter- they knew the truth, but I didn’t, so
I cried no tears- I hear rain falling outside my window-
My door is unlocked momentarily-
I ride my proud stallion into the night-
Losing insight and finding my dreams-
Stars, stripes and paper dolls- always there for me-
Today, tomorrow and at night- and
I never found the key.
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Threat
Somebody locked the door last night, while
Veracity and unreality had been
In that moment indistinguishable-
In the past as a young and innocent child,
Overwhelmed by
Spoken words nobody else could hear-
Sights nobody else could see- and
Insects crawling up and down my limbs-
Lost inside the world of my delusiveness
Nobody believed my plight and
Rain could fall upon my foundation as invisible to
The rest of the world-
There was no recourse to the fear- or the
Thoughts unbound and windswept by a tornado
As they could be-
There was no recourse to the fear-
Somebody locked the door last night-
When all hope had been pilfered I believed that
My soul had been set afire-
My wishes were none but pipe dreams where there was
No place to run, no place to hide from
Fear, suspicion and rage that
Damaged the very heart, mind and spirit of me-
A prisoner inside this space of life-
This is the box they put me in,
With no recourse to the pain-
Dreams they had for me-
High hopes for a life of fame and fortune-
Though only in their eyes-
I never grew to become a princess, but
None but a prisoner of war-
That is, the war that raged inside of me-
A battle lost and shattered dreams-
Rain, snow, sleet and hail are falling upon
My foundation, weakened and drowning in the midst of
The world of my thoughts in conglomeration
Of commanding voices, and feelings out of control,
Irrational in the eyes of others-
Incoherent even in the eyes of God-
God has forsaken me, my prayers in despair unanswered-
This is the box they put me in.
Unrelenting rage- I am counting every second-
Grasping for hope, reaching for a star to wish upon-
Chained to a wall and behind iron bars, though phantasmal-
The feeling of confinement and helplessness-
Painfully incomprehensible-
There is no recourse to the fear.
There is no recourse to the darkness and
I am blinded by a mask of never ending terror-
I have searched for an exit from this tenement of bleakness-though
The walls are insurmountable-
With no recourse to this battle I have fought every day of my life and
This is the box they put me in- which
Somebody has locked the door to and
Thrown away the key.
-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Where Do I Belong
Ohhh.. Ohhh..
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Or white knights
Fields of emotions I'm trapped in darkness
Why me
Save me
To win this twisted war inside me
Won't justify the pain
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Chorus:
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
Ohhh.. Ohh..
They paint a picture of perfect nowhere blue skies
Within every lie there's a web of comfort
For them
Not me
To win this twisted war inside me
Won't justify the pain
They paint you a picture of perfect nowhere
Chorus:
I said now
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
Where do we go from here?
I wish I would disappear
I'm a lonely soul
So far from home
Yeah, yeah, yeah..
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me, help me
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I.. I said
Lightening strikes, I said lightening strikes
Floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
song performed by by Anastacia
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Are So Far Away
You are so far away, I say,
My life is an empty cage
Inside which they put me into last night-
An empty room, an empty space,
An empty heart and a forbidden soul-
Grabbed by my limbs, Kicking and screaming?
All I could hear were the tears my own despair,
It only matters that they brought me to this prison last night- and
The only light I see is creeping through the crack
Of a locked door and reflecting against the
Aluminum strap of my restraints- You are so far away-
You, my family deceased as of nineteen years,
You, my home in my solitude-
You, what was left of my sanity? I scream to be set free,
I beg to be let out of this tenement of my suffering-
Nobody hears my cries- Silent or loud and desperate,
I call myself a wild animal, fearful of human assassins,
None but a helpless child not knowing right from wrong.
The key to this door that I am locked behind,
Within my state of terror and the indifference of this
Cruel and mindless world,
I am a child who has never known her mother's love and
Who never learned to run from the confinement of the hell into which I was born?
I stand upon the peak of a phantasmal mountain
Looking down upon a river in which I could drown
If I were to jump-inside the world of my dreams
I would like to jump and swim the length of this river below
Until I return to the solitary universe I had once created for myself-
And the people I have created inside my own mind and right now
I speak to you, these people- 'You are so far away, ' and
I have begun to realize that my life has been none but a glorified delusion-
Please set me free from this suicidal prison- set me free from
These devilish beings tampering with my mind,
Has the horrific day now come to lock me away forever?
No one can hear my desperate cries,
I am a lost spirit on the verge of emotional death-
Who is to be snatched away from all that is real-?
I have never been heard because in so many misunderstood ways,
I have been deemed to be none but a wounded soul whose thoughts are so far away
From anything real and only I can only live inside the world of my dreams which is to
Everyone else is too far away to reach? And my voice-too far away to be heard?
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Doors Are Locked
From inside of this room
I shall not exit
I have locked the doors
To the world outside.
It does not matter to me what is happening outside, because
Behind these locked doors
Is the world that I live in,
This land of my dreams that
I have fabricated for myself alone.
I recall my father recently reading me a story-
Of a woman who created a world within her dreams-
There she lived and locked herself
Inside of the doors that
Barred her from all that is real.
My father's hope was that
I would find my way out from
This place he called the land of my delusions.
This place which he calls the land of my delusions has become
My only veracity.
From the inside of this room
I shall not exit-it is here I safely converse with
The voices inside of my mind.
The doors to this room are locked, but
I can still hear my mother weeping, and
I hear my mother cry out from the midst of her tears-
What has become of my only child?
Inside of this room, I have constructed a world.
The doors are locked and
I have shut reality out-
The doors to my room are locked and
I have lost the key.
My mother is still weeping as her one and only
Has lost the key that would open the doors
To the world outside-
My mother is sobbing; the key is lost and alas-
Her only child's sanity has also been lost.
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Magic
Fear, anger, mistrust and nearly
Half a century of
Living in a world unfamiliar
To all but myself-
Has left me in dismay and in solitude-
Tomorrow is another day where
My morning shall be
Walking in the darkness, although
Moments away from sunrise and
Knowing that within a few hours
As I sleep- my mind shall become aware-
As if lightening has struck in some
Magical way-Fear, anger and
Mistrust shall disappear in a moment’s notice-
A different sort of sun shall rise
For me alone, shining light upon my kaleidoscopic world-
Black skies transform to cobalt blue as
A hurricane of sorts shall blow the sinister clouds away-
I shall see a rainbow rise from
Behind mountains of madness and
As the moon in its fullness disappears behind
Blossoming trees and I regain my sanity and hope,
Those alien voices shall be silenced-
Fear, anger and mistrust are hiding deep inside of a phantasmal river,
Rapidly receding and it shall only be days before
That river overflows and washes over me,
I can see those dismal clouds returning-
And all I can do is to remember words of wisdom telling me to
Grasp firmly onto those fleeting feelings of peace, hope and
Focus on the clarity of the skies above-
Feelings are so like thunderclouds- and
Finding one’s rainbow is a rarity- when lightening has struck your mind-
When feelings of fear and rage are inborn-
One never knows when the rain shall begin to fall again-
Voices that I hear are not real, and all I can do is dream
While the rain is falling until lightening strikes again-
Skies clear and although skies of cobalt blue so magnificent
Are in passing as is that phantasmal river before it overflows-
Perhaps in a different light it shall wash my tears away and hope shall remain, that
That magical sun shall someday rise for me alone and never set…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Locked up Inside
Im locked up inside.
In a manic world
In a world of demons
I live in a demonic world.
My emotions are locked
Locked far away
Inside my self
Im locked up inside
Scared of the world
Frightened and alone
My emotions are locked
The key is long lost
poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Time Passes
Time is passing while I am waiting
For true life to have some meaning-
Time is passing and I blindly
Count to ten upon my fingers-
Not knowing and not even able to distinguish
What is real from what is not?
One, two, three and the voices inside me won't stop commanding-
Four, five and six-
All I see are snakes within the bleakness and confinement of this room-
Seven, eight, and nine, and even through this dim light I believe I am being watched-
I count aloud to ten upon my fingers and
Time is passing and all that is all that I hear for the moment-
All that I see, I reach out to touch or to open my eyes to see-
Time has passed and everything is silent, without a trace of
Ever being near and once more I count,
Starting at seven, eight and then nine- watching the second hand on the wall clock and
Ten? Ten more hours to be locked inside of this empty, room where
The walls are barren and I am alone with my thoughts-
Time is passing and I would be running away, but there is nowhere to run to, except to
Places inside of my mind and one, two three and all that I see is
The walls of this empty room and a locked door-
I could count from one to a thousand and
Inside of this room I would remain- I could count to one million and
I would die before I even got there- so I count from one to three over and over because
Everything is seemingly easier when I am lost inside the world of my fantasies and
I realize now what is not truly real and threatening shall never harm me and
Time is passing and as I count, I am blissfully losing myself inside the world
I have made here inside of my mind for myself, alone…
This way time may pass even before the sun rises tomorrow, and then-and then?
My life perhaps shall have some meaning-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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