Jesus Burger
Feeling spiritually hungry,
I stopped by at an
Internet writers' joint,
Where I was served with
A Jesus burger, well done,
On a mystic Sufi bun,
With kosher pickles,
Kabbalic lettuce and
Shamanic tomatoes,
With that secret Zen sauce
And transcendental Maya,
With a large order of
Wicca fries and a bottle
Of flavored holy water,
And I ate it all up
Hook, line and sinker
Until I got a heartburn
From all the baloney -
So I started writing
My postmodern Marxist
Slogans that New Age
Consciousness is the
McDonald's of the masses.
March 26,2006
poem by Alexander Shaumyan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Great Stealth-burger Caper
A head cold had settled in with a vengeance.
After a couple of days at home I felt stir crazy.
Was it time to go somewhere, maybe a movie?
A quick glance at Arts & Entertainment section
and we made our choice of movies playing at our
favorite theater.
We jumped in the car and headed to the cinema.
“Haven’t eaten all day lets get a burger” I said.
“We don’t have enough time to stop to eat, lets
get something at the theater” Laureen replied.
“Nope, too expensive and the food is crappy anyway.
Let’s get some burgers to go and sneak them into the theater”
“What? ” You know they don’t let people take in food”
“Yeah, so they don’t need to know, right? ”
We wheeled into “Cruisers” a 50’s throwback diner.
You know the kind with old pictures of Elvis and Marilyn,
hanging on the walls and black & white checkerboard floors.
Cruisers make great burgers cheap (volume...Over a zillion sold) .
Thin patties, shredded lettuce, onions, tomatoes, pickles
and fresh sesame buns. Burgers better than the guys
with the “Golden Arches” or “flame broiled” belly busters.
It was 30 minutes before show time, but we were in luck.
Things were going well because we arrived 15 minutes before noon.
The movie gods were with us…
Just as we placed our order, people started lining up behind us.
“Two regular burgers with the works and mustard dressing please”
“Want fries with your burgers”
“Nope” I said hurriedly.
Laureen placed her order,
“One regular burger with everything except onions and an order of fries.”
“Do you want curly, regular, tatter tots or steak fries? ”
“Uh, I’ll take the steak fries please”
“Anything to drink? ”
“No thanks, just a cup for water (she wasn’t about to let me drink from her water bottle) .
We looked at each other as we sat down holding
our plastic tent with a black number 3 on it.
“Uh, how are we going to smuggle in that much food”, laureen asked.
“In your purse” I answered with a clueless grin on my face.
“Are you kidding, it’s already full and besides my water bottle is in it”
“I’ll put the water bottle in my back pocket”
“That’s still not enough room”
The waitress called our number.
We walked over to get our order then ran to the car
and zoomed off to the theater.
Laureen opened the bag and looked inside.
“Maybe we better eat the fries because they have a strong odor from
the deep fryer and they may not get by the ushers.
They take up a lot of room anyway”.
“Ok…get em out” I answered.
She set the white bag full of steak fries out and proceeded to pour ketchup on them from a few of those troublesome, sparsely filled plastic packets.
“Mmmm, pretty good I said as I stuffed a couple in my mouth.
I glanced at the bag and said, “Oh what the Hell, hand me a burger”.
By the time we arrived at the theater the burgers and fries were gone.
So much for the stealth burger caper…
We comfort in knowing that we’d smuggled in our whole lunch in our bellies and who likes to eat in the dark anyway.
poem by Ray Lucero
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In Constant Struggle
there is this hook, line and
sinker
someone is a fish and he
is caught
the urchins and clams
and octopuses watch helplessly
the fish is this philosophy of
being caught and wanting to be free
you are inside this ocean and
you are this fish
and then you wish to become a man
all your life you feel the fish in there
hook, line and sinker
the fish in you and the man within
in constant struggle
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Heartburn Stew
I threw my woman power in a pot of stew
And waited for my love to come.
But not a single word did I hear from him,
So I tried the stew on my dog
But he wouldnt even eat it.
I put my light heart on a matching silver plate
And waited for my love to come.
But not a single footstep was heard near the door
So I ate the plate myself
And got a heartburn.
Heartburn, heartburn plate,
Heartburn, heartburn cake.
I toasted my pride and covered it with apple jam
And waited for my love to come.
But not a single sign of a stir or a breeze
So I soaked the bread in my milk
And I gave it to the birds.
Heartburn, heartburn plate,
Heartburn, heartburn cake.
I watched the clock ticking, ticking away to my past,
Eight years old, birthday and raindrops.
Not a single line from my dad or my mom
So I laid the cake on my cat
But she wouldnt even touch it.
Heartburn, heartburn stew,
Heartburn, heartburn blues.
What do I want with a heartburn, I ask you,
Dont try to give me the word.
cause I ask a clever question
And I get a silly answer.
song performed by by Yoko Ono
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Heartburn Stew
I threw my woman power in a pot of stew
And waited for my love to come.
But not a single word did I hear from him,
So I tried the stew on my dog
But he wouldnt even eat it.
I put my light heart on a matching silver plate
And waited for my love to come.
But not a single footstep was heard near the door
So I ate the plate myself
And got a heartburn.
Heartburn, heartburn plate,
Heartburn, heartburn cake.
I toasted my pride and covered it with apple jam
And waited for my love to come.
But not a single sign of a stir or a breeze
So I soaked the bread in my milk
And I gave it to the birds.
Heartburn, heartburn plate,
Heartburn, heartburn cake.
I watched the clock ticking, ticking away to my past,
Eight years old, birthday and raindrops.
Not a single line from my dad or my mom
So I laid the cake on my cat
But she wouldnt even touch it.
Heartburn, heartburn stew,
Heartburn, heartburn blues.
What do I want with a heartburn, I ask you,
Dont try to give me the word.
cause I ask a clever question
And I get a silly answer.
song performed by by Yoko Ono
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ode To A Cheeseburger
Ode to a cheeseburger what a wonderful thing
With pickles, onions tomatoes and cheese
I’m easy to please
With its buns and seeds it has no needs
Except to fill you up even if you get stuck
And yell oh shucks!
With its cousin the French fry
It tells no lies
With ketchup in your right
and the last fry in your left
Its just the burger on your plate
It truly is impossible to hate
poem by Matt Karger
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Gimme Number 9
Gimme number 9,
With a whoop-de-doo.
I'd like a side of fries,
And a milkshake too.
Put some mayo and some lettuce...
Add pickles just a few.
Exercise and diets I've given the boot!
I'm gonna lick my fingers...
Everyone publicly.
And flaunt my greed,
Feeding my gluttony.
All this talk about slimming down,
And losing pounds.
I aint into it,
Cause I like my body round!
And glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Don't deny me now...
Gimme number 9,
With a whoop-de-doo.
I'd like a side of fries,
And a milkshake too.
Put some mayo and some lettuce...
Add pickles just a few.
Exercise and diets I've given the boot!
All this talk about slimming down,
And losing pounds.
I aint into it,
Cause I like my body round!
And glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Take that scale away.
I'm glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Everyday I will be glad,
To flab...
My fat!
'Singing that may be a good incentive,
For you.
However...
You have annoyed the others,
In this weight reduction class.
So until you find another motivational song to sing...
You'll be running an extra five laps.'
A what?
I was just teasing everyone!
'Oh...
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Make that 10.
And sing it as much as you'd like.
Hit the track.'
I hate people with no humor at all.
Especially the ones who make bad calls...
'And you,
Will run...
Your ass!
Quick and snappy,
Yes!
You,
Will run...
Real fast!
Or...
Get
Out
Of
This
Class!
We ARE serious about this, mister.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Heartburn
Uh, oh, oh, oh
Yeah, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Come on, oh, oh, oh
Tempo, oh, oh, oh
A keys, oh, oh, oh
Lets go,oh,oh,oh
Let me,oh,oh,oh
let me ,let me, let me
Let me tell you something
Tell you how I feel
When he comes around
I get the feeling ill
This aching feeling
Inside my chest
I say Im going in
To cardiac arrest
Adrenilin rushin in my body
Oh my god I just cant fight it
But no matter how hard I keep on trying
I cant deny Ive got this
Heartburn burning in my soul
Heartburn call the fire department
Heartburn its out of control
Heartburn
Got me tripping, slipping
Inside my self
I try some medication
But dont nothing help
So I say doctor, doctor
Tell me will I die
And he said count to five Alicia
And Im gonna be alright
Lets go 1-2-3-4
Adrenilin rushin in my body
Oh my god I just cant fight it
But no matter how hard I keep on trying
I cant deny Ive got this
Heartburn burning in my soul
Heartburn call the fire department
Heartburn its out of control
Heartburn
Tastes so good I cant resist
Getting harder to digest
Cant take no more, gotta shake it off
Now break it down and take it to the ground with me now
Every body say oh
oh,oh,oh (7x)
Dont you know I got this
Heartburn burning in my soul
Heartburn call the fire department
Heartburn its out of control
Heartburn
What you tryna do
Heartburn burning in my soul
Heartburn call the fire department
Heartburn its out of control
Heartburn
Shake it, shake it shake it oh go ahead girl
Shake it shake it shake it oh oooh (2x)
song performed by by Alicia Keys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Actually when we stopped New Order I was busier than ever. The only gaps have been while we've been writing.
quote by Peter Hook
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jesus Children Of America
Hello jesus
Jesus children
Jesus loves you
Jesus children
Hello children jesus loves you of america
Are you hearing
What hes saying?
Are you feeling
What youre praying?
Are you hearing, praying, feeling what you say inside?
Youd better tell
Your story fast...
And if you lie
It will come to pass...
Tell me!
Tell me holy
Holy roller
Holy roller
Are you standing
Are you standing
Like a soldier?
Like a soldier?
Waell...
Are you standing for everything you talk about?
Holy roller...
Say
Transcen
Transcendental
Dental meditation
Meditation
Speaks of
Speaks of inner
Inner preservation
Preservation
Waell...
Transcendental meditation gives you peace of
Peace of mind
Youd better tell
Your story fast...
And if you lie
It will come to pass...
Tell em
Dont lie to em
Dont tell lies
Tell em
Dont lie to em
Ooh, hu hu... uh uh uh...yeah
Tell em
Dont lie to em
Tell em
Dont lie to em
Tell em jesus
Tell me
Tell me junkie
If youre able
If youre able
Playing
Are you playing your cards
On the table
On the table
Yeah...
Are you happy when you stick a needle in your vein
Hey hey
Tell the children
Hey hey hey
Jesus
Jesus died on
Cross for you
Cross for you
Mary
Mary is just
Looking at you
Looking at you
Yeah...
Mother mary feels so much pain
Looking at him
So. you better tell
Tell your story
Your story fast...
Tell your story, story!
And if you lie
Yeah, tell your story
It will come to pass
Yeah, tell your story, story!
Um... um I need you jesus
Repeat - music - fade
song performed by by Stevie Wonder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I understand that postmodern literature probably means people like DeLillo, The Fiction Collective, but I don't get it that those writers are really influenced by postmodern theorists.
quote by Kathy Acker
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ode to A Sour Pickle
Ode to a sour pickle,
To pucker up your puss.
Lay down a shiny nickel,
Come on, don't be a wuss.
The heck with kosher dills,
And sweet little pickles too.
It's sour pickles for your gills,
Can't take a thing in lieu.
A big ole sour pickle,
Will bring on a grimace.
Where they're concerned I'm fickle,
Please bear me no malice.
12/23/10 Alton Texas
poem by by unknown author
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Bull Session With The big Daddy
Well are we on?
Yeah well were kinda on
We just introduce earl leaf so
Earl tree
Hi fig
Food
You get my cheese sandwich?
Gimme
Uh huh they had ham
Did you get a malt?
Didnt bring any malts
Whatd you get us?
A burger I mean cheese heres cheese
Oh its mine
Did you order one?
No Im kidding
Whatd you get me?
Mike Im gonna take a bite pretty quick
Oh thank you
I wouldve rather had that
No thats all wrong
Hey theres onions on this so I hope all you guys dont mind
Hi earl
Heres some french fries you can all split
Oh theres kosher pickles
Thank you for the french fries Im really uh
Everythings gonna be alright marylin
Thank you
Oops okay why dont earl talk to brian
You stepped on my french fries
Now after the concert in paris
Concert?
Which was a blast
You mean that that big ol thing
That was a musically
I loved that conce that was the best concert
I had a lot of fun
It was great
I thought it was our best show we ever played
Its great
I thought it I liked it almost
First show I only made three mistakes
I still havent made a mistake my whole career
Were keep waiting for you to make a mistake brian
Where was this place we had the lamb wherever it was
Oh that banquet we had
Yeah
Yeah they brough in this big ol lamb and dennis and I had to sit there
Holding it up
Yeah but it had its you know they cooked the whole lamb and put its raw
Head back on
Yeah thats right
They didnt take the they didnt even burn the hair off it
Its sitting looking at you like
Well the whole european
Franch bread
Of all of europe the only thing that stuck out in my mind is the bread
I you know you know who was a great help was dick reising, capitol
Records representative over there, one of the greatest guys Ive ever met
In my life
He sent us a telegram
Hey uh hey carl
Yeah get out of here
What uh what was the most fascinating experience you remember? what
Whats the highlight?
Gee I dont know I think rome it sticks out in my mind. it was such a
Beautiful place I mean the colosseum, Ive never seen anything like that ever
Looks like it
When in rome
You know I love england
The t. v. work is great there
If you notice like shindig orhalibalu a lot of these t.v. shows are
Going after it
Theres about six of them now
Or well all of the t. v. shows are all going after this sort of thing
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, ""I'd like some fries."" The girl at the counter said, ""Would you like some fries with that?""
Fast Food
How about making a run for the border
How about me deserving a break today
How about getting some fries with my order
How about finally letting me have it my way
Thank you burger king
Thank you dairy queen
Thank you, thank you kfc
Thank you pizza hut
Thank you taco bell
Thank you so much wendys
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Water Is Not Water
Just not wet anymore.
Won't work as a door stop.
Must have some water.
WATER-WATER-WATER-WATER
In the baby bottle, SMALL BOTTLE-ok.
Just thirsty.
Want some cold WATER? ?
We don't have any water.
CRY-CRY-CRY, tears are water.
BUT-there not wet NOW.
TEARS NOT WET - TEARS NOT WET.
ACID RAIN no pain.
ACID RAIN no pain.
ACID RAIN no pain.
DRIP rain drops - DRIP.
Clouds full of ACID RAIN.
CRY-CRY-CRY-CRY.
11/24/2006 Joe Poewhit
scribbleclub.com - defunct
JESUS SAVES
poem by Joe Poewhit
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Tomato
My love is a tiny red cherry tomato
That has found it's way into my heart by way of,
'An omelette'
'A cheese sandwhich'
A kittenish quiche
A side salad, that slid in through the side entrance
A tiny glistening punnet that flirted with the light
A drink carton full of bloody juice
A red nose that passed itself off as a tomato
A tin of Italian agraphobic plum tomatoes
A pizza
A pie
A spicy tomato pasta
A bed of floating tomatoes in a home made punch
A seed which grew secretly from my garden bed
Into a vine
Ready to pick
This tomato love is mine
It also came into my heart by way of
A tin of soup
A bottle of ketchup
And alot of sauce
My love is born
Not yet filing for divorce
Yvette Smith march 09
poem by Yvette Smith
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Writer's Drought
You've heard of a thing called writer's block and you've heard of writer's drought
But writers are never short of things on which they can write about
It's just at times their inspiration well does seem to run dry
And they cannot seem to pen a line though hard enough they try.
The writers drought it causes writers moments of self doubt
Till the words that seem locked in them eventually flow out
Through their pens to their notebooks their dry spells do not last
And on time lost out on penning words they seem to catch up fast.
Some writers in their writing drought cannot seem to feel inspired
To write even a single line they feel mentally tired
But when fresh inspiration comes to them much better stuff they do write
And feeling re-invigorated they sit and pen all night.
Most writers you will talk to of writers drought can tell
When there is no inspiration in their inspiration well
But when inspiration returns to them and their creative juices flow
They become much better writers and in self confidence grow.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Home Grown Tomatoes
There aint nothin in the world that I like better than bacon n lettuce n
Home grown tomatoes up in the mornin, out in the garden
Get you a ripe one, dont pick a hard un plant em in the spring, eat em in
The summer all winter without em is a culinary bummer I forget all about the
Sweatinand the digginevery time I go out and pick me a big un home grown
Tomatoes, home grown tomatoes what would life be like without home grown
Tomatoes only two things that money cant buy
Thats true love and home grown tomatoes you can go out to eat an thats for
Sure but theres nothina home grown tomatoe wont cure put em in a salad, put
em in a stew
You can make your own tomatoe juice
You can eat em with eggs, eat em with gravy you can eat em with beans, pinto
Or navy put em on the side, put em in the middle home grown tomatoes on a hot
Cake griddle home grown tomatoes, home grown tomatoes what would life be like
Without home grown tomatoes only two things that money cant buy
Thats true love and home grown tomatoes if is to change this life I lead
You could call me johnny tomatoe seed
cause I know what this country needs
Home grown tomatoes in every yard you see when I die dont bury me
In a box in a cold dark cemetery
Out in the garden would be much better
cause I could be pushin up a home grown tomatoe home grown tomatoes, home
Grown tomatoes what would life be like without home grown tomatoes only two
Things that money cant buy
Thats true love and home grown tomatoes
Words and music by guy clark
song performed by by John Denver
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fries On The Side (#2)
o the tune of Dylan's 'God on our side'.....
And now we have breakfasts
Of chemical dust
If eat them we're forced to
Then eat them we must
One push of the button
A new menu worldwide
You can't beat a MacDonalds
With fries on the side.
I used to hate salads
And vegetables too
I would never eat them
Do you know what i'd do?
I'd wait for a moment
Then move them aside
Right under the table
With fries on the side.
But now at McDonalds
They've got healthier food
I think that it sucks
And i'm not being rude
It may even taste better
You'll have to decide
For all i want is a burger
With fries on the side.
poem by David Keig
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Red Lobster Tonight
Shrimp on the Kosher Bar-b-que
The thought of kosher water went out the door,
When a Rabbi from New York said 'No More'.
Apparently that one shrimp, a small shrimp,
a shrimp could possibly be
was in the water?
After the water was treated at the water facility.
It was uproar that swelled upon the CHASSIDIC community,
For if they drank from water that shrimp touched
they've violated
The Rules of the Torah,
Oy Vay!
They must atone forever and a day.
But need not fret For the Lord has given mankind,
All that is dear,
For example, the endless shrimp at Red Lobster.
(10-03-07)
poem by Joe Rosochacki
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