Don't Eat More Eat Less
I weigh myself every day,
But it's all to no avail,
Despite countless diets I can say,
I was always doomed to fail.
Each day I only eat three meals,
Breakfast a sandwich then dinner,
If you only knew just how that feels,
You wouldn't class me as a sinner.
Yes I have the occasional snack,
But it's not a meal as such,
A chocolate biscuit gets me flak,
But to me it's not that much.
I take some sweets to calm me down,
The odd one I'm allowed,
Packets that is but don't you frown,
With will power I am endowed.
I really love my crisps and juice,
Jelly babies I can't resist,
I totally adore my chocolate mousse,
My desserts I've never missed.
Alcohol I'm told is perfectly fine,
If it's taken in moderation,
So I drink a daily bottle of wine,
It keeps me in total sedation.
I endeavour to exercise every day,
But it really is a crime,
All that sumptuous food leads me astray,
For activity I can't make the time.
When I jumped on to my weight machine,
All I could hear were haunting wails,
Was it from some ghostly Queen,
No it was coming from my scales.
It's the weight of all those clothes I wear,
It has nothing to do with me,
They make me look the shape of a pear,
That's just fallen from a tree.
One day I'll reach my perfect size,
I'll not predict where or when,
But when I do you'll hear my cries,
I've reached a perfect ten.
Diets have cost me thousands of pounds,
But I should have smelled a rat,
For the thing to me that most confounds,
It's in money not in fat.
Every one tells you the same,
It's the basis of every diet,
It's a con by any other name,
Boil your food don't fry it.
It doesn't matter whether you boil or fry,
Or the type of food you eat,
These special diets are all a lie,
They're all guilty of deceit.
Here's the greatest diet of them all,
It's been around for thousands of years,
The simplicity of it will enthrall,
It won't leave your pockets in tears.
The answer's there it's in your face,
Truth is it's beyond belief,
It's one which we can all embrace,
without giving out cash relief.
What is the answer I hear you ask,
You must relieve us from our stress,
The solution to our thankless task,
'' Don't Eat More Eat Less ''
Related quotes
They sent me to these places to get the weight off. The diets never worked; the diets actually made it worse.
quote by Lisa Whelchel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Overweight with Food
Are you just a tub of lard and
Vastly overweight?
Do you think that when you die you'll
Need a piano crate
To act as coffin for your frame? -
Chosen as you die in shame, with
Only you to take the blame
For years of eating much the same:
A daily calorific fest
Gourmands of your ilk digest!
Is your heart in final fling and
Nearly set to burst?
Are your arteries bunged and clogged and
Feeling now the worst
For wear? - your aneurysm fit to blow
While blood as thick as rising dough
Cries 'Halt! ' to any hope of flow:
A dreadful state to put on show
In front of any nurse!
Best you hail a hearse.
Copyright Mark R Slaughter 2009
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
poem by Mark R Slaughter
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Grapefruit Diet
Whos that waddlin down the street
Its just me cause I love to eat
Fudge and twinkies and deviled ham
Whos real flabby? yes, I am!
Every picture of mes
Gotta be an aerial view
Now my doctor tells me
Theres just one thing left to do
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Throw out the pizza and beer
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Oh, get those jelly donuts out of here
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Might seem a little sever
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Im gettin tired of my big fat rear
Blow, fatty!
Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce
Made sumo wrestlers look like kate moss
Walked down an alley and I got stuck
I got more rolls than a pastry truck
When Im all done eating
I eat a little more
When I leave a room
First I gotta grease the door
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Cant have another eclair
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
I gotta decrease my derriere
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
No more pie now
No more creme brulee
Lay off the gravy
And souffle
No french fri-yi-yies now
No ice cream parfait
Mr. cheese nacho
Stay away
Oh I think Id sell my soul
For a triple patty melt
But I need a boomerang
When I put on my belt
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Lay off the 3 musketeers
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Until my big booty disappears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Eat em till theyre comin out of my ears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
cause I havent seen my feet in years
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
I think Im about ready for a quarter pounder with extra cheese
I need a side order of onion rings
And dont forget to super-size that
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Points
Counting points every day
To try and keep my weight at bay
Low cal this low fat that
Its all to keep me from getting fat
Meer morsels appear upon my plate
Were once was full my mighty plate
Green stuff coming out my ears
I should have buckteeth and rabbit ears
The weight is dropping really slow
I have such a long way to go
Rabbit food and plate so bare
About my weight I really care
Four months down the line
Lost loads of weight and feeling fine
No more grumbling about the food
That balanced diet done me good
Chellaston
06 04 2010
poem by Jim O'Donnell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Chocolate Is A Food Group
I love chocolate.
So should you.
Milk chocolate,
Dark chocolate.
It's good for you, too.
Chocolate cake,
Chocolate candy,
Chocolate pie.
Take away my chocolate
And I might die.
White chocolate,
Hot chocolate,
Even chocolate soup...
Any chocolate lover knows
Chocolate is a food group.
poem by Rich Reitz
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It’s all about the Chocolate!
When certain holidays come around
I have often noticed it is true
It’s all about the chocolate
It is for me, now, how about you?
First on the holiday list is, of course
Valentine’s Day at the top of the year
Boxes of chocolate candies
Or chocolate roses sweet and clear
Easter is right around the corner then
Chocolate eggs and bunnies so sweet
Fancy paper wrapped around chocolate
Is such a wonderful treat
Of course, at Christmas there are Santa’s
In every shape and size
Finding them in the Christmas stocking
Is always a wonderful surprise
There is chocolate on a stick as well
They are so creamy and so yummy
Chocolate fountains with special treats
Are just perfect for my tummy
It really doesn’t matter at all, however
You can just be sad or stuck in a rut
Go visit the candy counters ‘cause
It is all about the chocolate!
poem by Marilyn Lott
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Gimme Number 9
Gimme number 9,
With a whoop-de-doo.
I'd like a side of fries,
And a milkshake too.
Put some mayo and some lettuce...
Add pickles just a few.
Exercise and diets I've given the boot!
I'm gonna lick my fingers...
Everyone publicly.
And flaunt my greed,
Feeding my gluttony.
All this talk about slimming down,
And losing pounds.
I aint into it,
Cause I like my body round!
And glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Don't deny me now...
Gimme number 9,
With a whoop-de-doo.
I'd like a side of fries,
And a milkshake too.
Put some mayo and some lettuce...
Add pickles just a few.
Exercise and diets I've given the boot!
All this talk about slimming down,
And losing pounds.
I aint into it,
Cause I like my body round!
And glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Take that scale away.
I'm glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Everyday I will be glad,
To flab...
My fat!
'Singing that may be a good incentive,
For you.
However...
You have annoyed the others,
In this weight reduction class.
So until you find another motivational song to sing...
You'll be running an extra five laps.'
A what?
I was just teasing everyone!
'Oh...
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Make that 10.
And sing it as much as you'd like.
Hit the track.'
I hate people with no humor at all.
Especially the ones who make bad calls...
'And you,
Will run...
Your ass!
Quick and snappy,
Yes!
You,
Will run...
Real fast!
Or...
Get
Out
Of
This
Class!
We ARE serious about this, mister.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Greasy Fingers You Don't Need 'Em
Would you give up your midnight snack,
Knowing you should not do that?
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
Would you give bad habits back,
If it widened you with fat?
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
Would you minimize your woes,
If you chose not to buy new clothes?
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
Would you get down on the floor,
Exercising even more?
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
If you really want to feel real good,
You've gotta work your butt...
Off!
No diets you can take,
Will erase those pounds you make.
To leave,
You...
Happier each day.
And determining to stay,
That way.
Greasy fingers you don't need 'em!
Would you give up your midnight snack,
Knowing you should not do that?
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
Would you give bad habits back,
If it widened you with fat?
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
If you really want to feel real good,
You've gotta work your butt...
Off!
No diets you can take,
Will erase those pounds you make.
To leave,
You...
Happier each day.
And determining to stay,
That way.
Greasy fingers you don't need 'em!
One day you'll lick,
And pay.
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
Would you give up your midnight snack,
Knowing you should not do that?
Would you give bad habits back,
If it widened you with fat?
Oh oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh...
Ooo.
Ewww!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Chocolate only fills my heart
Of many friends I have deprived
This is a statement I have defied
For years I have committed the sin
And still remained in slender skin
Chocolate only fills my heart
So no diet will I ever start
I can eat chocolate all day long
Tis a food my body thrives upon
Total Breakdown
Total breakdown.
In respect.
Total breakdown.
In discipline one should get.
Total breakdown.
Of relationships.
Keeping one happy and safe...
Would be a miracle to escape,
Any cracks appearing in it.
Total breakdown.
Of societies!
Without outside interference,
To proclaim how they should or should not be.
Total breakdown.
Witnessed in mentalities.
And bad diets can be the reason.
Bad diets can account for most of these.
Total breakdown.
Complete.
With few left to mend,
The inefficiencies.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Elephant Bar
I have a simple question to ask you
Have you ever been to an Elephant bar?
Oh, you must, because it’s so quaint
One of my favorite restaurants so far
Why, everyone loves the Elephant
The statues in this place are so neat
And the food, oh such food they have
Each morsel is a scrumptious treat
I’ll tell you more about the food
Delicious in both taste and sight
Elephant size portions they advertise
They create meals that are perfectly right
Chicken salad that’s so good for you
They create the perfect blend of flavors
I always eat mine so slowly
Because it’s food that I truly savor
Take time from your busy schedule
No matter where you are
Because you MUST visit a restaurant
That is called The Elephant Bar!
poem by Marilyn Lott
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Thigh Way (Song Parody of 'My Way')
to the tune of 'MY Way'
And now, my weigh-ins near
and my poor scale faces destruction
I've cheated, had some LITE beers
then gotten quotes for liposuction
I've eaten way past full
and then had one more for the highway
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way!
Bagettes, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention
I love my salty snacks
but that's what gave me hypertension
I planned each 3 course meal
at greasy spoons along the highway
Ive gotten old
I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
Yes there were times when I was blue
Ice cream in quarts, I would go through
but through it all, despite the gout
I'd eat it in, or take it out
I ate it all, - and I'm not tall
don't diet my way
I've lunched, I've wined and dined
I've had my failed attempts at losing
but now my jeans just split
and it no longer seems amusing.
To think I ate it all
and may I say not in a shy way
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
For what is a meal without cake for desert
and JOGGING IS DANGEROUS - a guy could get hurt
I ate the foods I truly craved
and never once was fashion's slave
The weight-in shows, I need new clothes
don't diet my way!
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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To Be or Not to Be?
To be or not to be on diet?
That is the question!
I think I won’t.
I better prefer an entrecote.
I certainly love to eat,
My favorite dishes are so sweet.
I never ignore a cake.
How delicious is a juicy steak.
Sandwiches with caviar,
Spaghetti and meatballs,
Pilaf and goulash,
Cucumbers and fish …..
Why should I lose weight?
To eat is never late.
Why shouldn’t I eat?
I can stand on my feet.
Why should I care of my waist?
I so much enjoy the food’s taste.
I will not listen to anyone.
It’s the greatest fun
To eat fried mushrooms with sour cream.
Food is so good cooked on a steam.
Chickens in the oven I’ll bake,
Pancakes on the stove I’ll make.
Then I will drink wine
And my eyes will shine.
Someone will be surprised,
But some will be just enticed.
poem by Larisa Rzhepishevska
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Hindu Diet Principle
Finally figured out why diets never work
for me: I follow Hindu principles when
starting a new regime, at first a new con-
vert's Medieval fervour for new food, free
from cholesterol, caffeine and sugar - no
chocolates, cakes and bread, only green
tea, fruits, salads, almonds, honey and
yogurt - then comes the backlash
A passionate desire for forbidden stuff,
my old diet, a pantheon of gluttony gods
crawl back and I eat the old illegal foods
and the new healthy things - devoted to
all culinary deities I just assimilate the
new within the old and eat TWICE as
much as before, paying my respects
to all the gods dreamt into existence
In this universe - honouring ALL foods
regardless of oil, fat, sugar, cholesterol
and wheat content - every new diet is a
new addition to the diet I love - thus I'm
worse off than I were before the new
regime kicked off; should I market
the lovely Hindu diet principle?
poem by Margaret Alice Second
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A Food For Everything!
Meals are the food for the body;
Knowledge is the food for the mind;
Meditation is the food for the spirit;
Music is the food for the love of heart;
Dreams are the food for the consciousness;
Prayer is the food for the Almighty;
Love is the food for the living heart;
Thoughts are the food for the brain;
Colourful ink is the food for the pen;
Ideas are the food for the stories;
Truth is the food for the will;
Sun’s energy is the food for the plants;
Plants are the food for the living beings;
But one man’s food is another man’s poison!
poem by Ramesh T A
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Everyday Life And Chocolate
Everyday life and Chocolate.
A sweet shop in the middle of nowhere, I had bought a box of chocolate,
but had no money, the owner took my sack of hay given to me by a farmer
to make a mattress, as payment. Now I sleep on top of a big kitchen table
for fear of rats. When I get up at night to drink water, I can hear them
hissing under the floor board. The candy man’s daughter is dying, she has
always been in love with her image and can’t bear the thought of parting.
from her mirror. Last night I fell off the kitchen table, dreamed I was back
at sea and my ship was pitching and rolling, bet it gave the rats a fright.
The phone rang it was my mother, couldn’t hear what she said, bad line
between heaven and earth. Went to the candy man’s daughter’s funeral
the casket was decorated with colourful sweets and expensive chocolate,
the sermon was light hearted the priest looked as he was on a high. I don’t
eat chocolate anymore, but live on raw carrots. So slim you are fat people
tell me; my diet is carrots I say and the rush to the green grocer to buy some,
but they continue to eat sweets. Things are looking up the farmer gave me
another sack of hay and a rat catching terrier, and every morning it puts
the night’s catch on the kitchen table.
poem by Oskar Hansen
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Food For Thought
She hid it
but it became clear to her
even as a child
she was obsessed with food-
all the world and her relationships in it-
became things to be tasted;
consumed.
In her twenties she did not date men
she tasted them
and became bored
with them as one becomes
bored with the routine
of every day the same meal;
food was orgasmic to her
in its variety
but too,
this was something she had to hide
because being that way also
had its guilty side;
all day long
she thought about what she would eat
that night
and the next day
or even reliving
a last meal
re-tasting it in her mouth
it all seemed natural to her
because it seemed to her
others seemed to share as well
foods power.
It was a need to take
the outside in
to feel it in her mouth
swallow it down
tongue on texture
then a final act
of it resting inside her
as she digested it,
sometimes bulimically
to assuage guilt
it being hidden heavings
in bathrooms, hers and those
of her friends
but always returning
to the need to fill up the Empty
to feel full
filled
to make it through some nights
eating
to assuage grief
sometimes to celebrate
often late at night secret eating
munching, ingesting
taking in
gorging on
cake and ice cream
chocolate
and potato chips
even beer
or liqueur
with exotic
items like mangos
and papayas
all carefully laid out before her
because she liked the ritual of it
the handing
the smells
the preparations and the cooking;
fork and spoon lifting high
to the altar of her mouth
to her wide lips
resting briefly upon her fiery tongue
to the savoring
the plunging onward
into the alimentary canal
to its final
warm resting place
inside.
And then the guilt
always the guilt
about what she had done
then on to the next day obsession about her weight
the battle of the bulge
of the unwanted thickening sure to come
of the terrifying knowledge
her eating at night
it would show up
decorating her waist line
her hips,
her thighs
crime and punishment come alive
visible for all to see.
She reveled in her pregnancy
eating herself
to 51 additional pounds
and not losing all of them back
despite furious exercise;
ultimately welcoming mother hood
because cooking for her kids kept her in touch
with food
and after all
no mother
was expected to be thin;
and then escalator down
she gradually gave up
food had won
and she knew
that with advancing age
she could not lose back the years.
In despair, kids and husband now gone
she decided that it was not the food she'd been carving
all those years
rather it was a feeling of being filled up
being loved
food was just a poor substitute
And dear reader you ask what then?
She fell in love with a younger man
half her age
and he reciprocated.
the excitement of his loving her
made her feel for the first time in years
love
and gradually over a year
she lost the need for food
as a crutch.
More and more it became
for her a thing past.
Oh she did not suddenly become a size two
but she did become a better her
more energy
and she needed that energy
becoming more and more thrilled
with whom she then was.
And yes, the two did last;
food not so much exiled
as becoming for her
only a once over-indulged
repast
from her past.
poem by Lonnie Hicks
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O Chocolate, My Chocolate!
O chocolate, my chocolate!
thou art truly the food of Gods
with tempting shapes and flavors
thy center a gooey warm paradise of caramel
that maketh my heart melt and brain joyous
filled with endorphins and all things nice
O chocolate, my chocolate!
Thou doeth tease me
blanketing strawberry mousse
and cherry cream
with liquor for added pleasure
giving me surprise when I sink my teeth
in thy glorious chocolateness.
O chocolate, my chocolate!
can there be any other that gives me comfort
as thou?
on a rainy dark night,
no other keeps me warm and quenched
than a warm cup of thick chocolate
to drink and to dip from
O chocolate, my chocolate!
bonbons and toffees
bars and liquid
powder and chips
doeth it matter what form you take?
like water and air
one form need not be taken
to share the happiness you bring
O chocolate, my chocolate!
from Kit-Kats to Mars bars
Twix and Snickers
Hershey's to Godiva's
to the cocoa beans that were
blended in spices by
bloodthirsty Mayans
thou has pledged and won
a place in my heart
and taste buds.
With my love,
An ardent and hungry fan.
poem by Anne Bonny
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Salad is Incompatible with Life
Yes, my waist is fifty inches -
Big for me because I'm short.
And yes, I like my cheddar cheese
When partnered with a vintage port.
Okay, okay, that double cream
Is always served with pud,
And cake and biscuits with my tea
Are just no bloody good
For my poor hardened arteries,
But see my point of view,
Please dear wifey if you please,
A Salad makes me spew!
I'd rather eat a bowl of air
Than crunch away on greens;
Drink water from the toilet bowl
Or nibble on my jeans!
But salad! Are you there?
You know it makes me snappy -
So let me fill my face with grub,
Stay fat, and die young happy!
Copyright Mark R Slaughter 2009
food food food food food food food food food
food food food food food food food food food
food food food food food food food food food
food food food food food food food food food
poem by Mark R Slaughter
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Chocolate Brown
But I try
And I sight
He didn't listen to you
I feel that way
Still I try
And I sight
He wouldn't understand me
I feel that way
But you're so young
And you don't get me now
I feel so guilty
And you are chocolate brown
Chocolate brown
I can make
Lot of love
I will make it up to you
Chocolate brown
Still I learn
And I learn
There's so much to think about here
So much to lose
But it's just fine
And you don't see it now
Don't make me guilty
Please don't chocolate brown
Chocolate brown
I can make
lot of love
I will make it up to you
Chocolate brown
Chocolate brown
song performed by by Cranberries from Wake Up And Smell The Coffee
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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