Heart of Gold (-for my mother)
I was not the person I appeared to be-
In your eyes, I was different.
Although you never told me-
In your spoken words, I was like all of the others-
So many times you had hurt me deeply,
Through your spoken words and through your eyes,
I could never do right-
The slap of your hand across my face
When I was none but a child of six, even before the words came out-
Told me I was a bad girl- I wept and you just walked past me.
Roses grew in my father’s garden, plentifully and beautifully, in the summertime,
Our home was a palace- my father was the king and you were the queen.
When flowers blossomed in the springtime and
Leaves changed colors in the autumn- snow would fall in the wintertime-
No matter the season, you were the one with the friendly smile and the life of the party-
We were the perfect family though I could almost say- though secretly- I hated you.
I was only fourteen years old when I broke down and they put me away-
I used to think that if you did love me, I never would have known.
The bird that could not fly and the child that did not grow up-
The young woman, who heard voices nobody else heard, saw sights no one else saw-
Everybody was a threat except for those who lived inside the world I had fabricated.
I was not the person I appeared to be- the act you forced me to put on-
To be like everybody else, I could never be.
I wept myself the night father told me how you cried every night I was locked inside
The world of my delusions and locked inside that place where
People like me were put away- and a month before you passed away,
I remember reading the words inscribed across the yellow lined paper-
That you had always loved me and I was the most important person in your life.
Through those written words, I could see the pain written across your face and
For the first time, the love you felt for me shone through your soulful brown eyes-
It was the ticking of the wall clock that made me understand, was
Keeping time and telling me that in just a short time you would be gone, and
To be departed from this world forever.
I am alone now and your ashes have been scattered at sea,
As had been your final wish and desire-
A woman who had lived a life of suffering and
Who was not there for me because she could not be, only because
She had been locked inside a world of her own despair,
A survivor of a life filled with tragedy and pain, but
Having grown, I can understand and hear the beating of a golden heart, and
Tears cried out of love for a child who had lost her sanity at an age so young-
I would remember more than
Flowers blossoming, leaves changing colors and snow falling,
Year after year, and the agony of growing up in a family I believed at the time
Did not care or understand-, but I would remember those precious words inscribed
Across yellow lined paper- then I would pick a flower and tuck it behind my ear,
Continue my journey through this life and always keep in mind as I listen,
In my fondest memory- the ocean’s waves lapping against the shore where
Your ashes were scattered twenty years past and
The beating of your golden heart…
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Related quotes
The Doors Are Locked
From inside of this room
I shall not exit
I have locked the doors
To the world outside.
It does not matter to me what is happening outside, because
Behind these locked doors
Is the world that I live in,
This land of my dreams that
I have fabricated for myself alone.
I recall my father recently reading me a story-
Of a woman who created a world within her dreams-
There she lived and locked herself
Inside of the doors that
Barred her from all that is real.
My father's hope was that
I would find my way out from
This place he called the land of my delusions.
This place which he calls the land of my delusions has become
My only veracity.
From the inside of this room
I shall not exit-it is here I safely converse with
The voices inside of my mind.
The doors to this room are locked, but
I can still hear my mother weeping, and
I hear my mother cry out from the midst of her tears-
What has become of my only child?
Inside of this room, I have constructed a world.
The doors are locked and
I have shut reality out-
The doors to my room are locked and
I have lost the key.
My mother is still weeping as her one and only
Has lost the key that would open the doors
To the world outside-
My mother is sobbing; the key is lost and alas-
Her only child's sanity has also been lost.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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My Father's Garden
I remember my father as being a warm person-
A strong man in many ways always working hard so that
My mother and I could have the very best-
He passed so many years ago but
I can still hear his laughter, and recall his gentleness-
As he was always there for me-
I still can see him working in his garden
At the time we lived close to the shores of Carmel –
I can still hear the leaves upon the trees rustling in the wind,
And the peaceful rocking of the ocean waves
Soothing me as they were lapping upon the shore close by-
I will never forget the joy the flowers he had planted
Brought to him, my mother and I,
As he seemed to be lost inside a world of his own,
Transforming a yard where at one time only high grasses grew
Into a kingdom of color and beauty for everyone to perceive-
I shall never forget the rose bushes-
Yellow, pink and red blossoms in their colorful hues
Enlightening to everyone’s eyes, as they were, and fragrant as well,
In all of their delicacy;
My father passed years ago- - a terminal illness snatched away
This wonderful being – tears still come to my eyes in past memories- as
I cannot comprehend that if a god exists-
How could he have snatched life away so quickly from
A person who had such a zest for life?
I shall never forget the moment he died, how my uncle
Sat upon a chair in the bathroom with his head in his hands weeping
When my father fell to the floor at his death-
Although he has parted from this world forever, fond memories continue-
People always die but flowers keep growing and live on.
Yesterday I cut a pink rose from a bush in the yard and
Placed it in a small vase upon the end table by my bed side and
As I drifted off to sleep this delicate and lovely flower carried me
Into the world of my fantasies- where my father is still with me always, and
I still feel his loving arms embracing me; I can still hear the rustling of
Leaves upon the trees outside, and I still hear the waves lapping upon the shore
And even though in flesh he is gone-
Departed from this world, he has left valuable reminiscences for me to treasure;
Whenever I stand in his garden I can still feel his presence, as in my
Heart and spirit, he shall always be very much alive….
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Threat
Somebody locked the door last night, while
Veracity and unreality had been
In that moment indistinguishable-
In the past as a young and innocent child,
Overwhelmed by
Spoken words nobody else could hear-
Sights nobody else could see- and
Insects crawling up and down my limbs-
Lost inside the world of my delusiveness
Nobody believed my plight and
Rain could fall upon my foundation as invisible to
The rest of the world-
There was no recourse to the fear- or the
Thoughts unbound and windswept by a tornado
As they could be-
There was no recourse to the fear-
Somebody locked the door last night-
When all hope had been pilfered I believed that
My soul had been set afire-
My wishes were none but pipe dreams where there was
No place to run, no place to hide from
Fear, suspicion and rage that
Damaged the very heart, mind and spirit of me-
A prisoner inside this space of life-
This is the box they put me in,
With no recourse to the pain-
Dreams they had for me-
High hopes for a life of fame and fortune-
Though only in their eyes-
I never grew to become a princess, but
None but a prisoner of war-
That is, the war that raged inside of me-
A battle lost and shattered dreams-
Rain, snow, sleet and hail are falling upon
My foundation, weakened and drowning in the midst of
The world of my thoughts in conglomeration
Of commanding voices, and feelings out of control,
Irrational in the eyes of others-
Incoherent even in the eyes of God-
God has forsaken me, my prayers in despair unanswered-
This is the box they put me in.
Unrelenting rage- I am counting every second-
Grasping for hope, reaching for a star to wish upon-
Chained to a wall and behind iron bars, though phantasmal-
The feeling of confinement and helplessness-
Painfully incomprehensible-
There is no recourse to the fear.
There is no recourse to the darkness and
I am blinded by a mask of never ending terror-
I have searched for an exit from this tenement of bleakness-though
The walls are insurmountable-
With no recourse to this battle I have fought every day of my life and
This is the box they put me in- which
Somebody has locked the door to and
Thrown away the key.
-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Asylum
My tears are blue,
My eyes, Purple, green and black-
Yours, I do not know the color of-
I may have met you before in some dark alley-
Your eyes are shut as you sleep- You, I do not know.
All eyes are upon me now- Orange, blue and yellow-
The sky is green and clouds are maudlin-
Blood falls from eyes of sorcerers,
Tears, blue as deep sea water- falling from my eyes,
My eyes are purple, green and black.
Trapped inside a place unknown-
Unknown to my spirit's heaven-
Locked inside this devil's paradise- I cannot fathom reality.
I weep blue tears, combining with the blood
Pouring from the ceiling so dank and dark-
Turning purple and magenta, in hue-
Your lips are red- red as rage,
My hair is dark and dark as is Satan's advocate's
Please somebody rescue me!
My tears are blue, my eyes,
Purple, green and black- the color of yours
Still remains a mystery- When shall you awaken?
Only in good time, my friend, only in good time-
The face of the clock on the wall is orange - Its hands lost in space-
I am lost and beside myself- while you sleep-
We are locked inside of an asylum- I heard-
You are sleeping, still as the locked door before us-
I wonder, are you dreaming or are your dreams turning to nightmares-?
My ears are ringing, I am blue- they just told me through the keyhole that
I am locked inside the world of my delusions?
Through your eyes I could read your thoughts but
Your eyes are closed as you sleep- and my eyes, are closed to the world.
Colors and more colors before me, my tears are blue,
I am blue-please release me from my pain.
I know I have been told in time I will be but the clock upon the wall
Has no feelings-just decorating this chamber of hell with
Its bright orange face as my blue tears fall
Onto the urine stained floors of this confinement-
My soul dissolves into nothingness, while blood drips from the ceiling-and
I wonder- do they make keys that unlock minds from the cells of their delusions?
Somebody just painted my world black and I am doomed to be trapped here
Forever…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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A Gallant Lady
Upon every pathway I walk, I see your shadow, and
In every pond and creek, I see your reflection-
Upon these pathways I find the trace of your footsteps.
In every thought I have, your memory is still alive.
You are gone and departed from this world.
I can still feel the sting upon my cheek from the slap of your hand and
The sound of your voice wrathfully scolding me
Forever haunts me.
More haunting and most terrifying is the
Silence that rings and echoes inside of my mind from the
Days you refused to speak to me-
Being just a child, these moments were incomprehensible.
In every mirror, when I do still see your reflection,
Tears stream down my flushed cheeks and I ask myself-
Why, being flooded with the pain of past reminiscences of
Negligence and rejection does my heart, soul and very essence
Feel such longing and agony of loss?
I can almost hear your written words upon that lined yellow paper say
“I love you” and in the back of my mind, I remember
The fun and the good times that we shared as your laughter
Rang out as a sonata throughout every room in our home-
I cannot forget the grin that illuminated your majestically striking countenance,
While I can still feel the sincerity of love in your frequent warm embraces-
Recollections of your own suffering throughout so much of your life
Now comes forcefully towards me as would a whole gale and
Now I realize that you were the best mother that you could ever be.
I still can see your shadow which I yearn to follow and
I can still envision your footprints making a trail before me-
I shall follow those footprints wherever I walk, as
You were a person whose strength I so admire.
I shall forever cherish the memories of a brave person whose life had been difficult-
Memories of a gallant lady whose courage and perseverance shall forever radiate
Inside of my thoughts and shall always touch my spirit, as I shall always be
Proud, although you are no longer with us- to call you my mother…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Through My Eyes
I believe-
I believe my thoughts are being broadcasted
I believe you can see my world through my eyes-
When your eyes are closed, I believe that you can hear my thoughts
My thoughts that speak of persecution and threat
These thoughts, as directed towards the rest of the world.
I place my hands over my eyes so that
What is inside of mind does not become
The literature of other people-
Even though my thoughts are silent
When your eyes make contact with mine,
All that I am thinking screams out to you and
I know you wish to harm me.
I believe-
I believe I am being threatened
Being threatened by those who follow my path,
Walking behind me, and somehow
Knowing my destination-
The leaves upon the trees have fallen in autumn and
Now the trees are barren, and I have no place to hide.
This whole world has become the enemy.
I believe my thoughts are broadcasted as I walk,
Kicking aside stones and the leaves that have fallen-
Snow has fallen upon the edge of time and
I stand upon the edge of time, counting the minutes-
Counting every second before the whole world knows of
The anger, hurt and my thoughts misconstrued,
That are torturing me every day and every night-
All I can do is to keep on walking and hope
That one day this mistrust of the world shall
Heal inside my troubled mind and somebody’s eyes
Will make contact with mine and say
“it doesn’t matter to me what you are thinking because
You are a person with a heart and a soul like everyone else and
I believe we all have faults-“ I look towards the sky searching for an increment of hope A world exists inside of me- a beautiful world I hope someday will not matter
If I let somebody inside to see- to know my destination and
I won’t need to hide anymore- when spring comes flowers shall blossom and
Leaves shall grow in the summer- and in the autumn leaves shall turn colors and fall-
I shall continue my journey towards the day I can learn to trust the world around me,
As I kick aside the stones and the fallen leaves as I walk-
With my eyes open to the world, my spirit, unafraid.
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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I Don't Feel Like It
The sky is blue and a streak of
Magenta hovers beneath the early morning’s sun as
It rises over the treetops-
The air is cool, crisp and invigorating,
Blowing as a gentle breeze through the open crack
In my living room window, inviting me to walk outside-
Today I feel no motivation-
Today I fear the outside world
Today I cannot face-
Inside where all I can hear is the ticking of the wall clock and
The sound of eerie silence interrupting
The voices inside of my mind that wish me ill fate-
Today is just another day- I know today is almost magical,
There is so much outside that seems to be summoning- though
Today I cannot venture outward.
I hear the gentle morning breeze rustling the barren branches upon the trees-
I can recall my mother’s tearful voice and her frequently spoken words
“I don’t feel like it.”
Today I don’t feel like walking amongst nature’s bounty and
As my tears are falling down my flushed cheeks-
I remember my mother and how she didn’t care-
She didn’t care about whether she lived or died and
She didn’t care if the sun was shining or hiding behind clouds of misfortune-
And how I so believed she did not care about me?
The sky is blue in the early morning as
A magenta cloud hovers above the rising sun-
I have been told to try and understand my mother’s plight and
To bring her back inside my memory and wish her well-
My mother is dead and gone and
I cannot bring her back in any way – too much time has passed and
The voices inside of my mind keep telling me- she did not care.
I cannot bring her back- even if she were to become an angel in heaven-
No matter if the sky is blue on an inviting winter day-
I cannot venture outside and I cannot forgive my mother-
Some say I need to try and forgive her before the rain takes over and
Washes away even memories of all of good times-
All I can remember are her words as I repeat them-
“I don’t feel like it.”
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Stars, Stripes and Paper Dolls
Stars, stripes and paper dolls
Sometimes most prominent inside
My troubled mind,
That sordid spirit had
Locked the door to humanity-
I was none but a child-
Too many dreams
Snakes at my bedside-
My delusional world
Alive last night,
This morning and at
Noon, every night-
Walking the tightrope day by day
Some child lashing out at me, spit in my face-
None but a child myself-it frightened me-
I became a prisoner inside the world of my dreams-
Locked inside with a platinum key-
Fell one day down the elevator slats-
Closed the door on humanity, I did-
Stars, stripes and paper dolls-
Each had a name-
Intruders from a different galaxy, or perhaps
Some other universe-
I never saw that child again- I had shut the whole world out-
A snake wrapped about my mother’s severed hand-
It hardly mattered; she was close by, protecting me-
Locked inside a world I had
Fabricated for my self alone-
Sitting cross legged on the carpet, staring at the ceiling-
They threatened to take me away last night-
Today, tomorrow, noon and at night-
Stars, stripes and paper dolls-
I played as a child of fourteen-
It didn’t matter- they knew the truth, but I didn’t, so
I cried no tears- I hear rain falling outside my window-
My door is unlocked momentarily-
I ride my proud stallion into the night-
Losing insight and finding my dreams-
Stars, stripes and paper dolls- always there for me-
Today, tomorrow and at night- and
I never found the key.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Miracle
When the sky turns deep purple in color and the mountains appear
An unfathomable shade of magenta-
I see the sunlight sparkling upon the shadows in the creek below.
Sunlight would reflect against crystalline stones and the
Grass is greener than the eyes of a goddess-
There is not a sound to be heard in this moment except for a
Gentle breeze singing a tunefully angelic aria-
When there is not a single person within miles of
This magical place where I have found my spirit dancing-
I know I have nothing to fear.
Looking up into this lavender-hued sky I can see a bird
Soaring above the mountains- its wings shaded a mesmerizing essence of blue and
The feathers on its tail, yellow as sunlight upon a sandy beach-
My utmost and only desire is to be that bird,
Flapping my wings in a gentle gust of wind and looking down upon
This magical world below- I have always been a dreamer.
I hear voices singing songs of freedom and of the mysticism of nature-
I see blossoming flowers of a variety of colors and
I hear voices whispering to me of the miracles of this moment-
I know within my heart and my mind that I am alone and
These voices that I hear are emanating from the depths of my own mind, when
Solitude has never appeared so amazingly striking.
I see that bird flying high up in the sky above and within moments
I have become that bird- flapping my own wings and
Gazing at this vibrant world below me,
For a moment I am the queen of the world and in the next moment,
A deity of the entire universe- Veracity is seemingly thousands of miles away.
I have heard voices of my past telling me I am none but a pauper in a wretched state or
None but a fool who has lost her sanity-in these words I have never believed.
As I continue this tour of this phantasmal space about me,
I know I have found myself a home and the world beyond can attempt to
Tear my soul apart but I know deep inside that this is my reality-
Perhaps others do not hear and see the sounds and the sights that I envision-
However as long as I believe in all that I hear and see within my own thoughts,
What even millions of other people believe does not matter- for it is these people
Whom I believe are in a wretched state, and are still trying to find themselves-
I am queen of my world and have locked the gate to that world's threatening dismay-
I follow my shadow into that deep purple sky and I know that
The shadow of my spirit shall live on forever. I shall keep on moving
Further into the land of my dreams, only to look forward and never turning back.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Hallucinations
Night has fallen, although
Midnight hours are never strange, and
When rain or snow,
Sometimes is
Heavily falling, though these sounds I cannot hear.
Somehow
It was just another night,
Another day, or
Another minute
Just as yesterday has
Slipped through the crack
Beneath my bedroom door,
Locked, dead bolted and keyed,
I cannot remember if I kept that key, or if the
Rain or snow has come between the world outside and myself?
A song was once written just for me
I could hear the first few words but
Its melody was arrested when somebody in my mind suddenly
Wants me to die as
That song becomes so strangely frightening?
Bells are ringing,
Some shadowy being is standing by my bedside, and
Time has slipped away from me once more through that
Crack beneath my bedroom door.
I just heard the first few words to my favorite song,
Voices tell me I am none but beautiful while that
Rain keeps tap-dancing upon my windowsill.
A shadowy and threatening figure is still lurking above my bed.
That voice inside my mind wants me to die and another is
Telling me I am none but beautiful,
A few more words from my favorite song have just been sung.
I believe I that people are out there wishing me ill-fate, that
Roses grow in the wintertime and
I am swimming in a whirlpool of confusion
Of what is real and what is not?
A few more words from my favorite song, and
Bells keep chiming and I just heard another voice calling my name-
In all fairness, I must confess that
Even though somebody in my mind would like for me to die, and only I can hear those
Ringing bells and songs sung to me,
That melody has been arrested
Suddenly-
Only because I realize now that it is a dance
Choreographed for me alone and
Even if it is a tragic musical
I am in a safer place than outside my door
There is a world out there and
It can rain and it can snow and
Cars can splash through water as they drive by my window and
Every day I spend out there
Is more of a nightmare than
The saddest tune my thoughts can play,
Voices that wish for me to die,
Demonic dances or dark figures lurking above my bed
Will never harm me as much as
What goes on outside my window every day, or as
Going to work or living a life in a very ordinary way, and besides-
I just heard that voice inside my head
Telling me once more that
I am none but beautiful…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Reminiscence
A rose reminiscent of my father's garden
I found growing by a pathway outside my home- as well as
Another just lying upon the sidewalk-
I collected them and brought them home and
Placed them in a vase my mother always loved.
My mother and father always loved the springtime and
On this rainy Saturday afternoon,
I find it hard to believe they have been gone for twenty years.
My mother's spirit was as delicate as the petals on these roses-
My father's, as strong as their thorny stems that upheld them and
My own spirit, by them, always misunderstood.
Flowers are blossoming everywhere-
Daffodils and wild violets growing every place I look and
Cherry blossoms and dogwood seemly decorating the trees-
Bring back the fonder memories of my mother and my father-while
The rain and the sky so gray and overcast
Bring back memories of the sadness of being misunderstood.
It has been nearly forty years that
I had made my own special world in which to live and
In this world flowers grew not only just in the springtime months-
But all year around and in every place.
The real world was then, to me, a place I never lived in or comprehended, and
As long as I kept my mind alive inside the world of my imagination-
At that time, I believed that I had not a thing to fear.
Roses reminiscent of my father's garden,
Placed in the vase my mother so loved-
Upon this rainy Saturday day in March, evokes a few tears in my eyes and
Just for the moment I think of the laughter and good times we had together-
These thoughts are interrupted by memories of all of the anger, sadness,
Mistrust and disbelief that now overshadow memories of
These few pleasurable moments we not so often shared, and
I take these roses from the vase that sits alone upon the table,
Open my picture window and throw them to the rain, and
As my tears cease to fall and dry away- I say goodbye to all unhappy memories-and
As thoughts of my self-made world disappear,
I am thankful that I have a life in this world here alive, and while
I watch the rose petals flutter about in a gentle spring like breeze-
I leave thoughts of discontented past times behind me and
I realize that I have just been set free.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Ashes To Ashes
I am running on empty:
I do not hide from you, my dear- My canine friend-
The one who holds your leash is not a threat-
Listen to the wind blow
Rustling the budding leaves
Upon the maple trees as I start walking-
The sun reaches downward and I am happy-
Shock ran rampant through my brain only two days ago-
A daffodil in full bloom-
Golden as the sun on the horizon-
I threw away my tears- To mix with the snow
That didn't happen last night-
Somebody lied and I am running free- Everyone has died
Those whose blood I shared
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Locked in a crematorium and
Scattered at sea-left me alone and
I have fallen in love with myself-
Fallen trees, my reflection staring at me from a crystalline puddle-
Alone along a wooded trail
I am the queen- no followers, except for you, my canine friend-
I dance alone amidst insanity-
Enjoying every moment and as the wind blows,
I ruminate- ashes to ashes, dust to dust-
The sun is rising for me alone-
Oh, solitude- so safe, so magnificent and
Three billion people- I cannot fathom-
I tuck a blossoming crocus behind my ear-
I have come to the end of the path and
I listen- the voices inside of my mind echo throughout the sky-
I could capture the sun within both of my hands if I could-
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust- my mother?
Gone, and in so many words, so am I and
I stand behind a phantasmal wall:
I am not to be found- running free, and running scared-
But my tears are behind me now and
I am the queen, alone and this world?
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust- it is my dream- except for myself,
Complete solitude, on top of the world, spinning rapidly
Upon a merry-go-round- everyone is dead and
I - don't- care…- ashes to ashes, dust to dust...
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Have You Ever?
Without compassion, I gaze into your tear-filled eyes, I ask you
“Have you ever fallen and hurt yourself, ”, or
“Have you ever been in love and lost-or have you ever been trapped
Inside of a blizzard of snow, while the snow outside is falling
So hard that you couldn’t see the trees or even the sky-, it is only raining now and
You are inside your home, safe and free from outside intruders-
I have fallen in love and lost, while you are weeping, seemingly without reason?
I never have seen you running outside and having fallen,
Neither crying over the loss of a loved one? ”
Now, as I listen I can hear you say to me-
“Don’t turn your head or close your eyes while my tears are falling-
Don’t laugh while I pick up the pieces of my shattered past-“
Then I hear you ask-“have you ever been hurt inside by voices
Wishing you nothing but harm, voices you say talk only to you
That no one else can hear? ” and
“Can you fathom being locked inside an empty room alone,
Only because you couldn’t stop screaming-
You have loved and lost, though I have never been loved at all before, and
I see the snow falling in torrents in this moment-
As in this moment I am losing myself inside
A blizzard of madness as I fall into a trap of my own delusions, ” then
With anxious eyes gazing aimlessly downward, you question
“Have you ever seen snakes crawling up you bedside or
Have you ever been trapped within moments of madness?
Where fate has thrown the key to the wind? ”, then,
“Listen to the wind screaming and see my tears falling as would
A downpour in a summer storm- lightening strikes between us and
To you, it comes, illuminates the darkness and disappears, while
To me it tells me that this world I have been so cruelly born in is not a safe place-“
“Don’t speak to me of lost love and skinned knees as the snow falls
Painting a beautiful picture for you of a winter’s wonderland-
My world has just caved in and I have yet to see the stars-
I would ride upon the tail of a shooting star if I only could
To travel to another planet where nobody threatens me-
This is none but a dream and most of my past dreams have been nightmares-
The snow is falling in torrents and while you can’t see the sky,
I am only thankful that at this moment in time, I cannot see the demons
That persecute me day and night- though only for this brief moment-
You were once a child with a broken leg that has healed and
I see you running marathons of delight while
I am a bird with a broken wing that cannot ever fly.”
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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When I Lost Myself
There are those who are forever searching and
After many decades have passed lose themselves to another world-
Although with much certainty and disillusionment
I can hardly remember living much of a life in
This world where people walk with confidence and self-assurance everyday-
Memories of nights as a child so young
Hearing voices others did not hear and
Seeing frightening sights others did not see-
Feeling alone although in the midst of myriads of others, afraid to speak,
Fearful to walk the streets others took for granted-
I was only six years old when voices threatened to kill
Would invade my already troubled mind and
I found myself an outcast for reasons I hardly understood-
The purple tree with golden flowers that grew inside of my bedroom-
As strikingly stunning as it was,
I fell to the floor when I tried to climb,
Because it only existed in the fortress of my mind-
My journey to find myself began when I learned to walk-
I learned to scream before I learned to speak-
Decades have passed and memories are evading me-
Walking the same path day by day-
While others are looking for a place in a world I feel I am not a part of,
My journey to find myself continues-
I walk upon a different path and have climbed many mountains
Seeking purple trees and my own garden of Eden-
Or merely for others that would accept and just remotely understand
The person I am and the world I have lost myself to-
Although my spirit at times evades me,
In the back of my mind I know in reality there must be a place for me and
Although at times my only wish is to climb that phantasmal purple tree
Until I reach the sky and disappear within only a moment’s notice
I will not give up the fight- I was born into this world so there must be a place for me-
Many decades have passed and today I see the sunlight peering through the clouds,
Though an outcast, I have a heart, a mind and feelings as does everybody else-
I continue to walk the streets everyday and my visions of purple trees, and
My dogged determination are what makes me unique- and someday people shall
Respect the person that I am and understand that flowers grow on every tree and
Every flower is unique, has its own special scent and every flower is
In its own way- magnificent and beautiful…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The World Outside My WIndow
There exists a big world outside-
It rained last night. - Puddles of water reflect the sun rising from
Behind cumulus clouds- A break in the storm-
A cease-fire of the thunder- Lightening strikes my heart with its
Unyielding pain and untamed rage-
I am locked inside a world of my own-
I bravely step over the threshold that
Defines my madness- hoping for a
Break in the clouds and for the sun to shed some light
Upon the darkness that consumes me- People are talking-
Inside my mind without interruption-
If I were to sing, it would be an elegy-
Leave no flowers to adorn my gravesite-
In this war I fight from day to day
Out in the world beyond my front doorstep
An army of three billion soldiers has been declared the enemy-
I am the victim- safety has evaded me- Locked inside the firing zone-
I am captive of intruders who wish to harm me-
Inside my mind, people are dressed to kill.
If I could swim an ocean towards safety,
An island of serenity- I would most likely drown before
I reached the shore of my destiny.
Lightening shall brighten skies blackened with terror,
Though only for a brief moment and then
I am locked back inside that penitentiary of despair-
Inside my mind voices scream and tell me that
They want me dead and if I believed they
Could hear me singing that elegy and were to come to life,
They would leave a bouquet of roses upon my gravesite –
Yellow roses as had grown in my deceased father’s garden-
It rained last night- it is raining now and tomorrow,
Is another day- it is summer and leaves on the trees are greener and
Grasses grow high-I can see from my picture window-
This big world exists outside my front door.
I sing my elegy and hold on to that bouquet of yellow roses-
They bring back so many fond memories and I weep as I
Await another lightening bold to give me- if none but a split second of
Brightens to guide me, as I once more attempt to swim that ocean towards
My destiny, although the rain just keeps on falling-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Laura Lee and Her Rose
My name is Laura Lee
And I enjoy spending my time
Playing in the sunlight
With my little Rose,
The daughter of my dreams,
She came to me
As welcome as a lilac breeze
Four years ago when I was twenty.
I’m married to her father
Who is seven years older than me,
I was a young girl
And he was tall and handsome,
His words were sweet
Like tree-ripened summer fruit
And he made me feel loved
Like I never felt before.
When Rose was born,
The love that was inside of me
Was like a small seed taking form,
Blossoming into flower and soul,
Transforming me into mother
And no longer a little girl,
She was the petals of my heart.
But the father of my Rose
No longer appreciated the garden
From which his flower sprung,
The mother that gave him
Such a lovely fragrance
That will linger long into the world
With his same blue eyes,
He no longer kissed me tenderly like before,
I felt rejected and despised.
Rose’s father began offering
His sun-sweetened words to other girls
Even younger than me,
Staying out late into the night
Roaming the city streets
Seeking superficial pleasures
Instead of tending his garden and his flower.
My heart broke like delicate chinaware,
I wept in a world without rainbows,
The man that gave me love
Now treated me harshly and unkind;
I know, I’ll have to leave him
And find all my hope
In the flower that came from me
And the flower that will always be in me.
poem by Uriah Hamilton
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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These Three Words
When was the last time
That they heard you say
Mother or father, I love you
And when was the last time
That they heard you say
Daughter or son, I love you
Ones you say you cherish everyday
Can instantly be taken away
Then youd say I know this cant be true
When you never took the time
To simply tell them I love you
When was the last time
That they heard you say
Sister or brother, I love you
And when was the last time
That they heard you say
Darling or best friend, I love you
The one for whom youd give your very life
Could be taken in the twinkling of an eye
Through your tears youd ask why did you go
Knowing youd didnt always show
Just how much you loved them so
These three words
Sweet and simple
These three words
Short and kind
These three words
Always kindles
An aching heart to smile inside
I know a family
Who hasnt a cent to their name
And yet the joy and love they have between them
They always claim
And when ones called from life
The survived mourn the lost
And will never be the same
Yet they rejoice
In knowing they gave them their all
These three words
Sweet and simple
These three words
Short and kind
These three words
Always kindles
(repeat and fade)
song performed by by Stevie Wonder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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People Who Died
Oak trees are tall and
Reach for the sky,
Blossoming dogwood
Can be pink or white and irises, yellow
Evergreens gently sway in a summer breeze,
As I look towards the sky, cloud covered or
Sometimes a deep shade of blue-
I feel alive and lost inside a world of my imaginings-
I am alone in a world where many loved ones have passed-
My father, warm, and strong and had a zest for life,
My mother sometimes happy, more often sad,
My grandmother, eccentric and funny and my aunt-
In my eyes, special and like a mother to me-
Oak trees are tall and reach for the sky,
Blossoming dogwood and irises, yellow-
It is the springtime of the year and I wonder
Where to have my loved ones departed?
Beneath the ground, near the roots of blossoming flowers, or
Up in the sky, towards where tall oak trees are reaching?
I see a rainbow on the horizon, and
The sun, golden, rising above the mountains-
Clouds giving way to a sky, cobalt blue in its hue-
Where and if people have souls or spirits,
Some do not know for certain, but I know, I am never alone,
Although my loved ones are amongst the departed-
Oak trees, tall, dogwoods blossoming in the early spring this year and
Evergreens shall be present for always-
Inside of my mind, my loved ones have never died,
I can still hear their voices in deep conversation-
I can almost feel their warm embraces- I am never alone-
I am never alone because I believe in spirits and carry them inside
My heart and my mind everywhere I go-
I see their faces in every blossoming flower,
Their voices echoing in every breeze-and one day
We shall dance together on the horizon, because I believe that
People really do not die as fond memories shall carry their spirits home-
And home is wherever I walk, what I see and in the beauty of nature, while
The rainbow on the horizon reflects that everlasting love in our souls…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Can See It In Your Eyes
The first time I saw you
I felt weak inside
I search my heart and mind
For words I couldn't find.
Some how you seemed to see
What came over me that night
As a love began to grow
That would last for all time.
And you said, ''I can see it in your eyes
They're the windows to your soul
Sometimes they say more
Than words could ever hope.''
''We could wait a thousand lifetimes
Then never feel like this again
But when you look at me, that way
I can see it in your eyes.''
Later on I asked your hand
And I prayed the time was right
I knelt down on one knee
And said, ''Would you be my bride?''
Then the sound of silence
Filled the air as your tears fell
With mine, you didn't have to say
A word for me to realize.
And I said, ''I can see it in you eyes
They're the window to your soul.''
''I see dreams come alive
And future plans unfold.''
''I could wait a thousand lifetimes
Then not find a perfect love again.''
''When you look at me, that way
I can see it in your eyes.''
Many years have come and gone
And what a life we've made
Now again we search for words
As the heart inside me breaks
Until death do we part
Were the vows we made
And now the time has come
But goodbye's so hard to say.
But I can see it in your eyes
They're the windows to your soul
The light of life is burning but
Soon you're leaving me, I know
But time that's left is precious dear
So please don't shed another tear
You don't have to say a word
I can see it in your eyes.
I've heard you say a thousand times
I'll love you dear, until I die
But you don't have to say a word
I can see it in your eyes...
song performed by by Randy Travis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Child Still In Mourning
Year after year after year; a child in mourning
with no tears. So many questions with little to
no answers shared, but still told your father was
your pal. But missing from my life is that pal, like
missing my first steps, my first smile. You chose to
be absent, to not be around, to hear the words love,
hell yes there met with a frown. Since when did love
mean torment and pain? I know life is sunshine and
rain, but why my seasons never change? And then it
happens, you finally step in to fill that space, To
be my father, my mentor, my support rock, my base.
Then, just as simply you enter, you leave me with
just a trace. The pastor says ashes to ashes, and now
a earn takes your place.3/5/02... The day a son and
father pasted,3/5 eternal the time I mourn with
love, with anger, with forever seasons last.
poem by Emmanuel Bannister II
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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