As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.
quote by Tim Conway
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.
quote by Garry Shandling
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I had only played five games in my senior year in high school. I was not large enough. Hell, when I graduated, I was about five foot four and weighed 120 pounds. I didn't go with the Dodgers until spring training of 1940 and I weighed all of 155 pounds soaking wet.
quote by Pee Wee Reese
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lies About Tall Guys
Just seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys seem to get executive jobs
Shorter guys work mostly as clerks
Taller guys never seem to be slobs
Shorter guys always seem to be jerks
Taller guys seem to get all of the action
Shorter guys seem to be quite invisible
Taller guys always seem to deserve satisfaction
Shorter guys are lonely and miserable
Just seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys just seem born to play sports
Shorter guys kinda seem to like tennis
Taller guys certainly look better in shorts
Shorter guys look like Dennis the Menace
Taller guys are usually at the top of their class
Shorter guys seem to fail quite a lot
Taller guys always seem to kick ass
Shorter guys want to, but simply cannot
sure seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys get better grades and such
Shorter guys seem to barely scrape by
Taller guys seem to do better, pretty much
Shorter guys always wonder why
Taller guys seem to have eyes like a hawk
Shorter guys seem to wear glasses a lot
Taller guys cover more ground when they walk
Shorter guys, to keep up, have to trot
Sure seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys and their friends look like N.B.A players
Shorter guys look more like cheerleaders
Taller guys seem to look like dragon slayers
Shorter guys look a lot more like bleeders
Taller guys seem to have more gear to protect
Shorter guys wear more protective gear
Taller guys, more confidence seem to project
Shorter guys have less confidence, more fear
Really seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys appeal to the female gender
Shorter guys always seem to choke
Taller guys carry a lot more legal tender
Shorter guys always seem to be broke
Taller guys seem to drive high dollar cars
Shorter guys drive toyotas
Taller guys seem to reach for the stars
Shorter guys reach for diet sodas
Taller guys are obnoxious, let’s neuter them all
Shorter guys are great people, always a delight
Taller guys are an abomination against mother nature’s law
If you think I’m a short guy….well, you’re right!
Really seems like the way it should be
poem by David Whalen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The former measured six feet and an inch in his stockings, and, without a single pound of cumbrous flesh about him, weighed a hundred and eighty. The latter was an inch shorter than his rival, and ten pounds lighter; but he was much the most active of the two.
quote by Augustus Baldwin Longstreet
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Almost every comedy you see is about people making all wrong choices and making all the errors of judgement possible. Good comedy is when it works on this scale. Because it is psychologically very real.
quote by Colin Firth
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Weigh
Id like to cut your head off so I could weigh it, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six, pounds, seven pounds
Id like to go to your house and gather all your razors and pick all the
Little prickly hairs so I can weigh them, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six pounds, seven pounds
Id like to gather all your friends and squish them all into a small
Swimming pool so I can weigh them, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six pounds, seven pounds
Why weigh on a sunny day?
So much to do so why, why weigh?
On a sunny day, why wei-igh-hey?
Why weigh, why weigh?
Id like to hear my options, so I can weigh them, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six pounds, seven pounds
Why weigh on a sunny day?
So much to do, so why, why weigh?
On a sunny day, why wei-gh-hey?
Why
Oh why[x11]
Why weigh?
song performed by by Phish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
quote by Steve Martin
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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To His Defense
To his defense, I understand the problem that is at hand.
To his defense, I understand the turmoil behind all of this.
To his defense, you'll never live the life he has endured.
To his defense, judge, I object to the inaccuracies you are spewing forth.
Be prepared to kill two birds with one stone.
Anxiety rises about the room.
As the swine feeds on frozen hearts.
A sign of treason ascends in my thoughts.
My conscience was right, the traitor exposed.
To his defense, there must be a reason for all the things he has done.
To his defense, it could easily be a coincidence.
To his defense, look at him now.
He's happier than I'll ever become.
To his defense, theres no defense.
No toleration for betrayal.
poem by Aaron Lynn
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99 Pounds
I tell ya shes a heart breaker
And you cant tell me she aint
Theres a little devil in her
Under all that powder and paint
And she can hang you up every night
And get you so uptight
Shes 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,
Shes 99 pounds of some kind of dynomite
I tell you half a ton of sugar aint half as sweet as her
She can change and rearrange you
Till you cant tell what you were
And it dont even pay to fight
cause she dont know wrong from right
Shes 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,
Shes 99 pounds of some kind of dynomite
And she may look like an angel
But shes made out of tnt
Shes a little bitty thing and she ? ? ? ?
Yeah but when she holds you tight
Shes some kind of outa sight
Shes 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,
I said 99 pounds of some kind of dynomite
I said 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,
song performed by by Monkees
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Don't sell yourself short because without that you can't go far in life because after sports the only thing you know is sports and you can't do anything else with that.
quote by Bo Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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99 Lbs
Written by: d. bryant
Twenty-five pounds of pure cane sugar
Shes got in each and every kiss
You wouldnt know what Im talking bout
If you never had a love like this
Well, I dont mean to be frank with you all
Its a natural fact
Good things come wrapped up in small, small packages now
Well you cant argue with that
Oh, oh, yeah
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul, oh, oh
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Twenty-five pounds of tenderness
She got in each and every touch
Twenty-five pounds of understanding my woman
cause I was the one running round town worrying too much
Twenty-four pounds of sunday
That I cant see, yeah
And it all adds up to ninety-nine big pounds
Oh, Im talking about a feline friend
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
song performed by by Black Crowes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Relizing
When i first thought
You always have to like someone
I was destressed and stupid
'Cause you really dont need to like anyone
I liked 4 guys at once
Then i relized one thing
Guys are unimportant
The are a stupid waste of time
They can make me happy
They can buy me stuff
But right now
The are not useful
right now i'll stick to sports
now i'll stick to education
i'll stick to my family
Guys are not in my vocab right now
poem by Make A Wish
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I just thought it could make a really cool movie. It's not that it's just a buddy comedy but it's all about two guys hating each other and towards the end they're good friends. I liked that these two guys were best friends from the very beginning, and they're crazy.
quote by Sean William Scott
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When my babe was born, they said it was premature. It weighed only four pounds; but God let it live.
quote by Harriet Ann Jacobs
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I think I came to see Islam, or at least one part of Islam, as an important defense mechanism against the commercialization of the world.
quote by Peter Jennings
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My mental approach is totally different. My coach predicated everything on defense. He always talked about defense, defense, defense. I took it to heart that if you play defense, you can take the heart from an offensive player.
quote by Eric Williams
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Weighing The Baby
"How many pounds does baby weigh -
Baby who came but a month ago?
How many pounds from the crowning curl
To the rosy point of the restless toe?"
Grandfather ties the 'kerchief knot,
Tenderly guides the swinging weight,
And carefully over his glasses peers
To read the record, "only eight."
Softly the echo goes around:
The father laughs at the tiny girl;
The fair young mother sings the words,
While grandmother smooths the golden curl.
And stooping above the precious thing,
Nestles a kiss within a prayer,
Murmuring softly "Little one,
Grandfather did not weigh you fair."
Nobody weighed the baby's smile,
Or the love that came with the helpless one;
Nobody weighed the threads of care,
From which a woman's life is spun.
No index tells the mighty worth
Of a little baby's quiet breath -
A soft, unceasing metronome,
Patient and faithful until death.
Nobody weighed the baby's soul,
For here on earth no weights there be
That could avail; God only knows
Its value in eternity.
Only eight pounds to hold a soul
That seeks no angel's silver wing,
But shrines it in this human guise,
Within so frail and small a thing!
Oh, mother! laugh your merry note,
Be gay and glad, but don't forget
From baby's eyes looks out a soul
That claims a home in Eden yet.
poem by Ethel Lynn Beers from The Home Book of Verse, American and English (1912)
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
I was as big as I have ever been. I had a personal trainer and was working out. I was feeling good. I was muscular. I had never weighed more than 155 pounds.
quote by Marc Wallice
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A politician will always tip off his true belief by stating the opposite at the beginning of the sentence. For maximum comprehension, do not start listening until the first clause is concluded. Begin instead at the word "but" which begins the second, or active, clause. This is the way to tell a liberal from a conservative -- before they tell you.
Thus: "I have always believed in a strong national defense, second to none, but ... " (a liberal, about to propose a $20 billion defense cut).
quote by Frank Mankiewicz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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