I like nice clothes, whether they're dodgy or not.
quote by David Beckham
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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How I Became Known As Dodgy Dave
From time to time people ask me
how I got the name Dodgy Dave
and why I take no offence at it.
The story starts about six or seven years ago
when I joined a Western Re-Enactment Society.
I went to help build a western town
that eventually became know as Deadwood.
As the date for near completion came
the only building left to be finished was the Church.
The original builders had left it only half built.
The owner of the farm
on which the town is built
wanted it finished for our grand opening day.
Someone suggested that because of all the help,
I had given, why I don’t take it on
and they would help me finish it,
but I needed a town name
that would go along with the building,
I thought for a moment and then said
what about Reverend Mr Black
after the old Kingston Trio song.
So for a couple of years
I became known as Rev. Mr Black.
Two of my friends Buck and Caroline
(better know to one and all as Caz)
were planning their wedding.
They were going to have an official ceremony
on the Friday and on the Saturday;
they were to have another wedding in the town.
They asked if I would marry them in the town ceremony.
I told them I would be honoured.
Caz then went around telling everyone,
family and friends
that Dodgy Dave the vicar was going to marry them,
but he isn’t dodgy,
it’s just my pet name for him.
Soon everybody started calling me Dodgy Dave.
However, with every nice story
somehow sadness always intervenes.
Six weeks before their wedding,
this pretty woman who had renamed me Dodgy Dave
died at the tender age of thirty.
We held a wake for her in the town
on the day she and Buck were to marry.
It was a sad affair,
but her memory remains with me
every time someone calls me Dodgy Dave.
There are so many memories attached to that name.
It was never given out of malice,
but out of friendship sincere.
Now the name Dodgy Dave
has become very dear to me.
I use it all the time,
because when I do it reminds me
of the young woman with fair hair
whose friendship I treasured so
and I never want to let the memory of her go.
So there you have it
the story behind the christening
of me to Dodgy Dave
11 March 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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(Dodgy Dave Tale) Plastic Flowers
(Dodgy Dave Tale) Plastic Flowers
This is another Dodgy Dave Tale that goes out
To all the romantics that have their doubts
See Dodgy states he is unromantically inclined
That could leave poor Vera maligned
(Vera his wife that this story is behind)
You see when your in love with a man
Women expect romantic gifts not just a hand
And Vera felt a little slighted here
Because it was flowers she lacked from her dear
So one day his wife and Dodgy Dave
Went out on the town not to misbehave
They decided to go to a Car Boot Sale
(Don't ask me what that is Dave knows that tale)
As they were walking along that day
Dodgy Dave came upon a plastic flower bouquet
Well he picked the thing up
And thought to himself...what luck
Now I have flowers to give to my gal
And she will think of me as her romantic pal
The moral of this silly story here
Is if you want to be unromantically clear
Give your loved one plastic flowers instead
And in return for your supper expect water and brown bread
28 Jan 2008
I Better Be Good
If I ain't cool
My daddy gonna send me
To Military School
If I ain't nice
My girlie gonna freeze me
With cold shoulder ice
If I'm real late
My teacher gonna use me
For alligator bait
So, I better be good
I better be good
If I jump on the gas
The cops are gonna jump
All over my back
If I smoke too much
Doctor says he's gonna
Put my lungs in a crutch
If I'm caught without my pants
Consuelo's dad is gonna shoot
Until he sees me dance
So, I better be good
I had better be good
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - Uh, uh, uh, uh
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
You better be nice tonight
If I spray it on the seat
Lady gonna tie a big knot
In the meat
If I spewey too fast
Lover's gonna stick
My Wrangler in a cast
If zipper grabs skin
I'll know I had it out
When I shoulda kept it in
Ow.
I better be good
I better be good
I better be good
Ooh.
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - Uh, uh, uh, uh
Nice, nice, nice
I'd better be nice tonight - yeah
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
song performed by by Alice Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Act Nice & Gentle
You dont need no fancy clothes
Whered you get them, goodness knows?
Just show some civility.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
I dont need no luxuries,
As long as you are understanding,
Im not difficult to please.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Well Im the kind of guy who likes
To take you as I find you
So throw away those false eyelashes and,
Act nice, act nice, baby.
Come on baby, hold my hand.
Come on baby, understand, you gotta
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Come on baby, hold my hand.
Come on baby, understand, you gotta
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It Would Be So Nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet, sometime
Everybody wakes, and in the morning
Hot tea and cant stop yawning
Pass the butter please.
Have you ever read the daily standard?
Reading all about the plane thats landed
Upside down?
And no one knows what I did today
There can be no other way
But I would just like to say
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
Everybody cares about the weather
And everybody should know better
What a waste of time
Everybody lives beneath the ceiling
Living out a dream that sends them reeling
To a distant place
But no one knows what I did today
There can be no other way
But I would just like to say
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
song performed by by Pink Floyd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rose Across The Sea
For My Good Friend JoAnn McGrath
Not so long ago I was joking
with a young lady across sea.
I told her that I was a vicar,
or at least pretend one.
My name was Dodgy Dave the Vicar.
A little while later
she wrote a poem aptly named,
The Vicar Is Quicker.
Since then she has written
quite a number more.
I tell her a funny story about me.
No sooner do I tell her the story
it appear as a Dodgy Dave Poetry.
In the time I have known her
not once have, I wrote a poem for her,
that rose across the sea.
She thinks of me as her big brother.
I find that as a compliment you see,
as my own real sister
does not want to know me.
Therefore, I have an adopted one
far away from me,
a rose across the sea.
Therefore, Joann
this poem is just for you,
from your friend,
that Dodgy quicker vicar
who rhymes with liquor.
A substance he never touches,
but I will raise my cup of tea
and say again,
this poem is just for you,
my rose across the sea.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Who does not notice you in rags will not notice you in nice clothes, who notices you in rags will also motice you in nice clothes.
(Dodgy Dave Tale) Angel On Earth
(Dodgy Dave Tale) Angel On Earth
Another Dodgy Dave Tale to converse
It seems David thinks he's not an angel or worse
He just doesn't understand
That an angel is someone that lends a hand
Friendship is the key you see
God's greatest most precious gift in deed
For a man who's heart is big and kind
Deserves those angel wings behind
30 Dec 2007
Emily May
For My Great Granddaughter
Today old Dodgy Dave,
was made a Great Granddad again,
with a great granddaughter Emily May,
weighing in at seven pound and four ounces.
Is he happy? I would say he is.
Looking in the mirror
another dozen grey hairs did appear.
One thing I can tell you,
she could grow up to be a pop singer
with the deafening lungs she has.
The new Granddad and Granny are coming around tonight
to toast baby Emily May,
with a couple of cups of tea
on the rocks,
or we might even splash out
on a coke.
Welcome to the crazy world
of your Great Granddad Dodgy Dave
my little Emily May
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We need to steer clear of this poverty of ambition, where people want to drive fancy cars and wear nice clothes and live in nice apartments but don't want to work hard to accomplish these things. Everyone should try to realize their full potential.
quote by Barack Obama
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Few Can Express True Happiness
They have homes.
They have titles.
They have their materialism.
Nice cars. Nice clothes,
That some consider...
Is an expensive extensive wardrobe.
But what they all seem to lack,
Is an identity that has kept them on track.
They appear lost in pretension traps.
And even though they have obtained the 'image'...
Of success,
Few can express true happiness.
Why is that?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Say Something Nice
Say that you like me the way I am
Just take some time out to understand
It may not be much, but I do all I can
Say something nice
Id never do it to one of you
Id say something nice if it wasnt true
Id make you feel better when youre feeling blue
Id say something nice
Say something nice, only once or twice
Say something nice, only once or twice
Say something nice
I wanna hear that Im beautiful
But you wouldnt say it even if I were
Wearing my diamonds and a coat of fur
You wouldnt say nothin nice
Tell me you think that my hairs real nice
Dont stand around and just criticize
Cant you understand that when a person tries
You say something nice
And its oh so hard, oh so hard
To listen to the words that you say
Oh, say something nice, just once or twice
It wouldnt hurt, dont you see
I wanna hear something nice, say something nice
Say something nice, just once or twice
It dont hurt you at all, say something nice
Say something nice baby, only once or twice
Say something nice
Say something nice baby, only once or twice
Say something nice
Hey dont you hear me, hey dont you hear me
Hey dont you hear me, hey dont you hear me
Say something nice
Say something nice
And its oh so hard, and its oh so hard
And Im dying to hear what Ive never heard (fade out)
song performed by by Donna Summer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Secrets That You Keep
it is when everyone leaves the room
when everyone goes to their respective places
that one gets to account for the secrets
the fingers begin to count
the heart to beat and the body undresses its own skin
one faces the mirror
and sees the skeletons
in the closet the new clothes are wary to be given attention
'me now? ' i need a structure for my clothes so i may have the shape
you choose, as one by one you take the cartilages and flesh
some toes and nails
to compose yourself again
one takes the mask
the one that they shall love
and the clothes acceptable for the next party
and when they come
the conversations begin
'how nice have you grown' and you compliment too
'well this has always been me' and then you sip the tea
both of you are suspicious
but who cares? the party begins.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mikes Song
Trapped in time and I dont know what to do
These friends of mine, I can see right through
You dont gotta tell me I dont gotta move
cuz Im sittin back here sharin in the groove
No Im no nice guy (me no are no nice guy)
No Im no nice guy (me no are no nice guy)
No Im no nice guy (me no are no nice guy)
I walk through the hallways inside my mind
I chase the backbeat from behind
Big dude in the doorway was blockin my way
He reached to grab me and this is what he said
No Im no nice guy (me no are no nice guy)
No Im no nice guy (me no are no nice guy)
No Im no nice guy (me no are no nice guy)
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Indians lying on dawns highway bleeding
Ghosts in the young childs fragile ... mind
Aahhhhhhhh!
Careful with that axe, eugene
Mother
Careful with that axe, eugene
Aahhhhhhhh!!!!!
song performed by by Phish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Happy Birthday Sandra
For Sandra Fowler
Here he goes again
old Dodgy Dave forgetting
his poetry friend’s birthday,
only remembering at the last minute.
Happy Birthday Sandra
I hope you are having a wonderful one
with family and friends around you
to wish you all the happiness you deserve
for all the kind comments you plant here and there.
If you had a wish,
I wonder what it would be for,
to live a long life of happiness.
Well that I wish for you
and for you to make new friends
to mingle with the old ones everyday.
I will also wish you good health
and love to last you through the years,
and all the happiness you so rightly deserve.
Therefore, from this dodgy fellow in England
let me wish you a Happy Birthday
and may you always be my friend.
Happy Birthday Sandra.
4 February 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Upon Over-Much Niceness
Tis much to see how over nice some are
About the body and household affair,
While what's of worth they slightly pass it by,
Not doing, or doing it slovenly.
Their house must be well furnished, be in print,
Meanwhile their soul lies ley, has no good in't.
Its outside also they must beautify,
When in it there's scarce common honesty.
Their bodies they must have tricked up and trim,
Their inside full of filth up to the brim.
Upon their clothes there must not be a spot,
But is their lives more than one common blot.
How nice, how coy are some about their diet,
That can their crying souls with hogs'-meat quiet.
All drest must to a hair be, else 'tis naught,
While of the living bread they have no thought.
Thus for their outside they are clean and nice,
While their poor inside stinks with sin and vice.
poem by John Bunyan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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If only magic was real.
If only magic was real.
But only for nice wee people.
If evil people had magic,
All chaos would break loose.
The punks would finally get their way,
And there would be all out anarchy.
Evil people could kill nice wee people,
With a flick of the wrist and a ceremonial word,
Assuming that’s how magic would work if it was real.
Alas, we return to the punks,
Their philosophy is non-conforming,
So then the punks would become nice wee people,
And wear nice wee clothes,
And live in houses with white picket fences,
Unless the evil people killed them for being nice wee people.
I wish I had magic.
I would make the world a better place.
Unless everyone had magic,
And everyone would kill everyone else.
I guess there’s a reason we don’t have magic,
We’d just wreck it like everything else we humans do.
We’ve ruined our rainforests,
Our arctic
And our morals.
I guess we don’t have magic,
Because if we did,
We’d just wreck it,
Cause man has a habit of wrecking things.
21: 08 28/03/2006
poem by Mordrid Harpoon
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It's nice when you work with someone who has an eye for clothes and will show what you've given them.
quote by Julie Harris
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My Nan wants a game!
My Nan just loves her football
she goes to games every week
but she wants to play as well
saying she's strong and in her peak.
But Nan your in your eighties
and your about six stone wet
you have got two dodgy knees
so how can you put a ball in the net.
Your eyes aren't as sharp these days
and you can't walk without your stick
your out of puff walking up your stairs
so a football you'd struggle to kick.
But she's bought herself a pair of boots
and a nice new shiny football kit
all she needs is a team to play for
as her doctor says she's ready and fit.
So keep an eye out for a white haired lady
the oldest footballer playing the game
she'll be easy to spot on the pitch
as she'll be the one with the Zimmer frame!
poem by Kevin Halls
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My little sister.
I kiss my little sister, she’s oh so sweet
She laughs and wriggles, she’s got no teeth
I’m going to have to share her with my other sisters
I hope she’ll know it’s me when she hears my whisper
I’ll be there on hand when she wants a bottle
If that doesn’t help, I’ll take up the rattle
When she gets older and we go out as girls
I’ll teach her all the nice things in this wide world
It would be nice to have a brother
But I’ll just say “blame it on my mother”
I’ll have to share my clothes ‘cause she’s my little sister’
What she won’t realise, they won’t even fit her.
poem by Brian Roy Skyers
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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