What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

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I know God is real.

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There's no down time any more.

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I really don't require a whole lot in life.

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If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

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It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

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Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

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If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

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Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

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Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

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I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

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The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

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If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

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You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

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